jenc Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 I'm a 40 year old female, married to a man, but kind of separated, with 2 young boys. I love my family, and feel very committed to my husband - he is really my best friend. But the passion is gone. So 3+ years ago, it led me to start dating a woman. It was a first for me, and she was also married to a man, so there was "balance". And honesty, both our husbands knew about our relationship. It was about a year or so later, and trouble arose - my gf and I both fell hard in love with each other over that time. Moreso than I (naively) ever anticipated. It wasn't long after that point that her husband started to become very passive aggressive with her, and things disintegrated between them (long story short - it was an arranged marriage, with some love that had grown but certainly they were not in love - add to that she had been a lesbian since age 18 and wasn't sexually attracted to him). She wound up leaving him, and at that point our relationship changed. We went through a hard year where she seemed resentful of me, and regretful of leaving, but she would never consider going back and would get angry when I suggested it. I suspect she really wanted to marry me and was frustrated that it wasn't as forthcoming as she may have thought. Things then settled out between us but she gets very upset when I spend time with my husband and the boys in a "family" context (ie. Christmas, birthdays, vacations etc). I understand that, but I am sexually loyal to only her, and it's a friendship arrangement with my husband. Ultimately, I think she wants more - for me to be totally out of the closet, living with her probably, and not spending family-like time at home. I get it, and I want her to be happy. Today we finally broke up over it. There was no fighting, just a mutual understanding that we were at different stages in our lives. I love her so much, it really hurts. But I want her to be happy and I don't think I can give her enough at this juncture. Did I do the right thing?? Link to post Share on other sites
FrenchToast Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 You two are at different stages in your life and you feel that you cannot give her what she wants so right now is not a good time for you two to be together. Maybe...maybe one day when everything else works itself out...you two might make your way back to each other. But if it's not working for you right now, let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly1958 Posted August 11, 2016 Share Posted August 11, 2016 Only you can know how you feel at this time..... What are your real values in life? Here is a values assessment site http://thecompoundeffect.com/downloads/english-core_values_assessment.pdf. In life we frequently go with what is easiest or makes us feel the best at the moment instead of making true informed choices for a life vision based on values. What are your passions and dreams for your life and your families life? What has caused you to be pulled in the directions you have been pulled? What is your passion for the future? What do you want to provide for your sons to experience? My prayers are with you as you move forward in life. Commitment to family is very important and not always easy....... Falling in and out of love is possible but commitment is a forever statement...thick/thin, good/bad, sex/no sex....it is our job in that commitment to make it work for a lifetime and that is work!! I always ask myself what can I do to draw me closer to my spouse. What is love? Agape love is truly unconditional. What is unconditional love? May God give you wisdom and discernment as you move forward in your decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly1958 Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 Praying you have found peace within your decisions. May you have a very wonderfully blessed week. Link to post Share on other sites
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