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Incredible Turn of Events and Second Chance!


Gr8fuln2020

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As much as I have tried to stay true to the principles of No Contact, it is has been difficult, especially when there are unresolved emotions involved to which both parties are strongly bound.

 

To make things short w/o ALL of the details involving the consternation, pain and hashing out of emotions, my ex-wife and I have decided to reconcile. Yes, against all odds! I am personally amazed that we have come to this! I could never have imagined that we would be actively and defiantly seeking to re-establish our relationship!

 

This will entail many months, perhaps, indefinite period, of marriage counseling and certainly an acceptance of a new beginning, exploration and dedication! We have both been engaged in therapy to improve ourselves, but always to seek our own individual growth and never to seek one another's approval.

 

The most amazing adventure of my already fortunate life began YESTERDAY! Yikes!

Edited by simpleNfit
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CautiouslyOptimistic

I wish you well, SNF, with a lot of concern. I've been in your shoes and it ended very badly. If both of you are completely committed and have truly changed, I hope it all works out great and you have your happily ever after <3.

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I wish you well, SNF, with a lot of concern. I've been in your shoes and it ended very badly. If both of you are completely committed and have truly changed, I hope it all works out great and you have your happily ever after <3.

 

Yes, thank you! The key is whether we have both truly changed. We have both been going through therapy independently and our most recent conversations have been telling. It is a strange thing CO, all of the pieces required for us to even consider reconciliation fell into place. We did not act solely based on that, of course, but when I thought it had ended, for good, w/o even the consideration for friendship, I was preparing myself to move on w/o her. Then a dramatic event occurred that had us both reconsidering....it is the oddest, but most wonderful thing.

 

Did you try to reconcile with an ex-husband?

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That's awesome, good for you.

 

Though would appreciate some small details:

- Who broke up with whom?

- How long has it been?

- This wasn't the same women who "broke your trust", right?

- Was it a messy breakup?

- Have you been in contact since the divorce?

 

I know a woman who just got back with her ex husband after 20 years (which included another marriage for him). It's rare, but it can happen.

 

Best of luck.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
[]

Did you try to reconcile with an ex-husband?

 

Yes.......

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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That's awesome, good for you.

 

Though would appreciate some small details:

- Who broke up with whom? I ended it.

- How long has it been? 2-years since we've seen each other, but divorce finalized only last April.

- This wasn't the same women who "broke your trust", right? Yes.

- Was it a messy breakup? It was a break up that had one desperately trying to get the attention of the other and the other completely shutting her out. There was a lot of bitterness that prevented any chance of forgiveness or objectivity. So, yes, messy.

- Have you been in contact since the divorce? 6-months after divorce and 1+ years after complete NC.

 

I know a woman who just got back with her ex husband after 20 years (which included another marriage for him). It's rare, but it can happen.

 

Best of luck.

 

My responses are above.

 

Thank you. Neither of us moved on despite the extended NC. I had no idea what her life was like and she did not know how my life was before we reconnected and maintained communication. We seemed to have made efforts to move on, but that obviously was not true.

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My responses are above.

 

Thank you. Neither of us moved on despite the extended NC. I had no idea what her life was like and she did not know how my life was before we reconnected and maintained communication. We seemed to have made efforts to move on, but that obviously was not true.

 

That's great - happy for you.

 

It would be nice if you updated this thread as to your progress/experience during the reconciliation.

 

I'm curious how things like trust, sleeping with other people, how you might have handled if you found someone else, etc play in.

 

I'm not trying to use this as a guide for me, just genuinely interested as I don't know anyone (except the one woman I mentioned) and my parents (which failed miserably) who got back together.

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Eternal Sunshine

OP, your last thread had "I don't want her back" written about 7 times. This was just a month ago. The whole situation sounds like a train wreck.

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Fever of love
Then a dramatic event occurred that had us both reconsidering....it is the oddest, but most wonderful thing.

 

 

Come on, drop the deets!

 

And congratulations, good luck with your reconciliation.

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OP, your last thread had "I don't want her back" written about 7 times. This was just a month ago. The whole situation sounds like a train wreck.

 

Absolutely correct!

 

I did not want to be with her again. The past few months have been up and down, but it has also revealed details of our separation that I never knew about. Information that my mother and siblings kept from me thinking that they were protecting me.

 

You are absolutely correct! I did not want the woman I left. This is only the beginning of a long road to reconciliation. We are both in therapy and we have both, independently, made progress on a personal level. Our journey towards reconciliation requires that we both continue marriage/family therapy TOGETHER. This detail is absolutely non-negotiable.

 

So, you are correct, in a sense....I did not and do not want the woman I divorced. But, if she has changed, if I have changed? Through therapy and commitment to continue on the road to restored love, I'm willing to give this a chance.

Edited by simpleNfit
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Ex and I have cemented the following:

 

1. Speak on the phone at least once a week

2. Communicate in other methods daily, but need not be too involved, mostly daily check-ins to keep each other tethered and thinking of one another

3. Since we are many miles from one another, I will be visiting her once a month where we will continue to discuss our therapy, important issues and have contact time both proximal and intimate. I will be visiting her for a week in the Spring where we will also continue to plan, map out our reconciliation.

4. We are currently planning to spend long, extended summer together

5. Soon, we will have joint counseling sessions via skype, etc. with our respective counselors. Our respective children will join in later, once she and I are on solid ground.

6. Neither of our family are thrilled with the two of us in contact with one another. That was expected and we are both resolute to our goal to reconcile whether or not family are supportive.

 

Our children are aware that we are in contact again, but not to reconcile. YET.

Edited by simpleNfit
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Yes, thank you! The key is whether we have both truly changed. We have both been going through therapy independently and our most recent conversations have been telling. It is a strange thing CO, all of the pieces required for us to even consider reconciliation fell into place. We did not act solely based on that, of course, but when I thought it had ended, for good, w/o even the consideration for friendship, I was preparing myself to move on w/o her. Then a dramatic event occurred that had us both reconsidering....it is the oddest, but most wonderful thing.

 

Did you try to reconcile with an ex-husband?

 

I am curious. What is the dramatic event that occurred? Especially since you said you were in no contact for more than 1 year?

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I am curious. What is the dramatic event that occurred? Especially since you said you were in no contact for more than 1 year?

 

I made multiple efforts to remain in NC and after the 3-4x trying to go full NC, the most recent seemed it. I had, we had thought that we would never hear from one another again. Well, that was not the case.

 

Do you remember the false missile alert in Hawaii? Such a terrible and frightening mistake. When things seemed dire, I broke NC and contacted her to make certain she and the kids were okay. She revealed that she spent much of that period thinking of me. She still loved me and didn't want let go. I had always known that she did.

 

Crazy, huh? If not for that, I truly believe that we would no longer be in one another's lives.

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Well, it has not been easy. Up and downs with ex and she has plenty of insecurities, but we trudge forward. We have been skyping one another and speaking/texting daily. I know I have a sh*t load of stuff to do that will be both very difficult emotionally, but I love this woman and I will do whatever it takes. She has asked me to stop frequenting LS and participating as she aware that I do and I will honor that request until this whole thing falls apart or she and I succeed to which I will make a final post then. I will, of course, continue to view posts every so often.

 

Good luck all and I truly hope you all find the love you all deserve! I'm trying to recover mine. :) Wish me luck!

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I made multiple efforts to remain in NC and after the 3-4x trying to go full NC, the most recent seemed it. I had, we had thought that we would never hear from one another again. Well, that was not the case.

 

Do you remember the false missile alert in Hawaii? Such a terrible and frightening mistake. When things seemed dire, I broke NC and contacted her to make certain she and the kids were okay. She revealed that she spent much of that period thinking of me. She still loved me and didn't want let go. I had always known that she did.

 

Crazy, huh? If not for that, I truly believe that we would no longer be in one another's lives.

 

Interesting story but I'm not sure if the foundation is really there. To have someone tell you that they love you only once you have contacted them is a bit of a concern. She probably does love you in a certain way but Its possible her admission was more about the relief of finally breaking NC.

 

There is lots of types of love. But it seems there is only one type of love that allows a relationship to start and continue. Not sure if that exists here. I suppose time will tell.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Well, it has not been easy. Up and downs with ex and she has plenty of insecurities, but we trudge forward. We have been skyping one another and speaking/texting daily. I know I have a sh*t load of stuff to do that will be both very difficult emotionally, but I love this woman and I will do whatever it takes. She has asked me to stop frequenting LS and participating as she aware that I do and I will honor that request until this whole thing falls apart or she and I succeed to which I will make a final post then. I will, of course, continue to view posts every so often.

 

Good luck all and I truly hope you all find the love you all deserve! I'm trying to recover mine. :) Wish me luck!

 

I wish you well. I'm team SimplenFit! <3

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Interesting story but I'm not sure if the foundation is really there. To have someone tell you that they love you only once you have contacted them is a bit of a concern. She probably does love you in a certain way but Its possible her admission was more about the relief of finally breaking NC.

 

There is lots of types of love. But it seems there is only one type of love that allows a relationship to start and continue. Not sure if that exists here. I suppose time will tell.

 

nah, he was the dumper so I am sure she still loves him in that way. The dumpee normally maintains feelings.

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Well, it has not been easy. Up and downs with ex and she has plenty of insecurities, but we trudge forward. We have been skyping one another and speaking/texting daily. I know I have a sh*t load of stuff to do that will be both very difficult emotionally, but I love this woman and I will do whatever it takes. She has asked me to stop frequenting LS and participating as she aware that I do and I will honor that request until this whole thing falls apart or she and I succeed to which I will make a final post then. I will, of course, continue to view posts every so often.

 

Good luck all and I truly hope you all find the love you all deserve! I'm trying to recover mine. :) Wish me luck!

 

lol, you should probably stop referring to her as your ex now :p

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nah, he was the dumper so I am sure she still loves him in that way. The dumpee normally maintains feelings.

 

A dumper who is here posting on LS. A dumper who has actually made a promise to not come back to LS anymore (who even does that?). A dumper who seems excited by an unexpected event.

 

Dumpees don't maintain feelings forever, its been 2 years according to the OP, most of that NC. Female dumpees in particular do pretty well at moving on. And unlike dumpers, when something snaps inside a dumpee, there is absolutely no way to fix that, you'd have a better chance at overcoming the Great Wall of China.

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  • 1 month later...

This is great to read and what it's all about.

 

I think people give up so easily when they run into issues.

 

Congrats to you both!

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