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My ex joined my department ????


Brokenheartedman12

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Brokenheartedman12

Hey all so my girlfriend and i broke up janurary 8th, we had ups and downs as any relationship does we were very clingy of each other. We slept together at eachother houses everyday. Ik that sounds crazy, we started dating while i was goinf thru fire academy but we were friends for a full yr before this, even the friendship was odd wed hold hands cuddle, and shed lay her head on my shoulder on car rides id ask her our every here and there but she didnt wanna ruin what we had. It was not until her brother and his wife talked to her she was like ok lets give it a go (they all wanted us to date) i cared for her so much and i saw poetinantial to marry her right away we talked about marriage and kids. We were only 19 and 21 but she was like its so odd knowing u are with the guy you are gunna marry. So anyway we break up and a month later she became a fireman, i had girls in my class and she said that was unattractive for a female to do such a thing? Now her dad was a fireman and he passed away almost 4 yrs ago some people feel its for him but most feel its to get back at me, maybe both? I dont understand why four years later though? I tried making peace with her in feburary, she was like after everything you did? No you are sufferering the consquences, i than blocked and havent talked since, basically this all occured cause we kept meeting up having sex, i got drunk and upset with her day after our 5 month and put her stuff on my porch and asked her to come get, mutuals and coworkers got involved and made things uglier and did oir dirty work. I regret that night everyday.

 

Well a few times after all this i hear she has asked mutuals how i have been, she still talks about me and word of a friend (she is more worried about what i am doing than herself). She also told one of our friends she can not love and hates all guys after me.

 

So she joined my department, and we got a firecall i suit up and get on truck and there she is she said something but i ignored it, while dating we got a kitten, now about 8-9months old got preganant my buddy loved the cat we took her everywhere with us (literally) so its pregnant and my friend was like omg give me a kitten, idk what was said after that but she was like i wanted to tell him (meaning me) that she is pregnant but acted as if i was non existent, because she is his cat too? I am alittle shocked she still calls it part my cat i have not seen either of them on months? Besides from the fire calls my friend says i advise you to be nice it seems like she is getting ready to talk to you again, i did see her last night at the fh i said hello but she didnt bring up our kitten.

 

Are these signs she is missing me? Not sure what she is doing ik i am reading way to much into it but she joined the fire dep and still calls the kitten half mine? So weird

 

Any advice and opinions would be greatly apperciated i know i asked it a few times get a few replies but i need more opinions i am lost

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kgcolonel
Hey all so my girlfriend and i broke up janurary 8th, we had ups and downs as any relationship does we were very clingy of each other. We slept together at eachother houses everyday. Ik that sounds crazy, we started dating while i was goinf thru fire academy but we were friends for a full yr before this, even the friendship was odd wed hold hands cuddle, and shed lay her head on my shoulder on car rides id ask her our every here and there but she didnt wanna ruin what we had. It was not until her brother and his wife talked to her she was like ok lets give it a go (they all wanted us to date) i cared for her so much and i saw poetinantial to marry her right away we talked about marriage and kids. We were only 19 and 21 but she was like its so odd knowing u are with the guy you are gunna marry. So anyway we break up and a month later she became a fireman, i had girls in my class and she said that was unattractive for a female to do such a thing? Now her dad was a fireman and he passed away almost 4 yrs ago some people feel its for him but most feel its to get back at me, maybe both? I dont understand why four years later though? I tried making peace with her in feburary, she was like after everything you did? No you are sufferering the consquences, i than blocked and havent talked since, basically this all occured cause we kept meeting up having sex, i got drunk and upset with her day after our 5 month and put her stuff on my porch and asked her to come get, mutuals and coworkers got involved and made things uglier and did oir dirty work. I regret that night everyday.

 

Well a few times after all this i hear she has asked mutuals how i have been, she still talks about me and word of a friend (she is more worried about what i am doing than herself). She also told one of our friends she can not love and hates all guys after me.

 

So she joined my department, and we got a firecall i suit up and get on truck and there she is she said something but i ignored it, while dating we got a kitten, now about 8-9months old got preganant my buddy loved the cat we took her everywhere with us (literally) so its pregnant and my friend was like omg give me a kitten, idk what was said after that but she was like i wanted to tell him (meaning me) that she is pregnant but acted as if i was non existent, because she is his cat too? I am alittle shocked she still calls it part my cat i have not seen either of them on months? Besides from the fire calls my friend says i advise you to be nice it seems like she is getting ready to talk to you again, i did see her last night at the fh i said hello but she didnt bring up our kitten.

 

Are these signs she is missing me? Not sure what she is doing ik i am reading way to much into it but she joined the fire dep and still calls the kitten half mine? So weird

 

Any advice and opinions would be greatly apperciated i know i asked it a few times get a few replies but i need more opinions i am lost

 

 

Not having all the details of just "how nasty' things got" I have a policy of literally, KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS...if they see it as insincere, it'll torture them, if they see it as sincere, they'll be curious about it....doesn't mean you have to flirt or go overboard but be nice and classy....someone you might later be interested in, may be watching and that would be a good thing.

 

Your actions establish just who your really are.

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Brokenheartedman12
Not having all the details of just "how nasty' things got" I have a policy of literally, KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS...if they see it as insincere, it'll torture them, if they see it as sincere, they'll be curious about it....doesn't mean you have to flirt or go overboard but be nice and classy....someone you might later be interested in, may be watching and that would be a good thing.

 

Your actions establish just who your really are.

People got involved in our relationship she started bashing me on social media we had toxic people on both ends, i got super drunk put her stuff on my porch. I never wanted to actually do it. I apologized she said i am suffering the consquences her coworkers barely knew me and said all this crap that made her hate me more! She than blocked me to this day she still bashed me. I tried to make thibgs right wished her happy bday but im keeping my distance, she went to a friend, one she asked how i was doing a month or so ago, saying she wanted to tell me "our" cat got pregnant but i treated her non existent. I than saw her again said hello nothing more, also had a few mutuals say shes more worried about me than herself idk

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kgcolonel
People got involved in our relationship she started bashing me on social media we had toxic people on both ends, i got super drunk put her stuff on my porch. I never wanted to actually do it. I apologized she said i am suffering the consquences her coworkers barely knew me and said all this crap that made her hate me more! She than blocked me to this day she still bashed me. I tried to make thibgs right wished her happy bday but im keeping my distance, she went to a friend, one she asked how i was doing a month or so ago, saying she wanted to tell me "our" cat got pregnant but i treated her non existent. I than saw her again said hello nothing more, also had a few mutuals say shes more worried about me than herself idk

 

Let her make the next move...if you do anything make is very minimal something like leave a cat toy or treat on her desk or where she works....just keep your distance but when passing say "hi" if she engages, fine but don't push anything.

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Brokenheartedman12
Let her make the next move...if you do anything make is very minimal something like leave a cat toy or treat on her desk or where she works....just keep your distance but when passing say "hi" if she engages, fine but don't push anything.

 

The fire department i am part of is volunteer, she joined right after our break up why do you think she joined

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kgcolonel
The fire department i am part of is volunteer, she joined right after our break up why do you think she joined

 

Maybe i am reading something more but i think she did it to keep an eye on you.....is it out of the question to just sit down with her over coffee and have the discussion with her as to what she wants, if anything and make your direction based on this?

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If it's part your cat, you should get the cat neutered. Not like they're not gassing millions of unwanted cats every week.

 

This alone makes me not like her, to be honest.

 

It's not great working with an ex. I did it for 10 years and then later, he took another job where we'd be in contact. It can cause problems. Maybe you should transfer.

 

I do think she is still interested in you because she's holding onto all that cat business and likes to let people know you were together and were serious enough to share a cat. Only you know if you are at all interested back.

 

You can't date working together like that, though. Best to just get a transfer.

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Unless she comes up to you and says, I miss you and want you back you are just assuming and I'm sure she can be pretty clear if she wanted to

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Brokenheartedman12
If it's part your cat, you should get the cat neutered. Not like they're not gassing millions of unwanted cats every week.

 

This alone makes me not like her, to be honest.

 

It's not great working with an ex. I did it for 10 years and then later, he took another job where we'd be in contact. It can cause problems. Maybe you should transfer.

 

I do think she is still interested in you because she's holding onto all that cat business and likes to let people know you were together and were serious enough to share a cat. Only you know if you are at all interested back.

 

You can't date working together like that, though. Best to just get a transfer.

Cant transfer its closet dep to me and they paid for me to get in, she literally told my friend i wanted to tell him "our" cat is pregnant since its part his

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Brokenheartedman12
Maybe i am reading something more but i think she did it to keep an eye on you.....is it out of the question to just sit down with her over coffee and have the discussion with her as to what she wants, if anything and make your direction based on this?

 

Idk what i want im so confused all ik she is trying to talk to me

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Be the first one to alert you supervisor that your ex has just shown up for work so he/she knows what is going on. Let him know you are not comfortable with it but will see how it goes.

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Brokenheartedman12
Be the first one to alert you supervisor that your ex has just shown up for work so he/she knows what is going on. Let him know you are not comfortable with it but will see how it goes.

 

They all know we dated, this department is only volunteer

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Brokenheartedman12
They all know we dated, this department is only volunteer

 

Any more advice

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I mean, your options are to make yourself be mature and polite and professional and keep a firm boundary or to unvolunteer or to let her run whatever agenda she's running and just stand by and see if you get hit or not.

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Brokenheartedman12

So a buddy of mine told me my ex didn't go to a party cause she would see me there, i was not even in town time of party but she felt shed see me at this party.

 

Its been 5 months and 3 months nc and she still cant be in same room with me which tells me she still cares about it all. Am i wrong?

 

The funny thing is she cant go to a party but she can join my fire department where i am as well so i have a feeling liquor in her system with me being there would go to sex cause that is what happened a week after we broke up at the same persons party,

 

She also went to a few friends to check up on me and wanted to tell me about our cat which is really her but she calls it half mine.

 

Um why 5 months down the road she is still doing this i can see maybe her not going if i was trying to talk to her but she went to my friend telling him i treated her non existent when i saw her at the department? I still have her blocked and have no intentions in unblocking her, AND SHE STILL cant be at the same party as me? Lmao 5 months and this is what i am still dealing with

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juniorrocha

It doesn't matters how long it takes her to get completely over you.

 

Break ups are not easy and it can take a long time to heal. You are clearly not over her either.

 

If there's nothing to do about the relationship, especially if it was a bad one, then you should avoid her too and mantain NC.

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Just pointing out that you're not having to deal with anything. You are still attending the events you want and she's the one making the changes she needs.

 

And yes, I could see that it would be extremely awkward for her if you don't acknowledge her existence at an event. A simple greeting but not getting into conversation is all that's required. (And if your response is that you didn't greet her because of X,Y or Z, then this is why she's staying away - it's just too complicated for her)

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Brokenheartedman12

Thats the thing guys i tried being civil and she was like. No u are suffering the consquences i was nothing but good to her dirong relationship she was my world, at first i was upset and begged but after feburary i went nc, i tried to do the right thing and wished her a happy bday which she complained to a mutual about and than said thank you 6 days later i was not looking to reconnect from it just simply wanted to show her i am mature and can careless she was still trash talking me. I than find out she went to a friend saying she wanted to tell me "our " cat is pregnant but yes i was a little distant when i first saw her, the next time insaw her i said hello and asked if she need help carrying in bags, i have not talked bad about her i simply stopped caring and i hear she is flippibg cause of it, hell she even joined my fire dep idk why she is doing what she is doing is all

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Goodguy05
Thats the thing guys i tried being civil and she was like. No u are suffering the consquences i was nothing but good to her dirong relationship she was my world, at first i was upset and begged but after feburary i went nc, i tried to do the right thing and wished her a happy bday which she complained to a mutual about and than said thank you 6 days later i was not looking to reconnect from it just simply wanted to show her i am mature and can careless she was still trash talking me. I than find out she went to a friend saying she wanted to tell me "our " cat is pregnant but yes i was a little distant when i first saw her, the next time insaw her i said hello and asked if she need help carrying in bags, i have not talked bad about her i simply stopped caring and i hear she is flippibg cause of it, hell she even joined my fire dep idk why she is doing what she is doing is all

 

 

Dude it doesn't matter 2 bits if she dumped u if u ignore her so u shld. Me and my ex work together and let's just put it down to age and experience I ignore her after she left. At work I don't hold doors open or nothing if i see her coming. When I was young I'd feel guilty but hav come to realise and learn this person damaged u and caused pain so u owe them jack ****. I will never show them a peep of what's going through my mind even if I still care.

Key here dude u owe her nothing especially an explanation remember she tore ur heart out. The great thing is u can still heal forgive them unravel the damage they caused all byour not showing them u really can and in doing so make ur next relationship better wth the lessons learnt. Don't give her the benefit of the doubt if she downstairs deserve it and by the sounds of it she doesn't

 

Being nice gets u nowhere as uve already seen

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What do you mean you're "dealing with"? Hearsay? She hasn't really done anything out of the ordinary and it doesn't appear that she is being intrusive in any way. It's not far fetched that she didn't want to come to a party she thought you would be at. She has her reasons, you will probably never really know. Was it not your cat too? Just wondering why it appears in quotes. Maybe she wants kitty support for the family she's about to have LOL. Hopefully she will find good homes and get the cat fixed after they have been weaned.

 

You should probably ask your friends not to share anymore information with you. It's all pointless chatter, really.

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Brokenheartedman12
What do you mean you're "dealing with"? Hearsay? She hasn't really done anything out of the ordinary and it doesn't appear that she is being intrusive in any way. It's not far fetched that she didn't want to come to a party she thought you would be at. She has her reasons, you will probably never really know. Was it not your cat too? Just wondering why it appears in quotes. Maybe she wants kitty support for the family she's about to have LOL. Hopefully she will find good homes and get the cat fixed after they have been weaned.

 

You should probably ask your friends not to share anymore information with you. It's all pointless chatter, really.

 

Ya we got her together, i feel she is using the cat has a connection to me still otberwise she has no reason to bring me up, she also joined my fire dep right after. Reak up never saying in the yr and 5 months of knowing her i wanna be a fireman infact she said it was gross for girls to do it all sudden she is one? Its been 5 months from break up and i have not attempted to talk i dont get how she can join my dep but not be able to go to a party i will be at but be at my firehouse which is why i said i felt it had to do with alcohol

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Brokenheartedman12

Hey all ex and i broke up in janurary, we were best friends before the whole relationship i chased her she didnt wanna ruin our friendship but i kept pursuing, only because she showed signs that she wanted to be with me such as holding my hand cuddling and those long stares. I still find myself missing her, i tried dating i tried talking to new girls, but i feel odd its not her its not what i want i want HER, as much as she drove me crazy i miss it. She dumped me cause i was more jealous with her than she was with me, but after breakup guy i was worried about pursued and got friendzoned. Idk if i still miss and love her cause she does little things that keep me wondering or what! Too this day she still bashes me which shows she still angry, she couldnt go to a party cause she felt shed see me but i wasnt even in town? She joined my fire dept, and has checked up on me with a few of my friends she met thru me. She wanted to tell me our cat got pregnant and she readded me on everything one night in feb beginning of march at same time she did that i saw a pic of her drinking my favorite beer. I cant seem to move on and i miss her dearly idk if her actions show she does too but ik her being on my dep we will be close again and sorta forced to talk. I hate this we talked about a house marriage and kids i want it back we are still young but i know i wanted to wife her. Now i am lost and ik there is other girls but they arent MY girl and im kinda lost without her , we spent everyday together and slept together everyday ik that kind of bad but we did it i never got bored of her was always excited to see and she couldnt go to sleep without me we literally acted as if we were married i guess the friendship allowed for that i want her back

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Brokenheartedman12

hello all, by now you all are probably sick of seeing my name on here, but it gives me kind of sanity just to talk and not reach to my ex.

Its been 5 months and I am still not fully moved on=(. I contacted her for a few weeks and tried one last time the next month and have been nc for 3 months now. I am finding it hard to move on the first month I was a new person, hanging with girls, dating but nothing that knocked my socks off, my ex and I almost got back but mutuals and her coworkers took over her mind and made sure she didn't come back. (shed be the stupid girl to come back ). I don't exactly remember who did the breaking up but we were both tired and needed a break and I was frustrated and said good idc lets break up, it crushed her and she cried on way home. we hung out the whole week after sex and everything else. I was doing fine, moving on sorta kinda, but here I am on the 5th month the wound reopened and it feels like the day after our break up all over again, and all I do is think about her, and how no girl I meet compares, I never ever liked a girl as much as I liked her and I sat and thought about it. Id take our crazy rollercoaster of a relationship anyday over starting with some one new, as I said we were very jealous of each other she was afraid to lose me and I thought she was gunan leave me idk why, cause we were with each other everyday . Its now even harder cause I still see her cause she joined my department after the breakup ( which she probably did purposely so I don't move on). I probably would have been well moved on if I didn't see her at all, but seeing someone that you shared so many memories with, talked about marriage and kids, and now act as if you never knew each other well let me tell ya that just hurts. Mine as well take a knife and stab me in the heart and throw it on the ground infront of me and stomp on it cause that how it feels x10. I love this girl still and besides from her joining the department she has not tried to contact me (it hurts) she still talks about me but idk if its cause she is still angry and hurt and misses, we never got closure and people got involved and tore us apart even further. I don't know how to move on seeing the love of my life constantly, and being reminded constantly of what we had

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Healing is not linear & it takes time. Give yourself permission to feel the rollercoaster range of emotions that come with processing what happened.

 

 

Hang in there. Keep busy. Do things to self soothe.

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Hang in there. Keep busy. Do things to self soothe.

 

Bingo. People think "moving forward" is a product of outside events and forces, it's actually the small steps you become willing to take yourself. Like a bike, you have to provide the energy to get anywhere.

 

Start pedaling ;) ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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