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next moves


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Old 5th August 2017, 5:55 PM   #1
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next moves

It's been 2 months since we saw each other. He had issues of his own to kinda sort out & wanted time to reflect on situations to be a better person example: work on his jealousy issues. After two months, I reached out to him to hangout with my dog (he was obsessed with my dog for whatever reason) and he was hesitant at first, saying he didn't want anyones feelings to get hurt or that "hanging out might bring up some stuff up and hurt" but eventually asked me to come over a week later. (we pretty much dated for a year).

I initially asked him if he wanted to see my dog & I, then following that he initiated the 3 conversations after that. It's been 2 days since I've heard from him. I'm wondering if I wait to hear from him again, or if I should reach out to him, and if so, when?

Throughout the last year, I told him I had a hard time asking people to hangout with me because I was scared of rejection. There was a few times that I asked him first & he said he appreciated me asking first rather than him asking. Some of our previous fights were related to the fact that he initiated the calls, texts, hangouts & I didn't which made him feel as if I didn't care for him. Would asking him to see me again be a good thing to show that I do care & that I'm trying to put in effort to see him?
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Old 5th August 2017, 7:04 PM   #2
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So he wanted you to initiate, but as soon as you did, he backed off kind of? So sounds like he just was grasping trying to find something to blame you for. Now he's just being difficult. I certainly wouldn't keep chasing him. Because what if he gets you doing all the work and pursuing him and then him just acting bad back instead of meeting you halfway and just waits until you're down and confused and then takes you back? Then where are you? At that point you've just put up with him being a jerk to you and tacitly agreed to that treatment.

Maybe it's time you two just went your own ways. Guys can't "just be friends" and certainly not ones with jealousy problems, so let him go. At least you have a good dog.
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Old 5th August 2017, 7:35 PM   #3
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No. Whenever I'd initiate hanging out with him he'd be happy to know I was putting in effort. He never backed away from me at all whenever I'd initiate a message or asking him to hangout.

When I hung out with him a few nights ago, he seemed to be his normal self, happy & asked me questions about life & such. I'm just trying to figure out now if I should initiate the next conversation/hangout since he messaged me the last 3 times in a row.
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Old 5th August 2017, 7:51 PM   #4
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Sorry I guess I should've added in there that I did NC for 2 months
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Old 5th August 2017, 7:56 PM   #5
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I think I did misread the part where you said he initiated 3 times after that. So do you want him back or do you just want to be friends? If you want him back, tell him I want you back and ask if he feels the same and if he does, both of you initiate contact some.

You need to have the talk so you don't feel hesitant what to do. I mean it's no sweat for you to initiate but make sure he knows it needs to be both of you and make sure you want him back all the way and not just as a friend because I'm sure that's not what he would want. Good luck.
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Old 5th August 2017, 8:40 PM   #6
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Yes I wanted him back the minute that he said he needed to focus on himself. Honestly it's so hard going out of my comfort zone & initiating contact with him, I don't want to feel like I'm being needy. But I want him to actually see I'm putting in effort to see him & gave him be like 'wow, she's actually trying, maybe this could work out'
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Old 5th August 2017, 9:18 PM   #7
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You can't be more insecure than him if he has the big jealousy issues and is so insecure he needs you to initiate. Are you sure this is who you want? I mean, certainly nothing wrong about you taking turns initiating, but be sure that's what he is planning on doing and not just making you "say it" every time you want to be with him for his own security reasons. I'm afraid you're going to get back into a mess if he has the big jealousy issues because guys like that always think you're cheating and it's because if they had the opportunity women have, they would cheat, so they can't fathom that you won't, especially if they don't think they measure up, which is where insecurity and jealousy stem from.

I would say talk to him again and say "did you work on your irrational jealousy and is me initiating more helping?" Open the discussion and be sure he has to at least do half.

And by the way, usually when guys say they want a woman to initiate, they are either talking about initiating sex or paying the date bill, so be sure you know the communication is all he was talking about.
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Old 5th August 2017, 10:27 PM   #8
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From what he's told me, his last gf put him through the ringer. He said they'd break up everyday & get back together. She would make him jealous with other guys. Eventually she left him for someone else which put him in a 'depressive rut' as I would call it. He had to read self help books. I met him 6 months after that breakup, and nothing started to form until 2 months after talking to him. He told me that I started to 'shut off' from him. He also mentioned to me 'this is by far the end of anything' 'trust me, it'll all workout in the end'. So I let things go for 2 months. Then started to notice recently he's been liking sad/broken hearted quotes on social media that relate to our situation.

To be honest, I trust him when it comes to other girls. I've met everyone in his family, been to his house hundreds of times & his parents knew we were together, his mom would disown him if there was another girl.

I believe the initiating thing was due to the fact that I never communicated with him about anything, wanting to hangout, calling him, asking to do things etc etc. he knew how I felt about giving up sex, so he wouldn't initiate it unless I hinted at it. It was 50/50 when it came to paying for food, movies, me driving or him driving.

I've never felt this bad before, I feel like I not only let myself down, but him as well too because if someone wasn't ever initiating conversations with me, I wouldn't wanna be with them either. Am I wrong to think that about myself?
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Old 6th August 2017, 5:14 PM   #9
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Well, time to get off LoveShack and instead go sit down and have a long talk with him. If he wants communication, give it to him!!
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