Ex boyfriend, friends with benefits

[marsh97]

Hi, I have a question and I hope you won't judge. Me and my exboyfriend, we were together fot 3 years, for both of us it was the first real relationship we had. When we were 17 he kissed another gir, now it seems like nothing big but back then it was a huge deal for me and I just couldn't trust him but we stayed together. Few months ago we broke up, things got really bad, we both had a really bad time (school, family) and we just argued all the time.I had some mental issues, I had bulimia before, he really helped me to get throw the worst but sometimes I just had break downs and I've been throw some traumatic experiences last year so it got worst again.In the end he told me he just can't handle that Jekkyl and Hyde anymore. I really worked on this one, when I ended up alone I just slaped myself and got out of the circle of ****. But you know how it works, it's never really over. We haven't seen each other for almost two months. Then we started texting again and decided to try it. We weren't a couple we were just seeing each other, he said he needs to see if it could really work (it really hurt both of us and he build a wall aroud himself). But there were troubles, he with the wall and I with my trust issues, so now after another 3 months of me trying to stay calm and him trying to stay safe, he told me he doesn't want a relationship with me, that he just doesn't want to be loyal to me. It hurt me, but I understand, sometimes I have a really big problems to trust him, don't overthing stuff, don't ask him questions and just be calm. I know he really cares about me, but he doesn't want to get in this mess again, sometimes he acts like an *******, but it's a way he protects himself and actually I am the only person he ever let that close. But we decided to be friends with benefits until one of us finds someone else OR until it works between us much better. I asked him if it was possible that things could change between us until the end of summer and he could want to be with me and be loyal to me. He said it is possible, from his side, but he doesn't believe it that much because of how I acted. I screwed up so many chances because I was just too deep in and I pushed him to it too. So my question is. And I know it would be easier to let go and it's not really nice from any of us but I really love him and I know he cares about me too and that he can be loyal if he wants (he actually just kissed two girls while we weren't together, nothing more, he flirted a lot, but didn't date anybody) and he is really great, smart, funny, we have same hobbies, same taste in music, food, movies, we are best friends(and we work really good in bed too). SO the question, how can I stay calm, learn how to trust him and just show him I can do better, how to get rid of Jekkyle and hyde. What can I do to make him want the relationship and want him to be loyal, to just let go of that wall? I somehow know that if I just stayed calm and nice, smiled, made jokes, left him be (He texts me every day, and we see each other two times a week at minimum, we live in a village so it's usually just a walk, sometimes I have too much energy and I need to do more, but he just needs his rest) so if I just let things go, was around, nice, funny and cool I know that in few weeks he'd let me more in. But usually in that moment I make things go fast, so do you have advice on this? When he lets me in, meaning he visits my family, and I'm meeting his, he gives me the free time he spends on playing games and stuff, he talks to me on a deepper lever and he just stops texting with other girl. In that moment I usually start talking about a relationship, bud what can I do to make him get even deeper and just think by himself "I want this"?

Thank you a lot for reading this and giving me any advices and opinions. I know it all sounds stupid and when it comes to him I am stupid I don't have these problems with other guys, actually he is the only boy/man I ever let in, I'm usually a big femminist the type "I don't need a man". So just really thank you and I'm sorry if I created any negative emotions in you.

[darkmoon]

"But we decided to be friends with benefits until one of us finds someone else OR until it works between us much better."

 

his initial idea or yours to have to keep guessing what you have between you?

 

whatever, you are going to have to give him what he wants for this to work

[elaine567]

Being friends with benefits when you have feelings, love him and want more is a recipe for disaster.

 

He has his foot out the door, and is using you for sex.

Don't do this to yourself.

[dumbass2]

FWB in this case will just never work. You have feelings and want a relationship with him again. You will get hurt badly if you try this.