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UPDATE on 7 Year Relationship Break Up [wanting to regain the 'spark']


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Hey guys, new here so hello to all of you, hope you are all well :)

 

So yeah, as the title says, pretty devastated to be honest. It's not really a recent break up, this was about 5 weeks ago now but it still hurts as much if not more as time is going by.

 

I'll not go into the full story, way to much history lol but I'll try to give you all details from what happened.

 

Basically we first met online about 7 years ago, speaking about football etc, she lived in Canada and me in the UK. We spoke pretty infrequently to begin with, 2-3 times a week, then it went to MSN then finally we made the first video call on Skype. Fast forward about 3 years and I go to Canada to meet her for the first time etc and it's brilliant, then I go again and stay with her and her family for a few months, again, brilliant. We were both our first serious boyfriend/girlfriend as well so everything a long the way was new to both of us.

 

Obviously we had to make do with Skype for some long periods of time which was hard but we knew it would be worth it as she was coming to the UK to go to University. So, go to September last year she starts Uni in the UK, just about 90 minutes away from me by train so very easy for travel etc. In the first week during her freshers she had second thoughts about us and said that she was going to be busier than she thought she would be and that we had spent so long together as a couple that she hadn't been with anyone else etc (that bit really got to me). She had 2 weeks to think about it etc and she said sorry that she was just very overwhelmed by the whole thing, Uni, new country, no family around her, and I completely understood that. After that I went to see her every other weekend just about for 2/3 days at a time, she would come to my place etc and it was great, we had some of the best times we had since we were finally together regularly and not long distance.

 

Then coming up to valentines day I had booked us a lovely romantic getaway in Edinburgh, Hotel was £480 for two nights and I was paying for the whole thing, hotel, restaurants, travel etc to make it really special for us, but she was becoming pretty quiet and a bit odd , I said I could go and see her at the weekend etc but she said she was going to be busy with a seminar etc, the night before she goes out and gets drunk and never bothers with the seminar.. , twice she said she would come here and waited until the last day and said she couldn't come etc.

 

Then about a week before Valentines, she says she thinks she's becoming 'aromantic' and that she loves me but she's not in love with me etc and that she didnt want a boyfriend at the minute or anything with anyone, but wouldn't rule out doing something with other men... which just destroyed me at that point.., I went down to go and see her to try and sort it out or at least be told this to my face.., she wouldn't see me or come to the hotel etc even for 5 minutes. And since then we have had no contact.

 

I'm very close to her parents (our families are close) and they said they don't understand why she did it now when she came to UK etc (her parents are moving here this year) and that she's confused etc. But I think there's more to it than that..

 

Paranoia is driving me mental... everything is just different now, we were talking about moving in together next year etc and then she changes like this.

 

Just really don't know what to do. I know I said I would try to keep this short I apologize it came out quite long winded lol,

 

Thank you for any advice.

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This is a blessing in disguise. Now you have a chance to be on the prowl, to see other women. You've been with one woman? Guaranteed, by the time your life is over, you'll have met at least one woman who totally blows you away and makes this chick look like chopped liver.

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I think at the minute, well I'm saying minute, even coming up to closer to two months, I'm still very conflicted over it, I don't think there was any closure on the way it happened or even why it happened when it was completely out the blue.

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NoLeafClover

I was with someone for 7 years too during my college years. It was hard and I know how you feel. The only advice I can give you is to not act on Impulse and don't do anything to contact her. Let things be and don't force anything. What's meant to be will be. If she's going with others , she's going to regardless you make a scene or not.

I would just lay low, work on making yourself happy again and back on track and start dating again. It's a hard pill to swallow when it comes to losing 7 years but you are still young. I hope you feel better soon. I remember my sleepless nights and the roller coaster rides I had during the breakup. Now she's like it has never existed to me. I hate I spent all the college years with her when I could have been dating other women.

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I don't know - seems a bit like a classic LDR ... they are always hard to impossible to maintain because there simply isn't the face time.

 

Both of you are pretty young I'm gathering, given the general post and mention of school/university, etc. This just complicates an already difficult situation I think. Even if you lived next door to each other, people go through such major changes in their young and formative years - things might end simply due to that, adult personalities emerging, changing life ideas, etc, etc.

 

But add to this some serious distance challenges. Its seven years but if I read right you only got your first face to face time in the last 3 of those years? Most of your romantic lives have been apart, despite what seems to be great efforts made to get together as much as possible. Its still a tough thing. As the cliche goes ... we all have needs ... and its hard to meet those, particularly during these young and energetic years, with a distant love interest.

 

So, inevitably, each of you will end up spending more time with local friends than with each other, and quite naturally, no funny business, some of the people you both will have met and mingled with will be romantically interesting, even if no-one acts on that - there will still be interest from other suitors, and attractions from both sides will happen.

 

We're not built to be like this imho. Remember the old song by Stephen Stills - Love the One you're with? The classic chorus line being "If you cant be with the one you love, love the one you're with"

 

Its not just a catchy old nostalgic tune.

 

This bit from your OP is particularly telling I think:

 

"but wouldn't rule out doing something with other men... which just destroyed me at that point..,"

 

Its a pretty hard lump to have to swallow, particularly so if you've been nothing but faithful yourself. Not to say she's been unfaithful, but the thought is on her mind at the very least.

 

A young women will have opportunity knock at her door almost daily - and its hard to go back to your dorm room or apartment alone, every day, day after day, and not think that life is passing by ... its just the LDR at work. You don't get the chance to build up the strong and full shared history thats required.

 

I can imagine your disappointment but I suspect, given you're now in a state of NC, that you just need a bit of time to heal and then move on. In the fullness of time she may circle around again, as a friend, but I've generally found that that formation of binding relationships has a time based 'window of opportunity' where something has to happen .. because if it doesn't then the window closes and the 'spark' is lost. Almost impossible to recover from that situation.

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I think at the minute, well I'm saying minute, even coming up to closer to two months, I'm still very conflicted over it, I don't think there was any closure on the way it happened or even why it happened when it was completely out the blue.

 

It never happens in a good way, man. If she talks to you non-stop, and does all the things you think you need for "closure", it's still just as screwed up. Closure comes from yourself.

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I don't know - seems a bit like a classic LDR ... they are always hard to impossible to maintain because there simply isn't the face time.

 

Both of you are pretty young I'm gathering, given the general post and mention of school/university, etc. This just complicates an already difficult situation I think. Even if you lived next door to each other, people go through such major changes in their young and formative years - things might end simply due to that, adult personalities emerging, changing life ideas, etc, etc.

 

But add to this some serious distance challenges. Its seven years but if I read right you only got your first face to face time in the last 3 of those years? Most of your romantic lives have been apart, despite what seems to be great efforts made to get together as much as possible. Its still a tough thing. As the cliche goes ... we all have needs ... and its hard to meet those, particularly during these young and energetic years, with a distant love interest.

 

So, inevitably, each of you will end up spending more time with local friends than with each other, and quite naturally, no funny business, some of the people you both will have met and mingled with will be romantically interesting, even if no-one acts on that - there will still be interest from other suitors, and attractions from both sides will happen.

 

We're not built to be like this imho. Remember the old song by Stephen Stills - Love the One you're with? The classic chorus line being "If you cant be with the one you love, love the one you're with"

 

Its not just a catchy old nostalgic tune.

 

This bit from your OP is particularly telling I think:

 

"but wouldn't rule out doing something with other men... which just destroyed me at that point..,"

 

Its a pretty hard lump to have to swallow, particularly so if you've been nothing but faithful yourself. Not to say she's been unfaithful, but the thought is on her mind at the very least.

 

A young women will have opportunity knock at her door almost daily - and its hard to go back to your dorm room or apartment alone, every day, day after day, and not think that life is passing by ... its just the LDR at work. You don't get the chance to build up the strong and full shared history thats required.

 

I can imagine your disappointment but I suspect, given you're now in a state of NC, that you just need a bit of time to heal and then move on. In the fullness of time she may circle around again, as a friend, but I've generally found that that formation of binding relationships has a time based 'window of opportunity' where something has to happen .. because if it doesn't then the window closes and the 'spark' is lost. Almost impossible to recover from that situation.

 

 

It was a bit of a weird situation as it was completely out of the blue. Even just about a 2 weeks before she was saying she couldnt wait to get away etc and then I got a completely random text saying she didn't think she wanted a boyfriend anymore and that she didn't have any romantic feelings but wouldnt rule out being intimate with someone else and I was like, seriously, do you know what you're saying?

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I think at the minute, well I'm saying minute, even coming up to closer to two months, I'm still very conflicted over it, I don't think there was any closure on the way it happened or even why it happened when it was completely out the blue.

 

These things are NEVER out of the blue. We just miss the cues before it got there.

 

You want to know what happened?

 

She decided that she didn't want to be with you any more and would rather date someone else instead. It is that simple.

 

But great news!

 

You are young free and single and there is a plethora of great young women out there just itching to get together with a great guy like you! Ta da! problem solved!

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There were some signs, I wouldn't say warning signs as such as she had a pretty busy schedule leading up to our planned trip away, so naturally I thought it was that so we didn't speak as much before that, but we still spoke every night even if it was just for 30 mins etc. It was random in the fact that it as like

 

Day before - "I can't wait to go, I love you and yeah ofcorse we will start looking for places to live soon" (example but not to far from it lol)

 

Day it happened (next day) - "I don't think I want to be in a relationship anymore.."

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Day before - "I can't wait to go, I love you and yeah ofcorse we will start looking for places to live soon" (example but not to far from it lol)

 

Day it happened (next day) - "I don't think I want to be in a relationship anymore.."

 

She was trying to convince herself...

 

You really have to stop over thinking this and just accept it and move on. I know it sounds awful but when the right one comes along nothing will stand in the way... It will be very different.

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Thanks for the advice everyone, it's appreciated.

 

 

Bit of an update of sorts.

 

As I said I'm still on good terms with her parents, as they are moving here this year I'm helping them out with that, which I have no problem with, they took me into their home for a good few month while I was staying with them etc.

 

Her mum usually speaks to me usually just general chat you know, but she's said she thinks that my ex is just confused and needs space (like I said, been about 8 weeks) I'm still not convinced that it's just that as I don't think she'll tell her mum if she's done anything with anyone else etc anyway.

 

I've accepted it quite a bit that she probably has or at least I'm prepared for it if I ever found out in any way in the future, but I wonder where I stand really to be honest. Her parents are saying she is very busy with studies etc at the minute, and she's always put her career above most things and I perfectly understand that, but I wonder if this could be a case of just getting some stuff out the way first before another go? Don't really know if it's going to be a case of waiting and seeing or moving on and then regretting not waiting.

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Thanks for the advice everyone, it's appreciated.

 

 

Bit of an update of sorts.

 

As I said I'm still on good terms with her parents, as they are moving here this year I'm helping them out with that, which I have no problem with, they took me into their home for a good few month while I was staying with them etc.

 

Her mum usually speaks to me usually just general chat you know, but she's said she thinks that my ex is just confused and needs space (like I said, been about 8 weeks) I'm still not convinced that it's just that as I don't think she'll tell her mum if she's done anything with anyone else etc anyway.

 

I've accepted it quite a bit that she probably has or at least I'm prepared for it if I ever found out in any way in the future, but I wonder where I stand really to be honest. Her parents are saying she is very busy with studies etc at the minute, and she's always put her career above most things and I perfectly understand that, but I wonder if this could be a case of just getting some stuff out the way first before another go? Don't really know if it's going to be a case of waiting and seeing or moving on and then regretting not waiting.

 

Ok, So firstly I've been where you've been with the whole different country Long distance 'online' thing and it didn't work our for me either. 7 years in total similar to you.

 

There is a whole new world out there dude, you must have been one of the early internet daters :p I met mine on yahoo chat :p

 

Get yourself together, seriously dude, sever this connection with her parents; you're using this as a way to get closer to her and it's not going to work!

 

It sounds like her parents are covering for her and you really need to get away from this as quick as you possibly can and re-asses your life.

 

7 years at your age (assuming younger than me and I'm 33) is a long time and I completely understand how 'confused' you are and how you want the fabled 'closure'.

 

It doesn't exist mate, the only closure can come from you taking charge of this situation and looking after number one.

 

I'm just over 2 years since first coming to this forum with my story and the tough love I received helped no end.

 

Get yourself on Tinder and POF and have a few dates with some randoms, she'll soon disappear from your mind when you have someone else on it :)

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Ok, So firstly I've been where you've been with the whole different country Long distance 'online' thing and it didn't work our for me either. 7 years in total similar to you.

 

There is a whole new world out there dude, you must have been one of the early internet daters :p I met mine on yahoo chat :p

 

Get yourself together, seriously dude, sever this connection with her parents; you're using this as a way to get closer to her and it's not going to work!

 

It sounds like her parents are covering for her and you really need to get away from this as quick as you possibly can and re-asses your life.

 

7 years at your age (assuming younger than me and I'm 33) is a long time and I completely understand how 'confused' you are and how you want the fabled 'closure'.

 

It doesn't exist mate, the only closure can come from you taking charge of this situation and looking after number one.

 

I'm just over 2 years since first coming to this forum with my story and the tough love I received helped no end.

 

Get yourself on Tinder and POF and have a few dates with some randoms, she'll soon disappear from your mind when you have someone else on it :)

 

 

Funny you mention Yahoo chat... I started speaking to her on Yahoo Answers!! lol

 

The thing with her parents is that her dad likes me a lot, he gave me a job etc when i was over in Canada and wants me to work with him again when he comes to the UK , he said a year or so ago if things for what ever reason didn't work out with me and my ex that he would want to stay in contact etc. The good thing is I can keep both separate as weird as that sounds. I think in the future any friendship with her parents would be the same as it is now which is the general chat sort of thing you know? I still owe them a lot for what they've done for me so I want to help them get sorted out moving here etc, it would be wrong in my mind not to do so. On the flip side even her parents have said for me to go out and have fun etc so I think they are viewing it the same as me which is good.

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When you Bond with the family and parents of an ex it leaves you with not knowing how to handle it. It did me ? I too hot on so well and adored his dad and sister, she felt like a sister to me.

 

They are still all on my fb including his dad I have chosen to unfollow them so I don't get any posts on my wall which has set me back and flipped my stomach when I have seen them.

 

I have made contact with his sister and going to visit her in April but I'm not sure if it's still too soon for me.

 

I'm mindful of what I post and like on Facebook as I don't want to be disrespectful in away or appear to be having the time of my life or showing I'm so down after the break up.

 

I loved this family and they are all wonderful people, I just fitted in straight away and it felt like my home it's sad but I'm not going to be upset about it

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You won't be able to move on until you remove her from your life.

 

I understand it's hard.

 

I remember my ex asking me if I wanted her to remove my friends from her facebook; I obliged of course somewhat lethargically but in the long term it was a blessing.

 

Despite what you say about her Dad being your best mate Steven, he's not and his daughter will always trump any of the cards you've got.

 

As for making their 'move' to the UK easier, you're in denial. You don't owe them anything and they don't owe you anything.

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Day before - "I can't wait to go, I love you and yeah ofcorse we will start looking for places to live soon" (example but not to far from it lol)

 

Day it happened (next day) - "I don't think I want to be in a relationship anymore.."

 

Something 'romantic' happened the evening before the bad news. 99.99% sure. Day before, she's talking to you with her mind, day after, she'd flooded with endorphins and oxytocin, her brain is essentially dormant.

 

Something has happened which has made her bite the bullet and speak whats probably been on her mind quite a while.

 

Pretty hard to take in the cold hard light of day .. "oh well" ... nevertheless, there really isn't anything you can do from your end. Moving in next door (for example) and pestering her daily will, at this point, just come across as begging and definitely won't work.

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Something 'romantic' happened the evening before the bad news. 99.99% sure. Day before, she's talking to you with her mind, day after, she'd flooded with endorphins and oxytocin, her brain is essentially dormant.

 

Something has happened which has made her bite the bullet and speak whats probably been on her mind quite a while.

 

Pretty hard to take in the cold hard light of day .. "oh well" ... nevertheless, there really isn't anything you can do from your end. Moving in next door (for example) and pestering her daily will, at this point, just come across as begging and definitely won't work.

 

 

I've thought that. I don't think she did anything with anyone, and I don't think she would have cheated on me as she wasn't like that, and she's said before in the past about 4 years ago when we went through a bit of patch that she would never cheat on me, and if she did feel like she would, she wouldn't be with me before doing it.

 

I've often thought that since she's gone to Uni, that's twice now really that she's sort of suggested that she likes someone (no one in particular) but I think her heads been turned.

 

She told me she had advances from men in bars that she rejected etc and I believe her on that, and she told me someone in one of her classes asked her out for drinks as 'friends' (she told him she had a boyfriend) but I don't know if she ever went out for the drink etc.

 

I think in a way I do believe that her work has come before anything else sadly as she was extremely busy at the time, and if it was because of that then fair enough I guess, it's just the way she was saying she didn't want anything romantic or sexual with anyone, but wouldn't rule it out with someone else in the future, that said it all to me sadly.

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Hey Guys,

 

As you will know I posted the other day about my 7 year relationship breaking up about 8 weeks ago, she got in touch with me last night via text saying hello and apologizing for what she did and asking if I was ok etc.

 

Anyway I replied and we had a conversation about it since we are both a bit more calm about it now and she said more this time around as to why we broke up..

 

Basically she said that after being together for as long as we were that she started to feel like we were developing a well bonded friendship rather than a relationship (and she said she admitted that was more her fault) etc, and for my own sort of closure I asked her if there was anyone else, I know she didn't cheat through the relationship and she said that after everything we had been through she could never do that, but she said it's likely in the near future that there will be someone else 'just because' which I said to her that I knew/thought that she had started to like someone else before we broke up and she didn't deny that. I know she didn't do anything when we were a couple with anyone else and that would have hurt a lot more, but I'm glad she came out with the full truth about it.

 

She said when we broke up the day it happened she didnt want anything with anyone else romantic or otherwise, and she said today that she knew what she said but she knows eventually unexpected things/people will come up that she has no control over.

 

I told her that I would have liked for us to start fresh before all of this, take it back to a first date sort of things to see if there was still any spark there for her for our relationship.

 

At least I know the full truth now more or less anyway.

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Hey Guys,

 

I posted this on my 7 year Relationship question I just wanted to try and separate this into a second question/separate question.

 

 

Ok so to cut a long story short, those of you that read my previous question know most of the background, Ex texted me last night basically saying hello and that she is sorry for hurting me etc and she hopes that I'm doing ok (she was worried about my depression for quite a while) and we texted back and forth for a bit but we had a much better conversation about why this happened...

 

 

Basically she said that after being together for 7 years she felt that we were becoming more close friends than actually being in a relationship (she said she took more blame for that, that she thinks it was her fault) etc, I knew she would never cheat on me or anything like that and she said she never did anything with anyone while we were together as we had gone through to much together for her to ever do that, but she said that it's likely in the near future that there will be someone for her, I said to her at the time that I thought she liked someone else and she never really said she didn't just that she never did anything with anyone else while we were a couple.

 

She said to me the day of break up that she didn't want anything romantic or otherwise with anyone, and said today that she knows she said that but eventually something/someone will come around that she has no control over etc. I appreciate her honesty on the matter and if she had told me this the day of the break up I may have took it better.

 

It's a very tough pill to swallow knowing she'll do things with someone else that we did etc. I have a feeling she's already done things during our 7/8 weeks of NC , she never said she did or didn't so I'll try to read between the lines on that one. She also said she feels that after everything I've done for her especially over the past year or so helping her with Uni (I bought her clothes, T.V for her room, paid for food shopping for her etc) that I need to find someone who is as happy with me as I was with her.., I told her that I wish she had said this before we broke up that she was starting to feel that way as we maybe could have tried to start over, start with a first date sort of thing to see if there was still any spark left from her for me, she didn't answer so I think she's sort of thinking about if she should have.

 

Has anyone else gone through this, has it ever worked out even further down the line where you have a pretty clean break up and things go their separate ways for a while?

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ExpatInItaly

Yes, I have been in that position twice.

 

Once after a 5-year relationship, the other after a 7.5-year relationship. This is particularly common when the people are young and want to explore other people, when you're still figuring out who you really are and what you want in life. Sometimes you really do just outgrow the relationship.

 

Some eventually re-unite. Many do not. My brother and his now-wife broke up about 5 years after they got together. They stayed apart and both dated other people for around a year before re-uniting. They've now been married for 7 years and are happy.

 

I've long moved on from both the aforementioned relationships. Both of those exes are also now married with small children, though I am not in contact with either one anymore (We're from a small town, so word of people's lives get around!)

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Yeah she's said before that she's felt like she's wanting to try other things with other people (she never did) but she's told me before but we worked around that. The problem is that she's 21 and just in her first year of Uni, when I knew her before she moved to UK for Uni etc she was a very, I wouldn't say 'shy' but she never had many friends where she was as she was focused on getting to Uni here, she never went out much etc. Now here she goes clubbing etc is in a dorm with probably 15+ people (male & female) and she's told me before she's had advances in clubs etc that she's knocked back because she was with me

 

Where as I'm at that stage in life where, well with her anyway, I felt like I knew what path I was on and where I wanted to be with her, I took her Uni life etc as part of the package of things that we would probably have to work through, and we did for a while and it was great, she thought when she first started Uni it would cause problems but it didn't and we arguably had some of our best times together after that. But I said to her that I think she likes someone there and she didn't deny that, just said nothing happened while we were together, and I believe her on that.

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Hey guys,

 

 

I recently went through a break up of a 7 year relationship...cut a long story short we went about 7/8 weeks with no contact when she texted me yesterday saying she is sorry if she hurt me and didn't mean to etc, I never got a clear reason for the break up from her until today....

 

I've been with as I said 7 years (well, was with her lol) and she said that since it's been so long together she recently felt as though we had developed a well bonded 'friendship' rather than relationship, to which she admitted that was probably her fault (before the break up she became very busy at Uni etc and I think this was also a reason for it).

 

However, I asked her if there had been anyone else and she said she never cheated during our relationship and I believe that, but she said she thinks there will be someone in the near future "just because" , I said to her when we broke up that I think her head had been turned by someone. I asked if anything had happened since we broke up and she never really confirmed nor denied so I'm reading between the lines on that one. I told her that if she had told me this before we broke up that we could have went back on a first date sort of thing to see if it had rekindled any feelings for her towards me, and she never answered back to it as such so I don't know if she is reconsidering.

 

She recently came to the UK from Canada to study at Uni, and she goes out quite a bit now clubbing etc, and I think she does like someone else at the minute, she told me at the time of break up she didnt want anything romantic or anything with anyone, i reminded her of that today and she said she knows she said that but that unexpected things/people will come around eventually and she has no control over that.

 

 

Really don't know what to make of it. She's said she doesn't think we will go back as a couple in the short term, but long term I don't know if she wants to see what it's like with someone else before deciding if us not being an item is good/bad.

 

How should I proceed with this? We have a lot of history between us and I think we both know that we could never fully cut each other out of each other lives, I think she thought if she could go x amount of time without contacting me maybe she could, but as I said then she texts yesterday after 8 weeks... I appreciate her honesty on the matter just wish she had told me sooner before break up so we could have tried to work around it.

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Hey Guys,

 

As you will know I posted the other day about my 7 year relationship breaking up about 8 weeks ago, she got in touch with me last night via text saying hello and apologizing for what she did and asking if I was ok etc.

 

Anyway I replied and we had a conversation about it since we are both a bit more calm about it now and she said more this time around as to why we broke up..

 

Basically she said that after being together for as long as we were that she started to feel like we were developing a well bonded friendship rather than a relationship (and she said she admitted that was more her fault) etc, and for my own sort of closure I asked her if there was anyone else, I know she didn't cheat through the relationship and she said that after everything we had been through she could never do that, but she said it's likely in the near future that there will be someone else 'just because' which I said to her that I knew/thought that she had started to like someone else before we broke up and she didn't deny that. I know she didn't do anything when we were a couple with anyone else and that would have hurt a lot more, but I'm glad she came out with the full truth about it.

 

She said when we broke up the day it happened she didnt want anything with anyone else romantic or otherwise, and she said today that she knew what she said but she knows eventually unexpected things/people will come up that she has no control over.

 

I told her that I would have liked for us to start fresh before all of this, take it back to a first date sort of things to see if there was still any spark there for her for our relationship.

 

At least I know the full truth now more or less anyway.

 

Man, that sounds so awfully familiar. At least you got your answers...

 

If you want to think of it the good way, everything she did/said is to protect your feelings. If you want to think of it the bad way, everything she did/said is to relief her guilt.

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It's a tough pill to swallow and I'm not sure I know where I stand. She said she never got with anyone during our relationship but I think she has since we broke up and like I said I think I expected/knew that would happen.

 

It just erks me a bit that she didn't tell me this before we broke up you know? I wouldn't give myself false hope and say she sounds "unsure" I think she's in two minds, she will definitely end up with someone else I've resigned myself to that, but I think she's looking at it from a view of that I am all she knows relationship wise and she wants to get out there a bit more while she is in Uni, whether that is right or wrong, I suppose it's down to the person.

 

I said to her that we can't really predict the future and that in 1/2/3 years even she may come back to this and feel differently after being separated from our relationship she might come to realize that it was wrong to end it.

 

She said she doesn't think she will ever have the trust with someone else that she had with me so I don't know if she's thinking about it or.

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Hey guys..

 

I posted on another section of the forum that about 8 weeks ago my relationship of 7 years has ended..I'll put a bit of a story to it but try to keep it short lol.

 

Basically we started speaking 7 years ago online, which after a while progressed to meeting each other which then progressed to living with one another for 6 months (She was in Canada me UK), and we had nothing but great times, I was her first serious boyfriend and like wise she was my first serious girlfriend. Last year she moved to the UK to go to Uni, to start with she said she didn't think we would work, she was going to be busier than she thought and she dropped in a comment of "We've been together since our teens and I've never been with anyone else" etc and that killed me... but we got over it and honestly after that we had some of the best times together ever, we went out for meals, hotels, short breaks etc, she visited my family for the first time and so on.

 

About 3 weeks before Valentines this year things started to go a bit off. I hadn't seen her since New Years Eve and she got a much busier schedule, but I was starting to suspect it was more than that, she would say she would come and see me at the weekend and cancel at the last minute etc, fast forward a week after that she lays it on me that she feels she doesn't want a relationship or anything romantic with anyone for that matter.

 

8 Weeks go by and she texts me today saying she's sorry for everything if she hurt me etc and we got talking, i know she didn't cheat on me, but she said that sometime in the near future she thinks she;ll do something with someone "just because" and I asked her why she broke up etc she said after 7 years she felt I was more of a close friend to which she took the blame for for maybe pushing me away a bit. I reminded her that she said she didn't want anything with anyone and she said she knows she said that but people/things come around and she can't control that.

 

I'm fairly certain she's got with someone during our time apart, she never confirmed or denied this, and I asked her why she didn't tell me this before we broke up as we could have tried to rekindle the relationship, she never replied to that so I think she is thinking about it.

 

But basically she's told me she doesn't think we will get back together in the near future, that she is moving on and I should too if I can, I appreciated her honestly on it, but likewise she said she doesn't think she'll trust anyone as much as she did me in a relationship, I had so much trust in her and in what we had, that I could never build that sort of relationship with anyone else.

 

I've never been with anyone else and I find it hard to interact with people now after what has happened, With her being at Uni she's out a lot clubbing etc and always around people so it's easier for her , I just don't really think I can move on and enter into a relationship again like the one we had. I can't picture myself doing things with anyone else etc and I just really don't know where to start or what to do. My ex never really ruled out us getting back at some point in the future so I just don't know where to start.

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