Would do anything for second chance with first love

[Gemini_jo]

I recently met with my ex first love a few weeks ago for the first time in over two years.

 

We had great conversation and when we left we were both confused.

It was clear after texting back and forth that I wanted something more out of this so called friendship than she did.

 

So, I told her not to contact me anymore unless she wanted to romantically reconcile.

 

Thing is, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I've never been able to stop thinking about her. She has a firm grasp on my heart and I know she always will.

 

I would literally do anything to prove that I'm now worthy of a second chance to her. I've changed so much since we broke up (was going through a college pothead phase). But I don't think she will ever be able to get over the words that I emailed her after finding out all these details after our breakup.

 

What should I do? Just keep trying to forget her when I know I never will?

[neowulf]

What should I do? Just keep trying to forget her when I know I never will?

 

You misunderstand. You don't need to forget her. She'll always be special to you. No, what you need to do is let her go.

 

You need to, in your heart of hearts, accept it's done.

 

Give yourself time and permission to grieve. A lot of us never really learn how to grieve properly, so we end up with all these residual feelings.

 

She is gone man. She's never coming back. You had your time together, you've obviously learnt a lot, tried to improve yourself. Let her go on with her life. You go on with yours.

 

Life is short. We don't get a do over. For every moment to waste, wishing you could go back, you're wasting time better spent on your future.

 

Grieve her, never forget her, but for your own sanity man, let. her. go.

[Gemini_jo]

You misunderstand. You don't need to forget her. She'll always be special to you. No, what you need to do is let her go.

 

You need to, in your heart of hearts, accept it's done.

 

Give yourself time and permission to grieve. A lot of us never really learn how to grieve properly, so we end up with all these residual feelings.

 

She is gone man. She's never coming back. You had your time together, you've obviously learnt a lot, tried to improve yourself. Let her go on with her life. You go on with yours.

 

Life is short. We don't get a do over. For every moment to waste, wishing you could go back, you're wasting time better spent on your future.

 

Grieve her, never forget her, but for your own sanity man, let. her. go.

 

I don't know how to let her go. Can you help me accept it is over forever? How do I grieve properly? I don't wish to be insane - I want to be over her, but I’m struggling doing so.

 

I didn’t ask to still be in love her. I love her not by choice, but because even though she is a part my heart still feels for her. When I saw her that night, I looked at her and got lost in her eyes. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t ask to dream about her. I don’t ask to think about her when I’m with other girls.

 

The mistakes I made and regret. I want to fix it. But I can't. What is it that I should do? Please, I want to let go. But I don’t know how.

[Satu]

Rather than love, what you are experiencing is a state of dysfunctional attachment, similar to an addiction.

 

Find a therapist and address your issues.

 

 

Take care.

[Gemini_jo]

Rather than love, what you are experiencing is a state of dysfunctional attachment, similar to an addiction.

 

Find a therapist and address your issues.

 

 

Take care.

 

Will you please explain "dysfunctional attachment" more?

 

I think this might be leading in the right direction.

[Satu]

Will you please explain "dysfunctional attachment" more?

 

I think this might be leading in the right direction.

 

Its too big a topic for me to explain here.

 

Do a search and start reading.

 

Find a therapist.

 

 

Take care.

[Toodaloo]

I am still in touch with my first love.

 

He is now married to a wonderful woman and has two absolutely gorgeous daughters who are the spitting image of him. He hasn't changed a bit. Fabulous chap and I am so pleased its all worked out for him because he deserves a happy life.

 

Let her go.

 

Move on and you will find peace and happiness.

[Gemini_jo]

I am still in touch with my first love.

 

He is now married to a wonderful woman and has two absolutely gorgeous daughters who are the spitting image of him. He hasn't changed a bit. Fabulous chap and I am so pleased its all worked out for him because he deserves a happy life.

 

Let her go.

 

Move on and you will find peace and happiness.

 

I'm not saying this to be rude, but do you know how many times I have heard the words "Let her go" and "Move on."

 

From every person in my family. All my friends. Everyone on here. I've even created affirmations to tell myself this daily.

 

There's something inherently wrong with me that is making it extremely difficult to just let her go. I don't know what it is.

 

I'm going to seek therapy for the first time in many years. I don't think I have any other options, because I can't seem to do it on my own no matter how hard I try.

[Toodaloo]

Time and perspective.

 

While you hold on and refuse to let go all you do is hold yourself back.

 

What you do is you go for your therapy. You go and join a sports club or something that gets you active. You go and try weird and wonderful activities you never thought you would try or always wanted to but never did. Segway racing, drive a monster truck, learn to ice skate or roller blade, perfect a flip on a skateboard or go sky diving. Volunteer for a local charity. Get into training and run a marathon. Give yourself a goal that has nothing to do with women and everything to do with self improvement.

 

Somewhere in there you suddenly realise that you haven't thought about her for ages and you have no need to. In that fleeting moment you shrug and then get on with your round of golf or learning those new dance steps or painting or throwing the ball in the hoop...

 

That is how it works.

 

You however are winding yourself up into a tizzwazz about it all and clinging to every second and refusing to let go. All that does is hold you back.

 

It takes discipline and determination to get up and get out. But its the only way.

 

So up you get. Google some ideas and go try them!

[Gemini_jo]

Time and perspective.

 

While you hold on and refuse to let go all you do is hold yourself back.

 

What you do is you go for your therapy. You go and join a sports club or something that gets you active. You go and try weird and wonderful activities you never thought you would try or always wanted to but never did. Segway racing, drive a monster truck, learn to ice skate or roller blade, perfect a flip on a skateboard or go sky diving. Volunteer for a local charity. Get into training and run a marathon. Give yourself a goal that has nothing to do with women and everything to do with self improvement.

 

Somewhere in there you suddenly realise that you haven't thought about her for ages and you have no need to. In that fleeting moment you shrug and then get on with your round of golf or learning those new dance steps or painting or throwing the ball in the hoop...

 

That is how it works.

 

You however are winding yourself up into a tizzwazz about it all and clinging to every second and refusing to let go. All that does is hold you back.

 

It takes discipline and determination to get up and get out. But its the only way.

 

So up you get. Google some ideas and go try them!

 

 

Thank you for this.

 

I volunteer multiple times per week. I've lost 25 pounds this year with Insanity and eating healthy. I've quit smoking. I've made new friends, became more focused at work, I've started dating more people.

 

I think maybe it's cause I decided to see her two weeks ago that all this has come back. When I reevaluate myself, I think I actually was heading in the right direction before I decided to meet with her. So I think I took a giant step back.

 

I will keep on keeping on, knowing that these thoughts will eventually go away. I will try to add even more activities to my plate and get myself out there. I'm not afraid, I just have to do it.

[Toodaloo]

Thank you for this.

 

I volunteer multiple times per week. I've lost 25 pounds this year with Insanity and eating healthy. I've quit smoking. I've made new friends, became more focused at work, I've started dating more people.

 

I think maybe it's cause I decided to see her two weeks ago that all this has come back. When I reevaluate myself, I think I actually was heading in the right direction before I decided to meet with her. So I think I took a giant step back.

 

I will keep on keeping on, knowing that these thoughts will eventually go away. I will try to add even more activities to my plate and get myself out there. I'm not afraid, I just have to do it.

 

It does go away.

 

At the weekend I saw a guy who broke my heart. We are talking full on nervous break down, lost my home, my step children... I adored the ground that man walked on. When I saw him at the weekend I felt absolutely nothing. He may as well have been a stranger.

 

You did put yourself back by seeing her.

 

Great news is that you know you are not ready and you know that you are doing brilliantly without her. So you know already what you have to do. Stay away from her. Seems to me that the only thing holding you back is yourself. You are doing brilliantly! Keep at it. Inject some fun activities into your life as well. Go and have a laugh and a giggle. After a really good laugh with your mates you will feel a whole heap better.

[Gemini_jo]

Holy sh*t everyone!

 

I just had the most incredible night with my ex. It ended with 3 amazing sexual encounters and a stay over at my house. She really wants to work on trying to get back together.

[serendipity90]

Holy sh*t everyone!

 

I just had the most incredible night with my ex. It ended with 3 amazing sexual encounters and a stay over at my house. She really wants to work on trying to get back together.

 

Good luck to you but make sure you address the real issues why you broke up in the first place.

[Redhead14]

I recently met with my ex first love a few weeks ago for the first time in over two years.

 

We had great conversation and when we left we were both confused.

It was clear after texting back and forth that I wanted something more out of this so called friendship than she did.

 

So, I told her not to contact me anymore unless she wanted to romantically reconcile.

 

Thing is, I haven't been able to stop thinking about her. I've never been able to stop thinking about her. She has a firm grasp on my heart and I know she always will.

 

I would literally do anything to prove that I'm now worthy of a second chance to her. I've changed so much since we broke up (was going through a college pothead phase). But I don't think she will ever be able to get over the words that I emailed her after finding out all these details after our breakup.

 

What should I do? Just keep trying to forget her when I know I never will?

 

The only thing you can do is allow her to observe objectively for herself whether or not you have changed and whether the "new" person she is observing is the person she needs in her life. Just because you have "changed" doesn't mean you are now right for her.

 

Giving her an ultimatum regarding the type of relationship you two are having right now, is a bad idea. If you want to see if things can develop again, you need to sit back and allow it to happen naturally if it is going to happen. You cannot force it especially after two years. You aren't re-kindling the relationship, you are starting over from the ground up.

[joseb]

No. I can barely remember my first love.

 

It's unlikely you will in time.

 

I'd be reluctant getting involved again, you are young, meet some people and get an idea about what you want.

[preraph]

I don't know how to let her go. Can you help me accept it is over forever? How do I grieve properly? I don't wish to be insane - I want to be over her, but I’m struggling doing so.

 

I didn’t ask to still be in love her. I love her not by choice, but because even though she is a part my heart still feels for her. When I saw her that night, I looked at her and got lost in her eyes. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t ask to dream about her. I don’t ask to think about her when I’m with other girls.

 

The mistakes I made and regret. I want to fix it. But I can't. What is it that I should do? Please, I want to let go. But I don’t know how.

 

You may think you're fixed, but whatever happened ruined her attraction for you forever. There are some things you can't get past. You need to move on.

[neowulf]

Holy sh*t everyone!

 

I just had the most incredible night with my ex. It ended with 3 amazing sexual encounters and a stay over at my house. She really wants to work on trying to get back together.

 

I hope for your sake it works out.

 

Otherwise, you've just gone and prolonged the inevitable.

 

One of the most difficult lessons I ever had to learn in my life; Loving someone isn't always enough to make a relationship work.

 

I hope you guys don't get caught up in the giddy feeling of your reunion and forget why you broke up in the first place.

[bubbaganoosh]

Tried that once with my first love after 40 years. Then shortly after all the things she did to bug the hell out of me were still there just wrapped in different paper and presented to me 40 years later. lasted 6 months and I was gone.

 

My advice is to let it be.

[LivingWaterPlease]

I don't know how to let her go. Can you help me accept it is over forever? How do I grieve properly? I don't wish to be insane - I want to be over her, but I’m struggling doing so.

 

I didn’t ask to still be in love her. I love her not by choice, but because even though she is a part my heart still feels for her. When I saw her that night, I looked at her and got lost in her eyes. I didn’t ask for this. I don’t ask to dream about her. I don’t ask to think about her when I’m with other girls.

 

The mistakes I made and regret. I want to fix it. But I can't. What is it that I should do? Please, I want to let go. But I don’t know how.

 

I believe I understand and have felt what you're going through, Gemini_jo.

 

I know what it's like to feel there is no other on this earth to replace that perfect one. Well, take heart because...there IS!

 

Many have been right where you are, have grieved and at some point in the future have met someone who is even more enchanting than the perfect one was! And have lived happily ever after.

 

Not sure if you'll be able to relate to the following at this point or not, but I'll post anyway, because of the slight chance that it will be of interest to you.

 

If that never happens for you there is One who is more wonderful than any human being on this earth and that is the God who created you. I don't know of your beliefs but, for me, when I sought comfort in God my relationship with Him began to grow so that every human paled in comparison, even the perfect human I loved. Though I'm not with the "perfect one" now, I am with The Perfect One who makes my life complete daily. He (God) is the only one I could never live without now. There is no human now who could ever cause me to grieve without hope because of God's goodness to me and love for me which He bestows on me every day.

[SevenCity]

Any progress you made is now a sunk cost. That said, if it doesn't work out this time you'll have your answer.

 

At least you won't have any regrets. I don't want to see you get hurt more (which is a huge possibility) but if it doesn't work out you can take solace in the fact that you tried your hardest. And then move on.

 

As others mentioned love is a drug. I know all too well the euphoria you are experiencing. It's akin to a drug addict getting a fix. Hopefully things work out for the best. If not, then you have to let go.

[gaig]

Holy sh*t everyone!

 

I just had the most incredible night with my ex. It ended with 3 amazing sexual encounters and a stay over at my house. She really wants to work on trying to get back together.

 

Holy sh*t indeed! And she's serious about it?

 

Dude, take it slowly.. You have both changed after all this time. Let her see if she likes the new Jo. You'd better do the same things as well.

 

List down all your old habits that she used to find so wrong (if you remember anymore). Have most of them been eliminated over these 2 years? Work on the remaining ones, even after so long time it might be easy/automatic for her to associate old behaviors. You don't want that, especially in the early steps.

But when you really develop feelings again, she should love you for whoever you are.

 

Keep us posted!

[Gemini_jo]

Holy sh*t indeed! And she's serious about it?

 

Dude, take it slowly.. You have both changed after all this time. Let her see if she likes the new Jo. You'd better do the same things as well.

 

List down all your old habits that she used to find so wrong (if you remember anymore). Have most of them been eliminated over these 2 years? Work on the remaining ones, even after so long time it might be easy/automatic for her to associate old behaviors. You don't want that, especially in the early steps.

But when you really develop feelings again, she should love you for whoever you are.

 

Keep us posted!

 

She's very serious. She spent all day with me saturday and slept over at my parents house with me saturday night. Yesterday we met up with one of my close friends and his girlfriend and we hookahed and then she slept over again at my apt - I also smoked bud in front of her for the first time last night (ended up throwing out everything else that was left to prove to her it doesn't have control over me anymore).

 

She wants to date me right now, but I have yet to commit to calling her my girlfriend again. Although, we are one step closer. We do both say I love you to each other.

[Gemini_jo]

You may think you're fixed, but whatever happened ruined her attraction for you forever. There are some things you can't get past. You need to move on.

 

If it ruined her attraction for me then why does she call me hot and sexy and sleep with me?

[gaig]

But I don't think she will ever be able to get over the words that I emailed her after finding out all these details after our breakup.

 

What had these words been?

 

 

She's very serious. She spent all day with me saturday and slept over at my parents house with me saturday night. Yesterday we met up with one of my close friends and his girlfriend and we hookahed and then she slept over again at my apt - I also smoked bud in front of her for the first time last night (ended up throwing out everything else that was left to prove to her it doesn't have control over me anymore).

 

She wants to date me right now, but I have yet to commit to calling her my girlfriend again. Although, we are one step closer. We do both say I love you to each other.

 

Happy for you, man!

 

Just make baby steps.. spend some more time talking. Not about the past, but the future and now

Edited July 15, 2016 by gaig

[SevenCity]

I'm very happy for you. Sex doesn't necessarily mean anything, but if she is saying she committed to working it out that is a step in the right direction.

 

Take it slow. From what I have read rekindling can introduce that "honeymoon" phase from the beginning of the RL which will fade just like the last time.

 

Also, if this means that much to you I would lose the pot all together. Showing her an old habit is going to bring her back to the reasons why you broke up the first time. Does she mean that much to you to drop it?

 

This is a new RL - not the old one. Treat it as such.

 

I'm not a religious guy but I pray this works out in your favor.