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Is it difficult getting back together with dumper?


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 31st October 2017, 6:54 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
I am sorry but that doesn't tend to happen at all.
The dumper usually breaks up as it is just not working for them and they want to be able to go and date others.
Afterwards, they may be friendly, they may want to hang around as friends, or even have sex, if they haven't had it in a while and old habits can die hard. but very very rarely do they ever want to date the dumpee again.
They are done.
Then explain the stories of people who are being abused who finally dump their abuser often take them back a short later and the cycle repeats? The the same thing is common with people who dump drug users only to take them. All fairly common and all involve more damage than what I've done.
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:09 PM   #17
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Then explain the stories of people who are being abused who finally dump their abuser often take them back a short later and the cycle repeats? The the same thing is common with people who dump drug users only to take them. All fairly common and all involve more damage than what I've done.
Because the person being abused is not really the dumper, they are usually forced into dumping someone who is abusing them.
They do not really want to leave, they are usually still in love, but the behaviour of the abuser becomes too much for them to stand. If the abuser then comes and says "Sorry I treated you bad, come back to me" then she/he will often fold and take them back with open arms.

The normal dumper on the other hand has fallen out of love, doesn't like or may even hate the other person, does not see any future, or wants to be with someone else, they are often very relieved once they pull the plug.
The dumpee comes back and wants another chance and the dumper then says "No way, it will never work." end of story.
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:15 PM   #18
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I commonly hear of guys who do far more damage then what I ever done got dumped only to get back together with the dumper in short time.
does that make it right??...
you did less damage so you feel entitled to a second chance based on the amount of damage you didnt do ...?.....it really shouldnt make a difference you know...the level of damage is subjective to each unique dynamic....what probably matters more are the levels of forgiveness..communication....the levels of affection felt...and the desire in regards to reconciliation by the dumpee for the person who dumped them....deb
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:19 PM   #19
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Again. How long did you date for? You're still coming off as needy in here,so I can't imagine how that store 'scene' looked in person.
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:23 PM   #20
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All fairly common and all involve more damage than what I've done.
OK so what "damage" did you do?
Why did she dump you?
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:33 PM   #21
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I ALWAYS get in trouble here,BUT... I'd suggest those of you replying to read OP's post history.. Again..Just saying.

Edit: I'd love to see that security video from her store!

Last edited by Praying4Daylight; 31st October 2017 at 7:37 PM..
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:20 AM   #22
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Because the person being abused is not really the dumper, they are usually forced into dumping someone who is abusing them.
They do not really want to leave, they are usually still in love, but the behaviour of the abuser becomes too much for them to stand. If the abuser then comes and says "Sorry I treated you bad, come back to me" then she/he will often fold and take them back with open arms.

The normal dumper on the other hand has fallen out of love, doesn't like or may even hate the other person, does not see any future, or wants to be with someone else, they are often very relieved once they pull the plug.
The dumpee comes back and wants another chance and the dumper then says "No way, it will never work." end of story.
The fact is people in abusive relationship often dump the abuser only to take them back. It makes no difference if they love them. People in non abusive relationships may often love the person they dump.
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Old 1st November 2017, 11:47 AM   #23
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does that make it right??...
you did less damage so you feel entitled to a second chance based on the amount of damage you didnt do ...?.....it really shouldnt make a difference you know...the level of damage is subjective to each unique dynamic....what probably matters more are the levels of forgiveness..communication....the levels of affection felt...and the desire in regards to reconciliation by the dumpee for the person who dumped them....deb
I never said anything about being entitled to a second chance. I think it would be good to consider a second chance because the relationship didn't even begin to run its course.
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Old 1st November 2017, 12:07 PM   #24
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Again. How long did you date for? You're still coming off as needy in here,so I can't imagine how that store 'scene' looked in person.
Two weeks. The scene looked like two people talking.

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Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
OK so what "damage" did you do?
Why did she dump you?
I already explained it.

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Originally Posted by Praying4Daylight View Post
I ALWAYS get in trouble here,BUT... I'd suggest those of you replying to read OP's post history.. Again..Just saying.

Edit: I'd love to see that security video from her store!
What are you even implying? Everyone who ask for advice here has embarrassing threads including you. No one comes here to ask about their successes. I think it's awful to allude to anything about people seeking advice. I can take criticisms but others who see that may shy away from asking for advice.
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Old 1st November 2017, 12:11 PM   #25
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I already explained it.
You say you made a stupid mistake, what stupid mistake?
There are stupid mistakes and stupid mistakes...
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Old 1st November 2017, 12:23 PM   #26
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I don't do second chances. I just don't.

I can forgive, but I can't forget.

If I did the dumping, it's a clear case of once I'm done, I'm done. And it takes a lot for me to bail on a relationship.

If I was the one dumped, I don't need to be reminded twice that something wasn't working.

In both scenarios, the emotions that go hand in hand with breaking up are just too great to endure round two with the same person. Break ups don't happen for no reason after all.

I'm all for carving out a friendship and being civil with ex partners but a repeat performance is not something I do.
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Old 1st November 2017, 1:51 PM   #27
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You only said it was a misunderstanding and that she thought you lied. What was the misunderstanding that started the downfall?
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Old 1st November 2017, 2:38 PM   #28
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I'm confused about why abusive relationships are being brought up here as almost aspirational. People in those cases may take the dumper back because they're addicted or codependent. It's not actually about love. Those revisits usually don't last, or if they do, the victim isn't ever happy. Was that brought up as just a technical argument countering a blanket statement about dumpers? If so, it doesn't exactly support your case that this is healthy and worth a second chance.
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Old 1st November 2017, 5:10 PM   #29
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I don't do second chances. I just don't.

I can forgive, but I can't forget.

If I did the dumping, it's a clear case of once I'm done, I'm done. And it takes a lot for me to bail on a relationship.

If I was the one dumped, I don't need to be reminded twice that something wasn't working.

In both scenarios, the emotions that go hand in hand with breaking up are just too great to endure round two with the same person. Break ups don't happen for no reason after all.

I'm all for carving out a friendship and being civil with ex partners but a repeat performance is not something I do.
Relationships are complicated and can often fail because any of number of reasons that have nothing to do with how well two people are suited or care for each other. If you never faced one of those situations and considered a second chance then consider yourself lucky.
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You only said it was a misunderstanding and that she thought you lied. What was the misunderstanding that started the downfall?
Check post 15.
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Originally Posted by SpecialJ View Post
I'm confused about why abusive relationships are being brought up here as almost aspirational. People in those cases may take the dumper back because they're addicted or codependent. It's not actually about love. Those revisits usually don't last, or if they do, the victim isn't ever happy. Was that brought up as just a technical argument countering a blanket statement about dumpers? If so, it doesn't exactly support your case that this is healthy and worth a second chance.
I used the worst case scenario. It doesn't matter why they took them back. Even in a normal relationship a dumper may often get back together with someone who wasn't good for them.
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Old 1st November 2017, 9:14 PM   #30
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I stand corrected. I just had a huge fail. I added her and she quickly accepted. We exchanged several messages. She sent me a selfie. I replied with a bad selfie and she quickly unfriended me.
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