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Huge dilemma on whether to try it again [Updated]


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Old 1st November 2017, 2:47 PM   #31
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She's been calling me all day from the hospital during talking hours leaving me crying voicemails begging me to answer and come help her. This is just the most gut wrenching thing I can deal with, and she still thinks we are together and I'm not leaving her.
Stop listening to the voice messages. Instantly delete them. At some point you have to start helping yourself and being proactive in terms of avoiding these triggers.

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I plan to ignore her phone calls tonight. Her mother needs to come support her, not me. Using suicide to manipulate me is totally uncalled for. I understand she's upset over my family's reaction to her, but that's NO excuse for what she has done. I feel so cold and heartless by ignoring her when she's like this, but I know I'm doing more harm than good by talking to her.
You should not feel cold and heartless -- she used suicide to manipulate you. She's smearing you on social media. Don't fall for the tears. Everything she has done to this point has been motivated by manipulation.
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Old 1st November 2017, 2:50 PM   #32
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This link may have some helpful information and resources for you: When Your Partner Threatens Suicide ? The National Domestic Violence Hotline
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Old 1st November 2017, 3:10 PM   #33
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Stop listening to the voice messages. Instantly delete them. At some point you have to start helping yourself and being proactive in terms of avoiding these triggers.



You should not feel cold and heartless -- she used suicide to manipulate you. She's smearing you on social media. Don't fall for the tears. Everything she has done to this point has been motivated by manipulation.
I just sent her mother a message that I cannot help her anymore, and my presence only enables her behavior and masks her problems that she needs to address. I also told her she needs her FAMILY's support.


She replied that "she won't hold you responsible, its her actions, but she needs to see you."


I have blocked her mom's number. I will not be going to visit her. That is what and why she did this in the first place and her actions would be justified by me being there.
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Old 1st November 2017, 3:27 PM   #34
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Her mother probably doesn't know what else to do and is desperate for any bandaid, but sounds like she is also an enabler. You're doing the right thing.
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Old 1st November 2017, 4:09 PM   #35
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Her mother probably doesn't know what else to do and is desperate for any bandaid, but sounds like she is also an enabler. You're doing the right thing.
She definitely enables her daughter. She kept telling me I needed to help her because she is in need and crying for help. But I know I am not helping her by masking her problems and allowing her to take up all my time and energy.


If I show up tonight or talk to her, she will just be confirmed that doing this will get her way.
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Old 1st November 2017, 5:27 PM   #36
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I just sent her mother a message that I cannot help her anymore, and my presence only enables her behavior and masks her problems that she needs to address. I also told her she needs her FAMILY's support.

She replied that "she won't hold you responsible, its her actions, but she needs to see you."

I have blocked her mom's number. I will not be going to visit her. That is what and why she did this in the first place and her actions would be justified by me being there.
You did the right thing. I don't think that there is anything you can do at this point that will help improve the situation.

Please also block your ex's cell number. There is going to come a time when she regains access to it and I am sure this won't be the last you will hear from her.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 1:30 PM   #37
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You did the right thing. I don't think that there is anything you can do at this point that will help improve the situation.

Please also block your ex's cell number. There is going to come a time when she regains access to it and I am sure this won't be the last you will hear from her.
One of her maniac friends called and texted me last night blaming me for this and saying how horrible I am and everyone knows it. Blocked her number but saved the text.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 1:47 PM   #38
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One of her maniac friends called and texted me last night blaming me for this and saying how horrible I am and everyone knows it. Blocked her number but saved the text.
These are her enablers. It's only hurting her more because this reinforces in her mind that she does not need to take accountability for her own behavior.

I'm sure there will be more messages.

Maybe think about changing your number.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 2:01 PM   #39
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These are her enablers. It's only hurting her more because this reinforces in her mind that she does not need to take accountability for her own behavior.

I'm sure there will be more messages.

Maybe think about changing your number.
I am just going to block them each time I'm contacted. Already blocked her friend the moment she sent me that text message. If they start publicly blaming me I will look to take legal action however I can.


I keep telling myself - I didn't force her to take those pills. I didn't encourage her. All I did was tell her I could not change the minds of my friends and family and could no longer see her or live by her ultimatums. That's NOT a reason to pull a stunt like she did, and I refuse to let anyone try to guilt or hold me accountable for it. Suicide is one of the most selfish things someone can do.

Last edited by tarheelian; 2nd November 2017 at 2:03 PM..
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Old 2nd November 2017, 5:13 PM   #40
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I just blocked her number and will start the process of moving on. I have set up an appointment to begin therapy to cope with what has happened as well.


She got released from the hospital and immediately sent me a message asking me why I wanted to let her die and why I didn't come save her from OD'ing. I informed her none of that was my responsibility and I was removing myself from this situation and blocking her number.


I hope this is the last I will ever hear from her.
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Old 2nd November 2017, 5:36 PM   #41
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Personally I feel once a relationship has gotten so toxic that the police need to be involved, the relationship is over and should never be revisited under any circumstance.

I think it is best for both of you to move on and ever come back.

Good luck to you
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Old 3rd November 2017, 8:36 AM   #42
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She emailed me last night telling me she would tell her boss at work that I️ let her try to die and hed go and tell anyone he could in my work community about it.

Do I️ have any recourse? I️ may need to go to the police.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 9:43 AM   #43
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She emailed me last night telling me she would tell her boss at work that I️ let her try to die and he’d go and tell anyone he could in my work community about it.

Do I️ have any recourse? I️ may need to go to the police.
I think I would lay low for now. She's flexing her muscles because she cannot get the response she needs from you and she is likely still emotionally messed up. I think that she will calm down when she realizes she's her hold over you is done.

Anyone who hears this is going to feel sorry for her rather than look at you as the bad guy because no one is responsible for another person's choice to commit suicide.

There is no harm though in going to the police to inform yourself of your options.

Last edited by Zahara; 3rd November 2017 at 9:48 AM..
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Old 3rd November 2017, 11:37 AM   #44
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There is no harm though in going to the police to inform yourself of your options.
There is NO options. People can say whatever they want. Going to the police or whatever just makes things worse.


He needs to suck it up and not react. That's how you take the High Road, not by looking for recourse options.


And that would be a fair bit easier if he stopped looking at social media etc. Turning off notifications for the problem apps works pretty well if he can't bring himself to deleting his accounts.
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Old 3rd November 2017, 12:01 PM   #45
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There is NO options. People can say whatever they want. Going to the police or whatever just makes things worse.


He needs to suck it up and not react. That's how you take the High Road, not by looking for recourse options.


And that would be a fair bit easier if he stopped looking at social media etc. Turning off notifications for the problem apps works pretty well if he can't bring himself to deleting his accounts.
I believe that is what I advised OP to do from the get go and to lay low for now because she's just looking for a response.

There is no harm in seeking advice from the police as to his options especially if things start to escalate. OP can choose to decide what works best for him and his situation, if things get far more worse than phone calls and emails. Someone who is this emotionally volatile and destructive may at some point hit a lower level.

Last edited by Zahara; 3rd November 2017 at 12:24 PM..
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