Ryza Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Hello everyone, Ill try and be short but, I started dating this girl long distance and dated for 7 months with her. The beginning months were amazing and we were really in love. However there were some extreme lies she told that made me lose a lot of trust in her, but I forgave her and worked on things with her. However 2 months ago she ended things with me, and said she didnt want the type of commitment I wanted and that she wanted to experience her summer (she is in school still). She said we could be friends so I agreed but she would still engage sexually with me and tell me that she loved me, until she no longer felt like that anymore and wanted to just purely be friends, this time around I was really hurt so I decided to go NC, however she has come back 4 times now begging and pleading me to be friends with her, she would say we have been through so much you're my best friend, but due to my feelings I couldn't and blocked her, she would make new accounts to message me through. It has been two weeks since I blocked her last from the 4th time and so far no contact, I just want to know why she wanted to be friends so much if she was completely over me? She was practically pleading and begging and even threatened suicide if I left. I knew it was a bluff and left but I just want to know. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 She wanted you as her backup plan. Now that you've taken that away from (and rightly so!) she's upset. She knows you won't allow yourself to be demoted to Plan B, in case she doesn't find another guy. She is quite immature if she thinks you'd just continue hanging around in her life after she ended the relationship. That's why you can't understand her mindset. If she is threatening suicide, it's a pretty solid assumption she's not emotionally stable. Continue with No Contact. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 My eyes glaze over every time I read about a LDR that didn't even last a year. No, don't be friends with her, but also don't get involved in long-distance relationships if you can possibly help it. They're a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryza Posted September 19, 2016 Author Share Posted September 19, 2016 She wanted you as her backup plan. Now that you've taken that away from (and rightly so!) she's upset. She knows you won't allow yourself to be demoted to Plan B, in case she doesn't find another guy. She is quite immature if she thinks you'd just continue hanging around in her life after she ended the relationship. That's why you can't understand her mindset. If she is threatening suicide, it's a pretty solid assumption she's not emotionally stable. Continue with No Contact. I will admit I do get days where I miss her a lot but she has clearly shown she is not in love with me anymore. I didnt think she could see me as a back up plan because she seemed like such a sweet girl who actually cared about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryza Posted September 19, 2016 Author Share Posted September 19, 2016 My eyes glaze over every time I read about a LDR that didn't even last a year. No, don't be friends with her, but also don't get involved in long-distance relationships if you can possibly help it. They're a waste of time. Yeah.. Long distance is definitely not a good thing, if only I knew that before getting into this. i knew it wouldnt last to be completely honest but I thought it would last longer than it did. Link to post Share on other sites
AmandaDiane Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 i believe you need a certain amount of time after a break up before trying to have friendship with your ex. IT IS NEEDED to be able to get over each other and truly have a friendship if its possible. Sometimes emotions never leave. When a relationship ends because of one person in other words, when its not a mutual break up, its difficult to tell when the friendship should start. If you feel she is taking advantage of your kindness or she isn't taking care of your emotions and abusing this. Definitely refrain from any communication. You will only get hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 You were an emotional crutch You were available ONLY when she needed you. Her "friendship" was totally on her terms. If she was lonely, you were there. If she was sad, you were there. If she needed a sexual release, you were there. But, trust me. She was on the look out for your replacement. And when she found that person, you were going to be kicked to the curb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryza Posted September 19, 2016 Author Share Posted September 19, 2016 You were an emotional crutch You were available ONLY when she needed you. Her "friendship" was totally on her terms. If she was lonely, you were there. If she was sad, you were there. If she needed a sexual release, you were there. But, trust me. She was on the look out for your replacement. And when she found that person, you were going to be kicked to the curb. You are right, she really only wanted me when she had a problem or was sad, I always told her if we broke up I wouldn't be able to be friends, and when I was telling her that I need to block her she wouldn't listen and just said please don't Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 You are right, she really only wanted me when she had a problem or was sad, I always told her if we broke up I wouldn't be able to be friends, and when I was telling her that I need to block her she wouldn't listen and just said please don't She has no say in what you say or do anymore. Look at the relationship as a job. She fired you. She sad your services as a boyfriend are no longer required. So, when you are fired from a job, do you show up on Monday and start working for free? NO!!!! You dust off that resume and you go looking for another job and you don't look back! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bee4Shine Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 It sounds like she does not know what she wants. Says one thing, and then another. She needs some time alone to process who she is and what she wants in a relationship. And dragging you along behind her in that process is not good for you. I agree with the NC - long distance relationships don't work unless there is an endgame and a plan and some real boundaries set for communication. Sorry for your struggle. You are better off continuing NC and letting her mature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryza Posted September 19, 2016 Author Share Posted September 19, 2016 Thank you for all your responses guys, lately I have been finding myself thinking about her a lot and its making it hard to sleep and such at night, does anyone have any suggestions to help with this? Link to post Share on other sites
2005tahoe Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Don't do it!! I just went through this and it didn't work. She tried friendzoning me expecting me to be available for her when she was "free" Don't do it! Don't do it! Don't do it! don't forget, DONT DO IT! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fromheart Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 Hello everyone, Ill try and be short but, I started dating this girl long distance and dated for 7 months with her. The beginning months were amazing and we were really in love. However there were some extreme lies she told that made me lose a lot of trust in her, but I forgave her and worked on things with her. However 2 months ago she ended things with me, and said she didnt want the type of commitment I wanted and that she wanted to experience her summer (she is in school still). She said we could be friends so I agreed but she would still engage sexually with me and tell me that she loved me, until she no longer felt like that anymore and wanted to just purely be friends, this time around I was really hurt so I decided to go NC, however she has come back 4 times now begging and pleading me to be friends with her, she would say we have been through so much you're my best friend, but due to my feelings I couldn't and blocked her, she would make new accounts to message me through. It has been two weeks since I blocked her last from the 4th time and so far no contact, I just want to know why she wanted to be friends so much if she was completely over me? She was practically pleading and begging and even threatened suicide if I left. I knew it was a bluff and left but I just want to know. Thank you! She used you for romance, then she used you for sex and now she wants to use you for friendship. That's a vampire you just experienced, an insecure person who uses another person to get what she wants. 'Experience summer,' means have sex with other men. I'd leave this one well alone... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryza Posted September 26, 2016 Author Share Posted September 26, 2016 Hi all, a few months ago my ex girlfriend broke up with me. (LDR). She broke my heart and really destroyed me as I had so many plans to come out and see her and she had told me she doesn't feel the same way. I blocked her and went NC to help myself move on, multiple times she has tried to get in contact but I just end up blocking her again. However she has contacted me again in a rough situation and has told me she never fell out of love with me. I was talking to her last night and we agreed to try and do a clean slate and see how things go with each other. However last night she proposed we be friends with benefits. I have very strong feelings for her and I dont want to see her get with other guys or know she is doing that. Any advice on what I should do? Many thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Go back to No Contact. She wants the benefits of a relationship with you without having to actually be in a relationship with you. Move on. If you were really doing NC, she wouldn't have been able to get in touch with you in the first place and you wouldn't be considering lowering your standards. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryza Posted September 26, 2016 Author Share Posted September 26, 2016 Go back to No Contact. She wants the benefits of a relationship with you without having to actually be in a relationship with you. Move on. If you were really doing NC, she wouldn't have been able to get in touch with you in the first place and you wouldn't be considering lowering your standards. I am considering NC and as for the way of her getting in contact with me, she would make new instagram accounts and the message would still show even if they are not a follower. I am a fool for letting her back in all the time but I still care and love her very much so she knows what to say to get in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JewelD Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 I am considering NC and as for the way of her getting in contact with me, she would make new instagram accounts and the message would still show even if they are not a follower. I am a fool for letting her back in all the time but I still care and love her very much so she knows what to say to get in. You need to be firm and look after yourself and your own best interests. I can't imagine she's saying anything incredibly romantic, you just want any type of contact with her you can get. She wants you to be her Fk buddy. She wants to use you. Once you grasp firmly to the fact that she doesn't really like or respect you, it will be easier to stop talking to her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ryza Posted September 26, 2016 Author Share Posted September 26, 2016 You need to be firm and look after yourself and your own best interests. I can't imagine she's saying anything incredibly romantic, you just want any type of contact with her you can get. She wants you to be her Fk buddy. She wants to use you. Once you grasp firmly to the fact that she doesn't really like or respect you, it will be easier to stop talking to her. I just spoke to her now, and now she is saying she doesnt want to be friends with benefits? I dont know what to do here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 Go back to NC. She doesn't know what she wants, but is happy to mess with you trying to figure it out. Besides, if it's a LDR, when would you see each other? LDRs seldom work, in my experience. Since you also have very strong feelings for her, you will only find yourself in unpleasant emotional territory dealing with a FWB scenario and her seeing other men - whether or not she says anything about that. Make NC stick - you'll be better off in the long run, and be able to move on sooner. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 26, 2016 Share Posted September 26, 2016 No-no-no, FWB will wreck you in your mental state. She sounds selfish and manipulative so I doubt you can count on her to do anything in your best interests, which means the only out for you here is no contact. Sorry, I know it sucks but any continued interaction w her will just prolong your agony. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted September 27, 2016 Share Posted September 27, 2016 Any advice on what I should do? Many thanks. Say No. You can tell her just that: "For so many times you've tried to reach out for me and for what? For offering just to be FWB? And a day after to regret? Are you really so low? Don't you have a life of your own, so you try to ruin mine?" (All this - In much better english ) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pete2304 Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 You're going to go see her anyway, let's be honest. You will regret it when the affection and relationship you want doesn't happen and trust me from experience, just don't keep doing it because if someone can be cold enough to ask that of you knowing full well she's toying with your emotions then she isn't worth it. I'd say don't see her even once but you're going to so just know that when you walk away broken hearted again it will carry on like that until you finally say no. Best of luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 She doesn't want you as a boyfriend; she wants you as a plaything. What she is proposing is a demotion and downgrade. Don't agree to it. Back to NC *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means she might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 "Back" to NC? You haven't even started NC yet. You say you blocked her so how did she keep getting in contact with you? I think you need to look up "block" in a dictionary. You need to do NC. She is done with you and clearly has no interest in resuscitating your relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted September 28, 2016 Share Posted September 28, 2016 You are getting jerked around. Stop talking to her. Block her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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