I'm that desperate 'psycho' ex.

[TizerCat11]

This will be a long one so bare with me.

Me and my ex were together for 3 years, he was my first true love and we were engaged for almost a year. Me and him had issues and we ended up smashing our flat up and mutually calling the police on each other. He was controlling and manipulative and jealous. I never used to be like that but in a way I think him and our relationship changed me to be like that. December he moved out of our shared flat and told me he wished things were different and we could work things out. Over the last 4 months he's turned to despise me and I'm obsessed. I've been bipolar since I was around 7 and had on and off medication because of it I struggle to make friends and have times of instability emotionally.

I called a few weeks back and he told me he'd always cheat on me when he was 'working late', he got engaged to me as a pity joke but could never tell me it was a joke and only got the flat with me so he had somewhere to live. We threatened to get each other sacked from our jobs almost every arguement and he broke all of my treasured possessions when he left. Somehow I still love him and it's ridiculously clingy.

I know my constant messaging and calling has really annoyed him but I was sure I still had a chance.

 

We saw each other on and off during the first few months and he was acting like when we first met. I pushed for more commitment and he said no. He lied about sleeping with girls and when I saw a guy he'd go crazy and call me awful names. We did love each other and when we first met we were a force to be reckoned with. Now he has blocked my emails, facebook, messenger, texts, whatsapp and even blocked my family. I'm obsessed with him.

I message him everyday and I can't stop. I leave him takeaway outside his new place, I call him from pay phones and I still live in our flat hoping he will come back. (Plus I can't move out because I'm out of a job)

He's told me he's moved on and to leave him alone. It's not that I don't want to move on it feels like I physically can't. I've been sectioned for attempts at taking my life, I changed how I look to so he'd fancy me more and there is nothing. I love him more than my own family and I can't be without this guy. We've been apart 4 months and I feel so stupid because he won't come back. I know I need to stop contacting him but what do I do after that? Regardless of our past I know him better than he knows himself and I would do anything to get him back. He finds me physically attractive but because I'm a 'stalker' I have no way of showing him I've changed. I'm scared and lonely and I sob everyday at the prospect of losing him forever. Moving on isn't an option for me right now so how do I get him back? Im aware he was a cheat and controlling and had violent outbursts but I truly am in love with him and he's my soul mate. I need him back but don't know how to.

(I'm healthy and emotionally stable, have my dream job interview next week and I am a new and improved me, I can't better myself anymore, I did it for me not for him)

[basil67]

Tizer, I say this in the kindest possible way: if you were healthy and emotionally stable, you wouldn't be stalking your ex. And you wouldn't be wanting an ex who was prone to smashing up the flat.

 

Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist?

[TizerCat11]

Tizer, I say this in the kindest possible way: if you were healthy and emotionally stable, you wouldn't be stalking your ex. And you wouldn't be wanting an ex who was prone to smashing up the flat.

 

Are you currently seeing a psychiatrist?

Yes and I have been for around 6 years. I feel a lot better than what I was. I can function whereas at the beginning of the breakup I didn't eat, sleep and I couldn't be normal. I'm hitting the gym and trying to land this awesome job and I'm looking after myself now. I know it's bad but I know what he's like when he isn't furious and when he isn't breaking things. He is the male version of me.

[aileD]

This will be a long one so bare with me.

Me and my ex were together for 3 years, he was my first true love and we were engaged for almost a year. Me and him had issues and we ended up smashing our flat up and mutually calling the police on each other. He was controlling and manipulative and jealous. I never used to be like that but in a way I think him and our relationship changed me to be like that. December he moved out of our shared flat and told me he wished things were different and we could work things out. Over the last 4 months he's turned to despise me and I'm obsessed. I've been bipolar since I was around 7 and had on and off medication because of it I struggle to make friends and have times of instability emotionally.

I called a few weeks back and he told me he'd always cheat on me when he was 'working late', he got engaged to me as a pity joke but could never tell me it was a joke and only got the flat with me so he had somewhere to live. We threatened to get each other sacked from our jobs almost every arguement and he broke all of my treasured possessions when he left. Somehow I still love him and it's ridiculously clingy.

I know my constant messaging and calling has really annoyed him but I was sure I still had a chance.

 

We saw each other on and off during the first few months and he was acting like when we first met. I pushed for more commitment and he said no. He lied about sleeping with girls and when I saw a guy he'd go crazy and call me awful names. We did love each other and when we first met we were a force to be reckoned with. Now he has blocked my emails, facebook, messenger, texts, whatsapp and even blocked my family. I'm obsessed with him.

I message him everyday and I can't stop. I leave him takeaway outside his new place, I call him from pay phones and I still live in our flat hoping he will come back. (Plus I can't move out because I'm out of a job)

He's told me he's moved on and to leave him alone. It's not that I don't want to move on it feels like I physically can't. I've been sectioned for attempts at taking my life, I changed how I look to so he'd fancy me more and there is nothing. I love him more than my own family and I can't be without this guy. We've been apart 4 months and I feel so stupid because he won't come back. I know I need to stop contacting him but what do I do after that? Regardless of our past I know him better than he knows himself and I would do anything to get him back. He finds me physically attractive but because I'm a 'stalker' I have no way of showing him I've changed. I'm scared and lonely and I sob everyday at the prospect of losing him forever. Moving on isn't an option for me right now so how do I get him back? Im aware he was a cheat and controlling and had violent outbursts but I truly am in love with him and he's my soul mate. I need him back but don't know how to.

 

Why??? Why do you want this man? Why do you want someone who treats you like that?

 

(I'm healthy and emotionally stable, have my dream job interview next week and I am a new and improved me, I can't better myself anymore, I did it for me not for him)

 

No you are not healthy or emotionally stable. You are not new and improved. And you are lying to yourself when you said you did it for you-not him. Because healthy people who do stuff for themselves , do not want to be with people that do the bolded things above.

 

You don't love him, you are just afraid of being alone....you need therapy. This stuff isn't normal, hon. Please seek higher level counseling and help from your family ASAP

Edited April 17, 2017 by aileD

[EmilyJane]

I think you are being triggered.

 

You know how to deal with that.

 

It's ok, you are not bad or crazy, you just suffer a medical condition that makes relationships and their aftermath more difficult. I know what that is like. I've had depression well managed for many years until this break up, not even medicated for it for 15 years.

 

Write his number on a piece of paper and tape it to the back of the TV. Then delete all means to contact him from your phone. Don't tell him you have done it. Make sure he is not on your social media.

 

You are going to be ok, you just need to create enough emotional distance from him so that you can stop messaging. To get out of the triggered place.

 

Once you can't contact him the first three days will be the hardest. But you will start focusing on better ways to handle your emotions. You are trying to make him do it. But you know that he can't and that it's not his job and you have to rescue yourself.

 

You've done a great job being in treatment for this condition for so long, relationships are going to always be challenging for you, they still are for me, but you will get better at it. Because you are already doing what many people can't. You are accepting who you are and how you work and in treatment.

 

It's ok sweetheart. You are ok.