Jump to content

Never spoke to each other again


Redguitar35

Recommended Posts

The vast majority of my relationships have ended with some kind of animosity or antipathy, blocked numbers and never speaking again. . I’m not in contact with a single person I’ve been involved with in the past. Eventually they do something I take offense to and I cut them off. Or we cut each other off. But I find myself thinking of this one every now and then:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/637308-am-i-single-again

 

 

Things ended ugly. We never talked it out, just faded on each other in a way that was very passive aggressive. I was just so angered by her behavior I remember sitting alone at home shouting that I didn’t need her. But I’m thinking of her again, not so much in a sexual context, just genuinely curious about what she’s up to. Maybe my anger is only just now beginning to wear off. I feel like it’s just too bad in general how things ended.

 

 

Should I try to contact her again after all this time?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think if you contact her now, her reaction might only amplify whatever emotions you have at the moment. After 5 months? She's going to be surprised. She might already be with someone else. She might say something that will make you feel worse. I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Grieving a relationship often includes denial. It's possible that you thought you didn't care back when you were still fresh out of the relationship, but are now coming around to accept the fact that it's over. You're better off moving on. Have you been with anyone else since then? Is it possible that you're just feeling lonely and miss the companionship, not specifically her?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

When you cut them off, do you just stop replying? With this one as well? When you just stop replying, sometimes you may wonder what could have been if you had replied. I recall you saying you are not interested in a relationship. If that's why she faded on you, there's no way to change her mind, since you haven't changed. So don't bother contacting her. Hey at least you still have your one night stands, right?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I think if you contact her now, her reaction might only amplify whatever emotions you have at the moment. After 5 months? She's going to be surprised. She might already be with someone else. She might say something that will make you feel worse. I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. Grieving a relationship often includes denial. It's possible that you thought you didn't care back when you were still fresh out of the relationship, but are now coming around to accept the fact that it's over. You're better off moving on.

 

It just feels wrong for two people who got to know each other and spent a lot of time together to become enemies overnight. But that’s what we did. I don’t think im cut out for relationships. I just wish things had ended better. I guess I’m just not as angry at her anymore.

 

ave you been with anyone else since then? Is it possible that you're just feeling lonely and miss the companionship, not specifically her?

 

I’ve had sex with many women since then, and I’ve had fun with very attractive women. But haven’t been looking for relationships.

Edited by Redguitar35
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
When you cut them off, do you just stop replying? With this one as well? When you just stop replying, sometimes you may wonder what could have been if you had replied. I recall you saying you are not interested in a relationship. If that's why she faded on you, there's no way to change her mind, since you haven't changed. So don't bother contacting her. Hey at least you still have your one night stands, right?

 

With this, we were both taking turns ignoring each other. It was all very passive aggressive. I wasn’t able to hang out one Saturday, and she flipped out and didn’t respond to me for three days, then came back trying to pretend that was okay, which left me feeling really p*ssed and disrespected.

 

I cut people off who I feel are playing games or who are disrespectful to me. I took a day to think about whether I wanted to deal with her, and when I responded against my better judgment she disappeared for good. She was very disrespectful.

 

 

I’ve always felt like it was her responsibility to contact me if she wanted to patch things up, so I left it at that and moved on to other women. But I still feel disappointed that we ended that way.

Edited by Redguitar35
Link to post
Share on other sites

Seeing as you both have disappeared back and forth on each other, it's really unfair of you to end a friendship over her going mia or to assume she is playing head games.

 

I've been in similar shoes. You can't assume the worst when you don't know the reason behind her disappearance.

 

My advice is to confront her before making a rash decision like that.

 

I wish you the best and I hope it gets sorted out.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CrazyKatLady

Do you maybe avoid what you consider to be unpleasant situations/feelings? If you don't want a relationship or need time to think about you, just tell people that, then maybe there won't be animosity at the end. Sounds like you use it to your advantage? Or, it is just a result of the weird crap people pull on each other now days, like NC being the norm?

Either way, sounds like you want to do some work on yourself...congratulations if you are improving your desire ability as a partner to someone in the future...good luck!

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly,

 

I would recommend you stay away. It probably hurts, probably will continue to hurt but I think that severing ties is a mature thing to do. It's what adults do when they realize there is nothing more that they can derive from the relationship, and accepting that. Taking responsibility for your choices and your decisions as they must take responsibility for theirs. Once you start accepting that and dealing with whatever the grief is, then you will start feeling better. It will probably pop up a little more here and there, but honestly it's not worth your time.

 

I have a belief that if for some reason or another you are supposed to re-connect, it will happen naturally. If not, let sleeping dogs lie. You're probably still experiencing grief. As difficult as it is and will continue to be, accept what is done is done and move on. Like others have mentioned, she may be seeing someone too at this point.

 

Relationships are subconscious agreements between two people, if the terms change, so does the agreement. If you wan't to re-negotiate those terms and think you can do so equally then go for it, otherwise I would avoid it. Don't go looking for bad deals when there are so many good ones likely to pop up ;).

Link to post
Share on other sites

Sometimes certain people just get to us. I was just like you, never ever even considered what my many ex’s were doing.

 

Then I became a blithering idiot over the ex that brought me to Ls.

 

Over a year of no contact, and I still am not 100 percent over it. In my humble defense, she had a PhD in game playing with a minor in hot/cold.

 

To wit - NC is preached to allow emotions to drain out. If you are at that point, and can contact your ex without feeling the cold fever rise up, go for it.

 

If it’s all about your needs, and not about them at all, with no expectation, I see no harm. We are all adults, or should be. Lol

 

I recently caught up with my college girlfriend of 20 years ago.

 

It was awesome. For me.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You broke up for a reason. If you reconnect it will just implode and then you won't even have one person you didn't have a cataclysm with.

Link to post
Share on other sites
kaitlynlily6

I'm just like you..Certain people need to go and get cut-off from our lives. It's a way of coping and moving on.

 

If you're still thinking of her, contact her. :) It doesn't feel right to break up so easily over one fight.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

OP, can you just clarify what exactly the last contact with her was like? In the original thread you mentioned ghosting a lot, yet the last thing I saw was that she came back after just 3 days. What actually happened after this? Did you just never respond? If so, given all the circumstances, I don't think its a big deal or problem at all for you to try and reach back out. I'd suggest peaking at her social media first to see if she has a new guy in the picture though.

 

Your story kind of hits home with me as I had a similar situation, although it wasn't me who decided to end things. I had a kick a-- couple of months with a girl without a blip on the radar. We enjoyed each others company, had fun, great sex, etc. It ended bc she went back to an ex that she wasn't over, and everything turned into a bit of a mess and she decided she couldn't come back as she thought things had been ruined. So I hear where you're coming from with regards to how it feels awful to become enemies overnight when things were going well (although her flipping out about you not being able to hang out one Saturday is pretty alarming). I continue to hurt over the fact that I wonder what it could have been with my girl if no ex was ever in the picture just like you're probably wondering what it could have been if you never got those flat tires and had that stupid fight afterwards. It's normal.

Edited by Mac0908
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...