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I'm in a situation with my ex that is a little confusing. I'd like some help if anyone has any.

 

A little background... we met online when she approached me on a social media site. I'm a little older than her and she is attracted to that in a man. We talked for a few months before we actually met. Initially she seemed like she was being careful, and then one day, when I happened to mention that she and my daughter (who is 8) shared the same name, she kind of ghosted for awhile. We still hadn't met at this point.

 

A few weeks later she reached back out, and apologized. She said she had some unresolved daddy issues and that kind of scared her away a little. We talked for a few days, and she had mentioned that she was out of town. I offered to pick her up from the airport because I worked really close and it was an easy trip for me, and a way for us to meet with no pressure. We got along fine. She seemed a little opinionated but that doesn't bother me. When I dropped her off she reiterated that she would be interested in getting to know me better.

 

She called a few days after. She was complaining about her parents demands regarding school, and also that she was very busy with her studies, so while she would like to see me her time was pretty limited. I reassured her on both counts.

 

We made plans to hang out a few weeks later. We met for dinner a couple times and had a nice evening. She then suggested that she could use a weekend away, so I made a reservation for an air bnb. I picked her up and we had a great time. Sex was amazing. She seem d really into me. When I dropped her off, she texted me a little later and said she had a wonderful time.

 

We started texting and talking everyday. She would send me lots of little notes, or talk to me about her issues with school or roommates. Through it all, I remained her rock. I would calmly listen and support her, or give advice if asked. She was apologetic about not being able to see me as much as she'd like, and I told her that it was okay. School was the most important thing, and I was fine seeing her when we could.

 

We had another weekend a few weeks later, interspersed with dinner dates every few days. She was always very complimentary and happy to see me. The second weekend the sex was even better. She broached the topic of being exclusive, but backed away a little. I got the impression she was very into me but afraid of getting hurt.

 

Thins kept going like this for awhile. She told me that another guy had wanted to date her and she felt like she should, but she cared for me and didn't want that to end. We made a couple agreements about dating... we could see other people but we wouldn't talk about it around each other, things like that.

 

We had another weekend together where she mostly studied for finals, but we still had a great time. We could just have fun hanging out on the couch on a Saturday night watching tv without doing much. Talking to her was great. She would tell me a lot how much I meant to her, that I made her feel calm and settled her down, etc.

 

Over the holidays, she said that she might not text regularly. She was visiting her family, and they were planning on a trip. However, the opposite happened. If anything she texted me more. Notably, she sent me lots of snapcgats, including one that said "I heart u". Right before she came back, she asked if we could be exclusive. I was a little reluctant bc I didn't think she had really thought it through. I could tell my reluctance was making her nervous, and I wasn't opposed to being exclusive, so I agreed. I figured we would talk about it when she got back.

 

We met that first weekend. She might have been a little less enthusiastic in her behavior, but that may very well be my imagination. She certainly said she was happy to see me and seemed pleased. She told me that, as far as being exclusive, she wasn't interested in other guys, but since we met so rarely she wouldn't hold me to that. That was really all we said about the exclusive issue, but she didn't seem upset. In fact she told me that the weekend was a "10 out of 10", and was really happy to be back and to see me. In fact, she teared up a little bit when she told me I was the best real she had ever had.

 

We had a little bit of an argument a couple weeks later. It was mostly because I had asked her a question about one of our rules and didn't get an answer, which I thought was her avoiding the question. My prior relationship was fraught with that kind of stuff... lots of avoiding questions and refusing to answer, and it triggered me a little bit. No argument, I just got quiet. She apologized. We met that week and cleared it up. She also told me at that time that she was extremely stressed over school (I believe it. She had always been stressed since I had known her) and wasn't feeling that sexual. She told me that she didn't expect me to be celibate while she was feeing like this, but it had happened before and she would be okay in a few weeks. I told her that I actually liked her for her company, and really liked her as a person, and it wasn't just about sex. This actually drew tears from her and she thanked me.

 

Around this time, I was told to brace for some bad health news. I knew it was coming on a specific Friday, and I knew I would drive myself crazy if I had to be alone that weekend, so I asked if she was available. It turned out she was. I told her I was expecting a rough weekend, but didn't say what it was bc I didn't want her to stressed out.

 

We got together for dinner a couple days before we were going away. It was a typical nice time. She told me I was one knher two favorite people (the other being her roommate) and she cared about me.

 

Then came the weekend. I picked her up and she was high. I should mention that she is a pretty heavy pot smoker. We went to an air bnb and had to check in there a front desk guy. She immediately started paying a lot of attention to that guy. He wasn't really anything impressive, but she kept doing what seemed like flirting. I really didn't react bc I'm not that threatened by other guys, and we had never really spent time around other people, so I thought maybe she was just social like that. It wasn't a big deal until we went back to the room and she said that she wasn't interested in dating that guy at all but she was going to get his number so they could smoke together. I told her in no uncertain terms would she get a guy's number while I was there. She said again she wasn't interested, and I told her it was just disrespectful.

 

We started to play around a little and she called itvoff and said she wasn't into it. That was fine. Again, she had said she hadn't been feeling sexy. We went to dinner. She continued to be rude and kind of bratty. She was texting all night, and with another guy among other people. At this point I was pretty pissed. I didn't react bc I don't like to get emotional, but I had a worse weekend than if I had just been alone.

 

The next day we were going to go to breakfast and when we got to my car, the hood and trunk were open. She was very freaked out while I was calm. Someone had gotten into it and thrown things around, but I was lucky as nothing was taken. She was very shaken by it and said she wouldn't be able to eat breakfast. I took her home.

 

I didn't say much that day, as I wanted to just cool off and think about what happened. I asked a couple friends and they said that I was not out of line at all. Even if we weren't exclusive we did have rules about being present for each other, and she had been rude. Not to mention she knew I was having a rough weekend and still acted like this.

 

The next morning I told her that I was very disappointed in her behavior and shie was close to being left there. She agreee that she had been rude and disrespectful and said it was bc she was high and that the drinks she had with dinner had gone to her head. She said it would never happen again. I said okay and went to work. She sent me a funny text soon after but I didn't reply. I was pretty hurt that she had done this, let alone that she did it when she knew I was down. That evening she asked if we could talk. I wasn't sure I was ready but against my better judgment went ahead with it. I was a little sharp in my tone and said she had been acting like an a-hole. She argued a little... and then, about 5 minutes in, decided we shouldn't see each other. This was a shock. I wasn't happy, but I had said my peace and would be fine probably the next day. We would talk about it and it would be in the past. That was my plan anyway. This was a shock... literally our first real argument.

 

I asked if she was serious, and she started giving me reasons that made no sense. She Tod me that she didn't have time, which was actually one of the reasons I was appealing. I didn't ask for time. She gave me a couple more excuses... I was great and brought drama, which I don't think was true. I realized she wasn't thinking rationally and was reacting like she had to other guys in her past. She had told me these veryvreasons had been the cause of break ups for her a few times in the past, so I saw that she was probably not going to be willing to talk it through right then. I did tell her about my health news, and she used that as further reason to break up (you need someone who can be by your side and I can't, etc)

 

It seemed like we should have been able to talk this through and work it out, but I had looked up how to handle it and the advice I got was to go no contact. As fate would have it, I got really sick a couple days later and ended up in the hospital. I was scared that this was my condition getting worse and that I might not be around much longer. So I wrote her and told her that I didn't want that argument to be the impression she thought I had of her. I told her I was proud of her and that she was going to have a great life. I cared for her and would miss her, but didn't beg her to come back.

 

She answered a few days later and said she hadn't known what to say, but she was happy for our time together. It seemed like she was having a really hard time but I didn't get the impression that she was asking for closure. I wrote her a few days later and told her a little about my condition, which it turned out was the best news you could have in that situation, and told her not to worry. Again, didn't beg or plead for her to come back, even though I wanted to.

 

I went back to no contact.

 

A few days later she wrote bc someone was harassing her online. I offered to come up and meet her or put her in a hotel if she felt scared. She said she was okay bc her parents were coming that weekend. She texted me really late one night bc she was so upset The next week she asked if we could talk after getting another harassing message. We agreed to talk that Thursday. She ended up begging off after taking forever and saying she was drunk. We talked the next day and it didn't go well. She still seemed very upset about the harassment and was on edge. I was trying to be supportive but my suggestions were all meg with derision. She told me that she wanted "minimal contact", bc she didn't have time. Again, I hadn't tried to contact her since the break up except for two texts, so she was already getting minimal contact. I said I thought we should ty and clear the air, and she agreed to talk the next day. She didn't call the next day. I was dedicated to giving her the minimal contact, so back to NC for me. She also

Mentioned that she hadn't dated anyone and wasn't even thinking about it while this had been happening.

 

The next week she wrote and told me that she had ordered food to be delivered but had accidentally used my account... which would kind of be impossible, since you can't save the login information for that app and would have to put it in. She offered to pay me back. I told her it was fine and I hoped it helped allege a little stress. She wrote back and said thanks, she appreciated it. She was leaving for a spring break trip to Japan the next day but said she would write me sometime the next week. Well, that was two weeks ago. I didn't think anything of it the first week. She was in Japan and I thinkbthats expensive. She got back last Sunday and hasn't written since then. I can absolutely see her feeling stressed and burying herself in work. I can also see her struggling about talking. The impression I got from her lastvtext was that she was moving off of her "minimal contact" position, and she might be rethinking that, since she is stubborn enough to force herself to maintain a position on a breakup just bc she had made that decision.

 

I do think she cares a lot for me. She told me I was the most serious relationship she ever had, and has told me how great I was and how well I had treated her a few times since the breakup. We have had a few good interactions, including the last one.

 

I have thought about reaching out since she's been back in an innocuous way... sending her a link to an article or something. I can see her not wanting to contact me bc she feels guilty about how she had acted. Apparently the harassment hasn't happened for awhile so I think she might be thinking a little more clearly without that stress in her life.

 

At the same time, I don't want to another her or look needy. I really think she will reconsider her decision to break us up and in fact I think she already has. I really want to try and get back with her bc things were great for most of the time. I really miss her and the fact that we talked several times everyday and she just cut that off seemingly so easily just hurts. But mostly I just miss her.

 

I know not to press her, but it still seems like we could work this out. I'd appreciate any advice you can give me. Tha ks

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Dude. Come on! This chick is trouble with a capital "run". Bayou let yourself get emotionally attached to a fun party girl who's interested solely in herself. She might be okay to play with but isn't the one to stay with.

 

I mean really. Were you gonna invite a "heavy pot smoker" to hang out with your little girl?

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I actually don't bring many women around my little girl. I don't want to have her confused about other women hanging around until I feel like it is full on commitment on the part of both of us. And yes, she smoked a lot of weed but she was also really responsible with school and took that very seriously, so I don't think she was really a party girl.

 

Do I think I will stay with her long term? I don't know? Maybe? I just don't think this was a reason to end things and I miss her a lot. I'd like to see where things go. Maybe it gets stronger, maybe not. I just think it was an emotional reaction on her part and not a decision she had considered.

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Sorry to sound ignorant, but I'm not sure what meet ups means? And yeah, I didn't mention a lot of commonalities. I thought it was already too long without adding a lot more detail.

 

We do share a lot of common interests. She's an art history major and I find that really fascinating. We could just sit and talk for hours and never get bored. We like a lot of the same pop culture and shared a lot of references. It was just really nice being around her. She would always tell me the same.

 

The fact that she just disappeared from my life really hurts. It seemed like she was open to being communicative but it's been a couple weeks since I hear from her. Granted, one was spent in Japan, and she also takes her school work really seriously so I'm sure he just buried herself in that. It's SO hard not to reach out and make contact... I just feel like if we can start talking we can clear things up. At the same time I don't want to come off as needy.

 

I guess I'm caught between trying to decide if absence makes the heart grow fonder or out of sight out of mind? Thanks for your replies though. I really appreciate it

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