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Bf constantly jokes, caused break up


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Old 9th January 2018, 2:37 PM   #16
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does he joke about other people too?

and also, when did he first start on you?

he must have been nicer to you when you first met or you would have dropped him sooner, no?
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Old 9th January 2018, 2:49 PM   #17
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does he joke about other people too?

and also, when did he first start on you?

he must have been nicer to you when you first met or you would have dropped him sooner, no?
Yes, he jokes about everyone. Sometimes, they get mad, sometimes they don't.

Probably about 3 months in, maybe 2. But it was lighthearted teasing at first and I didn't think much of it. It started getting more "personal" and harsh later.
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Old 9th January 2018, 2:54 PM   #18
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How old are you ? Because you already invested 3 years into this

I believe in second chances and I think itís possivle maybe he felt the pressure when you left and that could have triggered a change. Why donít you give him a chance but donít officially get back together right away.... he should wine you and dine you all over again if he really is a changed person.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:00 PM   #19
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How old are you ? Because you already invested 3 years into this

I believe in second chances and I think itís possivle maybe he felt the pressure when you left and that could have triggered a change. Why donít you give him a chance but donít officially get back together right away.... he should wine you and dine you all over again if he really is a changed person.
I'm 40. He says he loves me, so I'm trying to figure out how you love someone but constantly hurt them? Does he really love me? I know, I'm trying to weigh the time invested versus maybe it's just time to let go. I just don't know.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:04 PM   #20
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I'm 40. He says he loves me, so I'm trying to figure out how you love someone but constantly hurt them? Does he really love me? I know, I'm trying to weigh the time invested versus maybe it's just time to let go. I just don't know.
This should not even be an option in your mind. Time invested in a relationship that has been hurtful does not give one justification to stay in it.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:11 PM   #21
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OP, can you give some other examples of the types of jokes he made at your expense? (As an isolated example, the sick one doesn't seem so terrible, but that's ignoring the context of all the other digs.)

Is his apology getting you to reconsider the breakup?
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:13 PM   #22
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Yes, he jokes about everyone. Sometimes, they get mad, sometimes they don't.

Probably about 3 months in, maybe 2. But it was lighthearted teasing at first and I didn't think much of it. It started getting more "personal" and harsh later.
he jokes at others, so that is who he is

and once the best behaviour early stage of your relationship fell away, you started to see him in entirety

so if he stops joking at you, who is he then? for that is who you will have if he complies with your need for less jokes
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:13 PM   #23
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This should not even be an option in your mind. Time invested in a relationship that has been hurtful does not give one justification to stay in it.

It is an option zahara, if it wasnít people would leave jobseekers , relationships everyday.

I think itís posisble to change and if she invested three years she obviously liked him I just donít think she should just jump back in and continue where they left off. He really should earn it if you ask me.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:18 PM   #24
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OP, can you give some other examples of the types of jokes he made at your expense? (As an isolated example, the sick one doesn't seem so terrible, but that's ignoring the context of all the other digs.)

Is his apology getting you to reconsider the breakup?
Well I guess the worst is the racist joke (I am not white and he is). He did it in front of his friend and it caused a mini breakup. I didn't really want to mention this, because I have a feeling what people will say.

The other jokes are tamer , like when I met his mom, he said, " I talked to my mom and she was saying what a nice, sweet woman I brought home with me. I was confused because I brought you, lmao"

I don't actually think it's the content that bothers me that much, so much as the amount and the repetiition. Like every time his mom says something nice about me, he says it "confuses" him.

Yes, he wants me to reconsider the break up.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:24 PM   #25
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he jokes at others, so that is who he is

and once the best behaviour early stage of your relationship fell away, you started to see him in entirety

so if he stops joking at you, who is he then? for that is who you will have if he complies with your need for less jokes
What do you mean, who is he then? A person has to be more than just jokes?
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:26 PM   #26
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It is an option zahara, if it wasn’t people would leave jobseekers , relationships everyday.

I think it’s posisble to change and if she invested three years she obviously liked him I just don’t think she should just jump back in and continue where they left off. He really should earn it if you ask me.
Yes, change is possible but through long term self-reflection, not three weeks.

She invested three years in a relationship that has hurt her. In those three years of consistently telling him that he was hurting her, he saw no reason to change or to find self-awareness into his behavior. In three weeks, he has now decided change is possible.

And no, if a relationship has caused you pain and hurt over an extended period of time, that time invested doesn't justify one to keep staying in a bad situation. Best to invest that time in moving forward on a more positive path.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:28 PM   #27
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He is not such much a racist as he is immature He doesn't know how to communicate so he reduces everything to a joke. For him it's a way to diffuse tension especially when things feel serious to him.

He will NEVER change. I couldn't put up with this sophomoric behavior.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:31 PM   #28
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Well I guess the worst is the racist joke (I am not white and he is). He did it in front of his friend and it caused a mini breakup. I didn't really want to mention this, because I have a feeling what people will say.

The other jokes are tamer , like when I met his mom, he said, " I talked to my mom and she was saying what a nice, sweet woman I brought home with me. I was confused because I brought you, lmao"

I don't actually think it's the content that bothers me that much, so much as the amount and the repetiition. Like every time his mom says something nice about me, he says it "confuses" him.

Yes, he wants me to reconsider the break up.
He reminds me of an ex. Subtle jabs to break me down. He would say things to keep me down and guessing. In turn mask it as "jokes".

I think you already know the answer to your question.
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:40 PM   #29
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Well I guess the worst is the racist joke (I am not white and he is). He did it in front of his friend and it caused a mini breakup. I didn't really want to mention this, because I have a feeling what people will say.
And would you blame us?
He humiliated you in front of his friend and you are just supposed to take it as it is a "joke"...

I get the fact some people actually enjoy a bit of put down banter, but this has gone far too far.
YOU were right to break up as he doesn't actually respect you, he pays no attention to your feelings and only now wants you back as no doubt he is lonely and is missing the fun he got from insulting and hurting you...
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Old 9th January 2018, 3:52 PM   #30
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What do you mean, who is he then? A person has to be more than just jokes?
who is he then? romantic, serious, wise, supportive, sweet.... all or any adjectives that describe a good boyfriend, I have just listed some examples, but only you know him, I do not, so I can only guess and give examples of his potential as a companion - what is he like minus the jokes?

Last edited by darkmoon; 9th January 2018 at 3:56 PM..
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