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Was that just a breadcrumb or is this a sign he wants to reconcile?


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 29th August 2017, 1:35 PM   #1
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Was that just a breadcrumb or is this a sign he wants to reconcile?

Iíll try to keep this short...My ex who is 42, no kids, never in a long term relationship before whom I casually dated for 10 months. He ended things. I never really got a answer why just that he was overwhelmed. Basically emotionally unavailable. ďCanít do this anymoreĒ and not sure if I was the "one". He couldnít even say whether we are breaking up or not. After almost a year. So frustrating. I was anxious because he never put a label on us although we were both exclusive and really enjoyed being with each other, shared similar interests. There were red flags, He wasnít excited for me to meet his parents, shown no signs of me on his social media. Never had a girlfriend. He has no idea how damaged I feel.

During the last four months that weíve been broken up we followed each other on Instagram. Well last week I had enough and unfollowed and blocked him. Deactiveated Facebook. He was stalking everyone of my stories He never posts on there so I know he was just checking on me. And for my sanity I had to block. Out of sight out of mind...if he doesnít want me in his life there is no reason for him to see what Iím up to....Well whithin 24 hours of blocking him I get a text friday night asking to have back his ďslipperyĒ hunting shirt he gave me during our time together. Many intimate memories attached to that shirt. Anyways.

I didnít reply and sent the shirt back to him in the mail, oh and sprayed a **** load of perfum on it haha.. and the response goes like this

EX: Thank you thank you thank you for sending my favorite shirt
ME: Yup, sure no problem
EX: Apprecitate your effort in getting it back to me


WTF. I didnít respond to his last text as it doesnít need a response...and of course Iím reading way to much into this again because i was his first girlfriend but...Iím done making excuses for him because of that reason.

Why would he reach out now for it???!!! Four months later.
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Old 29th August 2017, 1:46 PM   #2
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He reached out because he wanted to see if you'd take the bait. You did. My ex used to play stupid games like this too. Just checked to see if I'd stroke his ego when he snapped his fingers to get my attention. I, like you, fell for it. A couple times. Then I smartened up and realized this was all about him and his need to see if he could still hook me. It wasn't because he was genuinely in love with me and wanted to be with me.

Breadcrumb or not, I would implement NC again. This man isn't going to give you the type of relationship you want.
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Old 29th August 2017, 1:48 PM   #3
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Why would he reach out now for it???!!! Four months later.
Hunting season starting?
Been and MandoGirl like this.
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Old 29th August 2017, 1:50 PM   #4
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These avoidant and emotionally unavailable men usually hover -- they throw crumbs in hopes of getting attention. When he found out you completely shut the door, he had to try another tactic to keep you available to him.

No, he's not trying to reconcile.

I had an ex just like him. They'll bait you whichever way possible hoping they can hit the reset button with you. The cycle will just repeat itself.
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Old 29th August 2017, 2:02 PM   #5
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He's a player. If that shirt meant anything to him, he would have asked for it back long ago. That was his "right-back-at-ya...slap in the face" response to you blocking him. Ignore any future requests or baiting games.
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:52 AM   #6
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Iím such a idiot and broke NC texted him last night asking if we can talk again. He responded sure whatís up and me being stupid say nothing really just glad he got his Elk from a hunting trip and that Iíll leave him alone and it ended with a Iím going to bed goodnight. Stupid me!!! Should I text him back the real reason why I wanted to talk? Ugh. And I unblocked him on Instagram and kept mine public. I know none of this matters. Iím losing self control. I feel like a crazy person. Some days I feel good, then the next Iím sad, mad, hurt and crying. I keep wanting to have closure to all the why we didnít work out. He never gave me a real reason why for the breakup. Anyways Iím at the point now where itís been close to 6 months and I still canít stop thinking about him. Clinging onto any hope that we will ever be back together. When will I stop hurting and torturing myself?
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:58 AM   #7
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Block him everywhere including your phone and stay NC. For good.
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Old 28th September 2017, 12:49 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JHA19 View Post
- never in a long term relationship
- casually dated for 10 months
- just that he was overwhelmed
- basically emotionally unavailable
- “Can’t do this anymore”
- not sure if I was the "one"
Closure = all of the above. Your need for "closure" is called denial.

Do not call him. Leave it alone. Block him again and delete his number.

There is nothing to talk about. Keep reminding yourself as to why the relationship ended. That's not changing.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:40 AM   #9
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I'm trying to seek closure...I wish it was just that easy to do How is being overwhelmed a reason to end a good relationship. He watched my instagram stories over the weekend even though I unfollow his feed and texted if my dad is well enough to hunt followed by meaningless texts...like nothing happened between us.... My dad was recently rushed to the ER for a blood transfusion/shingles in his eye/swollan feet. His health has gotten extremely worse and I live and take care of him... I struggle with low self-esteem/anxiety/depression all my life which I never opened up and talked to him about or have seen a therapist for. My mother passed away when I was 10 from brain cancer. After she passed my father would leave work and go to the bar. Iím divorced 3 years now. My first husband cheated and emotionally and verbally abused me. Everyone I ever get close to either cheats or leaves me. He knows all of this. Iím left feeling abandoned over again. Seeking reasons for why he left, why we couldnít make it work. What I could have done to not make him feel ďoverwhelmedĒ and why he was afraid he will ďhurtĒ me. I donít understand his behavior? Why did he wait four months to contact me for a shirt given to me and ask how my dad is? But then again I started it. He probably wonders to why I reached out to him too. Iím really struggling with blocking again. I am so insecure and obsessing about everyone of my actions worried that it will ruin any chance of us getting back together. Is it normal to have these obsessive thoughts, itís all I think about? Iím crying now. Thanks in advance for anyone reaching out to me or if anyone can relate.
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Old 2nd October 2017, 10:50 AM   #10
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You find closure from within. No one can give you closure. Your closure is accepting that this man does not want to be with you. It's not easy to do because you insist on holding on. This "closure" that you are seeking is an excuse to keep a firm grip on your situation.

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How is being overwhelmed a reason to end a good relationship.
That's his reason. Even if it makes no sense to you, it makes sense to him or it may just be an excuse to let you go. The question should be -- why are you intent on being with a man that is finding every excuse not to be with you?

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I struggle with low self-esteem/anxiety/depression all my life which I never opened up and talked to him about or have seen a therapist for.
Then it would be time to start investing your emotion, time and effort into working on yourself. Latching onto unhealthy situations and men isn't a resolution. Until you get to the root, you'll keep struggling with the same issues and carrying that load into the men you pick, the reasons why you stay with them and why you think it's all you deserve.

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My first husband cheated and emotionally and verbally abused me. Everyone I ever get close to either cheats or leaves me. He knows all of this. I’m left feeling abandoned over again. Seeking reasons for why he left, why we couldn’t make it work.
Stop seeking reasons. You're taking his rejection as a reflection of your own value. And since you see very little of it in yourself, you can't let go because you so desperately need his validation even when he can't give it to you.

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What I could have done to not make him feel “overwhelmed” and why he was afraid he will “hurt” me. I don’t understand his behavior?
Best to try and understand your own behavior. You are as dysfunctional as he is -- you need to look at yourself and work on your own issues.

You mention that you have always been with men that treat you badly and leave you. When do you start to self-reflect and realize that something needs to change. Rather than cling to these men and your constant cycle of the same behaviors, maybe it would be time to let him go and start working on loving yourself.

Last edited by Zahara; 2nd October 2017 at 10:52 AM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 5:08 AM   #11
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Why would he reach out now for it???!!! Four months later.
I hate to say it, but he could have had somebody else lined up, and she fell through. And then he comes back to you.
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