Don't understand ex's behavior

[tiny_chick]

My ex bf broke up with me in Jan. We had a big argument about him being immature and he just admitted to me that I would be better off with someone else because he's a terrible reckless person and he doesn't want to hurt me with his behavior. He told me that he cares about me and believes that we will work out but not in the meantime because we have such different lifestyles, he said that he still wants to hangout with me and see me.

 

Anyways we work together but in different areas so I only see him when I come in and we say hi, things are friendly between us however since the break up, I've been the one to ask him to hangout, I've asked twice already and last time I asked was two weeks ago. He said yes both times and it was a good hangout, we cuddled and kissed but nothing more. I stopped asking to hangout because I felt that he needs to make some effort too. He hasn't!

 

Fast forward to two days ago, and a co-worker of mine (whom he knows is a good friend of mine as well) told me that he's been asking how I've been what I've been up to. Then on Friday, he went up to her and told her that he misses me, she asked him if he's telling her this because he wants her to tell me and he said yes, so she told him that he should do it himself, apparently he just made a face and changed the subject... I don't understand why he doesn't want to approach me? Is he afraid that I'll reject him or is this him being immature or is he playing a game? He has told me before that he has trouble showing emotions, could that be it?

I don't understand... He's never been manipulative and always wanted to make me happy, he even told me when we hungout (after the break up) that he doesn't want me to stop hanging out with him. Any insight on this?

[Telemachus]

You had a big argument about him being immature. However, this whole situation seems to me like adult work colleagues acting like 12-year-old schoolmates.

 

Your friend who told him to convey his own messages seems like the only adult here.

 

The two of you broke up, but you've cuddled and kissed since then and you consider cuddling and kissing to be a usual, customary and expected feature of "hanging out."

 

You both seem immature and unclear about your intentions toward each other. My advice is that as long as you describe yourselves as broken up and hanging out, eliminate the cuddling and kissing. If you want to keep cuddling and kissing, then do so, but renegotiate the terms of your arrangement.

 

As to the talk in the workplace about each other, and it's clear from what you wrote that you both do it, it falls within the definition of gossip. Gossip is toxic in the workplace. Keep it professional, and don't participate in talk about personal or intimate subjects. Do that outside work. You can't control what he says and does, but you are fully responsible for your own words and actions.