next? I'm a mess

[DaniHasSixStrings]

Hi, I just opened up an account having read so many posts there is none that relates to mine as I see it.. so I decided to make a post of my own and see what you guys think about my situation.

 

I'm 27 she's 24. We've had a difficult relationship because we didn't talk as much as we needed to and we both have way too much pride (I lost that). So problems weren't talked and we just kept on with our lives.. well some months ago she started to be distant and problems started.. but only on some days, other days she would be the most lovely girl so I just thought it was stress. I was very depressed and not giving her much attention- did realise but I thought she had to give me more attention too and this went into a spiral which she named later a toxic relationship

 

If i had to write up all the details this would be an 8 page letter like the one I sent her 2 months ago, 1 week after we broke up.

 

Break up was through whatsapp.. I was having a very bad day and she didn't pick up my calls and I told her she didn't support me and I thought we should break up- she agreed.

 

A day later I was outside her house and wanted to talk and she resisted but ended up talking.. briefly because I was very sad, first time she told me she didnt feel the same for me.

 

A week later I told her I wanted to give her a letter she said ok, we arranged to meet 3 days later and the next day she said we should get over with it and asked me to go to her house already to give her the letter so I did.

 

When we met she said she didnt like me anymore like she used to, that it was too late, that what I wanted to give her is not what she needed, etc.

 

I told her what I wanted to say to which she put condescending faces, like she was feeling bad for me. Gave her the letter where I told her what I think had happened and asked for another chance by talking stuff out.. I told her the same that day and she said that maybe in some months or in over a year we might see each other and see what happens (conversation was a lot longer than this).

 

After that I decided no contact for a month. 2 weeks ago I really needed to know if she was feeling like talking and 30 days had passed so I texted her. She texted back rapidly with very brief and cold answers asking how I was doing but not much more, like wanting to keep the distance.

 

Her birthday is in 2 weeks.. I think about her every day. I am getting better, I've stopped smoking joints and I'm less stressed, still making money and my job is great when I don't have this girl on my mind, doing sports now and I've been seeing a very hot and nice girl but she doesn't have what this girl had.. and she lives away so I get to see her once every 2 weeks or so.. and she doesnt turn me on so much in bed.. I keep thinking about my ex even when im with this other girl.. so I feel bad for her sometimes although she understands because I've talked to her about this

.. my confidence is nearly fully back but I have bad days like this one.

 

 

What should I do? Do I send her a short bday text? Do I keep no contact? Do I ask her for the letter I gave her and force a situation? Do I tell her I think about her every day? Do I update my whatsapp status with this very hot girl and me in a very happy moment?

 

She is the kind of girl to force herself to not talk to me, to force herself rapidly out of people's lives when she feels it's not worth it. I have many friends that were her friends before and stopped talking for some argument.

 

Her best friend is my patient, she asks me stuff and I can't be rude and not answer.. so she knows about me she knows I'm getting better but she hasn't contacted me.. I haven't asked her about my ex.. although I'd like to know.. I've even been thinking about talking to her ask her what should I do in this situation.. I'm still in love and want to get back with her

 

Any more info feel free to ask, Ill be back in some hours to read if there are answers

 

Thanks for reading guys, hoping for answers

[Zahara]

What should I do?

Nothing. Accept that she is not interested in you anymore.

 

Do I send her a short bday text?

No, stay NC.

 

Do I keep no contact?

Yes, you keep no contact.

 

Do I ask her for the letter I gave her and force a situation?

You gave her a letter and you want it back? Stop playing games to manipulate her into responding to you. And you don't force the situation. You respect her decision to move on. You chose a passive aggressive route and the break-up backfired on you. You don't get to reverse that now by forcing her hand.

 

Do I tell her I think about her every day?

No, leave her alone.

 

Do I update my whatsapp status with this very hot girl and me in a very happy moment?

Stop using people to play your games to get what you want. You sound selfish and entitled. You shouldn't be stooping to these levels. It will only look immature and vindictive.

Edited July 14, 2017 by Zahara

[d0nnivain]

You want her back. She is done with you & has lost feelings.

 

 

You need to stay NC. If you contact her, she won't reply or if she does it won't be nice. Then you will be more upset.

 

 

Do not send a b-day text. You aren't reaching out purely with good wishes. You are reaching out hoping she'll come back.

[DaniHasSixStrings]

Thanks for the replies. Will think about your answers.

 

On a side note and so you don't drop your faith in humanity, I'm not using this other girl, she knows about everything. I'm completely transparent, and the whatsapp idea was her idea, she said it might give a reaction.

 

Regards

[Spartakooty]

Yep...what they said. I sent a birthday text...a couple emails. Nothing. No effect. Like I've said on a 100 other posts...if she wanted to be with you, she would be. Yep, it sucks.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for the replies. Will think about your answers.

 

On a side note and so you don't drop your faith in humanity, I'm not using this other girl, she knows about everything. I'm completely transparent, and the whatsapp idea was her idea, she said it might give a reaction.

 

Regards

 

And it's a very immature idea. Leave those types of games to highschool teens. It's transparent and makes you look silly.

[healing light]

Why are you dating someone else if you're still in love with your ex? That has to be really hurtful for the new woman.

 

I would leave her alone. It sounds like she's done with you. Believe people when they say they've lost their feelings.

[Whodatdog]

You need to listen to what she is telling you. Unfortunately a relationship is about BOTH of your feelings. If only one of you wants it, its a no go.

 

She doesnt want it. She's told you in a dozen ways. Listen to it. Believe it. And move on.

[spiderowl]

Nothing you have said about her suggests she wants to get back with you or sees a future together. I know you want her but it is not doing you any good to hang on to the hope that she will change her mind. No contact really does help.