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Ex suddenly being nice at school?


Crowdedlobster

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Crowdedlobster

Me and my ex were friends for a couple months before we got together but both had romantic feelings during this time, we were then together for about 4 months total. She dumped me due to stress of arguing and my immature behaviour at times. We were both first loves (18yo) and when the relationship was good it was very good, she has said herself to her friends that she didn't want to end it but felt she had to (I gave her no choice).

 

The break up itself started as an argument but actually ended really nicely, it actually ended with I love you on both parties. However it didn't take long to get VERY messy. She was constantly slagging me off and being horrible to me, and I was very horrible back and provqbly embarrassing too.

 

About a month after break up I tried to resolve the issue however I was told in very obscene language to basically leave her alone. I poured my heart out and left it at that.

 

couple weeks after she started being polite when she did see me, but she would still avoid me where possible and if we were in the table or same group it was very awkward, if we walked down the hall way I might get a thank you for opening the door but that's literally it other than that she would avoid looking at me,

 

Now, 2 months after I tried to resolve things, I went full no contact and tried to improve on the issues she had with my behaviour, she's suddenly being nice. At scho she goes out of her way to make conversation with me (always brief, never personal, never longer than a minute or so) but it's always friendly, we're both smiling, both laughing. I wouldn't say she's going overboard but she's definitely doing more than she has to if she just wanted to be civil. Last Friday in pe she was asking a couple questions (all related to the course) and being okay with me. Not once did I approach her it was always her, she was looking for excuses to talk to me however she is a bit of an attention seeker and is like that with everyone. Despite being nice throughout the day, she still decided to not go to revision after school because it would have been and her (and a couple others ) in the same room together, she told her friend she didn't want to go because of me. Why would she be so nice and make such an effort then not do the revision. Class? Is she being nice because she wants to be friends and doesn't want it to be awkward or is she hoping for more?

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She's not hoping for more. Let's start with that.

 

You need to start practicing this:

 

"Oh, hi. Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to go talk to {whomever}." Then go talk to whoever you named.

 

Use that on her for a couple of weeks, and pretty soon, she'll leave you alone, which believe it or not, is what you really want.

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Crowdedlobster
She's not hoping for more. Let's start with that.

 

You need to start practicing this:

 

"Oh, hi. Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to go talk to {whomever}." Then go talk to whoever you named.

 

Use that on her for a couple of weeks, and pretty soon, she'll leave you alone, which believe it or not, is what you really want.

 

Why do I want her to leave me alone?

 

To be fair whenever we have spoke, it is always me that walks away.

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Why? Because you're thinking about it so much that you're on an internet forum describing this situation, and you are asking strangers to discern her motivations based on no more than what you know.

 

I know why you'r doing that, but the truth is we don't know. All we can do is spout off theories about her motivations. You'd do a lot better asking her, but I have to imagine you're afraid to bring it up, and she may not be the kind of girl to give it to you right between the eyes.

 

Why? Because she doesn't want more, but she's planting the seeds of hope in you and you really don't need that. If she was looking out for you, she's be killing those seeds of hope with every interaction.

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Resume the no contact. You can tell that it's working. She's in her "you don't know what you got until it's gone" mode.

 

If she really wants to get back with you, it will come from her. Directly. Doesn't matter if you are doing NC, she will find you some way and some how and send the message. All you have to do is resume no contact. If you never hear anything from her, that means it was nothing. If you do, then reconsider your options then. But right now, this is nothing. Resume the NC.

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She doesn't want to reconcile but she liked the attention you gave her. When you took it away she sought it out. You can't be friends; at least not yet. Maybe next year when you are home from college but not now.

 

 

Don't be rude to her but do not mistake her kindness for a desire to date you again.

 

 

HS is ending. Look to your future, not the past.

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Crowdedlobster
Resume the no contact. You can tell that it's working. She's in her "you don't know what you got until it's gone" mode.

 

If she really wants to get back with you, it will come from her. Directly. Doesn't matter if you are doing NC, she will find you some way and some how and send the message. All you have to do is resume no contact. If you never hear anything from her, that means it was nothing. If you do, then reconsider your options then. But right now, this is nothing. Resume the NC.

 

The no contact definitely worked, but the last couple time we've been in class together it's always her making the effort to talk to me, I do always make excuse to leave, what if she is trying to get back on track but thinks I've moved on now so is too scared to say something? We don't follow each other on social media but she like a thing I shared on Facebook two weeks ago (a joke about an ex) so I know she still keeps tabs on me, and on her instagram she was liking posts which possibly suggested getting back together. Is it normal for an ex to start being friendly couple months after a messy break up with no motive of getting back together

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The no contact definitely worked, but the last couple time we've been in class together it's always her making the effort to talk to me, I do always make excuse to leave, what if she is trying to get back on track but thinks I've moved on now so is too scared to say something? We don't follow each other on social media but she like a thing I shared on Facebook two weeks ago (a joke about an ex) so I know she still keeps tabs on me, and on her instagram she was liking posts which possibly suggested getting back together. Is it normal for an ex to start being friendly couple months after a messy break up with no motive of getting back together

 

 

No it didn't. NC is about helping you heal & get over her. You still want her. While your decreasing interested caused her to reach out more, that does not mean NC worked. It's not a tool to manipulate somebody to come back to you. Plus her talking to you is NOT an indicator that she wants to date you again. It is an immature response to her losing a source to have her ego stroked.

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No it didn't. NC is about helping you heal & get over her. You still want her. While your decreasing interested caused her to reach out more, that does not mean NC worked. It's not a tool to manipulate somebody to come back to you. Plus her talking to you is NOT an indicator that she wants to date you again. It is an immature response to her losing a source to have her ego stroked.

 

But I haven't stroked her ego, I haven't given her any indication I want to get back with her, and it's always her giving me the attention

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But I haven't stroked her ego, I haven't given her any indication I want to get back with her, and it's always her giving me the attention

 

 

 

In your first post you said after you broke up you continued interacting with her. You described both of you as behaving horribly but then a month later you tried to fix it & poured your heart out. That was the ego stroke. Even the horrible behavior was proof that you still cared. If you didn't care you would have been indifferent.

 

 

Two months later you claim you went full on NC. Then she started being polite to you again.

 

 

The ego stroke she was receiving & now missing was whatever you were doing before you started ignoring her.

 

 

There's an old song by Janet Jackson, I think called I Can't Get Over You Getting Over Me. I think that is playing a factor here for your EX. She liked the power of knowing you were miserable.

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In your first post you said after you broke up you continued interacting with her. You described both of you as behaving horribly but then a month later you tried to fix it & poured your heart out. That was the ego stroke. Even the horrible behavior was proof that you still cared. If you didn't care you would have been indifferent.

 

 

Two months later you claim you went full on NC. Then she started being polite to you again.

 

 

The ego stroke she was receiving & now missing was whatever you were doing before you started ignoring her.

 

 

There's an old song by Janet Jackson, I think called I Can't Get Over You Getting Over Me. I think that is playing a factor here for your EX. She liked the power of knowing you were miserable.

 

I get what you are saying to be fair, but if she was indifferent why would she care if I'm happy or not

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Because she is not as indifferent as she claims. She doesn't want to date you but she still wants you to pine for her or she is naïve enough to think you can actually just be friends.

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Because she is not as indifferent as she claims. She doesn't want to date you but she still wants you to pine for her or she is naïve enough to think you can actually just be friends.

 

 

I just don't understand why would you want to be friends after such a messy break up if you had no feelings anymore

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Attention seeking for validation

 

Nice to keep you on the hook and boost ego.

 

If there's ever any doubt.......there is no doubt.

 

 

When you have to get on a forum or do research as to why your realtionship is weird. There is a problem and it's best to free yourself from toxic. She won't change.

 

More than likely she doesn't care if your happy. They say this to keep you where they want you. Thinking they care so they can keep you around and give them the attention they want while giving You feign attention back. I wouldn't t mess with her. Not knowing what I know now.

 

 

 

Listen to Corey Wayne on you tube.

Edited by Glhx
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