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Ex Throws Breadcrumbs, then is a jerk


ashadetree

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My ex girlfriend (30 F) broke up with me (33 F) after she basically cheated on me (no kiss or sex apparently but close enough). I wanted to work it out but she wanted to "be single for a while." We had been having some communication issues and I won't say things were perfect. We had a second talk where I iterated some regrets I had about my behavior in the relationship and how I wanted to fix things. She still wanted to be single. I told her that wasn't my first choice, but we had to be on the same page.

 

After that we talked for an hour, holding hands, and got really deep about family issues. She said that we should have done that more often in the relationship (talk). I agreed. She said she wanted to kiss me but it probably wasn't a good idea. I said I just didn't want to get hurt again...I am someone that needs to feel totally safe and I was worried kissing would lead to more or something regretful and make things worse. We parted amicably and I indicated that maybe after we go on our trips we could reassess, but did it kind of vaguely because I don't want to be begging someone to be in a relationship with me.

 

But anyway, after the breakup she started sending me lots of social media memes on instagram, snapchats, liking my Facebook posts, replying to my instagram stories, and texted me to see how I was doing. I initiated texting twice, and both times she was nice and seemed very talkative and sweet, if a little distant. She kept the convo going.

 

So of course I'm extremely confused by all of this. I don't have a ton of relationship experience and so I just let my heart lead me this time rather than overthink. So I initiated texting tonight and she seemed very talkative and happy to hear from me. Until I asked her what she was doing tomorrow and wanted to see if she wanted to get coffee or lunch. Maybe this was too soon or seemed glib, but I just wanted to see her again and talk, and I guess nip the breadcrumbs in the bud rather than sit around wondering. But then she kind of said some weird things and I almost thought she was drunk...but she is at work so that's not possible. She was kind of being a jerk, made a weird joke that I couldn't make any sense of, and blew off my suggestion in such a weird/mean manner.

 

It was just so weird how she went from warm to cold in like seconds.

I am so confused, and frankly not sure what to make of it all. In a way, it makes me feel that maybe our breakup was for the best because I don't want to date anyone that would act that way.

 

But I guess I'm just curious...why the continuous social media and text pings? Maybe I came off wrong when I said I had hoped we could get lunch or coffee (she can't because she said she's working all day). I f**** hate texting by the way because it messes up your tone and intention. I guess I feel a little foolish for taking her constant stream of interaction as "maybe she might want to try again".

 

If she doesn't want to meet up or starts sending social media crap again, I'll probably just go no contact because it's getting ridiculous. But just wanted to see what you guys thought.

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I think she was just trying to be friendly. But you're so right about the confusion it all causes. No Contact probably is the right way to go.

 

Sorry I couldn't offer better advice.

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PrincessWarrior1

I came back in to see if anyone had replied to me as I am up all night over yet another spat. My gosh relationships are sooo much work and even more so these days with so much added (insert your word of choice here for lack of better words, confusion? technology bs?)

 

I would like you to read the article that I read today. I am going to cling to this throughout my "walk away" time due to being taken for granted and disrespected. It's sort of my own spin on NC. I just don't initiate but hell I even count the days. I reread texts the whole bit. But as soon as my phone tweets and it's him (at this point wishing it was a her) a wait lifts off me and I'm elated. I haven't mastered the art of blowing off or waiting or making him/her chase. Let's just face it doesn't matter him/her love is love, I get that now. I dive on breadcrumbs. So you are not alone please take comfort in this and please give this article a whirl, see if it makes sense. Some people for whatever reason need these rules. Mine is that I was severely abused in every way as a child. So I never really had self esteem, self-respect, or confidence until later in life and it also got lost for awhile then back again because of having a child with a drug addict abuser and getting hooked on it myself thinking I could "save" him that way. I'm sorry I didn't mean to make this about me. Please just give the article a quick whirl because anyone in any circumstance can make these rules/sound advice strategies work if you are committed to not only making your relationship work out, but wanted a happily ever after situation, basically a serious go for it.

 

How to Make Your Boyfriend Want You More Than Ever

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She broke you with you, that is important.

As the dumper she will not be as emotionally invested as you are, this was not the romance of the century for her, she broke up so she could meet other guys.

It all sounds very amicable so she will be happy being your friend, sending you stuff, texting you, engaging via social media, asking how you are...

She needs to know you are OK, that you are not suicidal or doing crazy stuff after the split.

If you reply to her, she is happy.

Being friends with the ex feels good to her.

She can be free, yet when she gets a bit nostalgic and she is missing the ex, he is just on the end of the phone being nice and supportive... Win win.

 

BUT all this friendliness has absolutely nothing to do with getting back together, she will not want that.

So when you suggested you meet up for coffee or lunch, that threw her, this was supposed to be about friendly chit chat and about being text buddies and Facebook friends, not about "dating".

She may even be meeting her new bf for lunch or he was sitting beside her and so it all got a bit awkward for her...

 

As the dumpee, you hold very little power. It is all on the dumper and if they want you back then great for you, but if they don't then there is nothing you can do really.

Had she wanted you back she would have jumped at the chance of meeting you again, as it was she blew you off...

Sorry.

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You have to show her that you want her but you don't need her in your life if it causes too many headaches.

She has way too much power right now. You need to go NC Right now your like a dog chasing his tail. Youneed to work on yourself.

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Hi, my ex did pretty much the same with me, I took all the contact as a 'good sign', figuring if it had been the other way around I wouldn't maintain contact with someone I didn't have any interest in, I think the reality was he was detached enough to not be affected, upset or mean anything other than just chat. I couldn't get my head around it...I ate those breadcrumbs like they were going out of fashion!

 

It took a long spell of limited contact (I never contacted him, I left it to him to contact me) and then a period of no contact.

 

Limited contact didn't work because no matter how long I foolishly waited, I still saw him making contact as a victory, didn't consider the time wasted waiting.

 

I think you should let your ex know you're going to take a step back, tell her that you need time to heal, let her know you still care for her but that if she wants you to let you know.

 

It's really hard but sometimes needs to be done. In the meantime you need to keep yourself busy and get out and do things with friends etc. Ex's seem to have a radar of knowing when you're doing okay, they can sense false 'I'm getting over you' signs, I'm sure of it.

 

You seem like a lovely lady, go out and try and have fun. I'm sure she'll be in contact when she feels you pulling away, just be ultra aware she may just be panicking that you're getting over her.

 

I wish you all the best :)

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My ex girlfriend (30 F) broke up with me (33 F) after she basically cheated on me (no kiss or sex apparently but close enough). I wanted to work it out but she wanted to "be single for a while." We had been having some communication issues and I won't say things were perfect. We had a second talk where I iterated some regrets I had about my behavior in the relationship and how I wanted to fix things. She still wanted to be single. I told her that wasn't my first choice, but we had to be on the same page.

 

Get out of your denial. she dumped you for her other boyfriend.

 

After that we talked for an hour, holding hands, and got really deep about family issues. She said that we should have done that more often in the relationship (talk). I agreed. She said she wanted to kiss me but it probably wasn't a good idea. I said I just didn't want to get hurt again...I am someone that needs to feel totally safe and I was worried kissing would lead to more or something regretful and make things worse. We parted amicably and I indicated that maybe after we go on our trips we could reassess, but did it kind of vaguely because I don't want to be begging someone to be in a relationship with me.

 

Don't be a plan B hanging on for bresdcrumbs which is what you're doing. It just lowers your status even more.

 

But anyway, after the breakup she started sending me lots of social media memes on instagram, snapchats, liking my Facebook posts, replying to my instagram stories, and texted me to see how I was doing. I initiated texting twice, and both times she was nice and seemed very talkative and sweet, if a little distant. She kept the convo going.

 

Breadcrumbs. Why stay around trying to hang onto this?

 

So of course I'm extremely confused by all of this. I don't have a ton of relationship experience and so I just let my heart lead me this time rather than overthink. So I initiated texting tonight and she seemed very talkative and happy to hear from me. Until I asked her what she was doing tomorrow and wanted to see if she wanted to get coffee or lunch. Maybe this was too soon or seemed glib, but I just wanted to see her again and talk, and I guess nip the breadcrumbs in the bud rather than sit around wondering. But then she kind of said some weird things and I almost thought she was drunk...but she is at work so that's not possible. She was kind of being a jerk, made a weird joke that I couldn't make any sense of, and blew off my suggestion in such a weird/mean manner.

 

Quit being a doormat

 

It was just so weird how she went from warm to cold in like seconds.

I am so confused, and frankly not sure what to make of it all. In a way, it makes me feel that maybe our breakup was for the best because I don't want to date anyone that would act that way.

 

She's got a boyfriend now and you are relegated to a distant friend status. Have some respect for yourself and cut this off.

 

But I guess I'm just curious...why the continuous social media and text pings? Maybe I came off wrong when I said I had hoped we could get lunch or coffee (she can't because she said she's working all day). I f**** hate texting by the way because it messes up your tone and intention. I guess I feel a little foolish for taking her constant stream of interaction as "maybe she might want to try again".

 

Breadcrumbs

 

If she doesn't want to meet up or starts sending social media crap again, I'll probably just go no contact because it's getting ridiculous. But just wanted to see what you guys thought.

 

Block her on everything and move on like she did.

 

No one respects guys who just take what they're given. Cmon man!!!!

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