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Second guessing the decision


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I left my ex of 4.5 year about seven weeks ago as I was unhappy in the small town we live in and wanted to move to look for more promising career opportunities.

 

However I miss him more than I could have imagined and I don't know what to do. The logical part of me wants to pursue a career elsewhere but another part keeps missing him and wondering if I've made a mistake and we could have worked things out. I'm so confused and miss him so much. He was my best friend for so long. Losing him hurts.

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You are in a state of flux -- new place to live, new job & no BF. That is a LOT of change in a very short time. Give your new home & new career a meaningful chance, like 6 months before you go running home. You can try an LDR. Invite the EX over & see if it's possible to reconcile. If he is willing to move to you things may be possible.

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I left my ex of 4.5 year about seven weeks ago as I was unhappy in the small town we live in and wanted to move to look for more promising career opportunities.

 

However I miss him more than I could have imagined and I don't know what to do. The logical part of me wants to pursue a career elsewhere but another part keeps missing him and wondering if I've made a mistake and we could have worked things out. I'm so confused and miss him so much. He was my best friend for so long. Losing him hurts.

 

This guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/abuse/531687-leaving-only-option

 

Has any of that improved? Did the drunken fights end?

 

I agree with the above poster. You may just be missing what was familiar because you have gone through so many changes in a short period of time. Give it some time and re-evaluate later.

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Yes it was that relationship. The fights stopped not long after that because he stopped drinking and we agreed we would break up if we had a fight like that one ever again.

 

Funnily enough in the last year and a half nothing like that happened again and we were actually really happy.

 

The only times I wasn't was when I was wishing he would consider moving to a bigger town with me. But he was adamantly against it. Until I left that is, then he said all this stuff about moving with me but I think he was just saying it because he was upset that I left.

 

I just never felt like a very high priority in his life. He seemed to put everything else first and told me if I wanted to move towns I'd have to do it alone.

 

He's angry at me for leaving at this stage, I can tell because when I ask how my dog (who has had to stay with him so his dog now I guess) is doing he just says "fine." Mostly we don't talk now.

 

I think I just grew as a person when we were together and I could no longer put up with a lot of his lifestyle choices, like refusing to even look for part time work. When he stopped remembering things like valentines day that was the last straw. I left him three weeks before my birthday because I didn't want to be with someone who wouldn't even surprise me on my birthday.

 

He claimed afterwards he had brought tickets to a music festival nearby he was going to surprise me with but I don't believe him to be honest. And even if he did, the damage from all the special occasions he forgot and times I felt like his last priority was already done to be honest.

 

I don't know why I'm writing such a long speil, I'm pretty much just venting to myself at this stage.

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After reading your post I don't understand why you are second guessing your decision. This isn't the kind of guy you want to spend your life with is he? He sounds like a jerk. Some of the problem is that you are still in contact. I think in order to get to a place where you can see things more clearly, you will need to cease all contact. It is going to take time to get used to being a part but you have to commit to doing what you need in order to get over him. Hang in there.

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I guess its hard because on the other hand he was there for me through my depression. Plus he slept in the chair next to me all night by my bedside when I was at hospital one time. Little things like that. He used to take me out for special occasions. I guess he just started to take me for granted.

 

The hardest thing to let go of is what things "could have been." I guess. There was legitimately a time when I used to look at him and feel full of love and contentment.

 

That's the hardest thing to let go of.

 

Plus I don't have many friends as I am a serial introvert.

And I'm afraid nobody will ever love me again. Like I want to be single for at least the next few years but I'm scared when the time comes and I actually want a relationship nobody will want me.

 

I had a difficult upbringing and have some issues with loneliness I think.

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