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Break NC or no??? Need guidance


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Whatsup Love Shackers,

 

Its been a long time since I posted here again. To speed things up I met a girl over a year ago and we dated for about a year. On paper we looked to be a great match and were both really into each other. She finished law school and moved back home with her family and things took a turn for the worse. We started discovering incompatibilities and started fighting constantly. Despite the love and interest we had in each other, I guess we both felt like something was wrong and that we had tried everything to make it work but still bad fights. The resentment was building up and we decided to break up in December. Its been about 4 months of no contact with her.

 

Somehow this week my dumb ass decides to look at her Instagram (we both still follow each other) and noticed she looked great and was on a vacation in Cancun. My gut and all signs point to the fact that she likely has a new guy and it really bugged me. For months I was content with the break up and handled it much stronger than my past break ups (using what I've learned on this forum in the past) but right now I'm in regressing mode.

 

Part of me feels like I don't know if I can find another girl with all the great qualities she had again. But at the same time we broke up for a reason. This voice in my head is telling me to hit her up to see if there's a chance on rekindling and to confirmed if she really has moved on. I guess I want complete closure, but the fear of breaking NC and hearing gut wrenching news from her will set me back even more. My mind is confused and I can't think straight so I'd love to hear feedback from the community here. Thanks so much!

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Do not break NC any more than you already have. Following each other on Social Media is a form of contact. You got info & insight you would not otherwise have been privy too. Unfriend her from all social media & don't contact her. None of the things that broke you apart have been fixed or even addressed. You'd be right back where you started. You only want to go there because you are lonely & feeling melancholy. When you looked at her vacation pictures she looked good. Her being physically attractive is not the solution to your relationship woes.

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if u want to push her away to her new guy and get urself a closure then go for it :) breaking NC is the fastest way to push her into a new relationship ,and this is 100% for sure :)

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Is no contact really going to push her away from me even more? My mind has been constantly thinking about what could've been and trying to find every way to rekindle. I feel like I really let a good one go. My confident is at a lower state right now than when I first met her and I wish we could just go back and do things differently. I got it bad right now ? =(

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Whatsup Love Shackers,

 

Its been a long time since I posted here again. To speed things up I met a girl over a year ago and we dated for about a year. On paper we looked to be a great match and were both really into each other. She finished law school and moved back home with her family and things took a turn for the worse. We started discovering incompatibilities and started fighting constantly. Despite the love and interest we had in each other, I guess we both felt like something was wrong and that we had tried everything to make it work but still bad fights. The resentment was building up and we decided to break up in December. Its been about 4 months of no contact with her.

 

 

The incompatibilities are still there, no need to contact. This relationship appears to have run its course. You would have been fine if you hadn't looked. Unfollow/unfriend on all social media.

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Just hit her with a quirky lawyer-ly line, such as:

 

"I miss you beyond a reasonable doubt"

 

or,

 

"I'd have to plead insanity if I didn't talk to you."

 

 

There's no harm in attempting to reconnect with her. You'll never know what she will say unless you try.

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Just hit her with a quirky lawyer-ly line, such as:

 

"I miss you beyond a reasonable doubt"

 

or,

 

"I'd have to plead insanity if I didn't talk to you."

 

 

There's no harm in attempting to reconnect with her. You'll never know what she will say unless you try.

 

That's how I felt too. But not sure if its my emotions doing the thinking now or my brain, but I feel like I need to know for sure. Most of the advice here would tell you to embrace NC and don't break it..which is getting super tough =(. I don't want to make the wrong decision and not want to live with regret either. Struggle is real out here.

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NC is about helping you get over the relationship. It's healing tool. It is not about trying to lure the other person back by making them miss you.

 

 

When she graduated & moved back with her parents you noticed problems. Those problems haven't miraculously been fixed. They are still there. It's also been 4 months. You two are not getting back together.

 

 

In the future recognize that the time to fix a relationship is before you break up. You both talk and work together to find a solution. Once you break up, it's too late.

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NC is about helping you get over the relationship. It's healing tool. It is not about trying to lure the other person back by making them miss you.

 

 

When she graduated & moved back with her parents you noticed problems. Those problems haven't miraculously been fixed. They are still there. It's also been 4 months. You two are not getting back together.

 

 

In the future recognize that the time to fix a relationship is before you break up. You both talk and work together to find a solution. Once you break up, it's too late.

 

You're probably right..=/

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You'll never know unless you try (to contact her that is).

 

You may feel the same incompatibilities are there, you might rekindle. Who knows.

 

She might have moved on: you also don't know this.

 

One thing for sure: do not throw her breadcrumbs. If you're serious about contacting her, make it good!

 

Be prepared for heartache though. Not saying this will happen, just saying there might be further disappointment. I am thinking of the bottom line though...

 

In sum: contact her at your own risk! I'm not saying to contact her or not, i'm just saying be aware of the risks.

 

All the best my friend.

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"We started discovering incompatibilities and started fighting constantly. Despite the love and interest we had in each other, I guess we both felt like something was wrong and that we had tried everything to make it work but still bad fights. The resentment was building up and we decided to break up in December."

 

This is all you need to know. At least you two tried during the relationship, so no regrets there. Just seems that you two are not compatible and that happens even after knowing someone for a while. I think you both made the wise decision. I wouldn't think of contacting her anytime soon, but you can always see where you're at months down the road. Let the emotions of this break up subside a bit.

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You broke NC when you looked her up.

 

No contact means you don't contact her, and you don't get any contact from her. Browsing through her social media is technically a form of contact (even if she has no idea you did).

 

In order to heal you have to pretend she doesn't exist. If you hit her up in your current state your heart is going to replace your head and you may make bad decisions. Best way to ever reconcile if you want a relationship is to actually have moved on, and are able to accept you may never be together.

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todreaminblue
Just hit her with a quirky lawyer-ly line, such as:

 

"I miss you beyond a reasonable doubt"

 

or,

 

"I'd have to plead insanity if I didn't talk to you."

 

 

There's no harm in attempting to reconnect with her. You'll never know what she will say unless you try.

 

i agree......i dont see the harm in giving it a shot ..being prepared for a negative response or even no reply is necessary ...you never know unless you try....if you get a negative you know then for sure...its a done deal and you have your closure......deb

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i agree......i dont see the harm in giving it a shot ..being prepared for a negative response or even no reply is necessary ...you never know unless you try....if you get a negative you know then for sure...its a done deal and you have your closure......deb

 

I agree as well. I'm going against the grain here and broke NC today. I sent her a text of how I felt like things were left on the table and that it was worth one

More shot if she hasn't moved on. Although I don't expect her to text back right away since it's been 3 months of no contact, I feel relieved that I gave it another shot and said what I needed to say. If she doesn't reply back or tells me she's moved on, I can move forward in peace knowing I tried my best. I think I'll handle whatever comes my way and know that life is too short to be hungover on one girl like she's the only one. I would say my past breakup experiences has really made me stronger and more realistic, despite the same pain that breakups always bring. You all have been great support in keeping me grounded, thanks!

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So guys..ex gf texted me back this morning and said we both made mistakes that caused resentment and some of those mistakes she couldn't let go. She also told me she has moved on and in a happier place now. It's quite amazing in 3 months how fast a girl can move on actually. I told her I wish her the best and I have closure to move on now. The news stung me today and kept my spirit low but I know I have to get back on my feet and get back in the game now. Wish me luck guys.

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So guys..ex gf texted me back this morning and said we both made mistakes that caused resentment and some of those mistakes she couldn't let go. She also told me she has moved on and in a happier place now. It's quite amazing in 3 months how fast a girl can move on actually. I told her I wish her the best and I have closure to move on now. The news stung me today and kept my spirit low but I know I have to get back on my feet and get back in the game now. Wish me luck guys.

 

Godspeed. Many of us will never get that closure, so take solace in that the door is closed, and you are free to move forward and write a new chapter. I respect that you handled yourself with class.

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So guys..ex gf texted me back this morning and said we both made mistakes that caused resentment and some of those mistakes she couldn't let go. She also told me she has moved on and in a happier place now. It's quite amazing in 3 months how fast a girl can move on actually. I told her I wish her the best and I have closure to move on now. The news stung me today and kept my spirit low but I know I have to get back on my feet and get back in the game now. Wish me luck guys.

 

 

So you try to break no contact in the heart of spring break and after she got her law degree :eek:

 

This was a fatal move on your part.

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So you try to break no contact in the heart of spring break and after she got her law degree :eek:

 

This was a fatal move on your part.

 

Nah she got her degree last year. During our time together she didn't pass the bar first time around and we dealt with extra stress from both ends. It just wasn't meant to be.

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Nah she got her degree last year. During our time together she didn't pass the bar first time around and we dealt with extra stress from both ends. It just wasn't meant to be.

 

 

Doesn't matter... she just got her degree... its a year old or less old... this is the beginning of her career....also she is in Cancun or was and looking prime.

 

I have a question where are you now? As far as education and career?

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Part of me feels like I don't know if I can find another girl with all the great qualities she had again.
Kudos for articulating this. Science says that you long for the ex when you have trouble finding a rewarding and compatible replacement relationship. When you find that, letting go gets a lot easier. Some people look forward to fix that, while others look backwards. I guess you are one of the latter.
But at the same time we broke up for a reason.
However long it may FEEL like, 4 months isn't long enough for you guys to change fundamentally, meaning the problem is still there.
This voice in my head is telling me to hit her up to see if there's a chance on rekindling and to confirmed if she really has moved on.
That voice is your heart lying to you. It is telling you that if you chase this girl, your efforts will be rewarded by her with reflected affection. Your heart has no way to know this. It is wishful thinking. It might be true, it might not, but even after you find out your heart is wrong, it will keep playing that same tune.

 

Recognize that your ex has not contacted you (that new guy in the rewarding relationship might be the reason why) and accept that the end of the relationship is in the past.

 

Stay NC until you don't care anymore.

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Doesn't matter... she just got her degree... its a year old or less old... this is the beginning of her career....also she is in Cancun or was and looking prime.

 

I have a question where are you now? As far as education and career?

 

I'm 28, working in finance for a large Hollywood studio. I'm not doing too bad, but I see all the new age entrepreneurs striking it big and making splashes so I can't help but want to elevate my life to attract an even better next girl. I'm kinda sick of working corporate America just to pay back my student loans and credit cards. I'm gonna try my best overcome these hurdles. Almost need like a Gatsby transformation...

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So guys..ex gf texted me back this morning and said we both made mistakes that caused resentment and some of those mistakes she couldn't let go. She also told me she has moved on and in a happier place now. It's quite amazing in 3 months how fast a girl can move on actually. I told her I wish her the best and I have closure to move on now. The news stung me today and kept my spirit low but I know I have to get back on my feet and get back in the game now. Wish me luck guys.

 

Hey there! I am just reading you post and i pondering whether or not i want to break no contact. I do not plan to ask for another chance as that is not how i feel.

 

I am sorry you got stung but at least you got to hear what you needed to.

 

Do you regret your decision to break No Contact?

Thanks

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foofightingguy
Hey there! I am just reading you post and i pondering whether or not i want to break no contact. I do not plan to ask for another chance as that is not how i feel.

 

I am sorry you got stung but at least you got to hear what you needed to.

 

Do you regret your decision to break No Contact?

Thanks

 

I think it depends on what you are looking for. If you are not looking for getting back, then I'd say stay NC. Breaking NC when you are not ready will open old wounds.

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I think it depends on what you are looking for. If you are not looking for getting back, then I'd say stay NC. Breaking NC when you are not ready will open old wounds.

 

I feel i have healed, which is why i feel ready to contact. I just think we left things so dramatically. The thought of him happy with someone new actually makes me smile. I am not worried about anything like that.

 

Travelling makes it feel like years have past.

 

Maybe i am just in high spirits and i soon to return home, and so i am feeling nostalgic.

 

I do not want to get back together. I am moving back to Australia. I am only going to be home (same country as my ex) for three months.

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Hey there! I am just reading you post and i pondering whether or not i want to break no contact. I do not plan to ask for another chance as that is not how i feel.

 

I am sorry you got stung but at least you got to hear what you needed to.

 

Do you regret your decision to break No Contact?

Thanks

 

Although I feel like I'm in a rut again when I saw her moving on through social media last week, and she confirmed it through text, I don't regret the NC because it gave me closure. Tho I'm in a rut I'm not letting it paralyze me and I'm still going to continue working hard to getting back in the game. I think reading alot of advice and support here helps tremendously.

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