LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Second Chances

Huge dilemma on whether to try it again [Updated]


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Like Tree23Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th November 2017, 10:15 AM   #46
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 303
I can't shake her off. Over the last 5 days, she's made 5 Facebook accounts, 4 fake phone numbers and 5 Snapchat accounts in attempts to contact me. She's now emailing me at my office and on my personal email from all kinds of accounts telling me I need to show her sympathy and how I'm cold and heartless to react to her suicide the way I have - and how I am betraying her by not showing her support while she's dealing with the aftermath, and how her friends and family are all supporting her but I am just not and I just don't love her. How I can't walk away from this and we have to talk and how I need therapy (which I will begin next week for myself, not her).


I haven't responded. Some attorney friends suggested I file a restraining order, but I don't want to throw gasoline on the fire. I keep hoping if I keep blocking and ignoring her attempts, she will finally give up. I blocked her number after she kept messaging me saying "as a mother, please give her closure and talk to her. I can't do anything to help her because I am out of town" like she always has done - dumping her daughters problems on me.


There isn't anything I can do about her threats to hurt my job or my reputation until she actually does something according to the police and a defense attorney friend I've spoken to.

Last edited by tarheelian; 7th November 2017 at 10:19 AM..
tarheelian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 8:52 PM   #47
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 245
I don't know much about this, at all, but if it hasn't otherwise come up already... it sounds to me like she may not just have depression and anxiety. This sounds like very manic behavior, and I'm sure that the amount she is contacting you is not the only manifestation. I'm actually a little surprised if her mother isn't getting her serious professional help after a suicide attempt, because she may be bipolar or have another issue that isn't just going to be fixed through therapy. An imbalance like that would require diagnosis, medication, and possibly supervision. Not closure from you. (I also wonder if she has been properly diagnosed if she is just not taking her medication.)

Anyway, if she is bipolar and manic, the attempts to contact you may not stop until her episode does, and that could be quite a long time. In the meantime, you can ask your corporate email administrator to change your email address.

I knew people who permanently harmed themselves during bipolar episodes, so I don't think you'd be out of line to take serious action... I started typing a response (which may or may not have been good advice, I don't know) suggesting you look into whether or not your local jurisdiction has an involuntary commitment process (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_commitment) and sending one last message to her mom that if they keep contacting you'll start that process... but then I realized that if a suicide attempt wasn't enough to make her family members see that she is really sick and needs help, I don't know that anything a psychiatrist would tell them would get through to them either. I'm again sorry for both of you in this situation. You for having to go through this, her for not having people around her who recognize that she needs help. Again, that's still not your job... there's not much you could do as the object of her fixation regardless.

Last edited by SpecialJ; 7th November 2017 at 8:55 PM..
SpecialJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 3:24 PM   #48
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 303
Quote:
Originally Posted by SpecialJ View Post
I don't know much about this, at all, but if it hasn't otherwise come up already... it sounds to me like she may not just have depression and anxiety. This sounds like very manic behavior, and I'm sure that the amount she is contacting you is not the only manifestation. I'm actually a little surprised if her mother isn't getting her serious professional help after a suicide attempt, because she may be bipolar or have another issue that isn't just going to be fixed through therapy. An imbalance like that would require diagnosis, medication, and possibly supervision. Not closure from you. (I also wonder if she has been properly diagnosed if she is just not taking her medication.)

Anyway, if she is bipolar and manic, the attempts to contact you may not stop until her episode does, and that could be quite a long time. In the meantime, you can ask your corporate email administrator to change your email address.

I knew people who permanently harmed themselves during bipolar episodes, so I don't think you'd be out of line to take serious action... I started typing a response (which may or may not have been good advice, I don't know) suggesting you look into whether or not your local jurisdiction has an involuntary commitment process (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_commitment) and sending one last message to her mom that if they keep contacting you'll start that process... but then I realized that if a suicide attempt wasn't enough to make her family members see that she is really sick and needs help, I don't know that anything a psychiatrist would tell them would get through to them either. I'm again sorry for both of you in this situation. You for having to go through this, her for not having people around her who recognize that she needs help. Again, that's still not your job... there's not much you could do as the object of her fixation regardless.


I just want to be left alone. Her number of fake numbers she's made is up to 10 as of today and she keeps emailing me telling me how "if you love me you'd support me through all of this" and the like. Still guilting me, blaming me. Her family doesn't care - they just excuse this behavior. Her friends are worthless and lack the capacity to understand. It's sad for her, but I cannot keep letting her do this to me.
tarheelian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 9:21 PM   #49
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 245
A guy I know had this problem when someone he very, VERY briefly dated went off her bipolar meds and had an episode. He had to change his phone number. I know that's a very inconvenient solution, and one I'd be pissed about, but you may want to consider it.

Ask your work to change your email address, and put filters on your personal email so that her emails are directed, marked as read, either into a separate folder or the trash. I'd keep them somewhere in case you need evidence (document everything). If she starts emailing you from multiple names at your personal email address, you may have to create a new one there, too, but I think she's less likely to do that if she isn't blocked and THINKS you are still reading the emails.

If none of that works well enough, get a restraining order. I'm just concerned for you that she's going to start showing up places if she can't get a hold of you, as she's probably not getting any significant mental help.
SpecialJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 9:36 PM   #50
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 245
You can also adjust your facebook settings so you don't receive new friend requests.
SpecialJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Huge dilemma, brother picked same wedding date as me startinganew777 Family 50 26th February 2017 12:48 AM
Ever had a huge crush on someone and it turns out they're a huge disappointment? Swan89 Coping 11 6th June 2014 8:32 AM
Huge dilemma NordicStripes Second Chances 5 25th January 2012 11:10 AM
A huge dilemma caborn Second Chances 9 30th December 2010 12:44 AM
Huge Dilemma Guest Dating 0 23rd April 2006 7:17 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:49 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.