Breaking up...for timing?

[hopelesslyinlove2015]

My boyfriend broke up with me pretty recently. He did it while he was hammered because he said he couldn't do it when he was sober. He is getting ready to leave for law school many states away and doesn't want a long distance relationship. He says he still loves me and he isn't the only person to break up with someone that they love, he just doesnt want a relationship in his life right now. It seemed so out of the blue and we were so happy, he says it was nothing I did its just the timing and if we would have met later in life he would be asking me to marry him not breaking up with me. Even though he was the one that initiated it, it feels amicable because he is moving to a place I never want to move to, so the LDR would have no end in sight. We still talk and hangout and are trying to be friends with each other. Does anyone have experience with this? I really do feel that if we were older he could be my forever, but I too think we are too young to be thinking of getting married and a LDR isn't something appealing to me. I understand why we broke up and it hurts like hell, but I don't want to lose the friendship our relationship was based on.

 

I am still really close with his mom, who is having a hard time with the break up as well. She thinks we belong together and he is making a big mistake by calling things off so prematurely. I have grown to really trust and value her relationship, my ex is okay with us being friends still, is that a line I am crossing?

[d0nnivain]

Conventional wisdom says you can't be friends with an EX immediately after the break up. There are a number of reasons for this:

 

1. When the person who dumped you is still in your life, you don't have a chance to heal.

 

2. You develop a false sense of hope that they will come back which also impedes your healing.

 

3. You're not "really" friends. It's not like you can confide in each other about what's going on in your life, especially about a new love interest.

 

4. Any new love interest will hate your friendship & object to it continuing.

 

If you need the gradual fade until he actually leaves for law school far away, I'm not going to ruin your illusion but understand he does not see you as part of his future. he wants to be fancy free to date another law student as he starts on this new aspect of his life.

[brittly42]

That's a tough situation, and it's normal to feel how you are. LDRs are difficult, but I can also tell you care very deeply about this person. Although extremely painful and seemingly unfair, this may be the moment you need to evaluate your relationship and your personal/career goals. After this sabbatical, if fate brings you two together again, it may be the right moment.

 

Until then, hang in there, my friend! If you feel like the pain is too much on your own, please reach out to someone like a pastor, friend, or counselor. It's important to have a support network in your life. I wish I was there to give you a big hug right now!