THIRD chance :/

[Heytay9]

So get ready for a complicated story.

 

1. Dating a guy for a few years, going great. Was never really interested in other guys. There were things that bugged me in our relationship, but not enough to make me want to question anything. So I start grad school, so we started doing distance, we had already been semi distance before that, and things were fine.... Until I met another guy. He was cute, but my mind was telling me that there wasn't anything that I could do because I was in a committed relationship. So I start talking to this other guy more anyway, he finds out I had a bf. He explains that he doesn't want to be the reason I end it with my current guy, but then one thing led to another and things happened between us. So, we start talking and semi dating. Meanwhile, technically still with my ex that I love deeply and care about. I felt like I made a huge mistake and was throwing our relationship down the drain each time I saw this other guy (in reality, I was). But; I was afraid to commit to this new guy even though I actually started to love him. The problem was, I was comparing them which I should have never done

 

2. So fast forward a few months. My new guy, Dave, begins to wonder if in still with my bf before him. deny it, of course, frightened that he would find out and leave me. Eventually, he finds out anyway that I hadn't ended it with my bf, and is furious. But he loves me a lot, and I explained to him why I felt bad about leaving and that I was finally ready and all the things he wanted to hear (which I MEANT when I said them!) so he gives me a second chance. A few days later, I see my ex to hash it out, and I fold. I felt bad and cried and felt horrible for leaving him in these circumstances. So we kept talking, which Dave had told me NOT to do. About a month after that, Dave finds out I'm still talking to my ex, and the two of them talk. This time not so good, because now Dave really has no trust. My ex told Dave we slept together at an event I saw him at, so Dave took his word. Dave went as far to talk to one of my friends about it, which my friend was also friends with my ex, and she also confirmed that I slept with my ex... But I never told her that I had. And she lied to me about it. Needless to say her and I are no longer friends.

 

3. So Dave is done. I beg, I tell him how much I love him, and I fall into a deep depression which is still going on. Dave loved me enough to want to marry me, and said a lot of things that I know he truly meant.. But the thing about me allegidly sleeping with my ex crushed it all. He said he believes my ex because why would he lie? I lied to him before, so why am I not now? It's all the same thing that he said he heard the first time.. Sad part is, I'm finally ready to leave my ex out of my life because how much I realized I fell in love it's Dave. But it's too late and he doesn't believe me. He said that there's always a part of him that'll love me but the feelings he had no longer exist. There is no trust, and he doesn't see it changing in the future

 

4. So what I'm getting at here is, is there any hope on gods green earth for Dave and I? We were seriously the most perfect couple, he called me his happy and I know I meant the world to him. My heart tells me that if I meant as much as he said I did to him, that after time passes he will give it another shot (even though right now it's a definite no). Maybe I'm fooling myself into false hope because I really love the guy, and hate to see our relationship end on this note. It's a real shame and I'd do almost anything to get him back. I even thought about confronting my ex about it, but I figure that will make matters even worse. Why would my ex want to do me any favors after what I did to him?

 

If anyone has been in this position (or similar) before, would you ever/have you ever loved someone so much that you'd try it again after some time passes? I figure give it a few months to prove my ex is out of my life, but it might not even matter by then

 

Any advice is appreciated

[LostOnes05]

Well, cheating and lying didn't work out ehh?! When you and Dave messed around on your ex, you were supposed to be in a committed relationship. But we see how committed you were. Dave really shouldn't be too upset. If you cheated with him, what makes him so special that he would think you wouldn't do it to him? This is just a case of monkey branching gone wrong.

 

If I were either guy I wouldn't get back with you. You've shown how easy it is for you to lie, cheat, and start another relationship without ending the other. That would be hard to overcome...at least for me. Trust is huge in a relationship. You can't build the foundation of a relationship on lies and cheating and expect it to survive a storm. It's that simple. Nevertheless, I wish you the best with your situation.

[Heytay9]

Yeah, I pretty much agree with everything you said. There really is no reason for either guy to get back with me, can't say that I blame them. Funny thing is, I told Dave that from the beginning and he thought it would be different, which I actually agree with had I actually given myself the adequate break up period from my ex before moving on to start something with Dave. Despite my actions, it doesn't mean that I CANT change or that I WONT change, this time we've had apart (pushing a month) I see how big my mistake was and how I lost someone that was really good for me. Problem is that I broke the trust and it's too late for Dave to see it. I'm confident that I won't relapse to my ex again and finally feel good about moving on, but Dave isn't so confident. I wonder if that'd ever change over time. Thanks for your input though

[LostOnes05]

I think your insightfulness is definitely a strength. I'd think hard about whether what you have with Dave is honeymoon phase bliss or real feelings. How long were you and Dave together? I say that because once you see Dave's flaws that's when you really get to see who he is. I think either way you'll be alright. Just continue to be honest with yourself and what you really want.

[Heytay9]

We were together for about 8 months. I have thought before that we were in honeymoon, but I never really felt that way. I felt like the more I got to know him, the better I liked him. There were things that I wasn't crazy about, but it wasn't anything that I would think twice about. He's an all around great guy, and awesome catch, which is exactly why I'm kicking myself. He was one of those "I am so lucky to have you" type guys, very appreciative and happy to be with me... Which is why I want to bring the happiness back to his life, I think over time I can, I just need the chance but I don't know how to get one.

[Satu]

Nobody ever gets more than one chance.

 

 

You come together.

 

>Maybe you have a break and get back together.

 

>Maybe you break up and get back together.

 

>Maybe you break up and stay broken up.

 

Its still the same relationship all the way through, but with twists and turns, and dormant and active periods.

 

Your only chance begins when you meet that person and ends when one of you finally and definitively ends it forever.

 

 

Take care.

[DevotedBaker54]

That is a complicated situation! It's tough when you have to ask for forgiveness and then wait to see if the person will forgive you. All you can do is ask for forgiveness and then let him decide what he thinks is best. I think giving Dave time is a good choice. Let things cool off and if he still loves you, he will let you know.

As long as you have asked for forgiveness, then there is nothing left to do but wait.

Hang in there! I hope it works out

[Heytay9]

Thanks everyone for your advice. Taking everything day by day and hoping for the best