Moonsky1 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 Hey! I'm new to this forum so please go easy on me My partner and I were together for 2.5yrs, we were going through a very rough time and she broke it off with me, 6 months on we get back in contact and we both realize that the problems we were having we could work through but we couldn't at the time, we both needed the 6 months to work on ourselves and then both realized we loved each other and could try again to make it work. During that time, she slept with 2 people and I'm finding that very difficult to come to terms with - Has anybody had a similar experience? How did you come to terms with it and move forward? Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 What exactly are you having a tough time accepting? You were not together at the time, were you? Was there any agreement that you would both remain faithful to each other during your "break"? Or actually the way you phrased it, it was not a "break" but a "break UP"? How long after the beginning of the "break" did she sleep with the other dudes? How many times? Were they one night stands or was she actually dating them? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 If you didn't have an agreement to remain exclusive, a break lets you do whatever you want. I've read in other forums that women themselves say that they have asked for a "break" specifically to have sex with someone else, before returning to the prior relationship. They neglect to tell their partner about this ahead of time. Regardless, unless you had an agreement, she did nothing wrong. Of course, that does NOT mean you have to accept it if it bothers you, and if you remained faithful during that time with the expectation of resuming the exclusive relationship later, then I can certainly understand your dismay. Link to post Share on other sites
Silver_star Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 I'd recommend checking your ego at the door if you want a fresh start. The only way to go back to an ex after some time has passed and have a healthy relationship is if you have both agree to start fresh. Sure, you both know a lot about each other already, but you have had 6 months apart to grow and live separate lives. Which you have said has helped. Go into this fresh start with gratitude for a second chance with someone you feel is awesome enough to try again with, and LET GO of any of any past relationships she may have encountered while you were apart...they still lead her back to you, so what's the problem? Link to post Share on other sites
juniorrocha Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 First of all, you should consider yourself lucky that you're having a second chance with someone you love - and that she still wants you, too. It seems to me that most people on this forums don't get that chance. So don't ruin it. Second, if you two were broken up, then you have to accept the fact that she was free to do whatever she wanted - and so were you. That means kissing, having sex, dating, or any other thing with anyone. There was no cheating, so even if it's hard to accept, you need to let it go if you want this relationship to work, else it will be restarting wrong. I suppose she was sincere and told you about it. Which is a good thing. Start fresh, enjoy this new chapter of your life with someone you love and be happy you guys get to be together again. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 First of all, your not wrong to feel hurt and to struggle with this. Your emotions are your emotions, how you feel about any situation isn't wrong. How you deal with those feelings are important, and the key to you being able to move forward in this relationship. It has nothing to do with what kind of agreement you have. Let's be honest here, a break up is a break up. Two people who decided they no longer wanted to be in a relationship. You can't put rules on that, your right to have expectations of this person left when you did. Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad for how you feel. I noticed that you didn't indicate that you thought she did anything wrong, only that you were having a hard time dealing with this. So understand, this is your issue which make it your responsibility to deal with separate from her and this new relationship. Don't go pain shopping, it's none of your business so don't ask questions. Don't attempt to shame her for moving on with her life. My guess is she likely feels bad about it any ways, which is why you know about it. You get pass this but letting it go, stay focused on what's next and not what's behind you. Keep working to improve those things you did to better yourself. Remember she did nothing wrong TOO you, it's not cheating so she owes you nothing as far as what she did while broken up. It's your issue, if you don't press it or hound her about it, day by day it will get better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Moonsky1 Posted August 24, 2016 Author Share Posted August 24, 2016 Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies - Your advice has been invaluable to me. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Don't forget that she slept with two other guys and then wanted YOU. She thinks you're better than them. Link to post Share on other sites
kztar Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 struggling with the same. I hope I can get over this. I seem to be struggling too much. We are going to couple's therapy. Hope that helps. Link to post Share on other sites
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