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Should I contact my ex


Purple123haze

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Purple123haze

Hey guys,

 

So I broke up with my ex 7 months ago now. We were together for 3 years. to cut a long story short, we had a rough 2 weeks where we were fighting. Around this time i found out she slept with some other guy. Kinda Ross & Rachel, we were on a break scenario.

 

At first she tried to hide it from me & deny it, but confessed that she really liked the guy when she knew she was rumbled. I hit the roof & ended it, but to get back at her I made her return everything I had ever gave her, mobile phone, clothes, jewellery, the lot. I deleted her from all social media then deleted our photos. She pleaded with me not to end things and asked to keep the stuff as a reminder of all the good times we had, but that was the reason why I did what I did. I wanted to take away from her what she took away from me.

 

I didn't careless about the stuff, it was never about that. I know it was a horrible, stupid petty thing to do, but I was hurt, angry & just lashing out at her. Anyway, a mutual friend said she had continued to speak to this guy online. He lives in a different country from her & knows nothing about me or our breakup.

 

Around new year we had been split for 5 months. A mutual friend said she had deleted photos of us then two weeks later this guy had been out to visit her. My friend told me this a few weeks after all this had happened. A few weeks after my friend told me this, around mid Feb, curiosity got the better of me & I searched for her on one of the social media sights, so I blocked her from it. A couple of days later I searched for her again, as you do when something like that gets in your head, you don't exactly think straight & I couldn't find her, which means she's now blocked me.

 

It sounds really petty, but she would have had to have searched for me then went onto mutual friends account to block me back. I know for a fact she would have been doing the same as me & noticed that I had blocked her, so she's just done it to get me back. I couldn't see on her account, so what was even the point of blocking me back 6 months after we split?

 

Every day I miss her & every day is a battle not to contact her, the only thing stopping me is the chance of her ignoring me & me making a fool of myself reaching out to her.

 

She never deletes photos, she still had photos of her exes when we were together, she waited 5 months to deleted photos o me, then obviously searched for me after her "boyfriend" had been out for a visit. what does that mean?

 

I moved away when all this happened but I will need to go back near her soon for work, should I try reach out to her? Does she still care? Is this guy just a rebound?

Edited by Purple123haze
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Do you want to reconcile? But I agree, once you've been cheated on, all trust is gone. As much as you want to trust her, you won't. That'll always be the back of your mind.

 

I have 0 tolerance for cheaters. There is no legit excuse EVER to cheat. I'd move on from her if I were you.

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Purple123haze

Thanks for your comments guys. I totally get what you are saying.

 

I've always had zero tolerance for cheating, but I have spoke with some people who are of the opinion, that she made a mistake. We're all human. It happens.

 

This is why I'm so torn about it. We had an amazing relationship, like most we hit a rocky patch, had a fall out. It didnt take her long to jump into bed with someone else, but the other part of me knows she does regret it.

 

It was me that ended it. I made it clear to her that we were over. I am not an option. Just because we had a fight didn't give her the right to jump into bed with the first guy that gave her attention.

 

But that being said, its 7 months down the line now, we've had NC at all.since then, both blocked each other on every portal, but clearly there is still something there if we are seeking each other out.

 

It just feels unfinished. Forgetting about someone is easier said than done. I thought I would be over the worst part of this by now, but the more I think about it, the more clear its becoming that I still love her just as much as I always have, only the hurt of what she's done has faded.

 

Her deleting our photos months after the split then blocking me when there was no reason to tells me there's still something on her side too. I just dont know if I should reach out, how to do it without looking desperate or what to say to her

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You want reconciliation so you're projecting your feelings on to her and giving insignificant actions on her part more weight than they deserve.

 

It's understandable but you need to accept that there's a good chance that you are assuming how she feels based mostly on how you want her to feel.

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Thanks for your comments guys. I totally get what you are saying.

 

I've always had zero tolerance for cheating, but I have spoke with some people who are of the opinion, that she made a mistake. We're all human. It happens.

 

 

And as a human, mistakes come with consequences.

 

I made her return everything I had ever gave her, mobile phone, clothes, jewellery

 

This was kind of immature move.. You don't buy something for someone and demand them back. Is this relationship based on checks and balances? understood you were angry, but the exit determines the reconcile.

 

The relationship is over and if you want to try to plead for her back your shooting your self in the foot.

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Ah, another "I've been in NC, but only the version where I don't speak to her, but stalk her". Yes, that includes being on social media and stuff searching her stuff.

 

Do you want the chance at reconciliation or not? If yes, then message her. If no, then don't.

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Sorry but cheating does not just happen. You should not minimize what she has done just because you still care for her.

 

I would ask your friends not to offer any more updates about your ex, and stop looking at her social media activity. It is not conducive to healing, as you can tell by now. So you're dealing with a set back, and have gotten out of the 'getting over her' mindset. You will have to exercise discipline not to look!

 

I agree that you may very well be projecting and assigning thoughts/feeling that you hope she is experiencing. It is not uncommon to look up an ex - I have done it from time to time even after being over them...curiosity I guess? Pics took me some time to delete...what I'm saying is you don't know why she did any of these things. Could be that she's over it, could be spite, could be guilt, could be that she's just getting around to it, could be that things are getting more serious and she felt it was time to get rid of them, could be...anything!

 

It sounds like she is involved with this guy. Let's say you call her and she picks you now...so same thing she did to you, she would now be doing to him. This could become her pattern. You don't want her that way...do you?

 

Truly go nc (no social media stalking) and tell your friends you don't want or need to hear anything else about her life.

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Purple123haze

Thanks for your comments everyone. I hear you all loud & clear. I've took onboard what you have all said and you are all right.

 

In a way I have been clutching at straws, probably because I have struggled to face the rejection. I certainly won't go chasing after her. She really doesn't deserve it.

 

Next time mutual friends mention her I will ask them not to. I don't want to hear anything else about her. It is just setting me back from moving on. Thanks again

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Thanks for your comments everyone. I hear you all loud & clear. I've took onboard what you have all said and you are all right.

 

In a way I have been clutching at straws, probably because I have struggled to face the rejection. I certainly won't go chasing after her. She really doesn't deserve it.

 

Next time mutual friends mention her I will ask them not to. I don't want to hear anything else about her. It is just setting me back from moving on. Thanks again

 

You might be proactive about this, rather than reactive. Once they start talking you are going to want to hear it all, and then you are going to have 100 questions and thoughts racing through your mind (I know because I have been there!). I would tell them up front that it is causing more harm than good for them to share these things with you. Good luck.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It is impossible for me to trust someone who cheat on me. He had a choice between you and someone else, he did not choose you, it would surprise me that he catches up for life. :mad:

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