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Rejected Guy for Other, Regretting Decision, Want First Guy


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 20th October 2017, 1:28 PM   #31
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girls and their friends, dangerous !!!!!
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:38 PM   #32
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But isn't A having his friend do the same thing?
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:38 PM   #33
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put yourself in his shoes.

now he said the same things to you that you said to him.

He dumped you for his neighbor. Actions do speak louder than words.

But do not contact him again until you have stopped all contact with B.

Stop the madness. and think hard about his feelings. His self respect took quite a hit.

After you have stopped "all contact" with B, you can ask him out if you want.

This is not the 1950s. Or ask to talk face to face, not text to text.

you can tell him of your remorse for hurting him, but that does not bring his self - respect back right away. he will look to your actions.

also he will be looking for maturity. See his note to you.

make sure this is what you want. Do not do this to him a second time.

Think hard about this.
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:47 PM   #34
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put yourself in his shoes.

now he said the same things to you that you said to him.

He dumped you for his neighbor. Actions do speak louder than words.

But do not contact him again until you have stopped all contact with B.

Stop the madness. and think hard about his feelings. His self respect took quite a hit.

After you have stopped "all contact" with B, you can ask him out if you want.

This is not the 1950s. Or ask to talk face to face, not text to text.

you can tell him of your remorse for hurting him, but that does not bring his self - respect back right away. he will look to your actions.

also he will be looking for maturity. See his note to you.

make sure this is what you want. Do not do this to him a second time.

Think hard about this.
You are right. All I did was hurt A and I wasted a lot of time with B. I tried to make things work with B, but the clinging is so troublesome and controlling. B is done in my book. I'm telling him he needs to look elsewhere. I would go give A a gift, but his friend might arrest me because she is a cop...she is a little bit on the tough side.
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Old 20th October 2017, 1:52 PM   #35
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His friend also makes me wonder something else. If his friends are clued in about this, if I were able to get A back, would his friends be happy if he was or would they just be suspicious of me?

I say this because of how my friends will probably see me after leaving B.

Last edited by JennaH; 20th October 2017 at 2:00 PM..
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Old 20th October 2017, 2:29 PM   #36
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You are right. All I did was hurt A and I wasted a lot of time with B. I tried to make things work with B, but the clinging is so troublesome and controlling. B is done in my book. I'm telling him he needs to look elsewhere. I would go give A a gift, but his friend might arrest me because she is a cop...she is a little bit on the tough side.
Sorry, but any guy who is going to date you now, with your current sense of reasoning is screwed. Even if you did get guy A.. based on you statements if a guy C comes along you will grow tired of A again.
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Old 20th October 2017, 3:35 PM   #37
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But isn't A having his friend do the same thing?

not really, post break-up... anything goes in my opinion, even games if its necessary to lead to healing.


but while in a relationship, if my partner made a decision affecting us purely based on her friend's opinion's (which has actually happened to me), its way more of a kick to the guts.
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Old 20th October 2017, 5:49 PM   #38
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There is one little thing that did kinda sway me towards B aside from my friends. B was a little less timid about physical contact. He gave a lot. A was a little more timid, but he would always ask if I wanted a hug and so on. A said in his first letter that he was afraid that he might be moving on another man's woman and he did not want to disrespect my boundaries. Now, B does it so much that I feel like a toy. A did not want to do anything because he felt like he would be a creep. A does not know how to flirt. So, that is another hesitation I have about A.

I appreciate A being a gentleman, but he does not need to be afraid. I did cry a little rereading his first letter today. He said that he loved it when I would hug him because it made his day special...even if it was for a few seconds.
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Old 20th October 2017, 9:41 PM   #39
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There is one little thing that did kinda sway me towards B aside from my friends. ...... A did not want to do anything because he felt like he would be a creep. A does not know how to flirt. So, that is another hesitation I have about A.

I appreciate A being a gentleman, but he does not need to be afraid. I did cry a little rereading his first letter today. He said that he loved it when I would hug him because it made his day special...even if it was for a few seconds.
Are you sure you wouldn't be just using A to fill the gap B left because you got tired of B being clingy?

Above bolded says you have a hesitation about A. If you have hesitations about him, don't put him through another round.

Also, if you decide you really want to try to be a friend to A, then ask him how he sees a friendship with the two of you progressing. Be humble. Tell him you realize you've blown it with him but would like to start all over again and ask him for suggestions on what would make him feel you are a safe friend for him.
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Old 20th October 2017, 10:08 PM   #40
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Well, B just called me and I ended it. He took it a little hard, but said he felt something was off on his side too. He wishes I could've given him a better chance and that his dad said we were a match made in Heaven (I have never talked to his dad while we went out). I hope B finds someone where he does not need to be so clingy.

As for A, I need to take some time to think. If I try again, I have to prepare as if it is for life, so I do not waste any of our time. I think I can get over A and his shyness, I just need to coax him out of his shell. I just hope I haven't hurt him too much. He is really sweet when he is open. I will say some prayers tonight to help A heal emotionally because I did a number on him. In reflection, I cannot believe I got so mad because he was cautious and shared his feelings. If I was in his shoes, it would have been hard for me to say what he said. I feel selfish that two people got burned because of me not being able to handle my emotions.

Last edited by JennaH; 20th October 2017 at 10:21 PM..
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Old 21st October 2017, 8:23 PM   #41
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Update

I texted A to tell him about me leaving B and that I hoped that he was doing well.

He responded! I'm not blocked!

He texted back "I hope that is what you wanted with B. You should enjoy being single for a bit. It is okay to be alone. I've been trying to enjoy it. I learned that the best things will come when you do not search for them. Good luck!"
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Old 22nd October 2017, 12:59 AM   #42
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He texted back "I hope that is what you wanted with B. You should enjoy being single for a bit. It is okay to be alone. I've been trying to enjoy it. I learned that the best things will come when you do not search for them. Good luck!"
He didn't give you much to work on did he. It's really good for him that despite you reaching out, he is making sure he doesn't lose a shred of dignity in the process.


You might want to refer back to my post earlier in the thread. You may have missed it because I think we posted at the same time.


Anyway, I totally understand where he is coming from and I can tell you he will absolutely never give up even a tiny piece of his dignity again. So, if you REALLY want this, your just going to have to put yourself totally on the line, even if it means you lose some of your own dignity. And that should only be if your wanting this relationship for the RIGHT reasons.
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Old 22nd October 2017, 1:57 AM   #43
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He didn't give you much to work on did he. It's really good for him that despite you reaching out, he is making sure he doesn't lose a shred of dignity in the process.


You might want to refer back to my post earlier in the thread. You may have missed it because I think we posted at the same time.


Anyway, I totally understand where he is coming from and I can tell you he will absolutely never give up even a tiny piece of his dignity again. So, if you REALLY want this, your just going to have to put yourself totally on the line, even if it means you lose some of your own dignity. And that should only be if your wanting this relationship for the RIGHT reasons.
I do find it honorable that he is sticking to his principles and he is at least unblocking me. So, I think there is hope that maybe he will not hate me at the least. A is pretty secure in himself despite being shy. I tried using the jealousy card on him when I was chatting with B and it never worked on A.

As for your post, was it the one about your ex? If so, I see what you mean and I see where he is coming from.

I REALLY want another shot, but his friend already told me the story about girls who rejected him before and how he iced them out when they came back around. Here is the funny part, she said they all came back around at some point.

Call me crazy, but before being trying to get close to him, should I try and be friends with his female friend? Maybe gain some influence?
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Old 22nd October 2017, 2:36 AM   #44
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You rely way too much on friendship influence and circles. Friendship brought you to a new church and a friendship circle brought you to a relationship you never really wanted.

You're probably, at least subconsciously, aware of the influence of friends over you, judging how you think his friends may hold sway over A.

Do not (!) try to befriend one of his friends just so you might get back with him. This is such a shameless and evil behaviour, from a person claiming to be faithful. If I would find out, that someone is using me as a tool to hook up with a friend of mine, I would make the life of this person miserable. If I was to find out, that someone is abusing my friends to have a relationship with me, I would try to break this person. Do not abuse people for your personal needs! You are not a sociopath, aren't you?
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Old 22nd October 2017, 3:05 AM   #45
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I agree.


Stop all the nonsense about your friends and his.


It really sucks when breakups are influenced by friends etc.


All that matters is what you think and what he thinks. And since he is not telling you much at all right now, you might as well just lie low for a while.


Maybe in time, you'll be able to approach him in a respectful manner and his friends won't be in the picture as much as they are now.


His friends are doing this because they fear you will just take what u want and leave again. Can't really blame them for thinking that.


This is kind of good but because this situation will lead to the truth if you really want to be with him for the RIGHT reasons. If you really want to be with him, then you will take the pain and bide your time.
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