Am I stupid for still wanting him? I know what he did was wrong

[lexiisan]

My boyfriend and I of 4 years recently broke up due to him cheating. For the past two years, we have been in a pretty rocky unhappy relationship. I believe because of my birth control I have ZERO sex drive which was one of the main reasons why he was so unhappy. I was never in the mood, never wanted to do anything and honestly even barley acted like a girlfriend to him! We constantly fought about it and I would tell him I would change, but after a week or two I would just go back to my old ways.

I guess he finally had enough of it and cheated on me with one of his co workers who was giving him attention I wasn't.

I honestly never realized how unhappy I was making him. I was just being selfish and was thinking of myself and how he could never do anything like that to me. I feel so so awful and beat myself up over it everyday about if I was a better girlfriend this wouldn't have happened.

We've talked about it and he tells me he's still the one he wants to be with and have kids with and etc. He just didn't know what to do and for some reason I totally understand?

Right now, we're taking a break and hopefully sometime when I can get past this, we can try to fix our relationship and get back together.

Am I stupid for still wanting him? I know what he did was wrong, but i do get why he did cheat. I wasn't there for him and allowed it to get to far that another woman got him instead. I feel so guiltily and embarrassed

 

Any advice?

(Sorry if this was all over the place lol my emotions are everywhere)

[d0nnivain]

You could have been the best GF in the world & he would still be a cheater. Cheating is about integrity. If you were such a horrible GF, he could have broken up with you. He didn't have to cheat. You are making excuses for him. Stop. You didn't drive him to cheat. He chose to be unfaithful all by himself because he didn't have the integrity to do things the right way.

 

 

If you are willing to risk him cheating again, take him back at your own risk.

 

 

IMO he's just not a quality person but the choice is yours.

 

 

Please understand if he dumped you because of your low sex drive & you now recognize that you had a part in his decision to break up which you were now willing to address, I would encourage reconciliation if he's still saying that he wants to be with you. However, since he picked the low road, cheating, and now has you thinking it's your fault he couldn't keep it in his pants, I see nothing but misery in your future if you take him back. His actions completely undercut the pretty words.

[lexiisan]

You're totally right. It's just hard to let go of someone you spent all those years with.

[Zahara]

There is never, ever a reason to cheat. If he was unhappy in the relationship, and made the effort of communicating with you without any resolution on your part, the right thing to do would have been to leave the relationship.

 

The next time he is unhappy with the attention that you are providing -- you should be prepared for more cheating because that is what you have taught him -- that it is acceptable.

 

He's blamed you for his actions and you have accepted that responsibility. That in itself is a indication to him that you are tolerant of bad behavior. Expect more of that to come.

[ExpatInItaly]

He could have respectfully ended the relationship if he was so unhapppy.

 

He chose the opposite path. Think what that says about his character. Good men end relationships before they get down and dirty with someone else. There's nothing to be understanding about here - he showed you exactly how much love and respect he has for you when he parked it in another girl. Going back to someone with such a broken moral compass is a very, very unwise idea.

 

You're not stupid, though; you're human and you're hurt and trying to rationalize it because the truth is so painful to admit.