LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Second Chances

Rejected Guy for Other, Regretting Decision, Want First Guy


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Like Tree19Likes
Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 18th October 2017, 4:17 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 26
Rejected Guy for Other, Regretting Decision, Want First Guy

My story is long, so here are the Cliff Notes to save time if you do not read it all:

-I really liked Guy A and kinda liked Guy B.
-Guy A did not move fast or chase, came on a little strong, so I went with Guy B.
-I cut off Guy A after rejecting him and him not pursuing.
-I miss Guy A and Guy B is becoming clingy and annoying.
-Guy A is mad at me for being so mean and may not take me back.
-Guy B is moving fast and I cannot get rid of him without being awkward at church or with my church friends.
-How do I convince Guy B to leave and convince Guy A to hear me out?



So, I knew this guy in college (Guy A). He was an acquaintance for about a year prior and I became really close to him in the first five months of this year. I developed very strong feelings for him, but he did not seem to show any interest back despite my flirting. At times, he even seemed aloof and would actually seem to get a lot of female attention. We developed a strong bond and we were talking every day before class for at least an hour. Well, during this time, a guy from my church (Guy B) started flirting with me and giving me a lot of attention. I did not like him romantically, but I enjoyed the attention and we would text back and forth for weeks.
By the time the semester ended, I really enjoyed Guy A. He was good looking, very strong in moral and ethical behavior, smart, came from a successful and stable family, was very driven to take a career as an airline pilot or in a military profession. I even considered applying to some of the same places as him because I saw long-term potential. He was also graduating, but would still be living in the same place nearby with his parents. Guy A does not have a car and is has a few female friends which I did not like. Guy B is 4 years younger than me; he works as a janitor and stagehand at my church and leads a youth group. He wants to be a pastor. His dad is also the head pastor. However, he is not as clean cut as Guy A, but is also a musician. Guy B was also pushed on me heavily by my church friends. Well, Guy A and I are talking during the last day of school and he tells me that he likes me. I smiled at him, but did not say anything. He then smiled and walked to class. At lunch I tried getting him to ask me out, but he did not say anything and I was visibly upset and got a little snippy with him. He tried giving me a hug and asking what was wrong and I just gave him and angry look. He handed me an envelope and said to not take it the wrong way and we can talk about it sometime.

Well, Guy A wrote a five page letter. He thanked me for being such a great person; he said he thanked God for allowing us to meet because he was always afraid of opening himself up to women. He said I inspired him a lot and he loved talking to me. He said I was a beautiful woman and so on in a flattering manner. Then, I got angry. He said he knew that I liked him because he noticed all of my behaviors and he listed quite a few. I felt creeped out that he paid that much attention and I was not even aware of half of the stuff I was doing and saying. He mentioned how I came on very strong in the beginning talking to him about kids, marriage, saying I would like to meet his family, and retirement. Yeah, I forgot I said that stuff, but he said he downplayed it as me being nervous. He also said he noticed how I started mimicking him and that he thought I was crushing on him. He said he wished we could keep in contact and admitted that he had a crush on me and fantasized about a relationship with me, but did not ask me out because of our project together and he did not want things to be awkward if something did not pan out and one of my guy friends said I did not date. He said he would always be willing to be there for me in the future and he hopes that good things come my way. He did not say he loved me, but I detected that he was smitten. Well, Guy B and I went out the following night and he said he told his dad about us dating, so I felt pressure to keep it going. I talked to my church friends and they said Guy A is lustful for calling me beautiful so early. My college friends who know both guys said that Guy A is perfect for me, but I would want to lock him down. So, I wrote and email to Guy A and said I led him on, I hope God will forgive me, that he will make a great husband for someone, that I did not mean what I said to him, and that I was dating a wonderful guy. I listened to my church friends because if I dumped B, then our social circle would be awkward.
Guy A responded and said he was sorry if he made me uncomfortable and accepted my position. He said he did not mean to make it sound like he wanted to settle down because he still has to work on his career. When I saw him at an event that night, I was having second thoughts. He was in a suit and looked very good. I kept trying to stand right next to him hoping that he might try again to ask me out, but he only walked away. I literally followed him all night and he just kept his distance. I was a little upset and felt rejected. So, I called Guy B right in front of him to make him jealous. I also hugged everyone in front of him and just shook his hand because I was angry that he did not seem to acknowledge me.

Guy A sends me an email saying he was sorry for avoiding me, but he knew I was dating someone else and he did not want to impose on another guy’s woman, but would like to be friends. I said I will not do that. I thought he was a chicken and I told him that I do not want to hear from him again. He asked me what I wanted and if it was a date? I said no and it was too late. He sent me a long apology and he said he will not contact me any further. I told him to have a good life.

Well, Guy A and I have been NC for almost 6 months. My friend talked to Guy A and he said he never asked me out because he said one of my guy friends said I do not date (I rejected a guy friend by saying that). Guy A also said he cannot believe that I led him on for four months and he is still angry. My friend said he has never dated, so he is a novice and actually pretty shy. I am now having second thoughts. I had second thoughts at first, but I blocked Guy A on everything and focused on Guy B.
Well, I watched Sully the other day with my dad and I started to miss Guy A because he seemed very similar. Guy B is now very clingy. He is suspicious about everyone I talk to and calls and texts me all day, even at work. I’m afraid to say anything or dump him because he is my pastor’s son. However, he is a fun guy, but does not seem very driven. Now, he is saying he wants to spend the holidays with each others’ families, but I never said we were official. Red flags are going off. I do not want Guy B to meet my parents because they would think I have a problem compared to the other people my sisters have married. Yeah, Guy A came on strong, but I think he was just trying to be open and I did feel the same way about him. It was just weird hearing the same desires from someone else. Also, Guy A did say it was more of a crush than serious.

Guy A supposedly hates me because I blocked him out of spite and is wondering why I am so cold towards him. I do not know how to get rid of Guy B without the church pastor hating me.

How do I get on better terms with Guy A while also convincing Guy B to leave? Guy B actually seems desperate and would probably hold on no matter how poorly I treat him. Guy A still has feelings for me, but one of his female friends told him that if I come back to reject me. She told him that he is someone’s #1 and not #2. I am worried that if i do get Guy A, then things may get serious pretty soon and I do not know if I would be ready even though he says he does not have a timeline.

Last edited by JennaH; 18th October 2017 at 4:20 PM..
JennaH is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 5:59 PM   #2
Established Member
 
EthanSPK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 189
So, after all the things you said, do you still think you deserve getting on better terms with Guy A?

I mean, you rejected him, led him on, called him a chicken... and now that Guy B is not as cool and great as you thought he was, you're settling for someone else before you end up empty-handed (if you are not already).

If you liked him so much from the beginning, why didn't YOU ask him out?

Besides, why do you care about him not having a car? Does that really matter at all? Excuse me, but that makes you a bit shallow at the very least.

Just forget about him. Move on, find someone else and don't make the same mistakes again.
__________________
When hope and love has been lost
And you fall to the ground
You must find a way ♪

Last edited by EthanSPK; 18th October 2017 at 6:03 PM..
EthanSPK is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 6:41 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 434
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaH View Post
How do I get on better terms with Guy A while also convincing Guy B to leave? Guy B actually seems desperate and would probably hold on no matter how poorly I treat him. Guy A still has feelings for me, but one of his female friends told him that if I come back to reject me. She told him that he is someone’s #1 and not #2. I am worried that if i do get Guy A, then things may get serious pretty soon and I do not know if I would be ready even though he says he does not have a timeline.
Holy crap Jenna. This is a hot mess.

Bottom line is that you have to get rid of Guy B. People may not like it at church right away... but they will get over it with time. Especially when Guy B meets a woman that actually loves and appreciates him.

Guy A.... give up. Find a Guy C. You crapped on this relationship and it's screwed. A decent man would never give you a second shot.
Cobra_X is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 7:19 PM   #4
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 26
Guy A was my first choice and I let my jealousy take over. I want to date B just for fun. So, I used I kinda used B to get A and now I am stuck with B. I will not lie, I wanted to marry A, but I chickened out of dating and my church friends did everything to talk me into dating B. I let my friends talk me into my dating life and I regret it. And the car was not really an issue, but I thought it could get awkward if we dated and he needed a ride everywhere, but he has always relied on public transport, so I guess that was my reasoning on that.

Guy A is the all around better person. He is religious, but not as religious as B.

As for my friends and B, I have learned a lot about my social circle. My church friends are not as driven as the people that are around A. A is very connected and everyone around him speaks highly of him. B is okay, but our circle is not very accomplished outside of church. I have learned that B really does not have a life outside of church and he does not really have any friends outside of church. I also know I cannot be serious with B ever because being a pastor will not pay the bills if we were to marry ever.
JennaH is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 7:22 PM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 26
I would've asked A out, but I was told that I would be coming on too strong and that is not the lady's role.
JennaH is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 8:15 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 446
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaH View Post
Guy A was my first choice and I let my jealousy take over. I want to date B just for fun. So, I used I kinda used B to get A and now I am stuck with B. I will not lie, I wanted to marry A, but I chickened out of dating and my church friends did everything to talk me into dating B. I let my friends talk me into my dating life and I regret it. And the car was not really an issue, but I thought it could get awkward if we dated and he needed a ride everywhere, but he has always relied on public transport, so I guess that was my reasoning on that.

Guy A is the all around better person. He is religious, but not as religious as B.

As for my friends and B, I have learned a lot about my social circle. My church friends are not as driven as the people that are around A. A is very connected and everyone around him speaks highly of him. B is okay, but our circle is not very accomplished outside of church. I have learned that B really does not have a life outside of church and he does not really have any friends outside of church. I also know I cannot be serious with B ever because being a pastor will not pay the bills if we were to marry ever.
You want Guy A because Guy B turned out not to be so hot, and now are full of excuses for why you chose B over A. Guy A's female friend is right, and I would advise my brother or friend the same way. Dump B and think about choosing a mate based on character rather than cars and other material goods he may be able to provide (things that can be taken away or lost in the blink of an eye).

Are you an all around better person? Are you well connected? Are you driven? Your circle is "not very accomplished"...are you? If something were to happen to your husband will you be able to 'pay the bills?'

Last edited by springy; 18th October 2017 at 8:20 PM..
springy is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 8:47 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 26
B says he wants a wife to be a stay at home mother. That is how I grew up, but I went to college and I like working. A said he wants a woman who has her own aspirations and says he is either way with children.

As for my circle, I am the only one who wants a career outside of ministry or being a parent. I liked A because me and him both seemed to have that desire to be connected and to build ourselves up professionally. A has friends everywhere and he is very likable. He has friendships going back 20 years. My longest friendship goes back only 3 and it is with my church friends. I guess you could say I rejected A because I might fear him hurting me by leaving which is why I do not build lasting friendships.

I miss A because we could talk forever. I loved his passion. A is very intelligent as well. I would Google some of the words he would use in conversation because of his vocabulary, but A said he would get lost in talking to me because it felt so great. At first, I thought A was a player or not interested. It just turns out that he was very comfortable with me, but I ended up playing games with him. I had no idea he was shy and he really tried to show he was not. A did not text me like B either or call me. His female friend, who I thought he was dating, told me this because he had a crush on her years ago, but he told her by letter because he was shy. He does not like texting or calling too much because he knows I have a life and he did not want to be intrusive, especially since we were not even dating.

B is passionate, but it is about music. B was not the best in school and he kinda expects his dad to keep him employed. B and I do not really connect in conversation, but everyone at church loves him. I liked him at first because he was different, but he is a little strange now that I know him better.

Last edited by JennaH; 18th October 2017 at 9:19 PM..
JennaH is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 10:02 PM   #8
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,094
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaH View Post
B says he wants a wife to be a stay at home mother. That is how I grew up, but I went to college and I like working. A said he wants a woman who has her own aspirations and says he is either way with children.

As for my circle, I am the only one who wants a career outside of ministry or being a parent. I liked A because me and him both seemed to have that desire to be connected and to build ourselves up professionally. A has friends everywhere and he is very likable. He has friendships going back 20 years. My longest friendship goes back only 3 and it is with my church friends. I guess you could say I rejected A because I might fear him hurting me by leaving which is why I do not build lasting friendships.

I miss A because we could talk forever. I loved his passion. A is very intelligent as well. I would Google some of the words he would use in conversation because of his vocabulary, but A said he would get lost in talking to me because it felt so great. At first, I thought A was a player or not interested. It just turns out that he was very comfortable with me, but I ended up playing games with him. I had no idea he was shy and he really tried to show he was not. A did not text me like B either or call me. His female friend, who I thought he was dating, told me this because he had a crush on her years ago, but he told her by letter because he was shy. He does not like texting or calling too much because he knows I have a life and he did not want to be intrusive, especially since we were not even dating.

B is passionate, but it is about music. B was not the best in school and he kinda expects his dad to keep him employed. B and I do not really connect in conversation, but everyone at church loves him. I liked him at first because he was different, but he is a little strange now that I know him better.
You can't have both and have a C guy. So your best bet is to have A because with A you will have a better life. B is lazy and depends on his dad to have a job and such. If you ended up with B you would be unhappy. So basically you would be more happier with A. Then you need to go with that flow because just that alone is reason to go with A over B.
coolheadal is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 10:29 PM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 26
I just wonder how I could talk to A. I told him off and hurt him. I would have to start from square one. I do not know if he could trust me either after what I did.

I do somewhat worry about A because we are both Christian, just different types. I know our values are identical, but I still have reservations. He is the same religion as my parents, but I am a different type.

Last edited by JennaH; 18th October 2017 at 10:37 PM..
JennaH is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 11:45 PM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 446
Start with an apology. Call him and ask him if you can meet, or just have the conversation over the phone. Given the way things ended I think it's up to you to take the risk, reach out and get answers to your questions.
springy is offline  
Old 18th October 2017, 11:57 PM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 26
I tried just saying hi last week by text, but I was blocked. I told his friend and she said he did it because he wanted to say hi to me, but felt like he would come across as a stalker. I wanted his friend to talk to him for me, but she told him to ignore me and find someone better.

She sounds manipulative, but she says he deserves way better than me.
JennaH is offline  
Old 19th October 2017, 12:07 AM   #12
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 434
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaH View Post
I also know I cannot be serious with B ever because being a pastor will not pay the bills if we were to marry ever.
Unless you are attending a money oriented church, maybe you should reconsider your membership.


Matthew 19:23-24

"23 Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is difficult for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” ”
Cobra_X is offline  
Old 19th October 2017, 12:09 AM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 434
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaH View Post
I just wonder how I could talk to A. I told him off and hurt him. I would have to start from square one. I do not know if he could trust me either after what I did.
I do somewhat worry about A because we are both Christian, just different types. I know our values are identical, but I still have reservations. He is the same religion as my parents, but I am a different type.
What kind of Christian do you believe yourself to be? I'm very curious.
Cobra_X is offline  
Old 19th October 2017, 12:12 AM   #14
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 26
Born-again. He is Catholic as is my family.
JennaH is offline  
Old 19th October 2017, 12:14 AM   #15
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 446
Quote:
Originally Posted by JennaH View Post
I tried just saying hi last week by text, but I was blocked. I told his friend and she said he did it because he wanted to say hi to me, but felt like he would come across as a stalker. I wanted his friend to talk to him for me, but she told him to ignore me and find someone better.

She sounds manipulative, but she says he deserves way better than me.
The friend knows you want to talk to him, so he knows you want to talk to him but still has you blocked. I would say there aren't any more moves for you to make...

I would move on from this if I were you. Besides, it doesn't even sound like you've properly ended things with B. I think anyone would find it difficult to take you seriously in a situation like this.
springy is offline  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Is my ex regretting her decision? Nostradamus Breaks and Breaking Up 6 18th June 2016 11:32 AM
Regretting my decision...badly idontknow98 Second Chances 14 8th February 2013 11:49 PM
Suddenly regretting my decision with NC marigo Coping 15 23rd July 2010 1:10 AM
Regretting my decision... Should I say something to her, or get over it? mileunderground Dating 1 5th November 2009 5:22 AM
Called it off but still regretting my decision... puhpee30 Second Chances 0 28th October 2007 9:13 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:40 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.