Smoothman Posted May 2, 2016 Share Posted May 2, 2016 I broke up and moved out from my ex girlfriend about a year ago, after a 10 month relationship. I ended it because I felt she didn't really love me for WHO I was, but for WHAT I was, I won't go into lengthy details here. I regretted not trying harder to make things work, but she is the sort of girl who burns the bridges and doesn't look back. We've been NC for most of the time, i tried to call her a few months back just to see how she is getting along, but her manner on the phone suggested I wasn't welcome. ("I'm busy now, I'll call you back later" and of course no call back). So I didn't worry about it... I know she had a new boyfriend, no idea if that's still a thing. Then last night out of the blue a text from her... Hi, I hope you have settled down with your new partner and your new job. I truly hope everything is working out for you. Good luck with everything. I replied that the job was great, but that I was single. I wished her daughter a happy birthday. I asked how her job and partner were going, but she didn't reply. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Breadcrumbs and you gobbled it up pretty quickly. You'll hear from her again on her next check in for an ego boost to see if you're still single and haven't found anyone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 3, 2016 Author Share Posted May 3, 2016 Breadcrumbs and you gobbled it up pretty quickly. You'll hear from her again on her next check in for an ego boost to see if you're still single and haven't found anyone. Yes, but why? Why NOW? She already knows I'm not against reconciliation, has done for months... She doesn't need an ego boost, she's very confident in her attractiveness, and knows how to use her sexuality to her advantage. I'm thinking she broke up, or at least had a big fight with her current, but I have no idea what her life involves now. Also, why text once, then nothing? Weird! Link to post Share on other sites
kidm Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Yes, but why? Why NOW? She already knows I'm not against reconciliation, has done for months... She doesn't need an ego boost, she's very confident in her attractiveness, and knows how to use her sexuality to her advantage. I'm thinking she broke up, or at least had a big fight with her current, but I have no idea what her life involves now. Also, why text once, then nothing? Weird! Ego boost is not reserved for people who are not confident. She likes knowing you are still around pining for her. She may have hit a rough patch with someone she is truly interested in and may have felt down so what better way to get a boost is to say hi to her ex to assure herself "she still got it." That is why she texted once and disappeared. She got her fix. There is nothing more to understand here. Link to post Share on other sites
Brutum Fulmen Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 I broke up and moved out from my ex girlfriend about a year ago, after a 10 month relationship. I ended it because I felt she didn't really love me for WHO I was, but for WHAT I was, I won't go into lengthy details here. I regretted not trying harder to make things work, but she is the sort of girl who burns the bridges and doesn't look back. We've been NC for most of the time, i tried to call her a few months back just to see how she is getting along, but her manner on the phone suggested I wasn't welcome. ("I'm busy now, I'll call you back later" and of course no call back). So I didn't worry about it... I know she had a new boyfriend, no idea if that's still a thing. Then last night out of the blue a text from her... Hi, I hope you have settled down with your new partner and your new job. I truly hope everything is working out for you. Good luck with everything. I replied that the job was great, but that I was single. I wished her daughter a happy birthday. I asked how her job and partner were going, but she didn't reply. What do you guys think? Why are you contacting her if you have a new "partner"?! Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Basically your clarification "Im single" gave her the nib nose info she wanted. None of her business. Block her. How RUDE to drop in then have NOTHING to say. That was REALLY selfish and says alot about her. She wanted to know your business but could care less about YOU.. ie. Hes not doing better than me nor happier without me and was eager to reply= ego stroke. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 3, 2016 Share Posted May 3, 2016 Yes, but why? Why NOW? She already knows I'm not against reconciliation, has done for months... She doesn't need an ego boost, she's very confident in her attractiveness, and knows how to use her sexuality to her advantage. I'm thinking she broke up, or at least had a big fight with her current, but I have no idea what her life involves now. Also, why text once, then nothing? Weird! Maybe the same reason that you reached out to her a few months back. I wouldn't dig too deeply for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Well, she rang last night. Her pretense was "did you call me?" "Yes, last night when you texted me..." We then chatted amiably for a while, she seemed a little down. I asked about her life, she did not mention a boyfriend. I did not, however, pointedly ask her if she had one. I asked her out for a coffee, she was OK with that idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 This seems like a bad idea. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 4, 2016 Author Share Posted May 4, 2016 Why? Perhaps I wasn't clear, but if I could back together with her, I would. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 4, 2016 Share Posted May 4, 2016 Why? Perhaps I wasn't clear, but if I could back together with her, I would. That's exactly why it's a bad idea. Because you don't seem recovered from the breakup and because you are already assuming that this is a step in the way toward reconciliation instead of being able to go with the flow. Coming on here trying to psychoanalyze her breadcrumbs in a desperate manner does not inspire confidence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wave Rider Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 Have you tried being upfront by telling her where you're at and asking her what she's thinking and why she's contacted you now? I'll tell you, none of us know the answer, so I don't know why you'd ask us instead of her. I've had a similar situation to this, and she'll know a lot more about her motive than any of us will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 Have you tried being upfront by telling her where you're at and asking her what she's thinking and why she's contacted you now? I'll tell you, none of us know the answer, so I don't know why you'd ask us instead of her. I've had a similar situation to this, and she'll know a lot more about her motive than any of us will. I KNOW what she'll say...she say she was just checking up to make sure I'm okay. That's a given. She would never ever simply say "Let's have a coffee and talk about things" I know her well enough, I ask here because she won't come out and say it. The fact that she rang me the next night does indicate there is SOME interest there. Link to post Share on other sites
Wave Rider Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 I KNOW what she'll say...she say she was just checking up to make sure I'm okay. That's a given. She would never ever simply say "Let's have a coffee and talk about things" I know her well enough, I ask here because she won't come out and say it. The fact that she rang me the next night does indicate there is SOME interest there. Well yeah, because that's the socially acceptable thing to say. My belief is that the hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship is the situation where no one is allowed to talk about the problems in the relationship. Recently I have started being upfront about my intentions, and I'll tell you what, it saves a whole lot of guesswork. In your situation, I'd tell her that you're open to the possibility of getting back together and ask her if she's thought about it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 5, 2016 Author Share Posted May 5, 2016 Yep, I did exactly that, she was only asking me to see that I had settled. “I don’t just forget people from my past” I think she cares for me, but has no intention of getting back together. Just as well, better to move forward rather than cling to the past…right? Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted May 5, 2016 Share Posted May 5, 2016 You'll starve on breadcrumbs. Go dark and block her on everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bewell Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Don't fall for it. She's pinging you to inflate her ego. My ex does this a lot and sadly, I'd take the bait and fall for it. I just can't resist. However this time my approach will be different cause I am not falling for it anymore. You're never going to feel good every time ex reaches out. Best to leave it unanswered and BLOCK! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 6, 2016 Author Share Posted May 6, 2016 Maybe she is, I honestly can’t think why she’d bother reaching out to me after months of NC just to see how I am…and then pull back totally because I suggested we get a coffee. My guess is she broke up with her latest bf, and felt down. By asking me how I was, and finding out I too am not happily partnered either, she felt better… Or not, I dunno… Link to post Share on other sites
Wave Rider Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I admit that there's a part of me that wants to know that my exes aren't doing any better in life than I am. But they all dumped me, so it would add insult to injury if I knew they had happily moved on with someone else. I imagine she still has feelings for you, because feelings usually just don't disappear. If she said she wasn't interested in getting back together, I guess that's your answer. I think she did want to know if you were in a relationship. One of my exes messaged me on facebook a few months after she dumped me. She apologized for something she'd done, and seemed quite interested in how my life was going. But after my response, it turned out she wasn't that interested in talking about my life, and she stopped responding abruptly. I don't know what happened, and I don't know why she messaged me. She had just moved to a new city and perhaps felt like her prospects there weren't as good as what she'd had with me. I don't know why she stopped responding, and I guess I'll never know. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Maybe she is, I honestly can’t think why she’d bother reaching out to me after months of NC just to see how I am…and then pull back totally because I suggested we get a coffee. My guess is she broke up with her latest bf, and felt down. By asking me how I was, and finding out I too am not happily partnered either, she felt better… Or not, I dunno… She might have contacted you on impulse but realized she made a mistake when you suggested to meet up. She probably felt comfortable texting you (an impersonal way of communicating), but meeting up would be too up close and personal. Texting is a safe was of communication because you don't have to actually talk to or see the person. I wouldn't read too much into the motive. It could be any number of things. I would focus on the outcome, which is that she clearly does not want to meet up with you. So she really has nothing to offer you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jabron1 Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 I would focus on the outcome, which is that she clearly does not want to meet up with you. So she really has nothing to offer you. Exactly. That's all that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
Dell Monitor Posted May 6, 2016 Share Posted May 6, 2016 Well yeah, because that's the socially acceptable thing to say. My belief is that the hallmark of a dysfunctional relationship is the situation where no one is allowed to talk about the problems in the relationship. Recently I have started being upfront about my intentions, and I'll tell you what, it saves a whole lot of guesswork. In your situation, I'd tell her that you're open to the possibility of getting back together and ask her if she's thought about it. This! Forget all you read about dating game and stuff like that. Thats for losers. Act like you feel and work for it (of course not stalk anyone etc.). Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 8, 2016 Author Share Posted May 8, 2016 Yep, we exchanged some more messages, I will post her reply (edited down): But I have to tell you that, I am very happy with my partner and we have our long vision, plan and we give lots of space to each other. I am very lucky to meet him, he is a wonderful man, he might not as generous as you or as caring as you, but I just like someone being himself. I am not perfect either, I will try to keep my relationship as healthy as I can. I sent that message, seriously...I am just simply sent you a regards, nothing much. I'm glad that you are happy now, good on you. No doubt you are an amazing man, if you said I should deserve better, same to you. No one is perfect but principle is still apply to it. Not sure if you get this. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted May 8, 2016 Share Posted May 8, 2016 Will you stop talking to her now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Smoothman Posted May 9, 2016 Author Share Posted May 9, 2016 Will you stop talking to her now? Why, we can be friends... Link to post Share on other sites
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