So what do u guys think of a second chance with my ex [UPDATED]

[Newtoloveguy]

So we broke up about 9 months ago and it was a very bad break up we both did love each other very much but a lot of things happened that we're putting a strain on out relationship ... it ended thought with something I did and it hurt her so much that she broke up with me.

 

The break up dragged on for about a month month and a half where we saw each other a handful of times but nothing got fixed.... she cried a lot which broke my heart every time .... I got her flowering and a special necklace which she loves and I found out that she still wares to this day... I got her mom one to her family loves me but I let her down big time .... after the month and a half we kind of had a fight which ended in her telling me she wants her space and that's when the break up was final

 

So over the summer I tried to contact her trying to apologize and ask her to lunch and stuff which always ended up with only getting back to me days later or not at all or just totally being negative so around 5 months ago I really went no contact and now we are up to a few days ago.

 

I got home from work and was cleaning up my house I'm going on a trip for all of December and I have been bettering my self I got a good job I'm going back to school I've reconnected with my self but when I was cleaning I found the only picture she left with me from when she was 5. So I was like screw it I'm going to text her and I really expected that she would say nothing but this is what happened.

 

I text her hey and she text back right away

 

"What's up"

 

So we got to chatting she first asked why I randomly text her and I told her about the picture which she then told me she was planning on texting me about the picture which I was like ok.... but she wants it back lol

 

Does this mean maybe a future get together? who knows we changed the subject quickly

 

We had a conversation like old friends... with text messages back and forth with no time in between. The conversation died down I said goodnight it was nice talking to you and she responded goodnight and at that point I was just happy that we were friendly with eachother. I wasn't planning on us to really talk again she knows I'm going on this trip for all of December and I didn't really expect her to message me again I was just happy it was friendly you know.

 

So two days pass and she texts me which to be honest felt good . She was asking if I had this orange heart that she gave me when we fell in love and told me that it was her heart and that it was mine now.

 

Her text was just "do you still have my orange heart" and I said " yes yes I do lol"

 

She responded with "lol ok" so I don't really know why she asked but moving on

 

She starts asking about my trip and when I'm going blah blah just a really nice conversation . She asked me where she can get the necklace and pendant because she wanted to get one for her sister and this is when I found out that she still wears the necklace to this day. I told her that it was custom made in Egypt where I'm going for my trip and I told her that I would get them for her when I went which she seemed totally excited about.

 

The converstion did end again no goodnight this time but I just want to get your guys 2 cents on my situation.

 

PS my idea for the necklace when I get back is to send flowers to her house with a tiny envelope with them inside and the card just reading merry Christmas to the **** family lol sorry I'm not going to put the real last name of the family down she is 25 and I'm 27 by the way... I'm not planning on pressuring her to see me or anything when I get back or even telling her how I'm sending them what do you think

[ExpatInItaly]

Before you do send her anything, I would try to determine if she's still single. The conversations you've had sound friendly and positive, but there's not much more information to go on.

 

I wouldn't send anything to her family in any case, though. It's a nice thought, but not really appropriate for an ex. You two have only just started communicating again, so I'd wait before reaching out to her family.

[Corda1983]

So we broke up about 9 months ago and it was a very bad break up we both did love each other very much but a lot of things happened that we're putting a strain on out relationship ... it ended thought with something I did and it hurt her so much that she broke up with me.

 

The break up dragged on for about a month month and a half where we saw each other a handful of times but nothing got fixed.... she cried a lot which broke my heart every time .... I got her flowering and a special necklace which she loves and I found out that she still wares to this day... I got her mom one to her family loves me but I let her down big time .... after the month and a half we kind of had a fight which ended in her telling me she wants her space and that's when the break up was final

 

So over the summer I tried to contact her trying to apologize and ask her to lunch and stuff which always ended up with only getting back to me days later or not at all or just totally being negative so around 5 months ago I really went no contact and now we are up to a few days ago.

 

I got home from work and was cleaning up my house I'm going on a trip for all of December and I have been bettering my self I got a good job I'm going back to school I've reconnected with my self but when I was cleaning I found the only picture she left with me from when she was 5. So I was like screw it I'm going to text her and I really expected that she would say nothing but this is what happened.

 

I text her hey and she text back right away

 

"What's up"

 

So we got to chatting she first asked why I randomly text her and I told her about the picture which she then told me she was planning on texting me about the picture which I was like ok.... but she wants it back lol

 

Does this mean maybe a future get together? who knows we changed the subject quickly

 

We had a conversation like old friends... with text messages back and forth with no time in between. The conversation died down I said goodnight it was nice talking to you and she responded goodnight and at that point I was just happy that we were friendly with eachother. I wasn't planning on us to really talk again she knows I'm going on this trip for all of December and I didn't really expect her to message me again I was just happy it was friendly you know.

 

So two days pass and she texts me which to be honest felt good . She was asking if I had this orange heart that she gave me when we fell in love and told me that it was her heart and that it was mine now.

 

Her text was just "do you still have my orange heart" and I said " yes yes I do lol"

 

She responded with "lol ok" so I don't really know why she asked but moving on

 

She starts asking about my trip and when I'm going blah blah just a really nice conversation . She asked me where she can get the necklace and pendant because she wanted to get one for her sister and this is when I found out that she still wears the necklace to this day. I told her that it was custom made in Egypt where I'm going for my trip and I told her that I would get them for her when I went which she seemed totally excited about.

 

The converstion did end again no goodnight this time but I just want to get your guys 2 cents on my situation.

 

PS my idea for the necklace when I get back is to send flowers to her house with a tiny envelope with them inside and the card just reading merry Christmas to the **** family lol sorry I'm not going to put the real last name of the family down she is 25 and I'm 27 by the way... I'm not planning on pressuring her to see me or anything when I get back or even telling her how I'm sending them what do you think

 

It's difficult to say exactly what's going on, but try not to get your hopes up too much based on friendly conversation.

 

She hasn't given any real indication she wants to reconcile and, like you say, you talked like "old friends", and friendly may be how she sees it. Be careful that you don't end up showering her with gifts and compliments whilst leaving her free to come and go as she pleases.

 

She's probably happy to be talking to you and that you're being so friendly and attentive, but these do not necessarily mean her attraction is growing for you. My advice would be to just keep things slow and simple and don't be so eager to please her or talk to her - by trying hard to do things for her she probably knows you still have feelings for her, but that's not necessarily going to increase her feelings for you.

 

I would just carry on working on improving yourself and moving on and let things play out for a while longer. Try not to contact her too much or be to quick to get into friendly conversations with her too often if friendship is not what you're after. You're still very keen to get her back and I imagine you would be very upset if it turned out she is only looking for friendship.

 

There's nothing to say you won't have a future together but nothing to say you will either, based on what you've told us. There's not a whole lot you can do right now except to keep improving yourself, building up your emotional strength, moving forward and making sure you're not too quick to engage in friendly small talk or to be at her beck and call. Being lovely and sweet doesn't mean she will become re-attracted, so make sure you don't fall into the trap of being her friend if that's not what you want. Honestly, I would say right now there's no real indication she's thinking of getting back together, but it is progress of a kind that you're on decent terms after a bad breakup. Just be clear with yourself - if friendship isn't enough, don't settle for it.

[Slimtripper]

You broke no contact. You were doing really well. Now you are totally back at the beginning.

For me, if i ever want to get back with an ex. I need to be over them. And then come from the position of starting the whole thing again. It hasn't happened yet.

 

She hasn't given you anything from those texts that says she is in the same frame of mind.

Your best option at this point would be going back to ignoring her, waiting to see if she texts u about that necklace and say u forgot. Tell her u met someone out there.

Honestly, just do the opposite of what u want to do right now.

Do NOT send flowers you're going to creep the whole family out. Women like a man, not a needy puppy

[DarrenB]

Let's just be brief and simple.

 

You broke up 9 months ago, you are planning to initiate in an attempt to reconcile with her after these 9 months where she has made ZERO effort to contact you. Doesn't sound like a great idea, does it?

 

Sending 'acts of kindness' to her house isn't really something that would be beneficial for you either. All that will be perceived by is another desperate attempt to get her back. It might not, but it's more in favor of no response or a sour response. Some things are better left alone, this situation you are currently in is definitely one of those.

 

I don't see any reconciling here, not a chance. I think you're both incredibly stubborn towards each other and obviously ended the relationship without any proper thought. There's always one of the two people involved who realizes that it was a genuine mistake and that person is you.

 

You're just going to have to continue on without contacting her, otherwise you're just continuously giving her the satisfaction she needs and wants. If there's any reconciling to be done, it's going to have to be made from her behalf, not yours. You've done most of which you can possible with keeping your dignity intact, don't let that cease. We all know and believe 'it's the Christmas period, the act of giving, a small token of gratitude, forgiveness and kindness won't hurt'. Wrong. If you hadn't left on appropriate terms then it's next to pointless in doing so.

[Newtoloveguy]

Hey guys thanks for all your feed back it means a lot the whole flower thing ya seem a bit much it was really just an idea but I understand where all you guys are coming from and you guys are right. It wasn't something like I had decided to do and was going to go through with it you know .

 

Just a side note I have been thinking about this whole thing and I had to be honest with myself about what my true intentions were and to be honest I don't see us getting back together and at the end of day that's not really my goal. A lot of my exs im still good friends with and that's all especially after a bad break up just from the type of person I am I don't like to leave things sour so I feel with how our 2 conversations I'm actually satisfied and don't really need much more and to be honest with our second conversation she reached out to me and I was already prepared to not really talk to her again so it caught me off guard.

 

Something did throw me off though last night around 1am she texted me asking if I was home .... then a question mark 10 mins later I didn't respond .... I don't really think it would be the best idea for us to see eachother you know.

[Been]

Don't send her flowers. Think about this:you contacted her after 9 months and if you had not would she have contacted you?

[Newtoloveguy]

Hey been up I already said I understand that it wasn't I good idea it was just an thought I had it doesn't really affect me that much to not do it I was just like ummm maybe this would be cool.... and the only reason y I think she might of is because she told me she asked me why I text her randomly and I told her I found a old picture she left of when she was young which I loved to have she said that that was so weird because she was planning of messaging me about the picture maybe she's like I'm just telling u Guys what was said you know

[Slimtripper]

You do care because you text her and are pretty much back at square one with the break up now.

If you really, really want to know where u stand again then go meet for coffee and ask her. Or you play a much longer game of being busy for the next few months in the hope of drawing her back in via curiosity.

But both of these aren't going to work long term. I feel if someone wants to get back with you, they will let you know.

Until she lets you know that, presume that its done and you have stop all this stuff, its not helping healing

[Newtoloveguy]

Well I wish I could talk to some of your guys in person but like things are pretty good for me I have a good life I travel the world I have a great job I have a lot of people around me that love me. I hope you guys can stop thinking like I'm back at square one. I would be fine if we didn't talk again life goes on things will be ok I was just really looking for some insite because I'm not going to lie and say I'm have a lot of experience. But if your guys feel that like I'm devistated now and like can't go one your wrong . Like it was nice talking to her but I'm not trying to draw her in with curiosity. The relationship is over it's done me and her will never get back together I've accepted that and moved on. lol um I hope u guys can understand that

[DarrenB]

Well I wish I could talk to some of your guys in person but like things are pretty good for me I have a good life I travel the world I have a great job I have a lot of people around me that love me. I hope you guys can stop thinking like I'm back at square one. I would be fine if we didn't talk again life goes on things will be ok I was just really looking for some insite because I'm not going to lie and say I'm have a lot of experience. But if your guys feel that like I'm devistated now and like can't go one your wrong . Like it was nice talking to her but I'm not trying to draw her in with curiosity. The relationship is over it's done me and her will never get back together I've accepted that and moved on. lol um I hope u guys can understand that

 

We're not really instigating anything... just the fact that you named the thread 'Do you think me and the ex have a second chance' then later on in the day you say you've moved on and it's over indefinitely?

 

What you must understand is, we'll advise and give you insights from what you personally state. It's what we're here for. To us, we assume that you're not attempting to move on because you're considering sending flowers, envelopes and letters to an ex who you aren't really on good terms with in the Christmas period.

 

If you feel differently (which it sounds as if you do), then by all means disregard what we have all said and everything that you said in the original post.

 

Best of luck!

[Newtoloveguy]

I just want to thank everyone for there feed back it means a lot and helps me think about how I feel about this situation and has made me think more clearly .... I just want everyone to know because I didn't give background to my actual relationship the circle of friends that we have and how things did come to an end the only outcome we could have would be just friends.... getting back together is definitely not in the cards just so everyone here knows that I know that... I do understand that confusion considering how I started the post and it's name but I guess because it was so fresh I was just wrapping my head around it. My main goal when reach out what purely to just catch up maybe test the waters to see if a friendship was in the future I think I'm pretty positive that it is but if not that's fine to. If we were never to talk again I would be ok with it over the last few days thinking about it just being friendly with her has given me closure on the whole situation.

 

Um just a point though she did text me last night which was Friday night staturday mourning at 1 am asking if I was home because she was down the street at a friend but I didn't respond I was just relaxing at home and didn't really feel like company at the moment I was working on some music and didn't really want to be interrupted....

 

For more insite why do you guys think she asked that just to maybe give me a better perspective on how she maybe thinking

[Newtoloveguy]

Sorry I posted twice

[LargoLagg]

I'm going to give you a slightly different perspective. She broke up with you, but the way you describe it, whatever you did forced her hand. Spiritually, she got dumped.

 

You tried to make up for it, but you did that way too soon and she didn't want to hear it anymore. A few weeks later, you're out.

 

She probably would not have contacted you, having come to the conclusion that you're more trouble than it's worth. Now you've contacted her, and so that ice has been broken.

 

Don't send anything to anybody, flowers, cards, whatever. I also wouldn't bother finding out if she's seeing somebody. Who cares? She'll decide if that's important or not if she is seeing someone.

 

Any apology that you have now will seem much more sincere because of the passage of time. You've had time to reflect, and I'm sure you can come up with a heartfelt 3 minute speech not so much about how much you've changed, but rather, what lessons you've learned and how being away from her has affected you. Don't embellish, and don't lie. That may help you convince her, but in the long run it won't do either of you any good. Once you deliver that speech, maybe along with the picture, you can tell her that you'd really like to date her again. Don't call it another chance, just that you'd like to start seeing her again. Tell her not to answer right away, but to think about it seriously, because you're serious. Try to set a date for a week later to get her answer. She might wait a week. She might not even take a New York minute.

 

If she says no, then thank her for hearing you out, wish her luck and say goodbye forever. If she says yes, try not to mess it up this time.

 

That's how I'd do it.

[Newtoloveguy]

Well thank your very much for your perspective but my goal is not to date her again please if you guys are going to respond read all of the posts and peoples replies it kind of seems everyone is only answering to the starting of this thread.

Maybe if the time is right yes I will have a apologie for her but I've also said earlier in this post that it was just an idea and wasn't going through with it. I'm not worried about seeing her that's not my goal. I'm not desperately wanting her back I have my own life to deal with and enjoy. As I said she text me yesterday at 1 am asking if I was home because she was down the street but I didn't respond because I was just having a relaxing night at home and was just enjoying my night in alone

 

PLEASE READ THE WHOLE THRED BEFORE RESPONDING SORRY FOR THE CAPS I JUST THINK SOME PEOPLE ARE SKIPPING THE NEW INFO IN MY RESPONDES

[LargoLagg]

Well, I for one, did read the whole thing, but it sounded like you were trying to convince yourself that's what you meant. It didn't come across as sincere, but I take your word for it that you are.

 

That said, it begs the question why did you title the thread the way you did? is this a decision you've come to after you wrote the first post?

 

Also, once you made that decision, who cares what time she texted you and for whatever reason? Why would you ask us? Why would you care?

 

If you really want to know, and you're not hung up on her, you should just come right out and ask her. Maybe she wants to be your pal. Maybe she wants to know why you texted her in the first place. But either way, there's not much point to this thread anymore, is there?

[Newtoloveguy]

Um ok sorry

[Newtoloveguy]

I just like speaking out loud and seeing people's opinions if this is not the right place to do that ok sorry for bothering you guy I guess

[LargoLagg]

I just like speaking out loud and seeing people's opinions if this is not the right place to do that ok sorry for bothering you guy I guess

I don't know that you're bothering me, but you're not making a lot of sense. Here's what you sound like:

 

1) What do you guys think of a second chance with my ex?

2) Yeah, I'm not interested in being with her.

3) Why do you think she texted me? What's in her head?

4) I told you I'm not interested! Try to keep up!

5) Gee, I just wanted to know what you think about all this.

 

Seriously, if you want to know what she's thinking and you don't have some ulterior motive of getting back with her, ASK HER!

 

That's my opinion. Maybe you'll get others. I'm out. Good luck.

[Newtoloveguy]

So I'm going to try and be as detailed as possible. We broke up in April of last year it was a really bad breakup. I really do love this girl and I think she loves me to but so many things happened and it was very overwhelming for the both of us. The break up dragged on for about 6 weeks still seeing each other but never really talking to fix anything just sex and she did do a lot of crying which killed me. We ending up having a fight after that 6 weeks which really ended everything and we stopped talking.

 

She's 25 and I'm 27 btw

 

During the whole summer we Didnt really talked I would text her asking to see her which would always end in a text days later saying no sorry I'm busy. I tried to send a long text apologizing which I also got a response days later say hope u and your family are doing ok but nothing more basically not really opening the door to more contact so at around the middle of august I really went no contact.

 

I took time to better my self and improved on my self and healed from it all and after around 3 months in the middle of november I was cleaning my room and packing to get ready for vacation. I came across a picture I had of hers hiding in a book and it finally didn't crush me to see it I was happy and decided it's been a while why don't I just text her hey and see if things have improved. She ended up texting me back right away and we had pretty good convo. She actually asked y I contacted her and I told her about the picture and she told me she was going to text me about it and I beat her to it. We had a kind of catching up talking and I was really surprised actually but when the conversation ended I felt like that was kind of it I didn't really expect to hear from her again and I was going on a trip for all of December so really my mind was somewhere else.

 

I will say tho I was kind of shocked how well the conversation went because I felt like things might have ended so badly that there would be no room for improvement.

 

So the next 2 days pass and she texted me asking if I had something else of hers which I did I don't really know why she was asking about it we talked for a bit. But now I'm wondering y is she keeping the door open and still texting me she asked about my trip which was supposed to be a trip she was supposed to be coming on but for odvious reasons she wasn't. She asked about this pendant that I got her that she loves and still where till this day and where I was going is where they them so I told her I was going to get them for her and she sounded really excited . So I end up going on my trip and every week at least once she contacted me asking for pictures and merry Chrismas and all that. When I got back we kind of made plans to see each other but they feel through on Sunday but she has kept in contact.

 

Let it be know that we only have texted each other no phon calls. I'm kind of thinking with her text when she's at home alone and she says she's just relaxing she's trying to tell me call her without saying it. What do u guys think. She was also the one that bailed on Sunday and again I was thinking to myself I'm probably not going to here from her for a long time and kinda just moved on with it but now it's Wednesday and she text me her what's up how are u doing I say good u and she just said good so I'm kind of confused what do u thinks she's doing .

 

Thanks to anyone that reads all of this and gives their 2 cents looking forward to hearing from everyone

[Newtoloveguy]

Hey and if you guys want any more info just ask me

[Newtoloveguy]

So we had a bad break up. She was very upset with me didn't talk to me for months. I broke no contact after 4 months and she seem warmed up to the idea of talking again. Now she just texts me saying hi how's is it going but then nothing. She does this 2 or 3 times a week. Why do you think she's doing this?

[DeLaSouL]

Honestly sounds like she lost interest and you grasping on false hope fishing signs for that dose of dopamine staying in denial. Been there done that three years ago.

 

In order to move on and get over your ex, you need tot cut and block every possible form of contact with her. Ill be honestly. Its a hard painfull process. But you have to go through it in order to get on the other side and feel indifferent about her and more excited about your own life.

[Newtoloveguy]

Hey delasoul thanks for your advise to be honest I just wanted someone to tell me that. Like it's been long enough that Like I've passed the whole it's the end of the world stage and this little recontact with her thing I never really thought anything would happen with it anyways it was just really surprising how everything went. It weirdly gave me closure. Your probably right tho she lost interest it's not the end of the world I actually met someone this past weekend and we really clicked and I'm more interested in seeing how something new goes more then trying to fix something that had already went bad. I'm just glad I got to the point where I was ok if it didn't work out before I texted her I know. Thanks again though man your words really meant a lot

[Newtoloveguy]

This is the same post as the one above... spam double story