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Reconciliation? How?


ReaperOfTheGrim

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ReaperOfTheGrim

Alright, so bear with me guys. My ex girlfriend {25 f} and I {30 m} met at a grocery store we both worked at. We were instantly attracted to each other, hit it off, and quickly became friends/fwb/dating/ltr. She moved into my place not long after we started seeing each other, and that just facilitated the speed in which we we fell in love with each other. We met each others families very quickly, both sides loved us, things were clicking left and right, and it started feeling like it was meant to be so to speak. We became "that couple".

 

Well about a year into the relationship, the affection between us {specifically on my end} started to wane. Then the sex started slowing down, and eventually totally stopped. We both knew something was wrong, but it was a bizarre dynamic. Where it obviously began making her self-conscious, it made me uncomfortable. She would initiate sex, but I would turn it down. We didn't speak about it much, outside of her asking why I didn't want to have sex with her, and to be honest, I couldn't come up with an answer. I had plenty of excuses, but nothing I said made much sense to her. Or to me. The discussions we had were short, awkward, and eventually stopped happening. I didn't know what was wrong with me. She thought it was her, I knew it was me.

 

Our love, and compatibility was strong enough to keep us together for 5 years in this predicament, and even moving forward with discussions of marriage. Well 2 days before my 30'th birthday in November, she left me a note telling me she was unhappy, felt we lost our spark, and that she was moving back into her parents while we worked on things. "Working on things" turned into a single date that she said afterwards was awkward and "just didn't feel right". She wanted out, and got the rest of her things out of our house while I was at work the next day. This has left me destroyed, depressed, and absolutely devastated. I'm in a unique position after this breakup as I can literally blame every bit of the split on myself. I can't direct any of the blame for the breakup on her, and the fact she was able to stay with me as long as she has in the state we were in really makes me realize how much we loved each other, and how great she was to me. Which has obviously thrown me far into pits of guilt, regret, and deep deep depression.

 

In October of this year, I was granted a promotion that included health insurance for the first time in my life. Not long after, I started scheduling appointments left and right, trying to find out what the hell was wrong with me. A 30 year old guy that doesn't want sex with his significant other, but isn't and has no interest in cheating; wtf is going on with me?? The first thing I did was schedule testosterone testing at my family Dr. After the results came in, it turned out that I did have Low T for my age, but after talking with him, there's no way it would explain 4 years of no interest in sex with my girlfriend. After afew questions, he recommended a therapist to see if it could be something buried in my psychology that could be causing this. After a single therapy session, it was determined that, due to being molested by a cousin for afew years in my adolescence, I have sexual aversion disorder. Something that has been known to reek havoc on relationships and marriages in the past, but went undiagnosed for the entirety of our relationship. Unfortunately, all these tests and diagnoses were performed after the relationship had ended, and long after she was "done" with the relationship.

 

My ex and I have been broken up for about a month and a half at this point. I want her back more than I can even begin to describe. There's literally not 30 seconds in a day that goes by where she's not on my mind. Like a toothache that's always there. And to know that the issues that strained us to the point of breaking were real and were so much deeper than we realized, is to also know that now that they have been diagnosed, and resolved, our relationship could have gone all the way if we'd have just another month together before the breakup. I can't even begin to describe how much this hurts. It doesn't help to hear that now that she's single, she has been extremely promiscuous and hooking up with and dating lots of guys due to the state she left the relationship in. This hurts to hear, but I obviously can't blame her for this after putting her through what we went through.

 

I've gone pretty strict no contact since the breakup, outside of setting up times for her to visit the dog we shared together. I guess what I'm wondering is, should I contact her and let her know what I've come to learn about myself since the split? I know she came out of the relationship in much worse shape emotionally than she came in {feeling unattractive, and unwanted: hence the risky promiscuous behavior}. Should I make sure she knows that it was entirely my fault all along? And that she was always good enough. We can have civil discussions, but they tend to stay pretty light and to the point. I'm worried telling her anything heavy like this will put me in a negative light, and like it would be just too much. At the same time however, I don't want her to feel like she's leaving nothing, and has nothing left to return to if some day she decides she wants to reach out. Like I said, I want her back more than I want my job, my house, or anything you could name. I'm going to do my damnest to move on, but I almost feel like I need to tell her this for myself, but also for her.

 

Thanks for reading.

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This is a tough one.

 

Did she have any idea about the sexual abuse in your past? I am guessing not, since you said you couldn't give her answer as to why you didn't really ever want sex.

 

You could try talking to her and explain your findings. I am not sure if it will help but it might at least give her some peace of mind knowing this had nothing to do with her. It might also help you to let go of some of the pain of those events.

 

I would hesitate to say this has been resolved though. Very little time has past since this revelation, so I would not bank on everything being taken care of now. I would wager this type of trauma is going to take sustained, consistent work with a professional, as it has very deeply impacted both you personally and your intimate relationships. That is something your ex would need to be aware of should she want to try again. This won't go from 0-60 overnight.

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ReaperOfTheGrim

Yes, of course. I should have said "is in the process of being resolved". This will take some time as you said, and I know if she had known it while in the relationship, she would have seen it to the end with me. But that's neither here nor there.

 

And she had no idea of the previous abuse in my past.

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I wish you luck.

I think this is an almost impossible problem to resolve. I am not sure how you re-introduce yourself to a woman when sex was the problem. It's not like she can see that you have a new job, lost weight, or bought a home. If she doubts your capacity to be intimate, how do you re-introduce yourself and explain that.

 

I too am 30, and lost my sex drive this summer. Work with a therapist has provided me some clarity.

My girlfriend, also 30, said she "tested" me over the summer--she wanted to see if I wanted her, and I didn't. She never asked me why. Because I didn't want her she became very insecure: tanning, botox, diet, etc.

 

In June, I had just started graduate school and was changing careers from commercial fishing to environmental science. I lost all the pride/accomplishment associated with being a captain on a boat, and suddenly I was in a classroom with a bunch of kids again. I felt absolutely worthless.

 

In the Fall, I had come to terms with school and found how to make the best of the situation, but my GF was already checked out.

Being "tested" by my GF whether I wanted sex while I was depressed was-and remains-very damaging.

 

Our situations are different, but we both want our women back. I think they both left for the same reason--we couldn't provide them love and intimacy.

 

I have no idea how to re-introduce myself to her and demonstrate that.

Best of luck to you.

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honeybeesunrise

I am so sorry for all that your are going through. My heart aches for you and your GF, and the problems you have faced/are facing. Truly.

 

To answer your question: Yes, you should tell her. You feel convicted in your conscience to do it, and you should. You fear that you will be destroyed by the shame of it, but I have hope that when your cards are all on the table it will really be freeing. You should tell her everything you said here. It may take her some time to sort through it and all of her feelings. Healing your own wounds with her or without her will be a painful and probably long process, so don't expect anything to come quickly. It is so worth being honest with her though. If she is half the woman you say she is, sharing this will reach the deepest part of her heart.

 

I wish you the best of luck and I'm praying that you find peace.

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ReaperOfTheGrim

My (30) Girlfriend (25) of 5 years broke up with me December 2nd. She "didn't feel the same towards me"anymore. She felt we lost our spark. Personally I think after 5 years the spark evolved into something deeper and less on the surface, but obviously she lost attraction. Sex slowed way down towards the end of the relationship due to issues that have since been resolved. We had other issues, like under appreciation, not "dating" her as often and things like that. But in all honesty, I didn't"know how" to keep things interesting and exciting. Growing up in the household I grew up in, I felt if I could maintain a job to provide for her, and not physically and emotionally abuse her, I was better than what I grew up around, and that had to mean I was on the right track. Post breakup soul searching has revealed that that's where my mindset was,and how utterly wrong i was. Needless to say, Days are now spent reading countless relationship books I've purchased, and things on the internet, trying to find out what (besides the obvious) I could have done to keep things fresh and both of us truly happy once complacency rears it's ugly head, and where EXACTLY i failed her in the relationship.

 

After 2 months, the days haven't gotten any easier. I find it hard to stomach being at work because I'm not working for my "family" anymore, but I dread going home because her ghost is still in every room of the house. I don't drink and drive, so bars after work are out. I couldn't imagine being any more miserable at the moment, and time hasn't done a thing for me but bring more and more memories of a life I'm not allowed to participate in anymore. There's not 30 seconds in a day where I don't think about her, and I constantly have to "snap back" and remind myself she's not in my life anymore. I'm in very very bad shape.

 

Needless to say, I want her back in my life. The only question is, how do I go about doing this? At the moment there are only 2 options that I've brainstormed up. I need to decide if I want to take my mind's approach, and catch her in a friendly setting such as a mutual friend's house and try to "reattract" her, as all these damned ex back coaches and strategies suggest. I don't feel that this is outside of the realm of possibility, because I've somehow mustered the strength since the breakup to be pretty strict on NC, and have refrained from begging and pleading. My heart however is telling me to write her an email, which will inevitably be long, being as emotionally honest as possible. Making sure she knows I'm committed to change. Assure her the steps are or have been taken to move me into the direction to becoming the man both of us wanted to be. This approach i feel comes off abit more needy and desperate, but in kind of exhausted falling emotions. After all is said, that I need her to yell me then and there if there is any hope for now, or the future. Obviously she hasent reached out, and that's not a good sign, but I honestly believe hearing her tell me herself will help me tremendously. It would hurt, but it may be what I need.

 

Thanks for reading, and any recommendations are welcome

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You can't do anything to get her back, she either will on her own or she won't. You can do things to 'increase' your chances I guess; no begging, pleading and no contact. But it's still unlikely.

Edited by Jimmyjackson
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ReaperOfTheGrim
You can't do anything to get her back, she either will on her own or she won't. You can do things to 'increase' your chances I guess; no begging, pleading and no contact. But it's still unlikely.

 

Yeah I know man, you're not telling me anything I don't know

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You said in two past posts that she was coming over, once in Dec and then another time in January to get her stuff. What happened those times?

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ReaperOfTheGrim
You said in two past posts that she was coming over, once in Dec and then another time in January to get her stuff. What happened those times?

 

In December she came over while I was out of town to visit her dog. Not much, posted pictures on facebook of them. She was supposed to come in January to get the last of her things, but hasent yet because of work she tells me. She has plans to come by the house this Saturday with her dad and his truck to get them

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Yeah I know man, you're not telling me anything I don't know

 

Unfortunately it's the truth. The email would only work if you want her to lose total respect for you.

 

She knows you love her. You have to show that you are over her and moving on with your life.

 

It sucks and many guys are in your position but there is very little you can do but move on.

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ReaperOfTheGrim

So you guys would suggest against possibly trying to set up something casual like a lunch or something? Try to reconnect and see if it's salvageable?

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So you guys would suggest against possibly trying to set up something casual like a lunch or something? Try to reconnect and see if it's salvageable?

 

No. Lunch screams friends. Do you want her as a friend or a lover?

 

At least do something in the evening. Preferably at your place.

 

But the problem is unless she is initiating contact you likely have zero chance.

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So you guys would suggest against possibly trying to set up something casual like a lunch or something? Try to reconnect and see if it's salvageable?

 

From the sounds of your post she is doing her best to limit contact. I do not think you should try to set anything up at this time nor in the future, unless she makes some sort of contact with you that doesn't involve getting her stuff back. Sorry, but certainly for the time being this is over. You should focus on your own well being and stay nc unless absolutely necessary.

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Growing up in the household I grew up in, I felt if I could maintain a job to provide for her, and not physically and emotionally abuse her, I was better than what I grew up around, and that had to mean I was on the right track.

This is the same - unfortunately false - belief and misguided mindset that caused my and my ex-husband's divorce. (Although he didn't only think that he was 'on the right track'; he also became stubborn in his belief that he as, in fact, doing things 'perfectly'.)

 

Congratulations on doing all the hard work and deep 'mental digging' to come to realize the deep-down root of the problem that caused your break-up.

Very excellent efforts, indeed. :love::bunny:

 

As I see it, you have one shot -- and one shot only: you have to share all of the exact words of your original post with her. Just print it out on a plain sheet of paper, without any reference to LoveShack; and without any hearts, flowers or flowery sign-offs, either.

 

Of course - and hopefully it goes without saying -- this must be done in person.

She either will or will not see the sincerity and the potential that is clearly here; so, it does not matter if you arrange to meet her for lunch, breakfast, dinner or afternoon tea. It will make no difference if she is not moved in the first place. (In which case you just graciously exit...forever.)

 

Right at the beginning, you just say, "Here, this is the reason I wanted to meet with you," and then just leave the table for about five minutes.

WHOA! Allow me to back-up for a sec. First say, "Hi"...and then say that other stuff :).

 

Best of luck.

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ReaperOfTheGrim
This is the same - unfortunately false - belief and misguided mindset that caused my and my ex-husband's divorce. (Although he didn't only think that he was 'on the right track'; he also became stubborn in his belief that he as, in fact, doing things 'perfectly'.)

 

Congratulations on doing all the hard work and deep 'mental digging' to come to realize the deep-down root of the problem that caused your break-up.

Very excellent efforts, indeed. :love::bunny:

 

As I see it, you have one shot -- and one shot only: you have to share all of the exact words of your original post with her. Just print it out on a plain sheet of paper, without any reference to LoveShack; and without any hearts, flowers or flowery sign-offs, either.

 

Of course - and hopefully it goes without saying -- this must be done in person.

She either will or will not see the sincerity and the potential that is clearly here; so, it does not matter if you arrange to meet her for lunch, breakfast, dinner or afternoon tea. It will make no difference if she is not moved in the first place. (In which case you just graciously exit...forever.)

 

Right at the beginning, you just say, "Here, this is the reason I wanted to meet with you," and then just leave the table for about five minutes.

WHOA! Allow me to back-up for a sec. First say, "Hi"...and then say that other stuff :).

 

Best of luck.

 

Awesome. I appreciate the advice. You think I should take as is, even though it's posed as a question?

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Awesome. I appreciate the advice. You think I should take as is, even though it's posed as a question?

Okay...you know what. Let me read it again, and get back to you.

 

I do know that this is about the ONLY thing that my then-husband could possibly have communicated to me, for me to even consider that there was the remotest potential for anything better in the future than we had in the past.

And, that is why I'm saying to just use the printed word -- so that your brain-mouth doesn't start flapping and jabbering, and potentially making a mess of it. That would be bad. :mad:.

 

I'll be back ASAP - 20 - 30 minutes?

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She has plans to come by the house this Saturday with her dad and his truck to get them

Okay, so first. Patience, young man. 'Saturday with her dad' is NOT the time or the place.

*IF* you can have a (very) private moment with her, ask if it will be okay for you to get in touch with her, to set up a get-together within the next few weeks.

If she pushes for details, just tell her that you have something to share with her, but with just the two of you and at a separate time. (Don't budge on this;

keep some mystery going.)

She either will or will not see the sincerity and the potential that is clearly here <snip> if she is not moved in the first place. (In which case you just graciously exit...forever.)

Sorry to have to quote myself :o -- but I really need you to accept the above bolded part.

If she says that it's not okay for you to contact her to set up a meeting in the future -- you just graciously exit...forever.

If, during the meeting, she says that she's not interested -- you just graciously exit...forever.

 

When I wrote, "you have to share all of the exact words of your original post with her." -- I was actually referring only to the paragraph that I had quoted. My mistake, sorry.

 

This is the excerpt that I would print and give her, in its entirety. (I've take the liberty of a little bit of editing, indicated in bold.):

We had other issues, like under-appreciation, not "dating" her as often and things like that. But in all honesty, I didn't "know how" to keep things interesting and exciting. Growing up in the household I grew up in, I felt if I could maintain a job to provide for her, and not physically and emotionally abuse her, I was better than what I grew up around, and that had to mean I was on the right track. Post breakup soul searching has revealed that that's where my mindset was,and how utterly wrong i was. Needless to say, days are now spent reading countless relationship books I've purchased, and things on the internet, trying to find out what (besides the obvious) I could have done to keep things fresh and both of us truly happy instead of letting complacency and laziness set in, and where EXACTLY I failed us in our relationship.

Please, please, PLEASE understand, ReaperOfTheGrim, if she is not moved by this -- if she does not show any interest after she reads this -- then you just graciously exit ...forever.

 

Hugs, and very best of luck.

Ronni

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Very well written post, you sound like a good, genuine person, and I can feel your pain with every word. All of us here are going through similar pain oe have gone through it.

 

Here's my opinion: the letter is not a good idea. I think there might be a time to talk to her about these things in the future, but now is too soon, and unfortunately sending her a letter like this will not look good for you. I think Ronnie above me has good points, but I must disagree that sending this letter is a good idea. I urge you to search through LS archives, other forums, friends, family, etc and see if you can find one, single account EVER documented that sending a letter ever helped get an ex back. In fact, i am willing to bet almost all of them had the reverse effect. Basically, the odds are greatly against you that the letter will have any positive effect, but the chances are strong that it will push her further away. Its a massive risk, and personally one i wouldnt take.

 

Now here's another thing you need to understand. Its 2 months in. The breakup is still fresh, for the both of you. There are many psychological studies, real world accounts, and evidence that shows that, typically, dumpers (especially female dumpers) dont even BEGIN to feel the loss of the dumpee for at LEAST 6 months in. The first few months are usually relief, and then a sense of freedom. A "high" of sorts. Her emotions and the realization of the breakup has been suppressed naturally by her subconscious, as a sort of coping mechanism to better handle the loss of you. You neeed to give this TIME. The pain you are currently experiencing will not be felt by her for many more months. Maybe even longer, but you MUST take a leap of faith here and wait!

 

Dont contact her at all, wait for her to contact you. This could take months, a year, or even more! But you have to let her do that. Be a total ghost and evaporate from her life until that happens. And my bet is she will contact you someday. DO NOT fall for the "ex back in 30 days" stuff you find online. Its mostly BS. The thing is you both need to completely move on for this to work, and no one moves on in 30 days... especially a long relationship like this one.

 

You have to move on, and she has to move on. The only reconciliations ive ever heard about, or read about, or even seen were after both parties moved on, experienced some life without the other person, and later found each other again. You both have to grow, you both have to learn more about yourselves and evolve from this, and then come back together as different people.

 

Let her experience life without you. Let her feel, and really internalize the loss of you. Time will go by, months will pass, she'll date other guys and see whats out there. Then, after all that, she might come to miss you, and moss some things about you that other guys dont quite possess. Everyone is unique. She will find this out. And IF you are the right man for her, it will click in her, and THAT is when she will contact you and try to come back. IF that happens... But only then, is it possible.

 

Same with you. Date other girls, grow as a person, get a feel for whats out there. You will mature emotionally and these skills are useful if she comes back or not. Maybe you will come to find she wasnt the one afterall, who knows. The key is you both have to go through this phase. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. Anyone who gets back together before this process takes place, is probably going to break up again.

 

Essentially- Its out of your control. But take comfort in that fact too, because there isnt anything you can do to make her come back. There are, however, things you can do to make her not want to come back, and i strongly believe that letter could be one of them. Vent to us here. You can talk about this stuffin person if she comes back someday.

 

Hang in there, and move forward. 2 months is the beginning of this long journey!

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ReaperOfTheGrim

Ugh "the beginning of the long journey", that hurts somewhere very deep to hear. And you may be right. As terribleas it sounds, there's a comfort in the thought that what I'm experiencing now is laying in wait somewhere along her path, but my fear is that I'm leaving her in a mindset that tells her she isn't leaving anything behind. I know that's just something I have to accept, but it's another reason a part of me wants to write her a letter or an email. Nothing that begs or pleads, even if it's a daily struggle to prevent myself from doing that. But something that tells her that I'm going to make the breakup the best thing thats ever happened to me. Not because I don't want her, (there's nothing I want more), but becausse I did need to grow. And if it's the suffering I'm going through now that inspires me to become what I know, and what she knew at one time, im capable of, then it could be the best thing she's ever done for me. But even then, the thought of becoming this person for anyone but her tea really sucks. I feel even something like that though, may be interpreted entirely different than how I intended, and push her further away. .

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Ugh "the beginning of the long journey", that hurts somewhere very deep to hear. And you may be right. As terribleas it sounds, there's a comfort in the thought that what I'm experiencing now is laying in wait somewhere along her path, but my fear is that I'm leaving her in a mindset that tells her she isn't leaving anything behind. I know that's just something I have to accept, but it's another reason a part of me wants to write her a letter or an email. Nothing that begs or pleads, even if it's a daily struggle to prevent myself from doing that. But something that tells her that I'm going to make the breakup the best thing thats ever happened to me. Not because I don't want her, (there's nothing I want more), but becausse I did need to grow. And if it's the suffering I'm going through now that inspires me to become what I know, and what she knew at one time, im capable of, then it could be the best thing she's ever done for me. But even then, the thought of becoming this person for anyone but her tea really sucks. I feel even something like that though, may be interpreted entirely different than how I intended, and push her further away. .

 

She's not going to think she's leaving nothing behind. She didn't spend 5 years with you for nothing. She will NOT forget that. And about the letter - I know in your logical mind writing something non-needy and without begging/pleading would sound like a good idea... but just realize in her mind it will likely be taken as weak, regardless. It will almost certainly lower your value to her. Like I said man, you gotta take a leap of faith on this one. If it gives you any comfort, take my advice and research HARD and see if you can find a SINGLE documented event where writing a letter worked. That might help you hold back from writing it. MAYBE a letter would be ok like a year from now... but 2 months in... nooooo way man. WAY too soon. For her, she is in the freedom/relief stage - the LAST thing she wants is to hear from you at all. It's going to push her away my friend.

 

Keep yourself busy, months fly by. Wait for her to contact you. It sounds like you walked away with a decent amount of dignity and self respect. You are already in a really good starting place! Not many guys can say this. Don't undo that lol. Just have confidence in yourself. You sound like a great guy and I'm SURE she knows that man... and she will definitely remember that as time goes by, and the negative memories fade and the positive ones emerge. Time is your friend. Patience.

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a part of me wants to write her a letter or an email.

^^^ That is the coward's way out. Do it in person so that she can see that you are at least trying to be a man.

Nothing that begs or pleads, even if it's a daily struggle to prevent myself from doing that. But something that tells her that I'm going to make the breakup the best thing thats ever happened to me.
If she is even semi-intelligent, she will see through this bit of fakery -- on top of which, it is the same as begging and pleading. At least, that's how most even-semi-intelligent women take words that try to convey, "I'm going to make the breakup the best thing that's ever happened to me." We can smell the desperation in that type of message.
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ReaperOfTheGrim

Yeah ok, I understand. It's easy to overlook just how desperate something may look in the emotional state that I'm in. I'm happy I check in here before doing anything.

 

Her father and her plan on coming by today to get afew of her things that's still at our house. My plan is to be outside washing my truck and being in a positive mood while they're here so they can go in and get their things. Would it be unadvisable to ask her for a minute to talk, and bring up some of the things that I've discussed here? One side of me honestly wants to leave her spare key and not even be at the house when they arrive.

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Hey, just wanted to say I've been where you are and it sucks. My ex also left because of a lost "spark" and there was nothing I could do about it. We ended it with dignity and respect, but I was in agony for months and some days it still hurts (over a year later). You don't have to stop loving her, but like everyone here says, you do have to leave her alone for now. I know it seems impossible that a letter along the lines of what you wanted to say wouldn't work - it seems impossible that your feelings are so strong and hers aren't even strong enough to hold your relationship together.

 

As many people have said here though, give it time. The first few months will be agony for you and there's really no getting around that. You just have to keep living and taking care of yourself regardless of how you feel at first. I'm not going to tell you to go out and enjoy life, because I know I didn't enjoy anything until about 6 months after the breakup. And then I did, and man was I glad I kept going to work and keeping up with my place and talking to my friends, because when I was finally able to see properly again I realized I did in fact still have a beautiful life and I was glad I hadn't let it go while I was depressed.

 

She might come back someday. She may miss you down the line because it seems like you aren't a bad guy at all and at 25, it's really hard to find a guy who's mature enough to understand her emotions and make an effort to pick things up when they start falling apart. I know it might not seem like much, but that is a significant advantage over the rest of the field.

 

So, I would say to wait a year or so and then reach out if you still feel this way. The worst that can happen is you get rejected again and you've already gone through that pain once, so if you feel it's worth the risk, you'll be able to get through it again. I will also say that for me, being friends with my exes has actually helped me to get over them. That way you know what's going on with them and they're no longer up on this "mystery pedestal" that you keep wondering about. It's harder to build them up to be this great mystical unicorn creature that you desire above all else when you see them regularly being normal people. That's not true for everyone, I suppose, but it has always helped me so I certainly don't condemn reaching out after some time has passed and you feel like you have more self-control. You may find that you still like them, in which case it may be worth asking again, or you may find that you don't need them anymore after all. And you never know what might happen. It just can't happen right now, as much as you'd like it to.

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Would it be unadvisable to ask her for a minute to talk, and bring up some of the things that I've discussed here? One side of me honestly wants to leave her spare key and not even be at the house when they arrive.

Yes, completely inadvisable. I said that yesterday :).

 

Don't run away, either. Find your inner strength and courage -- and have those qualities on full display...all the time;, not just with/around her!

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