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should i travel to see my ex?


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Old 21st September 2017, 7:03 PM   #1
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should i travel to see my ex?

quick background, dated 4 month, i broke up very rudely (had personal problems/ no excuse i know) have been 1 year of NC, i texted to her 1 week ago something short she didnt reply so I followed up with:


MY TEXT
I canít even argue with that. I wouldnít reply myself after the stupid things Iíve done. Itís been so long now anyway I donít even know why I still think of you. Maybe itís because things ended so stupidly and we had so much potential. I donít know being together was different we connected. Letís be honest none of us wanted to break up. And I doubt anyone else made you feel like I did. I know I fked up but I also know I tried to make up for it. Maybe it doesnít seem that way. Anyway am gone be in Munich in October and if youíre around we could get a friendly coffee. And once again great articles I really mean it.

HER REPLY
Hey there, it is nice you texted but it is just strange to hear from you after such a long time. And I really don't have the best memories especially of the ending. But there is no point in bringing that stuff up again.
How can you understand that article anyway, it is in German?
Also I am living in Berlin now, I might be in Munich in early October, I am not sure yet, I can tell you if I am.


how would you decode her reply? is there any point of me travelling
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:04 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobMele View Post
quick background, dated 4 month, i broke up very rudely (had personal problems/ no excuse i know) have been 1 year of NC, i texted to her 1 week ago something short she didnt reply so I followed up with:


MY TEXT
I canít even argue with that. I wouldnít reply myself after the stupid things Iíve done. Itís been so long now anyway I donít even know why I still think of you. Maybe itís because things ended so stupidly and we had so much potential. I donít know being together was different we connected. Letís be honest none of us wanted to break up. And I doubt anyone else made you feel like I did. I know I fked up but I also know I tried to make up for it. Maybe it doesnít seem that way. Anyway am gone be in Munich in October and if youíre around we could get a friendly coffee. And once again great articles I really mean it.

HER REPLY
Hey there, it is nice you texted but it is just strange to hear from you after such a long time. And I really don't have the best memories especially of the ending. But there is no point in bringing that stuff up again.
How can you understand that article anyway, it is in German?
Also I am living in Berlin now, I might be in Munich in early October, I am not sure yet, I can tell you if I am.


how would you decode her reply? is there any point of me travelling
So you really are not going to be in Munich? Just saying you were as an excuse to see her?
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:13 PM   #3
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So you really are not going to be in Munich? Just saying you were as an excuse to see her?
yeah exactly..but i could spin it and say am here for the weekend with friends.. initially.. obvioulsy i would tell her the truth after
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:15 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by RobMele View Post
yeah exactly..but i could spin it and say am here for the weekend with friends.. initially.. obvioulsy i would tell her the truth after
Well, I don't see any indication in her reply that she would actually want to see you. She didn't even say it was nice to hear from you. Just that it was nice you texted. She also questioned your truthfulness (it seems) in actually reading her article. Do you speak German?
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Old 22nd September 2017, 11:59 AM   #5
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If you & she were otherwise going to be in the same city & it would be as simple as walking down the block to meet, that would be one thing but to undertake the costs of travel, getting a place to stay, eating out etc all to see some girl you dated for 120 days a year ago . . . to what end? Do you think you will get back together? I don't see the point.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 3:56 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by RobMele View Post
yeah exactly..but i could spin it and say am here for the weekend with friends.. initially.. obvioulsy i would tell her the truth after
So your plan is to lie to her about your real reason for being there and then fess up if you get the opportunity to see her? It sounds to me like a really bad start to a reconciliation attempt - especially since your relationship ended horribly.

You say "I doubt anyone made you feel like I did" ,"let's be honest, none of us wanted to breakup", "we had so much potential"...her response sounds like those feelings weren't mutual - " I really don't have the best memories especially of the ending". It sounds like it was one relationship in your eyes, and another in hers.

If you were already going there for other reasons I would say reach out, but as the previous poster stated going through all of that in hopes that she might agree to meet with you for coffee is not worth it..at least not at this point. I think you are jumping the gun here - see if you can get some consistent communication going first; gauge her interest off of that and make the decision later because based off her reply I really don't see anything worth traveling for...
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Old 22nd September 2017, 4:25 PM   #7
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What are your intentions in wanting to meet with her OP?
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Old 22nd September 2017, 6:52 PM   #8
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thanks for reply guys,

I agree she doesnt seem that excited but the fact she replied and said she might meet me shows some intrest

reasons for going are simple I wanna see her see how it goes and feel like she might be the girl to settle with...

and once again great point about getting some communication, but she doesnt respond always especially when i ask her about how her things are going.. doesnt give much away about herself...

any ideas how to get comunication going? I am trying to keep it nice and light.. suggest some movies to watch and stuff like that... any other good ideas to get communication going with something deeper than small talk..
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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:57 PM   #9
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What happened during this relationship? She does not seem to cherish the same fond memories as you.

What has changed that she would want to give the relationship another chance? If she's so special why did you dump her?

You can't force communication. There's got to be interest on her side and right now she's sitting there with bitter memories.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:59 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by RobMele View Post
thanks for reply guys,

I agree she doesnt seem that excited but the fact she replied and said she might meet me shows some intrest

reasons for going are simple I wanna see her see how it goes and feel like she might be the girl to settle with...

and once again great point about getting some communication, but she doesnt respond always especially when i ask her about how her things are going.. doesnt give much away about herself...

any ideas how to get comunication going? I am trying to keep it nice and light.. suggest some movies to watch and stuff like that... any other good ideas to get communication going with something deeper than small talk..
It doesn't really sound like she wants to communicate with you....if she does, she will probably initiate at this point since you already broke the ice.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 8:20 PM   #11
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Even if you show up, I see no indication she wants to reconcile. You talked. She's willing to be civil for old time's sake. Politeness does not equal a desire to get back together.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 8:34 PM   #12
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Do not do this.

Source: Did something similar when I was young(er) and dumb(er).
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Old 23rd September 2017, 2:16 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RobMele View Post
quick background, dated 4 month, i broke up very rudely (had personal problems/ no excuse i know) have been 1 year of NC, i texted to her 1 week ago something short she didnt reply so I followed up with:


MY TEXT
I canít even argue with that. I wouldnít reply myself after the stupid things Iíve done. Itís been so long now anyway I donít even know why I still think of you. Maybe itís because things ended so stupidly and we had so much potential. I donít know being together was different we connected. Letís be honest none of us wanted to break up. And I doubt anyone else made you feel like I did. I know I fked up but I also know I tried to make up for it. Maybe it doesnít seem that way. Anyway am gone be in Munich in October and if youíre around we could get a friendly coffee. And once again great articles I really mean it.

HER REPLY
Hey there, it is nice you texted but it is just strange to hear from you after such a long time. And I really don't have the best memories especially of the ending. But there is no point in bringing that stuff up again.
How can you understand that article anyway, it is in German?
Also I am living in Berlin now, I might be in Munich in early October, I am not sure yet, I can tell you if I am.


how would you decode her reply? is there any point of me travelling
Personally, I wouldn't have brought up the relationship at all. What did you text her the first time, and how long did you wait before you sent the other one?

She did acknowledge you, but I'd slow down and not come on too strong with the emotions.

It's REALLY good that she said "there is no point in bringing that stuff up again". She seems interested in chatting but obviously she's got some anger towards you and that's a hot topic not to touch.

If anything, don't come off desperate to her. If you communicate, keep it simple and spread out. IF you do decide to meet up with her, build rapport and maybe flirt a bit...BUT do not bring up something that will trigger anger (the relationship). Act like she's a new girl and you're just getting to know her for the first time. Make her laugh and build attraction avoiding the history all together (unless you're bringing up something positive: ie. Remember that time you fell trying to beat me to the living room? You're such a clutz ;p!)
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Old 24th September 2017, 3:28 AM   #14
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We need more details of the breakup, the relationship and what happened in the meanwhile.
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Old 24th September 2017, 8:10 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Jay Anthony View Post
Personally, I wouldn't have brought up the relationship at all. What did you text her the first time, and how long did you wait before you sent the other one?

She did acknowledge you, but I'd slow down and not come on too strong with the emotions.

It's REALLY good that she said "there is no point in bringing that stuff up again". She seems interested in chatting but obviously she's got some anger towards you and that's a hot topic not to touch.

If anything, don't come off desperate to her. If you communicate, keep it simple and spread out. IF you do decide to meet up with her, build rapport and maybe flirt a bit...BUT do not bring up something that will trigger anger (the relationship). Act like she's a new girl and you're just getting to know her for the first time. Make her laugh and build attraction avoiding the history all together (unless you're bringing up something positive: ie. Remember that time you fell trying to beat me to the living room? You're such a clutz ;p!)
Hey thanks a lot this is all amazing advice. I am trying to do just that and you highlight some other good points. Am trying to build a good rapport with her like we never dated before and just taking things super slow. She has replied to me again and asked me about Munich which shows she's willing to meet me I think. Gone try to give her a call and build connection
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