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I broke nc and got her back! (UPDATE: split up again)


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 13th May 2017, 12:57 PM   #31
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Sever all ties, stop trying to get in through her family. Cut everyone off so you can move on. Do not contact any of them again. You are going to mess around and catch a case if you keep this up! Seek the assistance of a counselor to help you sort yourself out.
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Old 13th May 2017, 2:12 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by springy View Post
Sever all ties, stop trying to get in through her family. Cut everyone off so you can move on. Do not contact any of them again. You are going to mess around and catch a case if you keep this up! Seek the assistance of a counselor to help you sort yourself out.
A counselor won't be required, haha i just think it's funny how all I did was reach out to her twice after the breakup, not mention it was her sister reaching out to me for fitness advice consistently. Her younger sister still likes all my stuff on insta and besides wishing them best wishes, I'm being labeled on here or to her, a stalker? Like in reality have i really done anything insane? I'm cutting all ties as we speak. But I've never popped up on her nor do i plan to. That's stalker type stuff
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Old 13th May 2017, 2:29 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by jamili View Post
Holy @#$% man. I'm going to be real with you here.

This is over.

You NEED to move on from this man. You broke NC, which as you can see is never a good idea. What you did was push her further away - just like we warned you would happen. Contacting and chasing her is just going to make her lose more and more attraction to you, and KILL your chances more and more.

The constant contacting her, the long letter, confessing your love, staying in touch with her family. This is not only hardcore tanking your attraction to her, but it's bordering on reaching creepy/stalkerish territory, ESPECIALLY in her eyes. This is breaking NC to the max.

This is what you need to do, ASAP: STOP contacting her. For real - just go real, HARD NC. In fact, in your case I 100% suggest blocking the number and deleting it out of your phone - to force yourself to keep NC. Literally anything you could say to her will just make this worse. As for the mutual friends/family members - cut contact immediately. It's usually best after a breakup to also move on from them too. This isn't really healthy because it's preventing you from moving on and getting her out of your mind, and if it's getting back to her she might even see it as a pathetic attempt to stay in her life - ruining this even more. NC on the entire family.

And you have to actually move on during this NC period - so you need to try you. You have ACCEPT that the breakup is final, to move on. Reading your posts, I can clearly sense you are still convinced in your heart that she might come back to you, and that you two should be together... I know it's hard, but letting that go is the only way you are going to move on from this. This is true whether she comes back or not, it's the only way.

In this situation, you did a lot of damage already. If you contact her again, she's going to really despise you, if she doesn't already. This is NOT the note you want to leave a relationship on. Do not contact her!!! The ONLY way to do some much needed damage control right now is to go hard, strict, eternal NC.
P.S i know now the message was a mistake trust me ik, that was 2 months ago. Do i plan on reaching out ever no, but i was just letting you guys know what happened. ETERNAL NC it is! And I thank you for taking the time to write this. Kinda feel like you understand me in a sense. It just sucks because my intentions were pure but how it came off was weird asf smh. No contact no contact

Last edited by teammagma; 13th May 2017 at 2:31 PM..
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Old 13th May 2017, 4:43 PM   #34
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I would not suggest texting her mother tomorrow. You dated this lady for two months, three months ago. You don't find that a tad odd?

Last edited by springy; 13th May 2017 at 4:47 PM..
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Old 13th May 2017, 5:16 PM   #35
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5 days NC? Damn, I've done NC on a LOT of people apparently without even realizing it...

NC isn't a set period of time, it's a process to heal and move on with the chance of your ex coming back, but everyone leans on that chance (Which is perfectly normal or a few months, which is generally why it's longer to heal from a breakup than a death).

As many have said in this thread, your chance at real reconciliation is to spend months apart. You didn't change at all, you just used it as a manipulation tactic. Again it's perfectly normal to hope your ex comes back, and it's normal to see NC as a tactic to get them back. Many people will say it's to heal and move on. They are correct, but giving up hope is about as easy as losing weight on the Fast Food diet. It's a normal process for the first few weeks/months to hope it's making your ex come back, but eventually you realize the process helped itself if you did true NC and you are able to live your normal life without stressing over your ex, and eventually you just stop caring. That's what happened to me. I mean, I still care, but I wake up happy and go to bed happy. My ex would make a nice addition to my life if we were to reconcile, and I'll be open to that, but I'm not in the stages of "I'm going to kill myself to escape this pain" anymore.

However, you gone and ****ed it up royally. You have you answer. Sorry bro. I know if I texted my ex right now, she would respond immediately and be extremely excited to hear from me. HOWEVER, she would rather be friends rather than reconcile (well, at least when I last spoke to her. I have no idea how she is today because I haven't spoken to her or anyone. I just know her latest shin-dig didn't work out and she's spying on me. But she could still just want to be friends).

I don't expect my ex to have the guts to reach out to me even if she did want to reconcile. And I'm sure as hell not going to take any chance of going backwards from this disaster when I know I'll be the much happier person in the end (and at this point, believe I am).

All this being said, I have a higher chance than you at reconciliation, and I believe my chance to be at 0% or less than 1%.

My best suggestion is to simply stop reading the complete bull**** "how to get my ex back" guides online. They do *NOT* work, except in rare situations like your own where the person doing the dumping was very confused or did it in the heat of the moment and instantly regret their decision. And then those don't last long.

A relationship fails for at least 1 of 2 reasons. That one reason, is somebody in the relationship not being ready, not having the feelings, or feeling it won't work out. There isn't many other reasons. Unfortunately for those like me, that were dumped and wanted to continue the relationship, get stuck with dumpers that, no matter how perfect you are for them, they aren't ready because of immaturity or something.

In your case, you were the problem. You have identified that problem. Rather than figuring out how to manipulate your ex back into your arms, you need to figure out how to solve the problem you have. Otherwise, if that 0% chance turns into any type of chance (I doubt it will), the same thing will happen as before.

Move on from this woman, take time to improve yourself. Go to therapy. There is no shame into going to therapy. I'm PROUD to say I go to therapy weekly, and I honestly really enjoy it. It's helped a lot. I'm a 28 year old man that isn't afraid of anything, and I go to therapy. It'll help you improve. Read some books on how to improve yourself.


Ultimately what this all comes down to isn't getting your ex back, it's getting you to be the best you can be. You need to focus on that, not on her. Take it as a life lesson. It may sting now, and for a long time, but eventually even the worst things in life can be seen with a light because of what they teach us.
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Old 13th May 2017, 5:34 PM   #36
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I would not suggest texting her mother tomorrow. You dated this lady for two months, three months ago. You don't find that a tad odd?
Yeah I'm not
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Old 13th May 2017, 5:45 PM   #37
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Yeah I'm not
Honestly guys, like I've said i just sent you all that message as an update. I've KNOW nc is the way to go. After that long message I haven't hit her up and don't plan to. What i typed at 2am in the morning was an extremely emotional side of myself that i needed to release. RELAX, i know what's required moving forward, and i have been working on myself. Sometimes it gets hard thou. But consistency is key. Her sisters reaching out to me vice versa potentially kept me from moving on. At the end of the day. Its her loss. I know what we had, better than i can explain or better than anything i tried to explain here. They way everyone interprets it through text is different. But like i said i was in an extremely emotional state last night and when i sent that message. She'll probably come around and trust me when i say that, I'm no average joe. TRUST ME. But as far as right now. I'm doing me and I'll continue to do so. And im not bull****ting myself either. Trust me they're things that happened that i haven't mentioned and the main problem for me was clingyness which I've worked on. I don't wanna be made out to be a psycho because i love someone haha you know? But like i said NC
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Old 13th May 2017, 10:40 PM   #38
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But like i said i was in an extremely emotional state last night and when i sent that message. She'll probably come around and trust me when i say that, I'm no average joe. TRUST ME. But as far as right now. I'm doing me and I'll continue to do so. And im not bull****ting myself either. Trust me they're things that happened that i haven't mentioned and the main problem for me was clingyness which I've worked on. I don't wanna be made out to be a psycho because i love someone haha you know? But like i said NC
Look man, drop the defensive stance. No one on here is trying to insult you or judge you. We are telling you this stuff to HELP you. I can understand that you are on the inside, and your perspective on all of this is tainted and subjective. But, us, from the outside, can see this for what it is. She is the one who appears to be thinking you are stalkerish, psycho, etc. She is being very clear about that, to an outside perspective. That's why we are saying this. We want for her to see you in a better light, we would love if you were to reconcile someday, which is why we are telling you this - so you understand. You will gain more self awareness about this situation as time passed.

The long message you sent to her, whether it was an emotional outbreak or not, it should never have been sent. Sending a long message, letter, text, voicemail, etc. of any kind can do some irreprable damage.. especially if someone already tells you to stop contacting them. Professing your love and pleading with her that you have "changed", is only going to SOLIDIFY her decision and CONFIRM that she was right to break up with you and she will distance herself from you hardcore. That's why you should have never sent it, and it's important you realize that for any future relationships you have in your life. Make this the last time in your life you ever send a letter like that.

Understand this - a confident, attractive, desirable person - walks away from a relation, when he/she is dumped. You maintain frame, wish them luck BRIEFY, and disappear. And, you erase in your mind any ideas of being with her again in your future. You have to ACCEPT that. You really have to stop thinking "trust me i was a great guy she will see that someday". You are delaying your healing by holding onto that, and you are looking weak, to HER, which she will find unattractive. Telling her that you still love her or care about her, has the exact opposite effect that you intend.

I know you said you are definitely going NC, but strongly consider also blocking her and all of her friends and family too. As Altair said, you have done some MAJOR damage to any potential reconciliation chance here. You simply cannot afford another slip up. One weak moment one lonely night and you are going to FOR SURE nail any final nails into this already-sealed coffin. You have done damage but years and years apart could possibly fix this, as you are both young and have a lot of growing to do. I just want to reiterate how important it is that you seriously eliminate any shred of a chance that you could accidentally contact this person.

Also, you need to learn this important lesson: When someone says you don't want you to contact them anymore, you have to accept that, if you love them. "Proving" your love for them by chasing in any capacity, proves exactly the opposite - that you don't love them. Love=Respect. And you aren't respecting someone when you contact them after they asked that you stop. If you love this woman, you should respect that and live with her decision. Love is not just the desire to be with someone - sometimes it is the ability to let them go.

You say you've worked on your clingyness, but from what you said and even your demeanor in this thread, it doesn't seem to be the case. You aren't ready for reconciliation, even if she was 100% on board tomorrow. You have a lot of work to do still. Learn to be happy without this person. Learn to accept that she's gone forever. It's the only way in hell that reconciliation is possible.
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Old 14th May 2017, 4:34 AM   #39
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As woman, I can tell you that your behaviour is a complete turn-off and attraction-killer.

Learn to respect boundaries and to soothe yourself when you're feeling emotional. You haven't yet learned to activate the all-important filter of knowing when to pour your heart out and when not to. If you don't learn to do these things, your next relationship will fail the same way.
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Old 14th May 2017, 7:50 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by jamili View Post
Look man, drop the defensive stance. No one on here is trying to insult you or judge you. We are telling you this stuff to HELP you. I can understand that you are on the inside, and your perspective on all of this is tainted and subjective. But, us, from the outside, can see this for what it is. She is the one who appears to be thinking you are stalkerish, psycho, etc. She is being very clear about that, to an outside perspective. That's why we are saying this. We want for her to see you in a better light, we would love if you were to reconcile someday, which is why we are telling you this - so you understand. You will gain more self awareness about this situation as time passed.

The long message you sent to her, whether it was an emotional outbreak or not, it should never have been sent. Sending a long message, letter, text, voicemail, etc. of any kind can do some irreprable damage.. especially if someone already tells you to stop contacting them. Professing your love and pleading with her that you have "changed", is only going to SOLIDIFY her decision and CONFIRM that she was right to break up with you and she will distance herself from you hardcore. That's why you should have never sent it, and it's important you realize that for any future relationships you have in your life. Make this the last time in your life you ever send a letter like that.

Understand this - a confident, attractive, desirable person - walks away from a relation, when he/she is dumped. You maintain frame, wish them luck BRIEFY, and disappear. And, you erase in your mind any ideas of being with her again in your future. You have to ACCEPT that. You really have to stop thinking "trust me i was a great guy she will see that someday". You are delaying your healing by holding onto that, and you are looking weak, to HER, which she will find unattractive. Telling her that you still love her or care about her, has the exact opposite effect that you intend.

I know you said you are definitely going NC, but strongly consider also blocking her and all of her friends and family too. As Altair said, you have done some MAJOR damage to any potential reconciliation chance here. You simply cannot afford another slip up. One weak moment one lonely night and you are going to FOR SURE nail any final nails into this already-sealed coffin. You have done damage but years and years apart could possibly fix this, as you are both young and have a lot of growing to do. I just want to reiterate how important it is that you seriously eliminate any shred of a chance that you could accidentally contact this person.

Also, you need to learn this important lesson: When someone says you don't want you to contact them anymore, you have to accept that, if you love them. "Proving" your love for them by chasing in any capacity, proves exactly the opposite - that you don't love them. Love=Respect. And you aren't respecting someone when you contact them after they asked that you stop. If you love this woman, you should respect that and live with her decision. Love is not just the desire to be with someone - sometimes it is the ability to let them go.

You say you've worked on your clingyness, but from what you said and even your demeanor in this thread, it doesn't seem to be the case. You aren't ready for reconciliation, even if she was 100% on board tomorrow. You have a lot of work to do still. Learn to be happy without this person. Learn to accept that she's gone forever. It's the only way in hell that reconciliation is possible.

You are 100% correct about everything you've just said & I sincerely appreciate it. And i know for a fact I'm no where ready for reconciliation. After being on here and talking to you guys since yesterday. I'm ready to give it all up, i also did some deep self reflection and I wanna thank every single one of you for your support. Especially you Jamili. As far as right now. I'm gonna be taking a LONG break. Removing myself from any and everything that will hold me back from moving forward. Today was the first day and a long time I've felt okay. That being said I'm gonna be gone for a bit, as we know this forum is surrounded around her 😂 so i wanna eliminate that for now. This will be my last post for a while. I'll be sure to keep you all updated again. THANKS AGAIN!
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Old 14th May 2017, 11:07 PM   #41
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Good luck
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Old 27th September 2017, 12:56 PM   #42
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Update!

5 Months Later, I just wanna thank everyone of you once again for your support! And let you all know that I've completely moved on. I'm 100% OKAY! Time surely heals all wounds. I have lost all attachment to her. May think of her once a month if not at all but I'm completely healed from that encounter. Just wanted you all to know! And for anyone who may be going through something similar! Thanks Again!

Last edited by teammagma; 27th September 2017 at 3:54 PM..
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