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So I messed up and reached out with


Whatisgoingonlol

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Whatisgoingonlol

So I reached out 6 months later ..... she seems really into it we never talked about getting back together but she seemed warm to me again we saw each other for dinner and now it's been 2 months every week she'll text me to say hey or like I was thinking of having lunch near you but then nothing ever happens. She always text me first but seems uninterested it's so confusing what do I do

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So I reached out 6 months later ..... she seems really into it we never talked about getting back together but she seemed warm to me again we saw each other for dinner and now it's been 2 months every week she'll text me to say hey or like I was thinking of having lunch near you but then nothing ever happens. She always text me first but seems uninterested it's so confusing what do I do

 

How long were you together before? How bad was the initial breakup? Could she just be trying to take things really slow to make sure you both really want to try again?

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So I reached out 6 months later ..... she seems really into it we never talked about getting back together but she seemed warm to me again we saw each other for dinner and now it's been 2 months every week she'll text me to say hey or like I was thinking of having lunch near you but then nothing ever happens. She always text me first but seems uninterested it's so confusing what do I do

 

Don't chase her. If she texts or calls you, set up a date. If she is flaky then tell her to call you when she's ready cause you would like to see her and hang up! I know what you're doing. You're probably staying on the phone with her far too long and she's probably ending the call. Keep all calls short and sweet and make sure YOU hang up first. 5-6 minutes until you guys get serious. Calls in the beginning should be to setup dates ONLY and like I said if she isn't 100% then tell her to call you when she's up for a night out, then hang up. Be boss man. Man up. And I'm speaking for myself too:)

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Whatisgoingonlol

I'll try to awnser all your question I didn't expect so many responses. We were together almost 2 years the break up was horrible and who knows maybe but she only text me we never talk on the phone it was only once I called her and we spoke and caught up it ended up being an hour and I was like o god I better end this. I was going on a trip in December and right before I left I reached out we only saw each other in January and since dinner she just text me once a week either saying hi or that maybe she was going to grab food right beside my house but never dose ...... she doesn't seem to want to ever keep the conversation and always makes an excuse to why she's probably isn't coming..... like I don't get it if your not interested in really putting the effort in why even text me at all I'm so confused lol

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. like I don't get it if your not interested in really putting the effort in why even text me at all I'm so confused lol

 

She thinks you're interested in being a friend and is treating you as such. At a guess, she is not interested in getting back together with you.

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She ended it

 

OK, (unless it was a forced break up*, in that your actions prompted the break up), then she is not really interested in getting back together.

Friends yes, lovers no.

She is doing the thing many dumpers do and that is keeping the ex around, but not really "around" if you get my meaning.

There may be many different reasons for staying in touch with you, some genuine and caring, others not so genuine and caring.

BUT the lack of follow up means she does NOT want to get back with you. Nice to catch up, nice to keep an eye on what you are doing, nice to keep you on board, nice to suggest a meet up, but not nice enough to actually have that lunch, coffee, drink...

It is just not that important to her.

 

if you love the "catch up" then fine, but if it is tearing you in two then cut her off.

 

 

(* - if this was a "forced break up" ie you cheated, you were abusive even violent etc. then she may be interested only she is waiting from some sign/gesture from you to say you have changed. That may explain the texting to keep in touch and then the no follow up when she realises nothing has changed your end, but she lives in hope.)

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Whatisgoingonlol

Well yes it was cheating but it was only texting and she found it I never actually physically saw the girl but the texts were really bAd..... and since my life was a mess with work and my relationship being soured .....when we met back up I was totally re foucesed. New job new school taking care of myself .... but like also I'm totally hearing what you saying...it was only months later bringing me to now that I'm realizing I have strong feeling again and if from your and everyone's advise she's not feeling the same way (which is fine)..... it was just confusing y she would keep texting me like clock work every week if she wasn't really interested but thanks all of you for your insight.... I guess it's just back to no contact for me

Edited by Whatisgoingonlol
It didn't flow right
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do u guys think that's the right approach if because she text me again should I just ignore it and move on

 

I would do as the above poster suggested...ask for a good definite time to meet. If she's unable to provide that then I would fork NC.

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Whatisgoingonlol

But I've done that in the past and it's didn't work so should I just ignore her and not even reply

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Definitely shouldn't have reached out to her in the first place - should have waited for her to contact you first. Looks like you are becoming her "Friend" here. You should keep NC. Next time she says "hey" or texts about having lunch "near you", just ignore those. By being like "yea we should get lunch sometime" or whatever, you are basically signalling that you are cool with being friends but nothing more, and you will remain as such.

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Whatisgoingonlol

To be honest regardless if she was lieing or not she said when we saw each other that she would have reached out if I hadn't so ur probably right I shouldn't have said anything in the first place and thanks for telling me to ignore her and just move on it was I needed.... I just deleted her text and anytime she calls or texts in the future I'll just ignore and erase the log and keep it moving .... thanks again

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To be honest regardless if she was lieing or not she said when we saw each other that she would have reached out if I hadn't so ur probably right I shouldn't have said anything in the first place and thanks for telling me to ignore her and just move on it was I needed.... I just deleted her text and anytime she calls or texts in the future I'll just ignore and erase the log and keep it moving .... thanks again

 

You are too available to her now. She's basically keeping you on a string at this point, and it's pretty obvious. As soon as she finds some new boyfriend to give her attention, I guarantee you won't even be getting those "getting lunch in your area" texts, she will just disappear and fade away. She knows you want her. She knows you would take her back. This is why she won't go back. And that is why in your situation you have to disappear and stop being her text buddy.

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