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How to stop the silent treatment


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 27th October 2017, 5:12 PM   #1
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How to stop the silent treatment

Iíve been very frustrated. Iíve heard that my ex has wanted me back. But he is inexperienced, almost like a 50 year old virgin type. I ended things with him about a year ago, and it apparently bruised his ego. For months now, heís played little games, such as prank calling me, trying to access my do it media accounts, leaving items at my door, making fake Facebook profiles and trying to friend me on them, etc. He definitely hasnít let go.

During our breakup, some third parties got involved. My ex knew that I really wanted to set the record straight, but refused to talk to me. Yet he clearly monitors me as shown above. If he sees me in public, heíll try to hide or leave. But then heíll do the passive-aggressive things mentioned above. He even chose Valentines Day to block me on Facebook, three months post breakup. And thatís when a bunch of fake Facebook profiles kept trying to add me. A few times, he followed me in this motorized parachute that he has, and flew over my house. He even did stunts and flops but I ignored them. In the parachute, he also followed me to the walking track and kept flying above, especially when I talked to other guys. I keep ignoring him.

Obviously, I want closure. I ignored him for ten months and he seemed to avoid me. But the last time he tried to hack me, I sent him an email where I set the record straight (remember, he would never let me have a voice) and I also told him all that his ďfriendsĒ said about him, and told him to stop all of his games around my house. He let up some, but ignored my email. Itís been three months now. And heís basically keeping the same games up. Two nights in a row, I saw him prowling around my house on my security cameras.

I shared a memory on Facebook of the first date with a guy I am still friends with, and then all of a sudden, I kept getting emails thanking me for signing up for various mailing lists, some telling me to click for confirmation. This is to the email address where he is one of maybe four people who know about it.

Itís frustrating why heís giving me the silent treatment. Heís going out of his way to avoid me seeing him or having to interact with me, yet is keeping a very close eye on me from a distance. Iíve tried giving the silo treatment back, acknowledging him, being private in Facebook, and showcasing my active life on Facebook. Nothing pushes him to stop. I know I shouldnít worry about it, but I just want closure. I donít like how things ended between us. The police havenít been helpful- theyíve blamed me for the stalking. So I seem to have no recourse. How can I stop the silent treatment?
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Old 27th October 2017, 5:17 PM   #2
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Silent treatment. You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

This is stalking and harassment. Do the police not believe you? Do you have a history of mental illness or drug abuse? (I ask because this sounds a lot like someone I know and none of it is actually true).
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Old 27th October 2017, 5:22 PM   #3
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Show the police the videos you have of him creeping around your house then let them advise you on what to do next.
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Old 27th October 2017, 5:24 PM   #4
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Block him from any contact to you. He can't give you closure. Only you can give you closure. Being aware of what he is doing is setting you back from healing and getting over your divorce. You have to be the one to put a stop to it and move on with your life.
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Old 27th October 2017, 6:03 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amaysngrace View Post
Show the police the videos you have of him creeping around your house then let them advise you on what to do next.

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Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
Block him from any contact to you. He can't give you closure. Only you can give you closure. Being aware of what he is doing is setting you back from healing and getting over your divorce. You have to be the one to put a stop to it and move on with your life.
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Silent treatment. You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

This is stalking and harassment. Do the police not believe you? Do you have a history of mental illness or drug abuse? (I ask because this sounds a lot like someone I know and none of it is actually true).
Iíve shown police the videos- even the one from when he sent his friend to vandalize my house and outdoor Christmas decorations. His friend was an off-duty cop, so they gaslighted me. Basically, the police donít like me because a few years ago, I filed an Internal Affairs complaint on an officer due to my back injury. . I have Complex PTSD, which sometimes can alter the way I come across to police. Itís hard to find a lawyer who will sue police for disability discrimination, which is probably the only way theyíd ever help me.

Thank you- it IS stalking and harassment. But I donít get why? Why keep monitoring me from afar yet run to escape me if he encounters me at places such as the grocery store? Itís been the same dynamic for months, and nothing makes him snap out of it. He does have OCD, I know.
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Old 27th October 2017, 6:12 PM   #6
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Why keep monitoring me from afar yet run to escape me if he encounters me at places such as the grocery store? Itís been the same dynamic for months, and nothing makes him snap out of it.
Because he's not right in his head?
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Old 27th October 2017, 6:39 PM   #7
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I don't really follow.


You dumped him and now you want him to pine for you in a way that suits you.


He hasn't done anything that's worthy of police intervention YET. Your just upset because he's not sobbing at your doorstep it seems. Stalking you isn't cool but unfortunately for you, he seems to know how far he can go before the police could get involved.


People do some pretty weird stuff post breakup. Just accept that. It was your decision. Own it and stop trying to look for peace in his actions.


Sure your safety is important but somehow I feel like your post-breakup actions have fuelled some of his actions. Why are you looking for closure. You had your closure when you dumped him.


Ask yourself this. Had he just disappeared from planet Earth right after the breakup, do you feel like you would have been happy with that and had your closure? I think the answer to this question is key to figuring out what's driving your emotions here.

Last edited by marky00; 27th October 2017 at 6:54 PM..
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Old 28th October 2017, 9:52 AM   #8
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Closure comes from you, not an EX. EXs don't have the words or maturity to tell somebody what they need to hear to move forward. You have to find that in yourself.

You already know the reality -- your EX can't communicate & he's immature. He is already stalking you. Block him everywhere on social media & do not engage. If you go back to the police to report these crimes & they do not take action, get the names of the people who gaslighted you & go to the FBI. Report the police to the Feds for failing to do their jobs; bring the IA investigation #s with you as proof of motive.
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Old 28th October 2017, 11:21 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by marky00 View Post
I don't really follow.


You dumped him and now you want him to pine for you in a way that suits you.


He hasn't done anything that's worthy of police intervention YET. Your just upset because he's not sobbing at your doorstep it seems. Stalking you isn't cool but unfortunately for you, he seems to know how far he can go before the police could get involved.


People do some pretty weird stuff post breakup. Just accept that. It was your decision. Own it and stop trying to look for peace in his actions.


Sure your safety is important but somehow I feel like your post-breakup actions have fuelled some of his actions. Why are you looking for closure. You had your closure when you dumped him.


Ask yourself this. Had he just disappeared from planet Earth right after the breakup, do you feel like you would have been happy with that and had your closure? I think the answer to this question is key to figuring out what's driving your emotions here.
I totally agree.

I'm not sure why you need closure if you are the dumper.
The dumper usually has come to terms with the breakup before the dumping is done. The dumpee is normally the one that needs closure. (unless it was forced dumping because of cheating)

Yes he is being annoying but until he doesn't something that is more substantial then I am not sure there is much you can do, especially since the police are not on your side.

I would change my email (since only 4 people have it, I am sure you can give it to them again).
Block and delete. With no response he will get tired of his games.

Also if you are happy with the break up, why is this posted in second chances?

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 28th October 2017 at 11:27 AM..
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Old 28th October 2017, 12:34 PM   #10
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I empathize with most of this.

I had a crazy ex 11 years ago. Stalked me. Tried to break into my house. Kept my stuff. Claimed I owed money (I did, I had a regular monthly payment direct to his bank account, debt would have been settled in 9 months). Interacted with my adult daughter in a threatening manner. Refused to let me have my passport back (I know, I should never have left it at his).

I TRIED to maintain no contact and silence. But the harassment was non stop. Eventually, I had to go to the police, about my passport. They visited his house, but he still claimed he didn't have it. (I had to report it stolen and get a new one).

He took me to court about the money I'd freely admitted I owed him (friends said I should have just denied it, there was NO written evidence ,and used it to pay for the new passport). BUT I tried to be the bigger person.

Eventually, I had to change my phone number and move away. THAT was the only way it stopped, although he tracked me down on Twitter and I had to close my account. AND he found a cancer blog I'd anonymously been writing and sent me an email, supposedly from his GF, telling me how great he was. Sure.

So, although the OP may have not played things 100% right, who does? A crazy person is gonna be crazy regardless. Her ex won't stop until HE is good and ready and some people are vengeful.

Last edited by chinadiary; 28th October 2017 at 12:36 PM..
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:42 PM   #11
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venusinlibra,

You should not be seeking another opportunity to mend things with this guy. He is clearly showing a very disturbing side of him that you want nothing to do with!

Keep your friends and family and authorities in the loop of what is happening. Cut off all contact. Get mace and get sound gun training if you don't have it and get yourself a small gun to defend yourself. I am not a huge proponent of guns, but if it is used for actual self defense and legitimate hunting, I think it's okay.

I know of too many women who were either ignored or dismissed by the police only to find themselves victims.
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Old 30th October 2017, 7:41 PM   #12
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this is sick, get some help from police and find a lawyer quickly.. also tell your friends and family

dont contact this guy he is very very ill.. and am a guy that crap is just not normal
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