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Not sure how to interpret these signals from my ex


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Old 7th November 2017, 3:50 PM   #1
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Not sure how to interpret these signals from my ex

I broke up with my ex in October 2016. At the time, I felt frustrated, and I couldn't really figure out why. Most my relationships haven't lasted long, but I felt like this time would be different. But I found myself wanting out after just 5 months of dating (basically 2.5 of dating/talking and 2.5 months serious relationship)...

I eventually came to terms with I had a gambling addiction after reading our texts to each other about 5 months after we broke up. I went to counseling and got treatment, because I never wanted to neglect anyone the way I neglected her ever again. In counseling, I began to feel love for her and wanted her back. I decided in mid-June I felt strong enough to give up gambling and I would surprise her by sending her flowers on her birthday and try to reconcile.

Unfortunately, I learned just days later she had entered in a new relationship just three weeks earlier. I was pretty surprised, just because her behavior on social media was much different than when she was with me, and I kept watch for a couple months... and there was barely ever any mention of him, and hints of anxiety.

In August I began following her on her Twitter, because I picked up on she keeps her Twitter secret from him. She followed back within a few hours. I DM'd to say "hello" and was greeted warmly. We began to flirt and joke over Twitter for about a month. I then followed her on SnapChat and she followed back. There was also some lighthearted texting in between...

The next day I texted her to see if she would be interested in catching up. She told me she was in a relationship and didn't think we should because we have history, and she didn't want it to mess with her head. I ended up telling her about the counseling I'd been through and apologized for neglecting her for my gambling. I explained to her that I justified how I treated her in my mind because all the things I was going to do for her when football season was over with my winnings, including a trip to Disneyland.

She told me she was happy and was happy to hear I was doing well. And we left it at that. I ended up going no contact other than liking a tweet a few weeks later that actually seemed like it was for me to see.

A couple weeks ago I went to Disneyland for a day while on a trip to LA. She messaged me while I was there to say she was "****ing jealous." To me, it felt a bit inappropriate considering our most recent convo and the fact she was in a relationship, but I responded telling her she was missing out.

The next weekend was Halloween, and she messaged me about my Halloween costume and how much she loved it, and was very concerned I might have bleached my hair (I was wearing a wig). Over the next five days, she posted three different snaps that seemed like someone begging to get dumped by their boyfriend. And she also was texting with me about some personal drama she was having (unrelated to her boyfriend).

Now this past weekend, I was at the store Friday night, and about 2.5 hours later I got a text from her asking me if I was at that store. Then she told me she saw my car in the parking lot. I found it interesting she would text me over something so trivial that long after I was gone. We joked a bit, but this felt really revealing to me. The next night I made dinner for friends and posted it to Snapchat, she messaged me asking me to save her some. I told her to come get a plate, to which she responded she was actually out to dinner with family. I asked her what she was doing after and she didn't respond.

The next morning I watched her snaps, and I decided to respond to one of her selfies somewhat jokingly "So when are we getting back together?" I knew I wouldn't get a serious answer if she was interested, but I wanted to see if she would respond "We discussed this!" or something to that effect. Instead she opened it and said nothing.

I'm not sure how to interpret this. I've never really had these kind of interactions with an ex before. And I feel like if she were truly happy with who she is with, she would not be risking having these kinds of interactions with me. Any opinions on what I should do?
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Old 7th November 2017, 5:44 PM   #2
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I don't see anything risque in any of your interaction, or anything signal-like. Are you hoping to convince her to leave her boyfriend for a relationship with you?
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:36 PM   #3
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She doesn't seem interesting in meeting up with you. You've made it clear that you are interested, so I'd back way off, especially if she is still with someone. Is this how you'd like to be treated if she was with you?
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Old 8th November 2017, 1:46 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by springy View Post
I don't see anything risque in any of your interaction, or anything signal-like. Are you hoping to convince her to leave her boyfriend for a relationship with you?
Well, considering I'm an ex-boyfriend and the last time we had spoken I had told her I had planned to take her to Disneyland and then we didn't speak again until I went to Disneyland with a group of friends and she messaged me she was "****in jealous" I was there. To me, that enters a gray area at the very least. If the roles were reversed, I would not have contacted her again if I were in a relationship and the last time we spoke she was telling me she wanted to be with me.

Her boyfriend set his Twitter public today, though... And I can see from a few of his recent tweets that they've been fighting, so I think I got my answer.
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Old 8th November 2017, 1:48 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by dumbass2 View Post
She doesn't seem interesting in meeting up with you. You've made it clear that you are interested, so I'd back way off, especially if she is still with someone. Is this how you'd like to be treated if she was with you?
Well, she is initiating 90% of the contact between us and messaged me again tonight just two days after I asked her when are we getting back together... You're right, I would be pissed if I knew she was messaging an ex that often, but right now that is his problem and not mine.
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Old 8th November 2017, 8:59 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by ConfusedWC View Post
Well, she is initiating 90% of the contact between us and messaged me again tonight just two days after I asked her when are we getting back together... You're right, I would be pissed if I knew she was messaging an ex that often, but right now that is his problem and not mine.
My ex used to lay on my bed and text her ex bf. the me now isn't sure why I tolerated it then. For sure now I wouldn't.

One thing to consider, is that proud, stand-up guys don't run around behind anyone's back, including her current partner. Simply tell her what you want, and that it's disrespectful to continue talking, and walk away and let her think. Right now you are giving her attention and warmth, and receiving nothing in return. She gets yours and his attention, while sleeping with him. Not good for anyone.
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