Is he messing me around

[Bekki47]

Hi all

 

I just need a bit of advice really as to what I should do now. Me and my partner I'm 37 he's 43 was together for 4 years but he was unhappy towards the end as he felt suffocated as he wanted his independence even tho I never stopped him from doing what he wanted to do. He became very lazy and had no interest in anything so I told him to leave and have some time to think about what he wanted. After he left I missed him so much I was texting him to come back. I then got to a point where I thought all hope had gone and after 6 months of telling me he doesn't want a relationship and wants to be alone as well as ignoring me for weeks he messaged me saying he would meet up with me but things have now changed but we will see how things are when we meet up.

 

So we did and meeting up was great it felt as it did when we first met. We were both shy and couldn't stop holding hands. He told me that he had missed me and he thought of me all the time and that he still had massive feelings for me and we decided to try again and give it another go. He said he had been going to the gym to feel better bout him self and that he goes 2 hours a day Monday to Fri after work. I was like so how we going to see each other but he said we would work around it.

 

We are a 2 weeks into seeing each other again. I asked him to move back home so we can work on things together and he carry on with what he does at the same time but he said it was too early and that he feels weird when he comes round and says that he's scared he will feel how he did before plus he has the gym now where he lives and he doesn't want to leave as his friends are there and he doesn't want to go to a gym else where as he won't know anyone and he won't work out alone. So I was like OK see how things go. But when I want to see him he won't come. He will say he's got the gym. If he does turn up he will say I'm here I've given the gym up for you or he will say u don't look happy to see me I could have been there now.

 

He will turn up and stay for the night then go again and I won't see him again until he says he's coming and it feels like when he comes he just wants sex then in the morning he's off again. I asked him to come over this weekend and he says he's made plans to watch the football wit friends I've never heard of or never bothered with him when we was together or did I meet any of them So I said OK when will I see you he said calm down I'm working on it. Fri night I got home from work and he was at he house he said I've come to surprise you. I said are you here for the weekend he said no just the night I'm going to watch football tomorrow. So I said OK and he stayed and went next morning. I text him to come Sunday but he said he likes to chill out and play on his playstation on a Sunday so I didn't see him.

 

I'm not supposed to see him now cus he's got gym after work all week so it would have been Saturday but yesterday my son said to me when he was talking to him the other day when he surprised me my son had asked him in and he said no ill wait out side for your mum and my son said have you just come from work and he said no I've skipped the gym again with a kind of sigh and my son said but that's ok because you have come to see your girlfriend and he said well yeah but it ruins my routine. When my son told me that.

 

I rang him to ask him why he says these things and when he comes round why does he have to tell me he gave gym up to be with me because it makes me feel guilty. I said if it means so much to u then just do that and he said he would and hung up on me and now won't answer my calls or texts he says he's annoyed and fed up and he never said it to my son. I mean it's like he has a new life now and I just feel like I should leave him to that. He never had any interest in going gym when he was with me when I asked him too or going out but now he does it all. I would never stop him from doing what he does now it's just if we are going to work there needs to be a balance of both but he's not talking to me now so I don't know if it's over again. I mean have i been to pushy have i driven him away again by going on bout us spending time and being together? What should I do now?

Edited May 27, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for paragraphs ~ V

[PegNosePete]

It seems his priorities in life have changed. He is no longer interested in a relationship with you. Sure, he likes the sex, but that's all. The rest of the time he'd rather be at the gym or watching footie or playing playstation.

 

Have you been too pushy? Well, probably breaking up with him is what triggered this change. Now he doesn't want a relationship with you because you rejected him, but he still enjoys the sex so he talks rubbish to get you to put out. But when it comes to spending any quality time, he'd rather be at the gym or whatever.

 

What should you do now? Ask him if he actually wants a relationship with you involving more than just sex. If he says yes, tell him to put his actions where his mouth is or you're going to leave him. If he says no, say goodbye.

[Bekki47]

After 4 days of ignoring my calls and texts he finally agrees to talk to me....he is now saying he's feeling fed up and depressed and doesn't think he can do it anymore. I was like but two weeks ago we was happy and loved up and you sed you wanted us to be together and now this why? and he sed it was because I had ago at him on the phone about what my son had told me. He sed he just wants to go work then the gym and shut himself away and not speak to anyone and that he feels so sad. I feel such a mug for falling for it I mean he's now ignoring me again. How stupid am I.

[PegNosePete]

You're not stupid, you just have feelings.

 

Now you know where you stand so you can NC him and move on.

[Bekki47]

I emailed him and told him I feel used and lied to and that I never want any contact with him again....I then told him I could do better than him and that he ain't all that and went on to say I hope someone treated him as bad as he has me....I was so angry at how 4 days before he said he loved me and wanted us..to then ignore me and say I think you should let me go!.I feel used!!....I do feel bad that I sent him that email but I wanted him to know that I'm not OK by the way I'vebeen treated and I will move on to find someone better...I guess he will never speak to me ever again now after reading that....but I have deleted all con tact and I'm now going nc....I just wish I could retract that email feel so bad now :-(

[ExpatInItaly]

We've all said things in the heat of the moment that we regret. It's not a great feeling, but honestly, I don't think your email would have changed the outcome anyway.

 

I am assuming you had valid reasons for ending the relationship to begin with. You said he had become lazy and disinterested. Keep that in mind moving forward. You saw that his priorities changed. This will sting for a while but it seems that you weren't all that happy with him anymore either.

[Bekki47]

No I wasn't that happy with him he was always miserable and showed no interest in anything. I just wish I could have just left him and go no contact with out telling him that he's an as's and that I could do much better than him because he isn't all that. I don't really mean them things I was just angry because of how he treated me. Now he's going to keep going back to that thinking how bad I am and that he's made the right decision to leave again. :-(

Edited May 31, 2016 by Bekki47