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Is there still a chance?


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 4th February 2018, 12:16 AM   #1
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Is there still a chance?

In November my ex boyfriend of over 2 years broke up with me suddenly because he said he just wasn't feeling the relationship anymore for a while now and that he hasn't been feeling happy, he said it was like we were just friends and not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. When he broke up with me I did all the begging and pleading and crying that you're not supposed to do, but eventually we were able to end things amicably even though I was still upset. He actually had cried while breaking up with me because I deal with issues of depression and anxiety and he knew that breaking up would negatively impact my mental health.

About a few days go by and we stop communicating and I did something stupid. I waited for him outside of his class to talk and we sat down and we ended up arguing and he told me he would not change his mind and I ended up throwing this coffee I had in my hand at a trash can and some of it got on him and he stormed off and blocked me on everything possible. He eventually unblocked just my number when we had to talk about these textbooks he had borrowed under my name. I eventually asked him why he blocked me on everything and he said it was because he was pissed and he decided to keep it that way because we needed the space anyways.

In the 3 months that we have been broken up he knows that I had to go to the hospital twice now because I've been having suicidal thoughts. I haven't had to deal with needing professional help with my depression for over 4 years so this has been a really low point in my life. He was there for me before we even started dating when I first struggled with hospitalizations for my issues.

The last time we spoke was about a month ago. I tried to talk to him about maybe talking again and being friends. He was reluctant and I got upset that he was unsure because when we broke up he told me I would always be his best friend and that he wanted to stay friends. I miss him being in my life. After getting upset with him over text he said he wasn't going to talk to me like this so he stop responding. I texted him a few days later apologizing and he said he wouldn't mind catching up, but ever since we broke up all I've been doing is exploding at him. So we talked for a bit and I basically told him I would be deleting his number and that the ball is in his court if he ever wants to speak to me again. I asked him one last question which was if he still wanted me to be a part of his life and he said "I do but not at the moment" and I said okay and good luck with the rest of the semester and he told me the same.

I've been on no contact for almost a month now. I just want to know if there is any chance at all that he might come back for a second chance or at least talk to me again. I hate that we ended things on such bad terms and it's basically my fault because I couldn't control my emotions.
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Old 4th February 2018, 12:31 AM   #2
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Sorry you're feeling bad.

I would say there's next to no chance of him returning. Your exploding temper post breakup combined with your poor mental stability would probably make him stay away. At this point in time, he needs to care for himself first.

And you need to care for yourself first. Do you have a good mental health team supporting you?
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Old 4th February 2018, 12:52 AM   #3
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First thing is first...

You need to work on your issues and subtract him from the equation. I have been on both sides- the suicidal feeling person and the one dealing with someone suicidal. You should not be discussing with him your episodes that lead to treatment (I understand you probably just want to talk about it) but it comes across as manipulative to other people. I'm not saying that is your intention.

But after being on the other side of the coin, I realize my actions by telling certain people sure came across that way.

You need to focus on yourself right now. You and you only. I know this is not what you want to hear, but you are hoping upon hope that you didn't ruin chances and that he will be back. If you live your life with this mindset, he won't be. Live your life, do better, find a new fun hobby you enjoy. You'll find you no longer count the days you have been away and have something meaningful to strive for.
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Old 4th February 2018, 1:30 AM   #4
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I am working with a therapist and psychologist on my issues right now. I guess what bothers me the most is that I keep beating myself up for how I reacted and I feel like heíll forever hate me for what I did and I donít know if I can live with that. I have this over whelming guilt that I ruined any possibility of reconciliation or even just him contacting me again in the future.
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Old 4th February 2018, 1:44 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corgiprincess View Post
I am working with a therapist and psychologist on my issues right now. I guess what bothers me the most is that I keep beating myself up for how I reacted and I feel like heíll forever hate me for what I did and I donít know if I can live with that. I have this over whelming guilt that I ruined any possibility of reconciliation or even just him contacting me again in the future.
Please, if you need to increase your sessions, do so. Make certain you are focusing on your self-hatred, insecurities and not on your ex. This is about helping YOU heal, not getting back with your bf. I am also in therapy and I have been able to come to grips with a lot of what I was going through. Feeling. First and foremost, the therapy is about YOUR healing. Please put all of your energy into that.
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Old 11th February 2018, 10:34 PM   #6
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Look, never say never. I hate telling people there's absolutely no chance because there's no way we can know that.

But I'd say chances aren't good right now.

You really need to work on yourself right now. Get the help you need so you can get in a better place to be in a relationship with someone. If you come back together in the future, great, but that shouldn't be your main focus right now.
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Old 14th February 2018, 2:05 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by corgiprincess View Post
I am working with a therapist and psychologist on my issues right now. I guess what bothers me the most is that I keep beating myself up for how I reacted and I feel like heíll forever hate me for what I did and I donít know if I can live with that. I have this over whelming guilt that I ruined any possibility of reconciliation or even just him contacting me again in the future.
Time is the most essential element when healing. Give yourself time. I know patience is such a hard value to practice, but that's the best thing you got. Honestly, everything is possible but at this moment, your chances of getting him to talk to you again are slim to none. So what you wanna do is give him space to work out his emotions too. I believe he's not a bad person, and you are not too. But right now, you have to deal with your issues first so that when the TIME is right, you will be able to talk without desperation, negative emotions and expectations. So focus on yourself at the moment. I know it's hard to get him out of the picture, but at this moment you have to do it. It's okay to miss him, it's okay to think about him, but for now, think that if you truly love him you have to give him what makes him happy... which is to be free. Through this, you can love him from afar. Also, forgive yourself for what you did and stop blaming yourself for ruining your chances. Tell yourself that "at least, you tried your best." But that's enough for now. Now, it's time to give yourself your best. Trust time, trust yourself, trust the natural process.
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