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Fiancee broke up with me - should we get back...if she even wants me back?


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 9th January 2018, 12:21 PM   #31
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At this point you are nothing more then a port in a storm.

She was unhappy being with you. You fought & broke up. Breaking up an engagement is no small thing from a financial perspective.

Now she's on her own & that is even more scary then being with you. She has a stressful job, the holidays just passed, she has medical bill debt & all the emotional fall out from the BU. As bad as the end of your relationship was it still looks like a calm paradise compared to where she is right now, but still not enough of a safe space to have her actually show up for the date you proposed. She's getting the emotional comfort she seeks while getting your hopes up & stringing you along.

I'm not saying she's using you intentionally or in a mean way but she is using you & you are letting her. She's not trying to reconcile but she is using you as an emotional crutch.
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Old 9th January 2018, 12:35 PM   #32
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At this point you are nothing more then a port in a storm.

She was unhappy being with you. You fought & broke up. Breaking up an engagement is no small thing from a financial perspective.

Now she's on her own & that is even more scary then being with you. She has a stressful job, the holidays just passed, she has medical bill debt & all the emotional fall out from the BU. As bad as the end of your relationship was it still looks like a calm paradise compared to where she is right now, but still not enough of a safe space to have her actually show up for the date you proposed. She's getting the emotional comfort she seeks while getting your hopes up & stringing you along.

I'm not saying she's using you intentionally or in a mean way but she is using you & you are letting her. She's not trying to reconcile but she is using you as an emotional crutch.
I am beginning to feel that way which I why I want to cut the string loose. She is a smart person and she is not cruel; it has just been hard as I cannot wrap my brain around why she would agree to the date knowing full well that I wanted to reconcile things. She literally said to me in person with tears in her eyes in a restaurant surrounded by people, "I am open to reconciling. I just need time." That is a hard thing for me to walk away from even if the limbo that it puts me in is pure heck.
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Old 9th January 2018, 12:38 PM   #33
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You need closure & for that last sliver of hope to be snuffed out. Go to your meeting. Hear her out. Let her tell you about why she needs more time. Watch her actions & behavior. As you see how distant she's grown & how the time will only help her grow stronger, independently of you, it may bring you the closure you need to finally let go.
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Old 9th January 2018, 12:40 PM   #34
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She is sending me a letter today or tomorrow. The date is still up in the air... who knows what will become of that.

I shall keep you updated, though.
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Old 9th January 2018, 12:43 PM   #35
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A letter? Seriously?

You do realize that this letter is going to be this rambling mess explaining why she can't meet you & that it's over, right?
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Old 9th January 2018, 1:19 PM   #36
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She is an excellent writer so I do foresee it being well-written at least. I have no idea what to expect. If that is the case, though, I stand by what I said: I am taking a huge step back and I am letting go of any idea of reconciliation. I cannot continue with the small talk.

Honestly, I am going to have more trouble in dealing with the second option that I foresee occurring and that is "I need more time." The weak side of me will say, 'Well, okay...' when ultimately I just need to walk away. I also cannot deal with being in perpetual limbo.
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Old 13th January 2018, 1:09 PM   #37
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On Monday, she said that I would receive the letter by Wednesday. On Wednesday, she said that I would receive it by Thursday. Thursday came and went. On Friday, she said that I would receive it soon. I don't know what to expect. Limboland sucks.

She has been reaching out to me a lot and our conversations have definitely improved. I have again let her know how I feel and I have stated that I cannot merely be friends with her, that I will need to move on and walk away from her if we are not on the same page.
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Old 13th January 2018, 5:48 PM   #38
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On Monday, she said that I would receive the letter by Wednesday. On Wednesday, she said that I would receive it by Thursday. Thursday came and went. On Friday, she said that I would receive it soon. I don't know what to expect. Limboland sucks.

She has been reaching out to me a lot and our conversations have definitely improved. I have again let her know how I feel and I have stated that I cannot merely be friends with her, that I will need to move on and walk away from her if we are not on the same page.

Sorry pal itís hard to sympathize with someone who refuses to take advice from people who clearly are more experienced and have warned you constantly!

Move on already !!! What do you want ? The good year blimp to pass by your house with the words ď move on!! ď
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Old 14th January 2018, 1:27 PM   #39
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Sorry pal itís hard to sympathize with someone who refuses to take advice from people who clearly are more experienced and have warned you constantly!

Move on already !!! What do you want ? The good year blimp to pass by your house with the words ď move on!! ď
I am not looking for sympathy. It is hard to move on when she keeps reaching out to me.

Her mom got in touch with me yesterday. She said that my ex reached out to her and said that she missed me, that she is overwhelmed and sad, and she told her mom that she is going to go out to dinner with me. The confusion builds inside of me. I still have not received this elusive letter, though.
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Old 14th January 2018, 1:56 PM   #40
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I don't think you're going to get this letter. I doubt she's even written it.

When I said if you do get it, the letter will be rambling, that was not to disparage her writing skills. These letters are so emotional. They are usually written in a stream of consciousness style & read like incoherent babble because that is the writer's state of mind, mixed up & all over the place. Don't hold out hope that she has the words -- written or spoken -- to explain anything.
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:02 AM   #41
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I understand what your going through- its hard to move on when they still contact you- that's letting you hang on to that last shred of hope.
I was the same as you. I would try to move on and the she would contact me and I'd stumble back down again. Then I pick myself up. Then the process would start again. I think I got tired of getting knocked to the ground lol.
In order for you to move on you have to eliminate her from your life. No texts,no Facebook nothing. Because if you don't this will continue until she meets someone else she deems worthy or she gets bored. And you'll be left putting the pieces back togeather of your life that you put on hold for her. You have a CHOICE in the matter of how someone treats you as a person. A CHOICE on how you let someone treat you and sometimes in all the drama we forget that.
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Old 15th January 2018, 12:12 PM   #42
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I understand what your going through- its hard to move on when they still contact you- that's letting you hang on to that last shred of hope.
I was the same as you. I would try to move on and the she would contact me and I'd stumble back down again. Then I pick myself up. Then the process would start again. I think I got tired of getting knocked to the ground lol.
In order for you to move on you have to eliminate her from your life. No texts,no Facebook nothing. Because if you don't this will continue until she meets someone else she deems worthy or she gets bored. And you'll be left putting the pieces back togeather of your life that you put on hold for her. You have a CHOICE in the matter of how someone treats you as a person. A CHOICE on how you let someone treat you and sometimes in all the drama we forget that.
That is sooo much easier said than done. I would be a liar if I said that there was not a huge part of me that still wants to reconcile. I do want something positive to come out of all that has been bad.

The fact that she told her mom she was going out to dinner with me says a lot given their relationship. She also told her mom that she misses me and the life we had.

She has been reaching out to me more and more with each passing day. And the messages are getting friendlier, more intimate and she is starting to reference our past more. This was her last message to me last night: "Thanks again for the company. I am getting ready to go to bed. Let's continue chatting like this tomorrow if that is okay with you. I have missed talking with you"

She knows that I cannot be just friends with her. I've made that blatantly clear. I really do not think that she is being cruel here. I do not think that I am being used. I am very confused by it all, though.
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Old 15th January 2018, 2:39 PM   #43
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I really hope it goes well for you and I do wish you the best.
Just please go by her actions and not so much of what she says.
And when the time comes for you to speak please don't be concerned about "getting back togeather" and not addressing the past problems that lead to the break up.
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Old 15th January 2018, 3:25 PM   #44
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Sorry you're in this situation. I know it sucks. I've been there. You are being strung along and you are the one allowing it. By continuing to talk and be friendly you are not helping the situation. You are enabling this to go on. Forget the letter and set a drop dead day and time within the next week to meet up and talk reconciliation. If she does not agree, then tell her it is best that you two spend time apart, no communication, for a while so you can both think things out. Right now you are not doing what is best for you and any chance for reconciliation. You both need some time apart to see things more clearly. She obviously does not feel the same way about you and the future together. She says she needs time. Well, give her all the time she needs, just not with you giving her the benefit of you still being there for her. I don't feel good about the way she ended things with you. You really need to think about that and how high the chances are that it would happen again if you got back together today.
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Old 16th January 2018, 7:54 AM   #45
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If you're not going to go non-contact (which you probably should've), you should at least be strategic about it.
Play into her positive memories of you, be the guy she fell in love with originally.
You can address the other guy, the relationship problems ect. ect. later on, but doing anything like that now is just going to make it worse.
You seem smart, and you're making some good moves - but while she knows where she stands over you, and that you'd take her back in an instant: you have no control of the situation.
Take a break from talking to her so that you can come back and take control.
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