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Is it difficult getting back together with dumper?


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Old 30th October 2017, 4:24 PM   #1
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Is it difficult getting back together with dumper?

I've had a few occasions where I tried to get back with a dumper but all failed. I think mostly because I waited too long. There was one occasion where the dumper followed me in her car for 3 miles to urge me to call, did about everything she could for a second chance but ultimately I was too insecure to follow through. From my past experience getting back with a dumper is tough and generally easier to start with someone new.

I've been thinking about getting back with an ex for awhile now. She and I barely dated before she dumped me. I dug myself in a deep hole while missing the key reason. I was wanting to check back with her. I sent a msg but no reply. I thought it looks bad. I considered giving up. I decided to visit her in person. She works at a store with her sisters owned by her grandmother.

I went in and found her hanging shirts on a rack. This was the first time I had spoken with her in several months. At first she seemed very cold. She was facing the wall and wouldn't turn to look at me. I wasn't sure if she even knew who I was but I continued talking. She explained how to contact her now, walked to the side then finally looked me in the eyes and smiled. Do I have much chance in this case? I'm looking for tips from anyone who has successfully gotten back with a dumper?
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:06 PM   #2
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I can give you a female perspective, as the dumper.

When I have ended a relationship, it is because my feelings have changed or they never developed to begin with. Either way, I wouldn't reconsider dating him again, no matter what he said or did.

Going after someone who dumped you puts you at a huge disadvantage because they were the one who didn't want to continue dating in the first place.

Also, be wary of dumpers who try to make contact afterwards. They are often motivated by feelings of guilt or concern for the person they hurt. This can mistakenly be interpreted as regret and missing their ex, which is not always the case.

I'm sure there is an occasional exception to the rule, but I think in general it is more productive and healthy to move on and find someone new.

Sorry, that probably isn't the answer you were hoping for.
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Old 30th October 2017, 5:57 PM   #3
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When I have ended a relationship, it is because my feelings have changed or they never developed to begin with. Either way, I wouldn't reconsider dating him again, no matter what he said or did.
I made a stupid mistake and the next day she said wasn't into me. I figured it was in response to the mistake but nevertheless maybe it is impossible to get her back. I'll still give a try for her but from what you said I need to lower my expectations a great deal.
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Old 30th October 2017, 6:37 PM   #4
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Barricading her up in the store like that and at her work no less, especially when you only had a few dates and she dumped ya, wth were you thinking no wonder she snubbed ya.

Anyway forget her if you can , she wasn't interested.
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Old 30th October 2017, 7:17 PM   #5
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Barricading her up in the store like that and at her work no less, especially when you only had a few dates and she dumped ya, wth were you thinking no wonder she snubbed ya.

Anyway forget her if you can , she wasn't interested.
She had always replied to my messages even after heated arguments. She and I continued to talk casually after the break up. I shop there regularly so I'd would rather take a shot now and fail miserably rather than think what if later on.
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Old 30th October 2017, 7:17 PM   #6
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No man..NC and get on with your life. No 'closure talk',no nothing. That is a bit creepy(obsessive) that you kinda intentionally cornered her at work though. Just saying.
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Old 30th October 2017, 9:01 PM   #7
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No man..NC and get on with your life. No 'closure talk',no nothing. That is a bit creepy(obsessive) that you kinda intentionally cornered her at work though. Just saying.
She wasn't cornered or barricaded or any other similar silly connotations. It would've far creepier to not have acknowledged her and walked on by. She fully explained how to reach her besides she appeared happier afterwards.
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Old 30th October 2017, 9:35 PM   #8
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No matter what her intentions, drop your expectations down to about zero. Even if she was interested, you'd need to completely rebuild something new or the same thing would happen again. It's unlikely she is interested anyway, as she was cold at first, and it's more likely she wants things to be friendly and cordial. Especially if you shop there.

Coming in with expectations will put a vibe of pressure on her, anyway, and will make you feel worse after. She hasn't sent signals to you for you to have expectations yet, especially after you didn't date long.

Also, she may have given you her info because she didn't want to handle the situation while working.
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Old 30th October 2017, 10:37 PM   #9
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i think its really hard to go backwards because people change and adapt over time.....in the case of relationships that have ended ....theres still an undercurrent of what went wrong thats always going to be there.

doesnt matter how much you rehash damage and forgive........its still damage......and if a relationship has been damaged and repair was done....then maybe it should be left well be.....but...

there are always possibilities and people have successfully gotten back together after years and years of separation...i believe though...thats gods handiwork.....gods tapestry..in shaping lives for what is good for both parties.....and what is meant to be....shall be....and cannot be stopped.....deb
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Old 31st October 2017, 2:19 AM   #10
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You and she "barely dated", yet you had "heated arguments". It sounds like it was a disaster before it even got off the ground. You'd both be foolish to return to this.
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Old 31st October 2017, 11:59 AM   #11
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No matter what her intentions, drop your expectations down to about zero. Even if she was interested, you'd need to completely rebuild something new or the same thing would happen again. It's unlikely she is interested anyway, as she was cold at first, and it's more likely she wants things to be friendly and cordial. Especially if you shop there.

Coming in with expectations will put a vibe of pressure on her, anyway, and will make you feel worse after. She hasn't sent signals to you for you to have expectations yet, especially after you didn't date long.

Also, she may have given you her info because she didn't want to handle the situation while working.
Yeah expect the worst hope for the best. She's always cold at first. Even when she was interested in dating me she was acted cold when we first would meet. She has an aloof personality. Maybe she gave me the info to get back in contact.
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Old 31st October 2017, 5:57 PM   #12
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i think its really hard to go backwards because people change and adapt over time.....in the case of relationships that have ended ....theres still an undercurrent of what went wrong thats always going to be there.

doesnt matter how much you rehash damage and forgive........its still damage......and if a relationship has been damaged and repair was done....then maybe it should be left well be.....but...

there are always possibilities and people have successfully gotten back together after years and years of separation...i believe though...thats gods handiwork.....gods tapestry..in shaping lives for what is good for both parties.....and what is meant to be....shall be....and cannot be stopped.....deb
I commonly hear of guys who do far more damage then what I ever done got dumped only to get back together with the dumper in short time.
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Old 31st October 2017, 6:19 PM   #13
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How long did you date her for?
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Old 31st October 2017, 6:30 PM   #14
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I commonly hear of guys who do far more damage then what I ever done got dumped only to get back together with the dumper in short time.
I am sorry but that doesn't tend to happen at all.
The dumper usually breaks up as it is just not working for them and they want to be able to go and date others.
Afterwards, they may be friendly, they may want to hang around as friends, or even have sex, if they haven't had it in a while and old habits can die hard. but very very rarely do they ever want to date the dumpee again.
They are done.
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Old 31st October 2017, 6:39 PM   #15
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You and she "barely dated", yet you had "heated arguments". It sounds like it was a disaster before it even got off the ground. You'd both be foolish to return to this.
That is a fair point. She and I got along well it wasn't until there was a big misunderstanding then everything suddenly changed.I fixed one part of it but didn't see the implied meaning until months later. I told her I wanted to take things slow with her and I genuinely did. However, from what I said it made it looked like I was pushing her away because she didn't want to have sex. She got very irritated, everything she had previously said was now the opposite. It appeared I was liar who was just interested in her for sex so she had good reason to dump me. I think it should be easy to start over with her but maybe not.
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