Broken3112 Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Its been one month since my ex of 6 years broke up with me because the last year had been bad given my emotional problems.....long story, she found a 'friend' as a shoulder to cry on and now she's with him. Our families are close, and there was a lot of talk about marriage. She is now 21, and I'm 25. I went to her house to drop off some chinese new year presents for her mom, and her mom wasn't home, so her little brother (who also really likes me) came down to get them, we chatted and he said he had a late christmas present for me and went in to get it. While waiting, guess who comes right out to greet me (she could have stayed inside if she wanted to). I was a little taken aback and hadn't planned on seeing her, so I seemed a little uncomfortable. I said, oh hi, didn't expect to see you' and she kinda smiles and asked how I was and I said I was okay. She asked whether I was going visiting and I said yes. (she used to always go visiting on CNY with me and my family) Suddenly, she starts crying, and I was like 'are you okay?' and she said 'I'm so sorry for all the hurt I caused you' and I said 'Its okay, you already said that'.....and she starts crying worse. I said 'I heard you hooked up" and she just kinda nods. I said 'Oh, thats good. Hope you're happy" She starts tearing again and suddenly just walks off to the side of the house as her brother was coming down. Brother comes down and gives me my present, I said thanks and we cracked some jokes and laughed while she was crying at the side of the house. I walked over and I see her sitting on the bench crying. I said its okay, and there's nothing to cry about. I was really calm and I felt it myself that I was. She said sorry again. I put down my stuff, and I think she might have expected me to sit down and hug ger or hold her hand and I didnt. I wanted to, as it broke me to see her cry like that - I really wanted to hold and comfort her but it is not my place as I am no longer her boyfriend. I started to be stern and maybe a little harsh, but calm. I said, if you are really sorry, it just shouldnt have happened (sheesh, what the heck does that mean. If it didnt happen, there's nothing to be sorry about!) And then I said that she should have been more truthful and honest about everything - that while breaking up she shoudn't have said stuff she didn't mean like 'Maybe our paths will cross again...do you want to set a date?' Yeah she did say that when we broke up and I said no. She didn't have a reply just continued crying. I said that I need to get on with my life and find someone. And then I said 'I've gotta go' and walked off. I really still love her and can't figure out why she still cries for me. Maybe there's a chance her maybe there isn't - but I have to be really careful about what I do next. Should I e-mail her to tell her I didn't mean to be cold? And that I wanted to hug her but couldn't? I did feel I was cold - but I was calm. Do I still NC? I think the Bf might be out of town, and this may be my chance, I don't know........ Link to post Share on other sites
Numb Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 Do Not Contact Her, Period. I wish I would have done the NC but working with her makes that impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
_Saffy_ Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 you carry on with NC. why? a) she still has a boyfriend b) she gave no indication of wanting to get back with you, just apologised for hurting you. c) its not unusual for someone to hurt after being with someone for 6 years, hence the tears. if she wants you, she will end her current relationship and she will let you know. then and only then, do you have the option of deciding what to do. right now, theres no reason to be thinking this way. Link to post Share on other sites
hedstrong Posted February 9, 2005 Share Posted February 9, 2005 yea man what these guys said. Im on the first few hours of NC and I love it already.. I know im noit going to speak to her see her and my pain can only get better. Link to post Share on other sites
TequilaSunrise Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Agree with Saffy. She is just sad that she hurt you and it sounds like she is having a guilt trip for having deceived you. It doesn't suggest anything in terms of getting back together. She has a boyfriend anyway. Go find another girlfriend. Too many people do NC as a tactic to win the other party back. The other party on the otherhand is having a fun time as they are no longer in a disatisfying relationship and are out meeting new potential partners or in your exes case, seeing someone else. You can't beat them, so join them. Do NC to have fun and get out and meet potential new partners. Forget the tactical stuff about winning them back through NC. 9 times out of 10 it is not going to happen. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 11, 2005 Share Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by TequilaSunrise Agree with Saffy. She is just sad that she hurt you and it sounds like she is having a guilt trip for having deceived you. It doesn't suggest anything in terms of getting back together. She has a boyfriend anyway. Go find another girlfriend. Too many people do NC as a tactic to win the other party back. The other party on the otherhand is having a fun time as they are no longer in a disatisfying relationship and are out meeting new potential partners or in your exes case, seeing someone else. You can't beat them, so join them. Do NC to have fun and get out and meet potential new partners. Forget the tactical stuff about winning them back through NC. 9 times out of 10 it is not going to happen. Move on. I think its too soon for Broken3112 to find a new girlfriend, he needs timeout from girls to heal and start to get over her, I myself in a silly attempt to try and get over my ex went on a date the other night and it felt so wrong Broken3112 ex girlfriends relationship probably won't last but that shouldn't mean he should hold a candle for her i would suggest NC not to meet new girls but just to heal yourself, you are not ready for a new relationship at present so don't let people put pressure on you to start one again, just go out socially as much as you can with your friends and try and have fun again, casually talk to people and just enjoy the conversation i'd say most people do NC as they have no other option but this to heal themselves as opposed to using it as a tactic... and sometimes the other party aren't having such a fun time as they would let you think Link to post Share on other sites
Author Broken3112 Posted February 11, 2005 Author Share Posted February 11, 2005 Thanks for the support, guys.....well Brainright , i do really hope she's not having as much fun as is being imagined in my head right now. After killing our relationship the last year by staying in all the time and not going out much, she has left me for someone that socialises alot. Now, everytime i try to be out with friends, while i'm out there at the clubs all I can feel is how she's probably doing this right now and having a ton more fun than me....sheeesh. Well, I'm trying. But really, why did she choose to come down and see me, knowing it would make her upset? I am so hoping they are not just tears of guilt, but also tears of regret. But I know for a fact that you guys are going to tell me otherwise..... Link to post Share on other sites
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