Elizabeth85 Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 I've been with the same guy for just over 5 years. We recently got engaged and have been living away from all our family for work. We are partners in the same company together. His anger has always been an issue. He's never hit me directly but has thrown things, pushed me, broken my things, threw a plate which indirectly hit me etc. He's been emotionally abusive to me. I've been called every name in the book. We have tried counselling a few years ago but since we moved we don't have that resource. I've also been depressed which frustrates him. I don't like to go out much and ive gained about 15 lbs. I'm not the same happy go lucky girl and not all of that is because of him but because of family issues and ptsd. I know his frustration on not knowing what to do for me increases his anger. I don't expect him to do anything but just listen and be supportive. He didn't come home until 4:30 this morning and I was upset and just did my own thing today. I gave him the silent treatment and he got angry saying that I was being unreasonable because he wanted me to go out with him anyway. He just left. If he comes back do I give it another chance? I do love him more than anything. But I also worry It will continue with this cycle. Is there any hope for us? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 There is only hope if you two both address your issues. You need counseling for your depression. Once you have that under control you may have the strength you need to walk away from this abusive relationship. He needs anger management counseling. If he refuses to get it, you have to get out to protect yourself before he actually physically hurts you. No matter how much you think you love him, you can't stay if the price is your life or your safety. What you can't do is marry. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 After 5 years, I would say there is very little chance that this will work out well. He doesn't see the problem with his abuse, so why would he change? He's not worthy of you, OP. Your relationship is toxic and damaging to your self-worth. Start the process of extricating yourself from his life. I don't think you love him as much as you have become emotionally enmeshed with him. He is familiar but he is not secure. Does anyone close to you know what's going on? If so, seek their help (ie. emotional support or a place to stay) If not, open up to someone you trust. You can't live like this. As D0nnivain said, you need to get help for your own struggles too so that you will be strong enough to walk away. Whatever you do, do not marry him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 27, 2017 Share Posted February 27, 2017 After five years, I would say that you have given the relationship a fair shot and it's not working. You should never, stay in a relationship with a man who is verbally and physically abusive (I would suggest that although he hasn't hit you yet, it is only a matter of time given the things you have described). Don't waste your life in an abusive relationship that's not bringing you happiness. And whatever you do, as expat says, do not marry this man. Link to post Share on other sites
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