Jump to content

What does it look like?


Recommended Posts

Me and my girlfriend of a year and half broke up about a month ago. Towards the end of the relationship, she had tried to break it off a few times but i went into NC instantly and received text messages immediately telling me to come over. The last time we broke up before it was real, She showed me text messages between her and her mom telling her she could do better, but then later saying she felt she had made a mistake in dumping me, which i why i was there.

 

A week later, we had a pretty big argument about change, I felt that i was changing immensely and she was putting in little to no effort, an argument that could have easily been resolved or dropped. She dumped me, and i completely lost it. I wouldnt say i stalked her but i asked her if she wanted to walk in the hallways and stuff with me but i could see her kinda trying to act like she wasnt walking with me, to which i walked off.

 

I tried all the beta male things such as gifts and long text messages hoping it would fix it, which i now know, it doesn't. A week later i found out she was dating another person and i ran to her house. I was so sad. She told me to go home and she didnt care about me anymore. She blocked me on everything (facebook, twitter, instagram, phone) but a few days later continued to block and unblock me. I just decided to block her to keep my sanity. She went to prom with this other guy 2 weeks after we had broken up. Basically, I'm forced into NC (not that i would contact her anyways under these circumstances) and i truly miss her. Im not sure if it was GIGS or a rebound because of the timing of everything.

 

But i do believe she still has very strong feelings for me and is trying to get over them. Im working on mine and get better every day. But because of the NC i am left wondering if she is thinking of me. The guy she is with right now is complete trash but chivalrous, which is what i lack. I just need some reassurance from people who have seen multiple situations before. Another factor is im leaving for the marine corps in 3 months.

 

She was extremely supportive and i do not believe that is a reason for leaving because she was in a military family and we had talked about it before. Please help

 

also to note, we are each others first love and i still do not believe she has grieved over this yet, our time spent together right before we broke up was very promising with lots of talk in commitment and very physical. She is a sophomore but more mature than the other ones (or so i thought) and im a senior

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge
Link to post
Share on other sites

Moderator bump due to a report on a wall of text and merge of posts and move to BBU. Any help?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You are a senior. You are graduating. Focus on that. Come fall you will have all new adventures waiting for you. You don't need the HS girl back home.

 

 

I know it suck. It know it's hard to see her at school but you will get through this. It's only a couple of more weeks.

 

 

Hang in there.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Go be a Marine. You can check on her when you get out and see if she lived happily ever after and she can see the new you. I bet by then you'll be chivalrous.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I wont go into too much detail. We dated for a year and a half.

Basically she broke up with me because over the course of a month i became more "beta" male. She kept leading me on, telling me that she loved me and wanted to be apart of my life, but didnt see us continuing. She said she didnt want to be in a relationship right now. I became even more clingy, she had told me she wanted me to be more chivalrous so I bought her flowers and breakfast. She was so happy when she saw I brought her stuff. Things just kept getting worse and worse and I latched on. She started dating someone less than a week afterwards (complete **** boy) who appeared out of nowhere. It has gotten to the point where if she even sees me out in town she'll tell her friends im crazy and such. The resentment she's showing me is insane.

I understand the best course of action is to move on, I just need help not picturing her with this new guy. I really did and still do love her. But she turned toxic within a month. I am on no contact but in a losing situation for sure. I know her current relationship will end any day now but I cant get it out of my head. Please help me. There was slight emotional abuse from both sides towards the end of the relationship but nothing crazy until this point in time. Its been 6 weeks.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand the best course of action is to move on, I just need help not picturing her with this new guy. I really did and still do love her. But she turned toxic within a month. I am on no contact but in a losing situation for sure. I know her current relationship will end any day now but I cant get it out of my head. Please help me. There was slight emotional abuse from both sides towards the end of the relationship but nothing crazy until this point in time. Its been 6 weeks.

 

Maybe try some visualization exercises?

 

Imagine a bar, you walk in the door and see your ex with the new guy.

 

Try to imagine them in as much detail as you can, allow yourself to feel the grief and pain.

 

Then, when it reaches the point you can't stand it, imagine yourself turning around and walking back out the door. Imagine that moment over and over, where you think "screw this", turn around and walk away.

 

Repeat this exercise at least a few times a day.

 

Whatever you're feeling, remember, it WILL pass. You just have to ride it out. Like if you broke an arm, or had a horrible flu. Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and *endure*.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Ex gf dumped me about a month and a half ago because she was manipulated by another guy (sounds like im trying to put my ex on a pedestal but its the truth.) It's like 50% her fault for leaving me and 50% the other guys fault (he has a way with words and can get whoever he wants)

I know my ex is guaranteed to come back because of things her friends are saying and she has been unblocking my social media (i blocked her back when i noticed it)

I believe in my heart I can forgive her if she can really show me that she wants my forgiveness.

I know most people say an ex is an ex for a reason but i believe she really does love me and the situation was just very strange.

Thoughts?

Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly

Anyone that can be manipulated to the degree that they leave their partner is not a suitable candidate for a mature and committed relationship.

 

As such, no. You should most definitely not take her back.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
I know my ex is guaranteed to come back because of things her friends are saying and she has been unblocking my social media (i blocked her back when i noticed it)

 

 

Thoughts?

 

 

I think you are jumping the gun here. There are no guarantees in life. You actually don't know your EX is coming back. You claim she left you because somebody else manipulated her into doing that. You have a pretty low opinion of her if you actually think that is true. Also why would you want to be somebody's back up plan.

 

 

She has no returned. Stop thinking about what will happen if she does. She may never. You are putting your life on hold waiting for something that might not happen.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi there, it is unlikely that you will be able to block your ex out of your mind. It may be healthy to have a more realistic goal of being able to think about your ex and not getting upset about her or any other goal of your choice. I hope that you are able to have the wisdom to learn from this experience and that you can start your next relationship slowly, and in the right frame of mind.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

My girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me about 2 months ago. Everything was fine till the last 3 months, where arguments started coming in and the last month she was incredibly distant. We were eachothers first love, I am 2 years older than her and just graduated.

 

I believe she was wooed by a guy who has a way of words and can get whoever he wants (he cheated on every single one of his girlfriends thus far, probably about 5 girls total).

 

She told me she loved me but not romantically, that she didnt want to be in a relationship, and that she would not date anyone for a long time.

 

The last month she kept on trying to break up with me, but would get back together within a day. Eventually one day it was serious. I did everything possible to push her away because I had no clue what was going on. Gifts, going to her house, walking in the hallway with her. She never told me to go away until i eventually got the message but it was too late. I hadnt discovered these forums and now I know just to walk away.

 

She has been pretty harsh to me lately. I have no contact with her but she keeps blocking and unblocking me, telling my friends im crazy, and just sabotaging my life in general.

Everyone I end up talking to sides with me, because im very levelheaded from the situation and most definitely have learned more than she has.

 

How do i recover from being the "psycho" ex and move on with my life and forget about this person I love so much?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs ~T
Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I will have to say that her demand that she only likes you as friends but doesn't want you to date IS completely unreasonable. I guess she thought you'd just do whatever she said and stay under any circumstances, so I'm going to peg this girl as "used to getting her way."

 

Now, that is not someone you want to grow old with and you are young and wonderful and perfectly capable of finding a new girlfriend once you stop trying to make sense of this one. Don't waste a lot of time trying to make sense of nonsense. Can't be done.

 

Block her so you can move on without interruption because you already know her mindset is she doesn't want you to have anyone else so she will get in the way and that is what is going on. But if you totally block her off your social media and stop looking at hers and block her phone number and tell your close friends you'd appreciate if they didn't share any information about you with her because it stirs her up, then I think you can focus on something else and move on. But you've got to accept that often, breakups don't have closure or make sense at all. Just walk away. Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

You really hit it on the head. I dont know if she cares if i get anyone else but she does get whatever she wants. I've kinda become emotionally unavailable after all of this and still feel loyal to her, even though she has betrayed me.

Some people say GIGS is just a coping mechanism but i can guarantee thats what it is.

I know I can find better, but this haunts me

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
avvril3000

Once you have nothing left to say to her over what has happened, block her. Keep moving forward each day, keep living your life how you wanted before you met her, keep up your hobbies or find new ones, go out, see people, flirt with girls, know that you are worthy of being treated so much better, think about what happened, think about what you did wrong in the relationship and what she did wrong and work out what you want for your next relationship and what you don't want, work out what you want to learn from this past relationship that you can be a better boyfriend in your next relationship, read, watch movies, drink beer, eat good foods, be kind to yourself, give yourself time to grieve, give your heart time to to heal...

 

and then start noticing the better girls out there for yourself, and start dating again.

 

<3

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I have so much to say to her, but she wont listen even if i could talk to her. She basically led me on until she was 100% certain about the new guy. I know that relationship is gonna fail and she's gonna come back. But i dont want that. I just cant always tell myself that. Im a nostalgic guy so i grieve the past

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Dated a girl for a year and a half. She dumped me I believe because she found someone else. (He's a manipulative cheating loser.)

I had no clue what was going on. We are eachothers first loves. I pulled every psycho ex trick in the book smothering her with gifts and trying to fix what she saw wrong with me. I pushed her pretty far away and I have absolutely no way to contact her which is a good thing.

Is it possible she will come back when this relationship goes up in flames (its guaranteed its gonna fail)

Right now she just thinks im crazy but she is very forgiving and Ive done nothing to hurt her. I just clung on like a leech when she dumped me. My friends are starting to tell her im levelheaded about the whole situation, and that I've learned alot from this (which i really have).

What are your guy's thoughts?

Link to post
Share on other sites
You really hit it on the head. I dont know if she cares if i get anyone else but she does get whatever she wants. I've kinda become emotionally unavailable after all of this and still feel loyal to her, even though she has betrayed me.

Some people say GIGS is just a coping mechanism but i can guarantee thats what it is.

I know I can find better, but this haunts me

 

Thing is you gave your heart and that was a serious thing to her and so she still has some undeserved remnant of it, but she doesn't merit it, so you need to take that back, and give it to someone who does. That love is from inside you, not anything going between you. It's yours to walk away with and give to another. Good luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Hurtingguy
Dated a girl for a year and a half. She dumped me I believe because she found someone else. (He's a manipulative cheating loser.)

I had no clue what was going on. We are eachothers first loves. I pulled every psycho ex trick in the book smothering her with gifts and trying to fix what she saw wrong with me. I pushed her pretty far away and I have absolutely no way to contact her which is a good thing.

Is it possible she will come back when this relationship goes up in flames (its guaranteed its gonna fail)

Right now she just thinks im crazy but she is very forgiving and Ive done nothing to hurt her. I just clung on like a leech when she dumped me. My friends are starting to tell her im levelheaded about the whole situation, and that I've learned alot from this (which i really have).

What are your guy's thoughts?

 

Dude time to move on she's with someone else which means she's not even thinking about you...u def pushed her away gifts and show her you changed doesn't work...you didn't give her any space to think about you now she knows how needy you are and crazy so she doesn't want someone like that in her life...do not try and contact her anymore no more gifts don't let your friends say anything to her about you right now it's not gonna work.. Let her be with this new guy if she loves you it won't work out for them but I feel as if she's way past that now... Take this as a lesson for your next gf woman do not like needy dependant men they need someone who is confident and can be there for them she needs to know u can live without her...how old are you guys seem young you still have a lot of dating to do so don't worry about this girl you will find someone much better who won't leave you for another man

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I cant get over the fact ive pushed her so far away. I understand from her perspective i was being creepy. From my perspective I was just trying to get her back. And from mutual friends perspectives they just think I cared more than anything.

I wish i could go back in time and change my actions but i cant. I most definitely have learned from this.

I love the girl so much, she left me for another guy who is straight up trash and soon she'll realise it.

My friends are putting in a good word for me. But she thinks im crazy.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She's not coming back. The sooner you realize that the faster your healing can begin & you can get on with your life.

 

 

The whole clingy leech thing is actually a bigger turn off to many girls then the bad boy, loser cheating thing. Girls think they can reform the bad boy but have no patience building up the confidence of a clingy guy they view as weak.

 

 

I didn't say it was sane.

 

 

Sorry.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

What you have to remember about being clingy is it makes it real hard to break up with you, but so once you manage to break up, you feel guilty, but you are still glad you broke up -- and you don't want to have to break up again with a clingy person, so you don't casually get back together with them so you don't have to do that again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You would be wasting your time. Not sure why but most breakups all do the same thing.

 

Begging, crying, needy clingy, smothering. Probably a bigger turn off than the reason she dumped you in the first place.

 

If you were her and you had to witness this what would you think?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Desperation is NEVER sexy. Remember that. Keep your dignity and let it go. You're a good guy, but you've got to learn to keep your dignity and respect that when someone wants out, regardless how illogical she has been at times, that is their decision. What kills me is you're clinging to a woman you yourself say doesn't make sense most of the time.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...