Second Chance?

[nicole17]

Well I’ve created a real mess here and I’m hoping someone can give me some advice. I dated this guy for a few months and he was perfect, I don’t date often and there’s very few guys that I’ve actually become attached to. But I think I love this one. I absolutely adore everything about him including all of his faults. He seemed to be all about me as well, he did whatever it took to see me every single day even if it just meant going to the barn to help me clean horse stalls because that’s all we had time for.

 

Things started to get a little serious and he started seeing problems with me that he wasn’t sure he could handle. I began letting my anxiety get out of control and I became a handful so he started backing off. And then I panicked and kept pushing and pushing him until he said there was no chance any more. We let things get REALLLY bad...He still wants me in his life, he said that he wishes I would give him some space so that we could be friends but I’m never going to be ok with “just friends” after the relationship I had with him. It’s been months now and I ended up starting a huge argument yesterday and we fought all night.

 

Then he finally told me to leave him alone for the rest of the week while he’s working, and this weekend he wants to actually talk (like civil people) and find a solution for all of this. He said we either have to find some compromise or go our separate ways but I don’t see how you find a middle ground in a situation where one wants another chance and the other doesn’t. He means the world to me, and the months that we haven’t been together I’ve done a lot.

 

I started my own business and I’ve acknowledged my mental health and am getting that back under control. How can I convince him that I’m getting better and to give me a second chance?

 

I'm going insane trying to figure out the right things to say to him when we finally talk. Thank you

Edited October 25, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[nicole17]

Just realized that I may have posted this in the wrong place, sorry if I did I'm new here. Just looking for some help!

[basil67]

I'm so sorry you're in this mess Nicole.

 

It's no surprise that things got out of hand recently - it's simply not possible to be just friends with someone we still love. This is impossible even for those of us who haven't got anxiety issues, so don't be too harsh on yourself.

 

The problem here is that you went along with his just friends idea. Instead of letting him miss the good parts of the relationship, the angst caused by the whole "friends" situation would have reinforced the bad parts of the relationship.

 

I'm going to be honest and say that there's very little chance of him wanting to get back together. But being "friends" (I put friends in inverted commas because it will be love on your side) will be torture for you.

 

Tell him that it's too painful for you to be friends. And that if he's not willing to try again, you have to move on without him in your life. Then go No Contact. It's gonna hurt a real lot, but not like the ongoing torture of having him in your life but not as a lover.

[nicole17]

I'm not sure if it actually makes a difference, but we never did actually act like friends after we split, he said he wanted to be but it was only me getting angry and starting arguments so we never really talked and I've probably made myself seem more bad than good... It just drives me crazy he seems to understand even when we do argue he says he knows I'm a great person and that's why he's trying so hard to keep me in his life but I'm just too much. Ugh I wish more than anything I had done things differently. I just want this guy back :/

[bummer]

I started my own business and I’ve acknowledged my mental health and am getting that back under control. How can I convince him that I’m getting better and to give me a second chance?

 

I'm going insane trying to figure out the right things to say to him when we finally talk. Thank you

 

Getting better but going insane?

 

How exactly are you getting better? How are you getting your mental health under control?

 

I suppose it doesn't get better and stay better overnight. It takes time and failure to keep getting better. I think you'll eventually see the timing was wrong on this one. Hopefully the next guy who comes around will meet the you you wished you were today. So do the things that make you better.

 

How did the civil talk go?

[nicole17]

I still just overthink things and it's hard to get that under control. I have gotten better on my own as far as trying harder to stay motivated, I've been working hard to get my business going and and I've changed my drinking habits and everything. One of his biggest issues with me was that I didn't seem motivated but when we met I had just begun taking steps to help my mental health and it does take time. I'm living a healthier life now other than being caught up on him it just sucks to lose someone that I know is a really good person, in fact he was the best one I've met so far I've never been treated so well by anyone... We haven't talked yet, I'm waiting for him to contact me first and I haven't heard from him yet. He told me either today or tomorrow.

[nicole17]

I have been taking legitimate steps to get things under control, I had just started out on low dose medication a month after we started dating and it took longer to get into therapy. I didn't have an appointment til a little while after we split up.. now we're getting my anxiety/depression medicine figured out and doing therapy regularly to help me learn how to cope with life in general.

[nicole17]

We still haven't talked... he texted today and said he's trying to make time. He's in the process of moving so I'm trying to be patient. Looks like it may not be this weekend though.