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Is this worth pursuing or is it completely dead


findingsomeonespecia

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findingsomeonespecia

backstory:

i met my ex in september on a business trip. 2 hour flight, but crossborder. she was everything i wanted in a girl, smart, beautiful, sexy and very funny.

 

we hit it off right off the bat, became friends, and confessed our love to each other. the week i was there, she made me feel welcome more than anyone else ever had done, and said that i was special and exactly what she is looking for in a guy. this was in september. she took me everywhere, all on her dime.

 

we planned to see each other in november. we talked everyday. texted non-stop, phone conversations till both of us went to sleep. she would text me good morning, send me sexy pics, and everything.

 

saw in her november and it was an awesome weekend. saw her parents and extended family members and friends as well. got their blessings and everything was perfect and we planned to see again during christmas time.

 

in december she sent me a gift, but i screwed it up by blowing it in her face. this was the start of the downfall. we got into a fight, we argued, and i apologized and things seemed to go back to normal after a week or so.

 

saw her christmas time, we were together for a whole week, everyday non stop. professed our love for each other again, and we started talking about becoming more serious. who will move where and so on.

 

i come back in january, we talk normal for a few weeks, then we got into an argument about who is moving where. she said she plans to go back to school, and will be taking class, and want to progress in her career, so she wants me to move there and support her. i told her thats fine, but that i also do need to upgrade in my field and not sure how everything will transition over to where she lives. I don't know if she took this is a sign that I don't want to move or that I am not interested as this was the start of the withdrawal phase.

 

at this time, she also got a job and well became distant. we had plans to meet valentines but due to her new job, she couldn't make the time cause she doesnt want to already ask for days off. I sent her valentines roses and a card, but never received anything from her. we were fighting a lot as well. communications was becoming an issue as she claimed she is too busy between taking classes, studying, working long hours and that she doesn't have much time to talk. I took it as a sign of not interest and told her that all she has to do is tell me when she is free so at least we can make some for each other. She would say ok, but never follow through. She never told me her schedule after this. Before i knew everything about her daily life.

 

So she became distant, cold and was withdrawing herself from me. But she would never admit to it. she would take longer to text, refuse my calls and so on. However, if she called or texted, i had to be ready and available, simply because i wasn't as busy as her. I thought this was unfair and told her that, except she wouldn't agree. which caused more issues between us.

 

So it was at the advice of some friends that i decide to go see her blind and surprise her for her bday in march. This totally backfired, as when she saw me, she got mad, said i told you i don't have time to meet, and you can't show up like this unannounced. needless to say, that i barely saw her the whole time i was there, and she barely communicated as she was working.

 

so back to my home country, i try to become just as distant but she would still call and text, and get angry that i wouldn't text her back or call her back at an appropriate time. we end up arguing about this again, and we don't talk for few days. she breaks the NC and says that she can't have a relationship with someone that doesn't check up on her or contact her. i said she is busy and didn't want to bother her but she said that is an excuse as i did it before. at one point she even said that she is too old for games and that if i can't pick up her calls then i should never contact her again.

 

so i said ok fine, i'll contact her more. except it would end up the same way as in she would take hours/days to respond, and i would have no idea if she was actually at work or ignoring me on purposes. she would still text but very far and in between.

 

so i finally got fed up, told her that it takes two person to make a relationship, and that i gave her time and space and she cant even respect me enough by getting back to me at a reasonable time. I finally got the balls to tell her never contact me again. and blocked her for a week. I also want to add that sometime in feb i deleted her from snapchat cause she wouldn't reply, but then when i added her again she didn't respond to my request.

 

after a week, when my emotions wore off and i am less mad, i unblocked her but i never made another attempt of contacting her. It has been 2 weeks since the last time i sent her a text. I miss her a lot, and i am not sure how it ended up like this. from being in love to all this hatred and anger in a span of months. I feel at a loss as to what exactly went wrong. we went from planning a future together, to nothing at all and i am completely heartbroken.

 

Unsure on next steps. Is it still worth pursuing? Do i at least try to get closure by saying sorry to her and wish her the best? We never said goodbye, and I know deep down she loves me.

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Closure comes from within. Talking to her again won't get you closure. Whatever it was that happened the last time, was the closure.

 

 

She will forever be the exotic foreign beauty you dated but you were unable to make the romantic fantasy a reality. With immigration issues & jobs in your own countries, you were never going to be able to close the gap.

 

 

Just let it be. Enjoy the memory but date women more realistically.

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findingsomeonespecia
Closure comes from within. Talking to her again won't get you closure. Whatever it was that happened the last time, was the closure.

 

 

She will forever be the exotic foreign beauty you dated but you were unable to make the romantic fantasy a reality. With immigration issues & jobs in your own countries, you were never going to be able to close the gap.

 

 

Just let it be. Enjoy the memory but date women more realistically.

 

i just think that i need to give it a second shot. i'm really trying not to contact her but i feel like i should.

 

i know i messed up a good situation by my antics. and i felt that instead of working with me, she started to become distant. i'm not perfect, neither was she, but we were great together when we actually saw each other and did things.

 

i am also hoping that maybe she might feel bad/guilty about what happened, and contact me. i'll even accept breadcrumbs, just so we can talk.

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d0nnivain

What's your end game? Do you want to go live in her country? What are the immigration policies? Do you want her to live in your country? Can she get a visa?

 

 

What is the point of starting this all again if politics will keep you apart?

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Sounds like you two just aren't compatible for the long term. Not sure why you want to go back and try again. You need to take an honest look at what happened and think with your head and not so much with the heart.

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findingsomeonespecia
What's your end game? Do you want to go live in her country? What are the immigration policies? Do you want her to live in your country? Can she get a visa?

 

 

What is the point of starting this all again if politics will keep you apart?

 

My end game is to give us a second shot. Explain to her that I still want to be with her and that I love her and leave the ball in her court if she wants to reconcile.

 

Immigration and stuff isn't the problem. And me moving there wasn't the problem either. The problem was whether j would be able to find a job there within a reasonable time and if I'll be able to provide for her and a family as well.

 

We are not talking about living on the other side of the world. We are in neighboring countries : us and Canada and marriages happen all the time.

 

Sounds like you two just aren't compatible for the long term. Not sure why you want to go back and try again. You need to take an honest look at what happened and think with your head and not so much with the heart.

 

Compatibility wasn't an issue when we were together and spending time with each other. We loved each other's company. The problem was the distance and communication. We wouldn't communicate. Because we were always mad at each other. I did things that upset her, made her cry that she didn't want to forgive me. I yelled at her, and called her name's which was uncalled for and was my mistake and I apologized many times. Her response was that if I showed her those ugly sides , what if it happens again. She has low tolerance for rude behaviors and she is extremely sensitive. Heck I blew up at her because she sent me a gift that I thought was ugly.

 

We are also very stubborn. We did things to hurt each other if we thought that the other party was being disrespectful or rude or whatever.

 

I still love her and think about her everyday. I just want her to be happy but I want us to be happy together.

 

I'm willing to let some time pass. It's only been a few weeks since my last test which was for her to never talk to me again cause she wasnt replying. I then blocked her for a week and then unblocked her but I haven't made any contact neither has she. We both deleted each other from social media so I don't know what she is doing and neither will she know anything about my life.

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d0nnivain

before you go chasing after her, do a little research on how hard it is to actually do all the things you need for an international relationship / marriage. It's harder than you think.

 

 

Just look it up. If after reading all that, if you still thinks she's worth THAT level of effort long term (not necessarily now but potentially in the future) make some sort of grandish romantic gesture --I'm thinking flowers here -- & go from there.

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findingsomeonespecia
before you go chasing after her, do a little research on how hard it is to actually do all the things you need for an international relationship / marriage. It's harder than you think.

 

 

Just look it up. If after reading all that, if you still thinks she's worth THAT level of effort long term (not necessarily now but potentially in the future) make some sort of grandish romantic gesture --I'm thinking flowers here -- & go from there.

 

Well the immigration stuff we already discussed and said we would consult a lawyer to get us in the right track but then our problems started and we didn't talk about it again .

 

I'm waiting so at least 60 days has past to break NC before I decide if I want to contact her again. I most likely would because of how much I miss her.

 

A few questions...do you think she still loves me or would be willing to take me back? Our actions said we broke up but we never said it. Though she said a week before us breaking up that because of my behavior and actions and how we keep arguing she doesn't know if she wants to be with me. Also do you think that she misses me and thinks about me or is she just glad that we are over .

 

I know that she checked out from the relationship somewhat because of how she was keeping distance. That's why I was acting insecure and needy and was pushing for her to make a decision which is to be with me or not. In hindsight I should have given her space.

 

Two things keep me from wanting to contact her. A no response or her saying she found someone else. Though if she did find someone within the time we broke up to the time we talk again, it means that guy was already in the picture.

 

Also what are the chances she contacts me? I highly doubt it because she is extremely stubborn and she probably did try to contact me in that time I had her blocked but I will never know what she even said. I think that she probably threw away all my contact info and will never reach out again

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d0nnivain

If she does care, she won't by the time you wait 2 months to let this fester. If you want to be with her, fix it. If you want to play games buy stock in a toy company.

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findingsomeonespecia
If she does care, she won't by the time you wait 2 months to let this fester. If you want to be with her, fix it. If you want to play games buy stock in a toy company.

 

How am I playing games?

 

The reason I'm waiting that long is for because I want all the negative emotions gone. I know it's risky and that she might move on by that time but at the same time there is no guarantee she would take me back right now if I tried. I just think not enough has passed for us to get back to talking terms. Also I think because of her stubbornness she wouldn't take me back even if she wanted to.

 

Also during this time she might miss me, might regret the decision and will be glad to hear from me again. Who knows until the time comes. If we are meant to be no amount of time would matter.

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findingsomeonespecia

on saturday i sent her a text telling her i was thinking about her. i guess in a way it was a breadcrumb as i was trying to see what her interest level was.

 

her response was that i hurt her too much, and that we are not right for each other. i empathized with her and said i made some dumb mistakes.. she mentioned some of the issues we had and how i kept screwing everything up.. which is true. i made some mistakes in our relationship that made her think i was taking her for granted and that i was not serious with her.

 

i asked her if it was possible to fix the issues as they were not major, in my opinion, ie there was no cheating, verbal abuse etc. She again reiterated that i hurt her way too much. So i simply said that i respect her decision and that i don't want to keep bothering her if our issues are unfixable. I also said that I do wish i treated her better, and she said yes you should have. I said i am still interested in trying to make it better between us.

 

And that was the end of our conversation. i didn't beg, or told her i miss her or that i love her. i just wanted to see her interest in getting back together. I don't think i came off of as desperate.

 

In the end though, my worst fear was that she wouldn't respond. But to my surprise she did and it wasn't like she was taking a long time to respond. She was responding quickly. I really do miss her, and do want to get back together with her given the chance. But i don't feel bad about the outcome. I was expecting it. And the funny thing is this conversation made me feel like there is hope somewhere. Just because of her response. I don't know what the future holds, but i'll be patient and see if she tries to get in touch. I was the last one to text.

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So she wanted you to continuously pursue her while she gave nothing in return, and ignored a good number of your attempts to contact her. She never had or made time for you anyway. This relationship was one-sided from the sounds of it.

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Like I said, unfortunately you two are not compatible. You think you two are, but she's made it clear now that she doesn't feel that way. You need to learn from your mistakes and move forward. There is no way to fix anything with the way she feels about you. There really is nothing for you to do right now. Best case scenario she contacts you months down the road after the emotions settle down. Keeping at it will push her away.

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findingsomeonespecia
Like I said, unfortunately you two are not compatible. You think you two are, but she's made it clear now that she doesn't feel that way. You need to learn from your mistakes and move forward. There is no way to fix anything with the way she feels about you. There really is nothing for you to do right now. Best case scenario she contacts you months down the road after the emotions settle down. Keeping at it will push her away.

 

it was a shot in the dark and i am unaffected by it mostly. I am somewhat disappointed in that i didn't get much info from her. But that is to be expected.

 

I got what i wanted to do, which was to plan the seed in her mind that I am open to reconciliation. She didn't give me a flat out NO. From her messages, it sounded like she was unsure about giving me a second shot and she doesn't want to put herself to the emotional pain i had caused her. But i didn't push it at all. I said my piece and left it for her to decide what will happen in the future. Again there was no begging, pleading, telling her please give me a chance. None of that. I only asked if it was possible to get our issues solved. Her response was that I put her through too much emotional pain.

 

I was the last one to text. She never responded. Maybe one day she will want to talk again. But i will leave that up to her and i will not send her any more messages.

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