LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Second Chances

My girlfriend broke up with me after a small fight - can I get her back?


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Like Tree6Likes
  • 3 Post By PegNosePete
  • 2 Post By d0nnivain
  • 1 Post By d0nnivain
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 19th September 2017, 4:03 AM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3
My girlfriend is on the verge of breaking up with me because I made a mistake... How

I had a fight with my girlfriend of 5 months, about 2 weeks ago. She'd made plans with her friends on that weekend but I thought she was going to see me. I was already in a bad mood so I overreacted and took it out on her, said things like "your friends are more important to you.". That sparked a huge argument and it caused her anxiety. She suffers from anxiety so she said she felt hurt and bullied when I was mean to her during the fight. I apologised a lot, admitted I was wrong and things got settled.

But after that, she got gloomy. Which was understandable because it was all still fresh in her mind. We saw each other 3 times after that fight and it all seemed good.

Now last night, she said she's having a hard time getting past all the anxiety that fight gave her and now she isn't sure about continuing on the relationship. She didn't exactly say she was going to break up with me but it definitely isn't looking good. I kept asking her what she wants but all she said was "I don't know what to do".

But this morning she sent me the regular good morning message with a kiss and now we're just kinda talking. But not the way we usually do. What do I do here? I know I'm at fault and she's not overreacting. She genuinely has anxiety issues and she keeps saying she's scared she won't be able to get past our fight and things won't go back to normal. Is there anything I can do to redeem myself? Thanks in advance for the suggestions!
rocky_malpoa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 4:09 AM   #2
Established Member
 
PegNosePete's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 8,854
I think you've done everything you can. Just carry on being kind and considerate and thoughtful. The ball is in her court now, whether your past behaviour is a deal breaker for her or whether she can get past it.
__________________
"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so."
-- Douglas Adams
PegNosePete is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th September 2017, 11:02 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 193
I'm not sure if there's anything else you can specifically do, but most likely your behavior made her feel the opposite of safe and secure with you. If it was truly just a one-time thing and not a deeper underlying issue you were acting out on, then what can you do now to make her feel safe and secure again?
SpecialJ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 4:30 AM   #4
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3
Unhappy Girlfriend broke up with me due her extreme anxiety. What do I do?

We have been together for about 4 months and it's been an amazing relationship. But a couple of weeks ago, we had a fight where I messed up. I said some things that I shouldn't have and that really hurt her. Although the fight wasn't big at all, it somehow triggered her anxiety. I did admit that I was wrong and I apologised a lot. Things did get settled the same night and we met up 3 times after that and things seemed alright.

Now, yesterday she said "I'm not being able to snap out of the anxiety that fight gave me and I feel like I'm bringing you down with myself and it's not fair on you. I've been trying really hard to get that trust level back but I don't see us the same way after that fight.". And eventually, she broke things off and said goodbye. I said I respected her decision and I left her alone.

But now I feel completely lost. I know she has told me clearly that we can no longer see each other but I still feel that maybe she will come around once her head has cooled down. Because right before our fight, she said "You make me really happy and I'm glad I met you.". Shall I leave her alone for a few days and see if she reaches out to me? She did say that she still loves me a lot and she's going to miss me like crazy but she needs to fix herself first. I want to be there for her and comfort her because I know she needs love and care but I just feel helpless. Is there a chance she might come back and reconcile after a while? Should I leave her alone completely?

Last edited by rocky_malpoa; 20th September 2017 at 4:35 AM..
rocky_malpoa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 7:00 AM   #5
Established Member
 
PegNosePete's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 8,854
Yes, leave her alone. She broke up with you. There's nothing to be gained by harassing her and not accepting her decision. It will just annoy her and make her hate you.
PegNosePete is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20th September 2017, 6:19 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Old World
Posts: 1,671
Nothing, you keep it that way.
umirano is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st September 2017, 2:58 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 1,634
Journal Entries: 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by rocky_malpoa View Post
We have been together for about 4 months and it's been an amazing relationship. But a couple of weeks ago, we had a fight where I messed up. I said some things that I shouldn't have and that really hurt her. Although the fight wasn't big at all, it somehow triggered her anxiety. I did admit that I was wrong and I apologised a lot. Things did get settled the same night and we met up 3 times after that and things seemed alright.

Now, yesterday she said "I'm not being able to snap out of the anxiety that fight gave me and I feel like I'm bringing you down with myself and it's not fair on you. I've been trying really hard to get that trust level back but I don't see us the same way after that fight.". And eventually, she broke things off and said goodbye. I said I respected her decision and I left her alone.

But now I feel completely lost. I know she has told me clearly that we can no longer see each other but I still feel that maybe she will come around once her head has cooled down. Because right before our fight, she said "You make me really happy and I'm glad I met you.". Shall I leave her alone for a few days and see if she reaches out to me? She did say that she still loves me a lot and she's going to miss me like crazy but she needs to fix herself first. I want to be there for her and comfort her because I know she needs love and care but I just feel helpless. Is there a chance she might come back and reconcile after a while? Should I leave her alone completely?

Everyone messes up. Fights can get out of hand... but now you know within a fight both of you have no "control" over ones emotions. While you may have learned from your mistakes... the does not mean her anxiety is resolved.
Sweetfish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 21st September 2017, 3:02 PM   #8
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 24,699
She's not going to reach out to you.

She said her whole view of you changed after this fight & she can't get past it. All you can do is take her at her word & move on.

I don't know what you said / did but if it was truly trivial, be happy you dodged a bullet. If it was something you thought was trivial but really isn't perhaps learn from this.

Either way, leave her alone. Chasing her will have you on the wrong side of a restraining order; it won't lead to reconciliation.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th September 2017, 9:58 AM   #9
New Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 3
My girlfriend broke up with me after a small fight - can I get her back?

We've been dating for about 5 months and we didn't really have any major hiccups, apart from this one little argument we had about 3 weeks ago.

The fight

She was planning on seeing her friends on the weekend but I thought she was going to see me. From there we got into an argument and I said a couple of things out of anger like "You care more about seeing your friends", "I know my priorities and I'd choose to see you instead." I know I was wrong, I didn't mean any of what I said and I apologised almost instantly. We had a massive argument that night and things did get settled. We say each other 3 times after that and everything seemed fine.

Pre Break-up

Fast forward to last Monday, she said that fight was reminiscent of her past abusive experiences and the more she thinks about the, the more her depression and anxiety start to kick in. Fast forward to she said she said she's not being able to snap out of her anxiety and she feels like she's not being a good girlfriend. She also said that the way she sees us has changed after that and she can't get back what's been lost. And on Tuesday she broke up with me. I said I respected her decision and I let her go.

Post Break-up

I sent her a long message on Saturday, poring my heart out and asking if it was really over. She said it is over, she misses me and loves me a lot but part of her needs to be selfish and do what's best for her, because that fight may be petty to me but it was big for her and caused her to be mentally ill and unhealthy. And she is going to stick with this decision.

Next Steps...?

I want this girl back because I don't want to lose her over something so trivial. I understand that it's her depression and anxiety and I want to be there for her but she has pushed me away.

Should I go No Contact? Is there a chance she might start to miss me and want to reconcile? We never argued or fought in person. It was just that one small fight over texts that lead her to breaking things off. What's the best thing to do here if I want to have her back?
rocky_malpoa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th September 2017, 10:20 AM   #10
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 83
You give her space and live your own life. I was with someone who had depression too. If that fight led her to dumping, you'd be expecting to walk on eggshells for the rest of your life with her if you stayed. You want someone who will be understanding.

Yes, argument was trivial, on both sides. You can learn from this and do better. However, she's going down her own path. You won't know if she learned from this too, or she's going to be the type of person who will flee at the first sign of stress.

Go NC and leave her alone. Her anxiety is her own problem and you did what you could. We're all humans who make mistakes. Learn and move on.
CeciliaCylara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th September 2017, 10:32 AM   #11
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 24,699
You apologized. She didn't accept your apology. To her your behavior reminded her of an abusive EX & she does not want to repeat the pattern.


It's not your choice here.


You made what should be for most relationship a forgivable mistake. Unfortunately your EX doesn't see it that way & hers is the only opinion that counts.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm [19/m] and my girlfriend [18/f] broke up with me because we fight too much! What okidok Second Chances 6 2nd October 2016 5:29 AM
Girlfriend broke up after fight and went NC harvej Coping 7 13th March 2014 4:26 PM
Girlfriend (20) wants to break up with me (22) after small fight turns nuclear. multiplescoregasms Breaks and Breaking Up 5 31st August 2012 5:31 AM
Ex girlfriend broke up with me (want her back) ICE911 General Relationship Discussion 3 23rd August 2010 9:15 AM
small fight with best friend zashing Friendship 4 12th May 2010 2:52 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:58 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.