Ex-wife regrets

[VoodooChild]

Hey Loveshackers (if that's a thing)

 

I have been reading threads on this forum for the past few months. You all have such good insights and thoughts. So now I would like to ask for your advice and thoughts on my situation.

 

A short recap of my story:

Back in May, my wife sits me down and tells me that she is unhappy in our marriage. We had been married 7 years and been together 8 years. She was my first relationship. She does not have the same feelings for me as she used to, and it's been that way for some time. She also feels that she needs to be closer to her family, who she does/did not see very often. This all came as a shock to me. I was devastated.

A month later she moved out after a half-attempt to make it work. I didn't want to force her stay and it felt like she had made up her mind before she told me how she felt. She moved down to her family a few hundred kilometres away from where we had lived.

We decided to get separated first because of the "what if"-factor. Here in Denmark, you get separated for six months and then you have decide if you wanna stay married, divorce or get separation another period.

I really struggled in this period. But slowly I felt like I was getting better. I reflected a lot on our marriage and realized that our marriage wasn't as great as maybe I thought. I still missed her though.

 

After three months of separation, I decided to contact my ex-wife. We had been on NC since then as per my request. We wrote some e-mails back and forth, but it seemed like we weren't headed towards getting back together. We both agreed that getting a divorce was the best thing to do. We don't have any kids or house or anything like that so the divorce went through almost immediately. In Denmark, getting a divorce can be done online if both parties agree on terms and so on. This was about two weeks ago.

 

Yesterday, I received an email from my wife saying that she regrets getting a divorce. She says she can't live without me and asks if she is too late.

 

This e-mail has really thrown me for a loop. I thought we had agreed that divorcing was for the best. I have no idea what to think. I don't know if I should give it another shot. I wonder if anything will be different. On the other hand, she is the only woman I have ever loved. Shouldn't that mean something.

 

Is this just her really feeling that it's over and all the regretful feelings that comes with that realization? Or could it genuinely be that she wants me back?

 

I know that no one beside her knows what she really feels (and maybe she does not either), but still I am asking for your thoughts on my situation.

[darkmoon]

you will never know what is on her mind now that was not there when you parted unless you ask her

[Marc878]

Hey Loveshackers (if that's a thing)

 

I have been reading threads on this forum for the past few months. You all have such good insights and thoughts. So now I would like to ask for your advice and thoughts on my situation.

 

A short recap of my story:

Back in May, my wife sits me down and tells me that she is unhappy in our marriage. We had been married 7 years and been together 8 years. She was my first relationship. She does not have the same feelings for me as she used to, and it's been that way for some time. She also feels that she needs to be closer to her family, who she does/did not see very often. This all came as a shock to me. I was devastated.

A month later she moved out after a half-attempt to make it work. I didn't want to force her stay and it felt like she had made up her mind before she told me how she felt. She moved down to her family a few hundred kilometres away from where we had lived.

We decided to get separated first because of the "what if"-factor. Here in Denmark, you get separated for six months and then you have decide if you wanna stay married, divorce or get separation another period.

I really struggled in this period. But slowly I felt like I was getting better. I reflected a lot on our marriage and realized that our marriage wasn't as great as maybe I thought. I still missed her though.

After three months of separation, I decided to contact my ex-wife. We had been on NC since then as per my request. We wrote some e-mails back and forth, but it seemed like we weren't headed towards getting back together. We both agreed that getting a divorce was the best thing to do. We don't have any kids or house or anything like that so the divorce went through almost immediately. In Denmark, getting a divorce can be done online if both parties agree on terms and so on. This was about two weeks ago.

 

Yesterday, I received an email from my wife saying that she regrets getting a divorce. She says she can't live without me and asks if she is too late.

 

This e-mail has really thrown me for a loop. I thought we had agreed that divorcing was for the best. I have no idea what to think. I don't know if I should give it another shot. I wonder if anything will be different. On the other hand, she is the only woman I have ever loved. Shouldn't that mean something.

 

Is this just her really feeling that it's over and all the regretful feelings that comes with that realization? Or could it genuinely be that she wants me back?

 

I know that no one beside her knows what she really feels (and maybe she does not either), but still I am asking for your thoughts on my situation.

 

You are divorced. I'd stay separated. I would learn to live alone. It'll make you a better man. Sometimes feelings change but only temporarily. I suspect you'll just end up back where you are.

 

You should take this opportunity to see other women. I bet she's been out and about. That's usually what they want separation for.

 

It sounds like her current boyfriend dumped her or it didn't work out for some reason.

[Marc878]

From what you've posted I'd bet she was having an affair. Women don't normally want to separate or divorce unless they have someone else.

 

Although she'd never tell you. All cheaters lie hide and deny.

 

Like most you never suspected and will not want to believe it because denial is much easier than facing the truth.

 

Your life is yours. Live it for yourself.

[salparadise]

I think you should give her a chance to say what she has to say and remain noncommittal while you process it. After she says her piece, I'd ask, "how do I know you won't just put me through the wringer again in a few months or years?" The practical advice would be, no, don't sign up for that again. But, if you still love her and want your life to be with her, that's a huge factor that may outweigh practicalities. Then you have to assess for yourself whether or not she feels the same (regardless of what she says). It would be a mistake, imho, to subject yourself if she's going to be dithering about it down the road.

[Marc878]

Actions always speak louder and tell you what you need to know.

 

Words, mean very little.

[VoodooChild]

From what you've posted I'd bet she was having an affair. Women don't normally want to separate or divorce unless they have someone else.

 

Although she'd never tell you. All cheaters lie hide and deny.

 

Like most you never suspected and will not want to believe it because denial is much easier than facing the truth.

 

Your life is yours. Live it for yourself.

 

I am 99.9% sure that she wasn't having an affair. My ex-wife suffers from shizophrenia which resulted in her becoming almost a shut-in.

[VoodooChild]

you will never know what is on her mind now that was not there when you parted unless you ask her

 

But do you think she will ever admit (to me or to herself) if what she is feeling right now is genuine or not? Or maybe rather if it is a momentary change of heart.

[BluesPower]

VC, She was having an affair and got dumped...

 

THAT is almost 99.99%. She got dumped and now realizes that she did not have it so bad.

 

Now I realize that the socialist liberals in your country have almost emasculated every man there, but don't fall into that trap. Dump her for good.

 

She will not tell you the truth.

 

But let's not even worry about that... She is mentally ill, she asked for the divorce, leave it be.

 

Go out and get laid. Try a few different women out, find a good one, and move on with life...

[SpecialJ]

I don't think you should jump back in and give her another chance, but I disagree with everyone saying she left because she was having an affair. She has a pretty serious mental illness -- had she been taking her medication when her feelings changed? If she wanted to be near her family, it sounds like she was having a rough time and needed a bigger support system. That doesn't mean she didn't meet other men during the separation (maybe, maybe not), but I don't think someone else was the main driver of anything here.

 

You should hear her out. I agree with salparadise, though I wouldn't word it exactly like that. I think the biggest issue here is how to tell if she's newly all-in committed or wishy-washy. There's a good chance she will go back and forth because of her mental issues, and now that you're out of it you should move forward on your own and not deal with it (she initiated the divorce no matter whether it was a change in her feelings, medication-related, or making the decision to push you away so you wouldn't have to be dragged down by her). But you're the only one who can make that decision, so it's best to communicate and have as much information about the situation so that you can make your own decision and then stick with it.

 

Good luck.

[Been]

So you were married for 7 years yet e mental illness never caused her to want to divorce you and after all this time it does??

That makes no sense what so ever.

I'm sorry. I can almost 99% sure someone else was involved.

It was YOU that also contacted her. If she missed you that badly she would have contacted you.

I think she realized what she had was good and now she wants to comeback.

I deal in statistics. I would care to venture that 80% of people that break up with someone have someone either lined up or someone in mind.

I have alot of women friends and I've watched them basically all monkey branch from guy to guy.

And of all the break ups that I have witnessed-myself included I think maybe 4 out of let's say 40 didn't involve someone else.

If you want her back though I can tell you how yo can figure out if thier was someone else.

You should know her pretty well by now. Ask her point blank if their was someone else. If she hesitates she's thinking of the response. If she gets all dramatic she's trying to shift attention away from the question.

[Marc878]

I am 99.9% sure that she wasn't having an affair. My ex-wife suffers from shizophrenia which resulted in her becoming almost a shut-in.

 

Famous last words.

[Sweetfish]

I am 99.9% sure that she wasn't having an affair. My ex-wife suffers from shizophrenia which resulted in her becoming almost a shut-in.

 

There is not one disorder that is impervious to cheating. Not one.

[Simple Logic]

Don't it always seem to go

That you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?

They paved paradise

Put up a parking lot

[usa1ah]

Hey Loveshackers (if that's a thing)

 

I have been reading threads on this forum for the past few months. You all have such good insights and thoughts. So now I would like to ask for your advice and thoughts on my situation.

 

A short recap of my story:

Back in May, my wife sits me down and tells me that she is unhappy in our marriage. We had been married 7 years and been together 8 years. She was my first relationship. She does not have the same feelings for me as she used to, and it's been that way for some time. She also feels that she needs to be closer to her family, who she does/did not see very often. This all came as a shock to me. I was devastated.

A month later she moved out after a half-attempt to make it work. I didn't want to force her stay and it felt like she had made up her mind before she told me how she felt. She moved down to her family a few hundred kilometres away from where we had lived.

We decided to get separated first because of the "what if"-factor. Here in Denmark, you get separated for six months and then you have decide if you wanna stay married, divorce or get separation another period.

I really struggled in this period. But slowly I felt like I was getting better. I reflected a lot on our marriage and realized that our marriage wasn't as great as maybe I thought. I still missed her though.

 

After three months of separation, I decided to contact my ex-wife. We had been on NC since then as per my request. We wrote some e-mails back and forth, but it seemed like we weren't headed towards getting back together. We both agreed that getting a divorce was the best thing to do. We don't have any kids or house or anything like that so the divorce went through almost immediately. In Denmark, getting a divorce can be done online if both parties agree on terms and so on. This was about two weeks ago.

 

Yesterday, I received an email from my wife saying that she regrets getting a divorce. She says she can't live without me and asks if she is too late.

 

This e-mail has really thrown me for a loop. I thought we had agreed that divorcing was for the best. I have no idea what to think. I don't know if I should give it another shot. I wonder if anything will be different. On the other hand, she is the only woman I have ever loved. Shouldn't that mean something.

 

Is this just her really feeling that it's over and all the regretful feelings that comes with that realization? Or could it genuinely be that she wants me back?

 

I know that no one beside her knows what she really feels (and maybe she does not either), but still I am asking for your thoughts on my situation.

 

It means you are plan B.

 

She meet someone, divorce you and he kicked her to the curb.

 

What has she been doing all this time?

[VoodooChild]

There is not one disorder that is impervious to cheating. Not one.

 

No, of course not. I'm not saying that because of her illness, but because she almost never went anywhere outside of our apartment. Maybe she could have met someone online, though.