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What’s her thinking?


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My ex got in contact with me about 3 months ago, after about a year and a half NC. I was moving house, and she had noticed and text to wish me luck and happiness. I was very surprised to hear from her, but pleased she had text, and we continued texting for a day or so, nothing deep, just light stuff. I later text her a happy birthday, which she appreciated, and a month ago I text her again as I had noticed she was now moving house and away from the area. We got a bit deeper this time, and I told her I still loved and missed her, and she told me “I know I will always love you” and she “still struggles with the deep sense of loss of what we had and could of had”. She had also previously said that “when you love someone properly it stays through everything”, and that’s how she felt about me. She then said she also knows she needs to move forward with her life and wished me happiness. I answered with a bit more about my feelings for her and us, but this time she never replied.

 

I’m not about to read to much into this, but I just wondered, after a year and a half NC, why she would suddenly contact me at all? It did several things that she had shown no sign of before. Firstly it let me know she still has my number, which surprised me. Why keep it? Secondly it gave me her new number, which she hadn’t wanted me to have when we split up. And thirdly it opened up a line of communication again. She didn’t have to do any of those things, and after so long I never thought she would contact me again. We had an intense but difficult relationship, lasting over five years, but neither of us stopped loving the other one, or so it would seem.

 

I have now text her twice in 3 months, trying not to abuse the knowledge of her number even though I’d like to reach out more often. I realise it is me texting her each time now, she only instigated the first time. So I don’t know wether I should text her again, or see if she texts me, which I don’t think she will, so why text me in the first place? I want to text her again, to see how she is and how her move went. When we have text it’s been very friendly and has gone on for a couple of days of multiple messages, but I’m not sure if she intends to break all contact again when she moves on with her new life. If she does do that, it will hurt all over again. If she doesn’t intend on instigating texting again, why bother in the first place? She knows I miss her friendship, so why doesn’t she text me? After all, she started the texting again.

 

I really love this woman, and even 22 months after we split up, I still think of her everyday and still find it so difficult without her. I realise staying NC or not contacting her again may be the best advice, but I don’t want to sabotage any hint of a possibility we could eventually one day maybe try again, and if not, I still really value her friendship.

 

What do you think? What could her motives have been, or what could she have been thinking or feeling to make her reach out after so long? Why do it at all? Does it mean anything, or was she simply being nice? I realise these are questions only she can answer really, just wondering what other people’s take on it is?

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She dropped a breadcrumb. You bit. Now you're back hoping and she has done what she did before.

 

But you still refuse to believe it so you'll linger awhile longer.

 

Nothing special here. You should have stayed NC

 

She moved on while you still wait. Why?

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You are projecting your feelings onto her. She doesn't feel that way about you.

 

Her actions tell you what you need to know

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Why do I wait? I guess because I still love her. As I said, I still think of her everyday without fail, I still miss her, she is the love of my life. I don’t know why I can’t move on from her, and after nearly 2 years I still don’t want anyone else. Sad I know. She is not the type of person to play games or lie, she never was. I just don’t understand why she would contact me at all. She had no real reason to, and she certainly didn’t have to give me her new number, or open up communication. I couldn’t have contacted her. And our messages have been very frank and open, not closed off. I guess you are right, maybe breadcrumbs, that and I still want to believe there’s a chance. I suppose I would have to agree that her actions say all I need to know, and that she doesn’t feel like I do. But then why say the things she said? Why say anything at all? I know her well enough to know she wouldn’t say something that isn’t true. She is a very honest good person. And it seems she has stayed single too.

 

She ended it, and I hate to say it, but it was mostly my fault. I have problems that became to much for her. Even though she helped me get help, and things became much better, the damage was done. But what we had was amazing when it was good, something both of us had never felt before. We are both middle aged, and we knew from experience that that was true. I guess I can’t bring myself to believe something so intense could ever just be over. I think you are right, I overstepped the boundary and said to much too soon. But she agreed she felt the same. Maybe it would have been better if she never contacted me in the first place, though I always wanted her to. Just seems pointless for her to reach out for no reason.

Edited by Wuku
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Maybe she thought after all this time that you would be over her and you two could now just be friends. She found out after getting back in contact that you still are not over her and now she's trying to ease back out of contact. You're both not on the same page. Sorry, but from her actions she is not interested in getting back with you romantically.

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My life isn’t going well, hasn’t been for several years, and I’m nowhere near where I want to be. I think I’m still holding on to her, even if it’s just the memory and my love for her. I think I use it as an emotional crutch to help me through the days. I’m just so scared to let her go completely, and have nothing to fill that void with. Stupid and sad, I know. I just know that if it had worked out differently, I wouldn’t be in the mess I am now. Things would have been so different with her, and I mean in every way my life is lacking now. I would of been so much happier, and I lost so much more than just her. Just wish I could move on and find some happiness in life.

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