ctrlindustries Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 I've been trying to figure this one out and I can't. I dated a girl for 8 months. I went away for a month and we kept in contact whilst I was away by video call and texts. I got back and was going to move to USA. I told her this in Jan this year as I wanted to compete in a sport. When I broke up with her I didn't feel good. We even kept seeing each other through February and she would come round also. I realised that I was in love with this girl and didn't want to leave her for the USA so I told her this end of Feb. I told her she was the reason I wasn't leaving. She was unhappy that she thought I didn't think she was good enough for me. However she thought I was leaving for sure and discovered that as soon as one of my back then good friends, had been dating her through Feb behind my back. I caught them together beginning of March. I spoke with her and spoke with him. They no longer see each other. Before I discovered this, I also started to ballroom dance every evening just like she does a couple times a week as it means most to her. I commited to hundreds of euros of classes. So when I found out it was already a bit late and now we are at the same school and in the same classes. I have made progress so much so that I am a couple months later in advanced classes when she has been doing it for some years. After 2 months no contact and I had initially deleted her off Facebook which probably struck a chord with her as she takes social media more seriously than I do... and I offered to meet with her to clear the air and be on a friends level with her. During the meet up beginning May, she kept on bringing up the fact that she was unhappy about my lack of communication whilst away and that sports and gym was more important than her and that my priority wasn't her. She replies to texts very short and ending in .... rather than asking me anything or how I am... She said in the meet up that I will never find anyone like her and said that she felt like punching me before and that it will take a while to be friends. I would love to be with her and feel a little frustrated as if I had not left, we would be continuing to be with each other. I am no longer going away and I have made the effort to do the sport she does. Normally this is an honour but initially she even thought I was doing this to be better than her and spite her when all I wanted to do was to be able to dance with her and on holiday etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctrlindustries Posted May 11, 2017 Author Share Posted May 11, 2017 (edited) I know the next part is demonstrating that i want her back/that I have changed What more can I do than: 1. Previously told her I want her back but she was seeing my friend (which I didn't know about when I told her how I felt and that I wasn't leaving for the USA) so she said she didn't know what to do and said she would need to think about things. this was 2 months ago and since then... 2 months NC 2. Have been improving massively in the sport she trains in of ballroom Dance and am even competing soon too. 3. I no longer have the same work commitments that don't allow me to respond to messages and calls etc.... which was one of her issues in that it seemed to her training was more important (ambition... terrible I know) 4. I no longer train in one sport that I used to do because I actually prefer the ballroom dance side of things. 5. She brings up the fact that I left her for USA but I haven't actually left so how valid is the use of this argument when I came back for her? This was meant to be played out like one of the great moments in love history at least In my mind but she had instantly rebounded. ..... Edited May 11, 2017 by ctrlindustries Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 The problem is that you were actually going to leave her to go play your sport. Yeah, you changed your mind, but that is why she feels that you never saw her as long term if you were even willing to consider going. There's not much you can do if she's not willing to give you a chance. You've let her know how you feel and what you want so let things cool down and stay away from her and if you had an otherwise solid 8 months together, then she may start to miss that and come back to you, but it must be her willing to try again. Not you trying to force things. The ballroom dancing is great and all, but don't be doing it to win her back. That wasn't the issue. Remember, the issue is that you were willing to end things and leave her for a sport. Sometimes in life you don't get a second chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctrlindustries Posted May 11, 2017 Author Share Posted May 11, 2017 That wasn't the issue. Remember, the issue is that you were willing to end things and leave her for a sport. Sometimes in life you don't get a second chance. We all make mistakes. I made one. If roles were reversed and she came back and said I don't wanna love after all because you mean more to me than going away... I would give things a chance. Trouble is that the kind of person she is, she thinks the best way to feel better is to rebound almost immediately. She is single right now.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctrlindustries Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 Anyone have any solutions? She uses in many of the replies to me about me breaking up with her or dumping her..... Any assistance on what to do would be massively appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Thats difficult, How to rebuild her belief in you that you wont do it Again never maybe show her your tears so she knows you have feelings for her:o i dont know if she is the type to forgive or if Impossible or taking a long time of consistent behavior of interest from you and no rebeound from your side as that Will fuel the insequrity she is already feeling hence her own stupid rebound Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 So the only reason you regretted your decicion was that she dated your friend and you got jealous otherwise you wouldnt have known your feelings for her? Why didnt you offer her to go with you If you loved her as you say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctrlindustries Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 So the only reason you regretted your decicion was that she dated your friend and you got jealous otherwise you wouldnt have known your feelings for her? Why didnt you offer her to go with you If you loved her as you say? No. I said to her I made a mistake and that I wasn't moving away. One week later I found out that she hadn't said yes to having mr back , back in February was because she had been dating my friend for 3 weeks. I believe there's nobody better that can do more for her than I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctrlindustries Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 (edited) So the only reason you regretted your decicion was that she dated your friend and you got jealous otherwise you wouldnt have known your feelings for her? Why didnt you offer her to go with you If you loved her as you say? I had to make a life choice and it turned out to be the wrong one. Why would someone move country after being with someone for less than a year? I didn't get jealous and even now I don't care about what happened in the past. It is only since this discovery I made, that she hasn't been texting me in nice ways or responding to me in a nice manner. After we broke up for a month it was as if we hadn't even broken up as we continued to see each other. Nothing seemed to have changed except official relationship status. Edited May 13, 2017 by ctrlindustries More added. Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 If two People love each other they want to be together, both so If One wants to move they talk about it and See if both feel it, but the primary Thing has to Be wanting to Be together under all circumstances) just my blabla. Hope you can win her back, very sweet with the dancing moves hope you two find a way:love: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 I believe there's nobody better that can do more for her than I can. Really? She seems to think you thought she wasn't good enough for you, and was unhappy because she didn't feel like a priority in your life. If any of that is true... She was unhappy besides the moving away situation, it sounds like she is angry and/or indifferent about the relationship and there appears to be no interest in revisiting it. There is nothing you can do about that other than hope she will change her mind eventually. I would not wait around if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ctrlindustries Posted May 13, 2017 Author Share Posted May 13, 2017 Really? She seems to think you thought she wasn't good enough for you, and was unhappy because she didn't feel like a priority in your life. If any of that is true... She was unhappy besides the moving away situation, it sounds like she is angry and/or indifferent about the relationship and there appears to be no interest in revisiting it. There is nothing you can do about that other than hope she will change her mind eventually. I would not wait around if I were you. Well... yes. That's what she thought. And was unhappy about. But there were no negative behaviours from her directly after the break up and even a month and a half later. They have only surfaced now months and months later. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 Regardless, there appears to be zero interest in reconciling. This is not in your power to change. Link to post Share on other sites
SpecialJ Posted May 13, 2017 Share Posted May 13, 2017 It very well may be too late, but did you ever ask her what would make her feel prioritized and supported? It sounds to me like you think she should just know from your more recent actions, but that there is a communication gap and she doesn't interpret your actions in the way in which you mean them (which could potentially indicate an inherent incompatibility as well). Link to post Share on other sites
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